“My mother did drugs. Sometimes she would take care of us, play with us, and sometimes she’d be passed out with a needle in her arm. We never knew which mom we’d see. Abuelita, my grandmother, tried to convince her to get help, but she never did. I loved Abuelita—she was so good to us. But she had severe complications from diabetes and could barely walk. There was no way she could help, even though she wanted to so badly.”
Val’s hand went to her throat, where her eagle pendant lay, and she rubbed it between her fingers.
“I started missing a lot of school. One day, the counselor called me in and asked me why, and I broke down and told her. The next day, CPS showed up and took us. We went together to a temporary foster home at first while the county looked for relatives. My father was in prison, but they found Enrique’s father out West somewhere. Enrique went to live there, but they didn’t want me. I haven’t seen him since.” Val hadn’t moved, but tears were slowly rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Val. That must have been awful for you.” Paige wiped away a tear of her own.
“I wanted to go with Abuelita, but they wouldn’t let her take me because she was so sick. I think that’s what killed her. She died of heart failure not long after.”
“Oh my God, Val. What about your mom?”
“She never got clean. They told me she died of a heroin overdose a year or two later.”
Val’s voice had changed. She was talking in a flat, detached tone, and her face had taken on the same wooden cast Paige had seen the day she took Lily and Ian away. Paige slid from her chair to sit beside her.
“Val,” she said, touching her arm.
Val flinched. “Don’t.”
Paige jerked her hand back. “I’m sorry. I…I just feel so bad that you had to go through all that.”
“I don’t need your pity. I don’t deserve it,” Val said, almost in a whisper.
“What do you mean?”
For the first time since she’d begun talking, Val looked Paige in the eye. “All of it was my fault. If I hadn’t told, I wouldn’t have lost my little brother, or caused the stress that killed Abuelita, or made my mother just give up. I’m to blame for all of it.”
Paige watched in shock as Val curled in on herself and began to sob.
* * *
Val felt like she’d been hit by a train. Her muscles ached, her eyes burned, and her head was pounding beyond belief. On top of all that, she was mortified. She’d lost control and fallen apart in front of Paige. Sweet, kind Paige, who’d sat beside her, silently handing her tissues. When she’d finally cried herself out, Paige got her a bottle of water and some homemade peanut butter cookies, then went to put Emma to bed. Now she was back, sitting in the chair, and Val could feel her eyes watching.
What do you say when you’ve made an ass of yourself? Val wanted to be anywhere but here, and she couldn’t stand the pity in Paige’s silence.
“Look, Paige,” she said, but the words came out as a strangled croak. Clearing her throat, she tried again. “I appreciate dinner and everything, but this…”
“Was more than you bargained for?” Paige supplied. She was looking at Val with concern. “I’m sorry that I asked such personal questions. I didn’t mean to trigger all those memories.” Paige’s eyes were full of remorse.
“Not your fault. I went there, broke my own rules. That’s why I don’t get close to people, Paige. I’m damaged goods. You’d be much better off staying away from me.” Val stood up. “I should go.”
Paige stood and went to Val, putting her hands on her shoulders. “Forgive me for disagreeing, but the last thing I want to do is stay away from you.” She took a half step closer, and Val’s breath hitched as she looked into Paige’s eyes. She saw compassion, but there was something more. Paige’s hand cupped her cheek and Val closed her eyes. She wanted to sink into Paige’s touch, surrender to her feelings. She felt Paige’s hand slip beneath her hair, caress her neck gently. When she opened her eyes, the raw need on Paige’s face took her breath away.
“Please don’t push me away,” Paige whispered, her eyes moist.
Val’s resolve shattered. She wrapped an arm around Paige’s waist and pulled her close. Paige’s cheeks were flushed, her full lips parted invitingly. Val dipped her head and kissed her, and it was like every emotion she’d ever felt converged on that single point of contact. Paige moaned and deepened the kiss, threading her fingers through Val’s hair. Val pulled Paige’s hips flush with her own, trying to feel all of her. She was incredibly aroused, but this kiss was more intense than anything she’d ever experienced, like her black-and-white life had just exploded into a kaleidoscope of color.
“Oh my God,” Paige murmured when they came up for air.
Val’s eyes traveled from Paige’s swollen lips to the gorgeous eyes that seemed to see into her soul. She could handle wanting Paige, and she did, desperately. But in that moment she realized how much she needed her, and she was suddenly terrified.
“Paige, you are incredible, but I…I’m all fucked up. You deserve everything, and I can’t give you that. I’m just going to hurt you.” Her voice broke on a sob. “I have to go.”
“If you need to go, I understand,” Paige said. “But know this—when I look at you, I don’t see damaged goods. I see a strong, amazing woman who has more resilience in her little finger than most people will ever have. I see someone with a beautiful, giving heart who has no idea how wonderful she is. And”—she reached up and touched Val’s face—“I see the woman that I want in my life.”
Tears spilled from Val’s eyes. “Paige, I…”
Paige placed a finger on Val’s lips. “Shh. Go, take the time you need. I’ll give you your space, but I’m not going anywhere. When you’re ready, come back to me.” She went to the door and held it open. “Take care of yourself, Val.”
Val looked at Paige, her lovely face strong and determined despite the tears coursing down her cheeks. “You are the kindest, most amazing person I’ve ever met.” She grasped Paige’s hand and brought it to her lips. “Thank you.”
It took everything she had to walk out the door. As she drove away, she glanced back in her rearview mirror to see Paige, still standing on her front step, her hand over her heart.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Four months later
“We haven’t seen you in forever, chica. We’re coming down on Saturday and you’re going out with us. That’s an order,” Sasha said.
“We should be FaceTiming so you could see me sticking my tongue out at you,” Val replied, laughing. “Besides, I’m a civilian, so you can’t order me around.”
“Whatever. We’re rescuing you from your hermit-like existence. You can thank us later.”
“Fine. When should I expect to see your bossy-assed face?” Val said.
“Probably around five. Dress nice—we’re taking you out to dinner.”
“Sash, that is so not necessary.”
“Hey, everybody’s gotta eat. No arguments, woman, because you know I can kick your ass.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll see you Saturday. Bye, Sasha.”
“Later.”
Val ended the call and sat back in her chair, smiling. Seeing Sasha and Jen would be great. The last few weeks had been exhausting and difficult, to say the least. She desperately needed a little fun.
Linda popped her head into the office. “Story hour folks are starting to trickle in.”
“Be right there.” Val still got the tiniest twinge of sadness every time she did story hour, since it reminded her of Lily and Ian. She’d been doing a lot better, though, thanks to Susan Brown and her weekly therapy sessions. Val was feeling lighter than she had in a long time. With a smile, she went out to greet her audience.
* * *
“Paige!” She turned and saw Joe flagging her down from across the hall.
“Hey, Joe. What’s up?”
“Listen, Charlie and I are going out Saturday. A really good band is playing at Pony’s. Wanna com
e? We can celebrate surviving another Central New York winter.”
Paige laughed. “Hmm, maybe. I’d have to find a sitter.” Paige hadn’t been out since she’d left Val in the Pony’s parking lot months ago. She was due for a little fun.
“Well, get busy finding one, sister,” Joe said with a wink.
“Yes, I’ll babysit,” Connie said a moment later when Paige passed her in the hall.
“How do you freaking do that?” Paige said, shaking her head.
“I could say I’m all-powerful and all-knowing, but if that were true, would I be working here?” Connie said. “I just overheard you two when I walked by. I agree with Joe—you deserve a night out.”
“Thanks, Connie. You’re the best.”
“Yes, I know,” she replied, with a dramatic toss of the head.
Paige laughed. The last few months had been beyond stressful, but things were looking up.
* * *
Val gave Sasha a giant hug when she walked in the door Saturday afternoon.
“How are you guys?” she asked as they settled around the kitchen table.
“Great,” Sasha and Jen said in unison.
Val laughed. “Do you finish each other’s sentences, too?”
“Actually, now that you mention it…” Sasha said.
“We do,” Jen finished.
“You two are like sunshine and rainbows,” Val said, rolling her eyes.
“That was a compliment, right?” Jen said. She looked at Sasha. “Was that a compliment?”
“I think so.” Sasha grinned and winked at Val. “I’m glad to see you followed my wardrobe directive,” she said, looking Val up and down. “You look hot.”
“Um, I wasn’t going for hot, but thanks.” She had opted for the only dress she owned, an above-the-knee black flare dress that she had bought in college. She’d accessorized with a simple silver belt and her black boots, and she’d replaced her eagle necklace with a black velvet and marcasite choker.
“I don’t know what you were going for, but stunning is what you accomplished,” Jen said.
“Yeah, I think it’s all right to take her out in public,” Sasha teased. “I made six o’clock reservations at Rosalie’s, so we’d better get going.”
Once they were seated at the restaurant, sipping their first glasses of wine, Sasha raised hers for a toast. “Here’s to best friends.” They clinked glasses. “Wouldn’t want to celebrate with anyone else.”
“What are we celebrating?” Val asked.
Jen and Sasha smiled at each other, then set their right hands side by side on the table. They wore matching silver infinity bands on their ring fingers.
Val felt a rush of excitement for her friends as she realized what she was seeing. “You’re engaged?”
“Yep,” Sasha said, beaming. “Jen’s finally realized that she can’t live without me.”
“I think it’s the other way around,” Jen said, nudging Sasha with her elbow.
“Oh my God, you guys, that’s fantastic,” Val said, giving both of their hands a squeeze. “When’s the wedding?”
“August,” Jen said, “so clear your calendar.”
“Val, you’ll stand up with me?” Sasha asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.
“Wouldn’t miss it.” She gave what she hoped was a genuine smile as she tried to ignore the stab of envy she felt in her chest.
* * *
As she entered Pony’s, Paige caught sight of Joe and made her way over.
“There’s our lovely Paige,” Charlie said, kissing her cheek.
“Hi, Charlie,” she said, giving him a hug, then hugging Joe. “Thanks for saving me a seat.”
“Those are the perks when you’re friends with the chronically early Joe Massey,” Charlie said.
“And you’d rather be late and stand all night? Please,” Joe retorted.
“He’s right. I have very delicate feet,” Charlie stage-whispered.
Paige laughed. “You guys are exactly what I need tonight.”
“Good, honey. Can I get you a drink?”
An hour later, Paige was on her third glass of wine and feeling more relaxed than she had in weeks. The band was due to start at nine thirty, so she excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she was at the sink washing her hands, a familiar face appeared in the mirror.
“Hey, there. Sasha, right?” she said, turning.
“Oh, hey. How are you?” Sasha said.
“Good. Is Val here with you?”
“Yeah. She’s at the bar.”
“Great. Maybe I’ll stop and say hi. Enjoy the show.”
“You, too.”
Paige exited the restroom, feeling a little jittery in her stomach. She hadn’t seen or heard from Val in a long time, and she had no clue if Val would even want to speak to her. She’d promised to give her space, but still, what harm would it do to just say hello?
Paige walked toward the bar area, looking for Val. When she saw her, her heart skipped a beat. She was laughing, with her arm around a blond woman, and she looked incredible. Her dress fit her like a glove, and her gorgeous hair fell loosely to her bare shoulders. Paige took a tentative step toward her, then stopped as if she’d hit a wall. Val had just pulled the woman closer to whisper in her ear, then she kissed her cheek.
She has a girlfriend now? So much for not wanting to be close to anyone. Guess she just didn’t want to be close to me.
Paige watched Val for a moment longer, feeling suddenly cold, then she went back to her seat. Her fun night had just taken a major nosedive.
* * *
“Jeez, took you long enough,” Val said when Sasha returned from the bathroom.
“Long line,” Sasha replied, “and never enough stalls.”
“Right after you left, some creepy drunk woman kept trying to hit on me,” Jen said. “Val here did a noble deed and took over as my girlfriend in your absence.”
“I only kissed her on the cheek, I swear,” Val said in mock surrender.
Sasha playfully swatted her on the shoulder. “Whatever. Thanks for being my wingman, though. Where’s the creepy chick?”
“If I tell you, do you promise no drama?” Jen said.
“Yeah, as long as she stays away from you,” Sasha said, pulling her in for a kiss.
Jen pointed out a disheveled-looking woman at the end of the bar, who happened to be looking back and forth between Sasha and Val in what appeared to be drunken confusion.
Val laughed. “She must think you’re a total player, Jen.”
“She can think whatever she wants—from over there.”
“Hey, Val, did that caseworker woman find you? We met in the bathroom and she asked me if you were here,” Sasha said.
“You mean Paige?” Val said, instantly looking around. She had kept her relationship with Paige to herself, not even telling Sasha.
“Yeah, that’s the one. She said she was going to come over and say hi.”
“No, haven’t seen her.” Then a cold realization hit—if Paige had been looking for her, she’d likely seen her hanging all over Jen.
“Oh, no,” she mumbled. Val started scanning the crowd. Eventually she saw Paige at a table, talking to that guy she worked with. Swallowing her nerves, she took leave of her friends and made her way over.
Joe stopped talking in midsentence when Val walked up, causing Paige to turn around. Val saw a flush on her cheeks and the beginnings of her gorgeous smile, then just as quickly it faded.
“Hi, Paige. How are you?”
“I’m fine. You?”
“Okay.” The overly polite surface pleasantries almost hurt. “Sasha said you were looking for me?”
“Yes, and I found you. You were kind of…busy.”
“I was helping Jen fend off some unwanted advances from a drunk,” Val said, needing to explain.
“Jen?”
“Yeah, Sasha’s girlfriend. Well, fiancée now.”
“Oh,” Paige said, flushing a brighter red. “I thought…”
“That I was with her? No, Paige. I’m not with anyone.” She looked directly into Paige’s eyes, her meaning clear. “I’ve been working very hard on me.”
Paige searched Val’s face, as if hoping to see a difference, an openness. After a moment, she gave a start. “Oh, I’m sorry. Joe, Charlie, you remember Val?”
“We most certainly do,” Charlie said. “Forgive me if I’m overstepping, honey, but you look fabulous.”
Val felt the heat rise from her throat to her cheeks. “Thank you.” Her eyes flew quickly back to Paige, whose expression said she agreed wholeheartedly with Charlie’s words.
“It’s really good to see you,” Paige said. Val’s reply was interrupted by the distorted yelp of an electric guitar being tuned. The band had taken the stage. “I’m sorry, we don’t have another chair.”
“No problem,” Val replied. “I’ll just stand right here, if that’s okay.” Paige nodded, smiling up at her, and Val felt, in that moment, that all was right with the world.
The band began their set, and Val’s vantage point allowed her to notice all the finer details of the woman in front of her. As Paige’s head bobbed gently to the music, Val’s eyes caressed her golden hair, swept up in a flawless twist, and the smooth skin of her exposed neck that her fingertips itched to touch. How was it possible that this woman affected her like no one else ever had?
Val rested her hands on the back of Paige’s chair, her fingers close enough to feel her body heat. Paige was wearing an emerald-green silk blouse, open at the neck, and the swell of her breasts drew Val’s gaze again and again. Once, she looked up to find Charlie smiling at her. He winked, and though she was embarrassed for being busted, she just smiled and threw her hands in the air, as if to say, Can you blame me?
* * *
Joe was right. The band was excellent, and Paige was enjoying the music, but she was enjoying the close proximity of Val even more. She had been shocked at the surge of jealousy she’d felt after seeing Val and Jen at the bar, as well as the relief when she’d learned she’d misread the situation. The months they’d gone without seeing each other had done nothing to dampen her attraction to Val, and she was hoping the feeling was mutual.
Taking Chances Page 16