His Perfect Submissive

by Alyssa Aaron

  She disappeared into the fitting room. He watched her socked feet beneath the fitting room door, imagining her skimming the baggy jeans down past the soft round swell of her bottom and off her legs at the bottom.

  "What do you think?” she asked as she stepped out of the dressing room.

  He wolf whistled. Delighting in the bright blush that crept up her face. “I think you look really nice,” he said softening his voice and using it as a caress. “Very pretty Kara."

  When they trudged out of the store, more than an hour later they were both loaded down with packages. Kara felt light-hearted and happy.

  Slade was good for her she realized. He'd talked her into the clothes, then teased and played until she'd given up and agreed to let him buy her everything he'd liked on her, which was pretty much everything as long as it didn't sag and bag too much.

  "Slade?” she said softly when they were ensconced in the SUV with the packages stowed in the rear seat.

  "Yeah honey?” he asked absently.

  "Thanks,” she answered. “I wasn't looking forward to that, and you made it fun."

  "You're welcome honey."

  He pulled the SUV out of its parking spot and onto the road that circled the town square. “Slade?” she asked again. “Yeah?” he asked dropping his hand onto her knee. “What we were talking about earlier—I've thought about it. I'm ready to—uhm—to—to be—your submissive.” There, I did it. I got it out, she thought as she twisted her hands in her lap wondering if she really could comply with Slade's demands. She wanted to—but—

  Chapter 13

  Slade's heart stopped, stock-still. She had shocked him. Again. She's ready to submit to me? Fully? Completely? No questions, no limits? His mind raced scrambling over one thought and then another as his body swelled and hardened. Sharp shafts of pleasure shot through him.

  God I want her—but not just sexually. What I want is ... deeper. More like an unfathomable level of intimacy and love. His mind raced. He'd wanted her submission more than he'd ever wanted anything and she'd given it to him without playing games, and without asking for anything in return.

  He felt as if the ground had been snatched from beneath him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't find his voice. He struggled for coherent words and stole a quick glance in her direction as he eased the car onto the main road that led away from town.

  Her deep brown eyes were fixed on him and he had the sudden feeling that the scales were tipped. Where before he had studied her, gauging every nuance that floated across her pretty face their roles had reversed and it was she who was studying him.

  He squeezed her knee gently. “I'm glad, you decided in my favor,” he said softly, still feeling awed by her level of trust and the nearly blind faith she was putting in him.

  She blushed. He pretended not to notice.

  "There's a park up ahead. I'll park there and we can take a walk by the lake and talk. I need to know about your limits. We need to give you a safe word."

  He felt as if he was blathering, still only partially coherent. He glanced in her direction and realized from her confused expression that she didn't know what he was talking about.

  He drew a deep breath. He should have known discussing limits and safe words would be beyond her level of experience.

  Protectiveness swelled within him. She was completely new to dominance and submission. The knowledge that she was probably feeling vulnerable and unsure of herself made him want to hold her gently and reassure her of his ability to live up to the trust she was placing in him.

  He knew he was going to have to go slowly with her so that he could communicate her worth and the value of her submission through his actions and not just his words. He wanted to show her how much he cherished the trust she had placed in him and how highly he prized her submission.

  He wanted to nurture the bond of trust and grow it until their relationship was based on an intense give and take of intimacy so deep and rich there was nothing that they didn't share. He wanted to know her inside out, to understand everything about her.

  He would know her, but it would be a slow learning process. It would take time to slowly, patiently topple each of her boundaries until there was no part of her he didn't know and understand and no part of her he didn't know how to nurture and care for.

  "How are you doing?” he asked as he slipped the SUV into a parking space near a lookout that overlooked the lake and the valley below.

  "O-Okay,” she answered, her voice so soft he had to strain to hear it.

  "Are you really okay or are you just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear?” he asked.

  He cut the engine and turned in the seat so he could study her expression. She was nibbling her lower lip and her hands were fiddling in her lap. “Nervous?” he asked.

  She raised her gaze, her deep brown eyes meeting and holding his. “Nervous doesn't even begin to cover it. Scared, stiff is more like it,” she breathed.

  "There's nothing to be scared of. The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

  Her eyes as she looked up at him were huge in her pale face. “Submission isn't just sexual. It's emotional and psychological and in an ideal situation spiritual.” He took a deep breath trying to put into words everything he felt, everything he hoped for and wanted to build with her.

  "I don't just want sexual submission Kara.” He stroked her fingers with his thumb as he glanced down at her knee where their clasped hands rested. “I want it all, every thought ... every feeling ... every fantasy—everything you've been afraid to tell anyone else. I want to know and understand everything about you. I want to take care of every need you have."

  He felt the tremor that worked through her. It was too much, too damned soon but he wanted her to understand that what he wanted was not just her sexual submission.

  He opened his mouth to suggest they take a walk.

  She looked up at him pinning him with almond shaped eyes the deep rich color of ground coffee. He felt his breath catch in his chest and hold there as she glanced back at her lap.

  "I—I want to give you everything Slade. I will give you as much as I can—at least as much as I know how.” She looked to her lap, he could feel her confusion and uncertainty as clearly as if it was his.

  "I—” She took a deep breath and seemed to steady herself. “What you want—the obedience part I understand. The rest—I'm confused how it all fits together—"

  Once again she had shocked him, left him reeling as surely as if she'd hauled back and socked him in the gut. Her words, stumbled over and imprecise as they were, were filled with the essence of who she was and what she felt at the most basic primal level. He thrilled to the openness and the honesty. She might be confused about the parameters of dominance and submission but she had laid her emotions open for him to see.

  Chapter 14

  "Let's take a walk and talk,” Slade said opening his door.

  Kara's emotions felt scrambled as she unfastened her seatbelt with fingers that trembled on the latch. Her heart hammered in her chest and her throat felt as dry as sandpaper.

  Her stomach churned with uncertainty about what Slade would expect now that she had decided to submit herself completely to his authority.

  Her brain tussled with the memory of the serious tone in his voice when he'd told her that their relationship would change if she decided to submit more fully. He had sounded completely serious when he'd told her that he would push her and challenge her and that he might spank her if he thought it would help her become a better submissive.

  A shiver of dread ran through her. She didn't want him to spank her—ever. But then, she didn't ever want to displease him.

  In truth she'd agreed to deepen her submission because she wanted his approval. She couldn't remember exactly when she had started to be attracted to him rather than frightened by him. It had all happened so quickly. But the fact was she liked him. She liked the matter of fact way he addressed things and the way he took the lead in their rel
ationship. She liked the way he praised her and the way he encouraged her.

  She watched, her mouth dry, as he walked around the front of the SUV. She watched the play of his thigh muscles beneath his well-worn jeans as his long strides carried him toward her. Her tongue darted out to moisten her parched lips as she remembered the feel of his mouth against hers.

  Even now, her body still heated and moistened with the memory of the strength and tenderness with which he'd taken her that morning. He had told her what he wanted her to do and she had complied, in spite of her fear and awkwardness.

  Even with nervousness and uncertainty making her stomach churn she didn't doubt her decision to submit to him. She'd submitted to him that morning and he'd used the power she'd given him to give her pleasure and the first real peace she'd felt since the innocence of childhood had been snatched away.

  She had felt utter tranquility that morning when she'd finally allowed herself to trust him and to submit her will to his. She wanted to hang on to the serenity that had existed in that brief magical time before her doubts had resurfaced.

  She nibbled her lip as tension curled in her belly and twisted images of herself kneeling at his feet as he struck her with a thick leather belt exploded in her minds eye.

  She didn't really believe he would beat her like that. He had been consistently patient, consistently gentle, yet doubts and memories clouded her mind and cut through her desire for submission and the accompanying peace and tranquility making her feel isolated and alone.

  Sickness churned as her mind flashed to the man who had kidnapped her. He had stood over her bared back, his thick, black belt doubled in his large fist. He had snapped the leather menacingly, making her cringe before he hit her. She shivered as she remembered the heat of the stokes he had placed one on top of the other all up and down her back and legs. She remembered biting her lip to keep from screaming her agony, because even then she had understood that he liked hurting her and the more she screamed the harder he would hit.

  She shoved the ugly thoughts away and tried to gather her confidence.

  She jumped, startled as the door slid open. “You okay?” Slade asked.

  She swallowed hard, the confidence she'd felt as she'd promised her submission shattered. “I-I'm okay."

  He took her hand and helped her from the vehicle. She looked down at his hand, so large, so powerful where it clasped her much smaller, paler one. One hard squeeze and he could easily break every bone in her hand, she thought.

  "Are you really okay Kara, or are you just telling me that because you think it's what I want to hear?” Slade asked as they ambled hand in hand down a winding dirt path that meandered between trees and boulders.

  She sucked a deep breath and held it. Was she okay? Would she be okay if Slade decided to spank her?

  "Nervous about submitting?” Slade asked.

  "Yes—” The single word whispered out of her.

  "What worries you the most?” His voice was soft, gentle, probing, soliciting her response.

  He stopped, and pulled her around to face him when she didn't immediately answer. “What scares you honey?"

  "Th-that you will—s-spank me,” she muttered softly.

  He pulled her close. “God knows I don't want to scare you Kara,” he sighed, his breath fanning her hair. “But if you submit to me I will spank you if you are disobedient. Spanking you when you need it is part of my dominance over you.” She felt his hand tighten on her back. “I purposely give you praise, don't you think you'd want me to give you punishment too if you needed it?” he asked.

  She shook her head trying to imagine a scenario in which she could imagine Slade spanking her. She shivered involuntarily as she remembered the beatings the man who had raped her had inflicted. He'd forced her to kneel with her face on the dirty floor as he striped her back with his belt. Remembered humiliation crawled through her.

  She cringed involuntarily. “I wouldn't want to make you that angry."

  He pulled her against his chest and stroked her hair. Shyness and embarrassment crawling through her midsection, she shifted and lifted her gaze to his. “I don't think I could—I'd be—” Mortified. Embarrassed. Crying my eyes out before you ever touched me, her mind raced on, leaving her voice in the dust.

  He tightened his arms around her. “Haven't I told you before, spanking is not about anger?” He sighed. “I wouldn't spank you when I was angry. If you needed to be spanked and I was angry I would cool down first. I wouldn't take a chance on hurting you Kara, emotionally or physically. Ever."

  She felt more confused than ever. It was good he wouldn't hit her in anger, but why did he have to hit her at all? How could he say he wouldn't hurt her in the same sentence he was talking about spanking her? Didn't spanking, by definition, hurt?

  Her head spun. She still couldn't imagine Slade spanking her. He'd held her all night, tenderly wiping her tears away when she woke from bad dreams drenched in sweat and trembling with memories she couldn't push away. She couldn't imagine him hitting her, purposely inflicting pain after he'd displayed such tenderness.

  She shivered involuntarily, the bleakness of the sky and the crispness of the wind adding to the sense of desolation she felt. “I—I don't understand wh—why you would want to spank me, o—or why I would let you."

  He tilted her chin so she was helpless to avoid his pinning gaze. “Why you would let me spank you, Kara, is that agreeing to accept the discipline I think is appropriate for you is part of your submission to me. When you agree to submit to me you agree to accept my decisions about what is best for you. Do you understand?"

  The air gushed out of her lungs leaving her dizzy. She swallowed gasping like a dying fish.

  His gaze stroked her face. She could sense him studying her and could sense compassion in his expression.

  "Trust me Kara. I know the idea of being spanked is strange to you. Hell, it probably seems perverse as hell. Why would someone show affection through spanking, right?” He shoved his hand through his hair and rocked back on his heels. “I know right now you think you don't need or want discipline but someday you will and it's best that we have it as part of the framework of our relationship from the beginning."

  She thought of the man and the belt and the stinging welts that turned to blue and black marks that had criss-crossed her back and legs. The bruises had remained for a week after she'd been found. She doubted there would ever be a time when she'd want Slade to hit her, discipline or not.

  She opened her mouth to tell him that she wouldn't disappoint him and even if she did she wouldn't want him to beat her but he slid a finger over her lips. “Sh—just trust me,” he said softly. “We'll take it slowly. It'll be right for you when it happens or it won't happen at all. You can trust me on that Kara."

  Silenced, she gazed up at him. Her mind scrambled to reconcile the conflicting images of being whipped with a belt as she curled in the dirt with the image of Slade striking her bottom as he pressed her across his lap. The conflicting images in her mind were not the same. One was ugly with cruelty. The other was controlled and made her feel safe and loved in a way that she didn't understand. Yet neither image squared with the memory of Slade holding her, wiping away her tears the night before.

  "When the time comes, spanking is something I will do for you honey. I'm not going to lie to you, if it's a punishment spanking it will hurt, probably quite a lot. But in the end the physical pain I give you will help take away emotional pain. That's its job. When it's over there will be forgiveness and you'll feel safe and loved."

  He drew her toward him “Spanking a submissive is something a dominant does for her as much as to her.” He sighed. “Every couple has their own way of looking at it I expect, but the way I see it, spanking you when you are disobedient is part of how I show my dominance over you. It's part of how I take care of you, how I keep you safe in my care. Submitting to being spanked is part of how you demonstrate your submission to me."

  He stroked her hair. “It's all
about taking care of you and taking care of our relationship. It's not all that different from rubbing your back to help you relax last night.” He drew a deep breath. “I did that because I knew you needed to relax and because I knew it would help you. When I spank you it will be for the same reasons. I might spank you playfully just because I want to or because you want me to. But if I spank you seriously it will be because you need it and because it will help you."

  She sighed enjoying the warmth of his chest. The way he described it didn't sound as painful and humiliating as she'd first imagined. Still, though she could imagine him spanking her, she couldn't imagine herself finding it anything but painful and humiliating.

  "Think about it this way,” he said after a few minutes of silence. “Sometimes what someone needs to make them feel good is pleasure. Other times, they need boundaries because the boundaries make them feel safe and protected. As your dominant it's my responsibility to know what you need and provide it for you.

  "Right now you feel uncertain and insecure,” he said lowering his lips until they brushed hers. “You need a little tenderness to help you feel better."

  His mouth lingered, his lips brushing hers until the tension coiled tightly in her midsection began to melt only to be replaced by a deeper tightening that centered deep inside her. His tongue teased the edges of her lips until the caress of his mouth eased her desire to argue with him about spankings and she relaxed against him.

  She whimpered against the warmth of his mouth, remembering how gentle he had been the night before when he'd scooped her up and carried her to the chair. Not once that night or since had he expressed anger or frustration. Not once had he blamed her for not telling him about the rape and the panic attacks. Instead he had held her, rocking her, seeming to understand intuitively exactly what she needed and giving it to her without reservation and without asking anything in return.

  Maybe he was right. Maybe she did need to trust him to know what she needed.