by Shelly Davis
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t driven either car yet,” I said. I didn’t want to say I was nervous about driving the car Toni had worked so hard to get ready. It had nothing to do with her being a woman. I had complete trust in Kyle; he’d been by my side since we were kids. Toni was new and she hadn’t earned my trust yet.
“Well according to Kev and the rest of Toni’s team, it’s gonna be their car you drive, not ours,” Kyle said. He looked proud, almost like he was the one who discovered this girl. I guess he kind of did, after hearing about her from his father he was determined to give her a chance.
A pretty blush crept across Toni’s cheeks again and she looked down. It was unreal how confident she could be yet so modest at the same time. A smile crept across her lips and stayed there while we discussed the cars and Kevin’s arrogance. Maybe it wasn’t arrogance on Kevin’s part; maybe he just knew there was something special here. Something beyond just a fantastic mechanic, there was chemistry. Maybe it could be the kind of chemistry that I had with Ky or Axel had with Roger. Maybe Kev knew there was so much more than meets the eye with this girl. I was certainly beginning to see.
“What do you think, Toni? You haven’t said a word,” Kyle said.
She looked up, almost seeming surprised when he addressed her.
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “I guess we’ll see tomorrow.”
“Mr. Fuller?” the maître d said when he got close to us, “your table is ready, sir. Please, leave your glasses and we will have fresh drinks delivered to your table.”
Without thinking, I took Toni’s hand and guided the group toward the private room we requested for our dinner. I hadn’t realized I took her hand until I felt her grip tighten around my fingers. I glanced down at her hand in mine, held protectively within my palm. I liked how my hand looked wrapped around hers. My eyes glided up to hers, taking in the nervous look on her face. “What’s wrong?” I asked as if I hadn’t noticed we were holding hands.
“Nothing,” she said. “It’s just everyone is staring at you.”
I leaned in to whisper in her ear, noting how easily I could perform such a feat. I loved that she was tall and with the heels, she was only a few inches shorter than I was. “I don’t think they are starin’ at me, honey. I think it’s you that’s attractin’ their attention.” She sighed and I wasn’t sure why. “What?”
“Like they’re tryin’ to figure out who the plain girl is walking with that famous driver?” she asked.
“No, like they’re tryin’ to figure out who the beauty is with me.”
She looked up at me through her lashes. The pretty blush was back and it stretched down her throat to the top of her chest. She quickly averted her eyes when they met mine. Someday I needed to figure out why she wouldn’t hold my gaze for more than a moment before she turned away.
“I don’t think so,” she said. “But it was nice of you to say.”
Glancing back, I noticed Kyle and Margie were having their own conversation. They didn’t seem to be paying any attention to what Toni and I were talking about. I leaned in close again and whispered, “Antonia, I don’t lie and I don’t embellish. I say what I think and I’m not the man that gives compliments for the hell of it. Trust me, other than my gorgeous sister, there’s not a single woman in this restaurant nearly as beautiful as you are.” She didn’t say a word. She just looked embarrassed by my compliment.
When we arrived at our table, there were appetizers and fresh drinks waiting. I pulled her seat out for her to sit and placed myself to her side. I wanted to sit with her and continue to talk to her through dinner. For some reason instead of feeling as if she was fishing for compliments like so many women I encountered, I could tell her self-esteem was truly that low. I’d like to know who made her feel so low about herself.
“You know, the way you say my full name is nice. Like the way my dad says it when he’s trying to get me to really listen to him.”
I wasn’t sure if I liked being compared to her father, but there was something else in her words. Something that held much more meaning. I wondered if someone else had used her name as if it was a curse or something. So much about this woman was a mystery. First and foremost, I wanted to know who fucked with her self-esteem. A woman like her shouldn’t have low self-worth.
Shortly after we were seated, Axel Turner, the team owner and a representative from our main sponsor, George Moffett from Icecore Ale, joined us. Axel sat to my left and Toni to my right. Kyle sat across from me, eyeing me from time to time. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to convey, but I was sure he would let me know soon enough.
“Tell me Jules, who’s your beautiful date?” Axel asked.
“She isn’t my date, Axel. This is our new intern, Toni Rizzo, she’s interning this season with Kyle.”
George snickered, “Interning as what?” His implication was clear, pissing me off. Kyle must have seen the anger flash in my eyes because he was quick to chime in.
“George, Toni’s a student at NPCT. She’s the top of her class and will be my right hand for the beginnin’ of the season. She’s a brilliant mechanic. She’s definitely testin’ my knowledge, that’s for sure.”
“Testin’ your knowledge in what? She doesn’t look like a mechanic. You know what I think, women don’t belong in a garage, they belong in a kitchen, barefoot and knocked up,” George insisted.
I could feel Toni stiffen next to me. Her hands were in her lap and she continuously wrung them while listening to George’s ridiculous opinion. Seeing her so nervous and upset flamed my annoyance with this asshole. “Look, George–” I started, but was cut off by Margie’s furor.
“George, we’ve been workin’ together for years now, right?” George nodded but didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at Toni, raking his eyes down to her chest then back to Margie. “I never would’ve taken you for a chauvinist pig, but I guess I was wrong.” She paused for a moment, then stood and walked toward the door. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”
Toni still wrung her hands, staring down into her lap. Her fingers were red from the pressure she was putting on them. Gently, I reached over and took her hand in mine to stop her nervous action. She didn’t acknowledge me except to stop wringing her hands. I glanced over to her, noticing her eyes locked on our entwined hands. I noticed the hardness in her eyes. She wasn’t just nervous, she was angry. I could see it in the hard set of her jaw and in her furrowed brow. She was furious.
“Where’re you goin’?” Ky asked Margie before she got too far.
“To the kitchen, where I belong,” she said walking toward the door. She turned and smiled, “Besides, I need to grab a knife.”
A laugh burst from my gut, I knew Margie would have some smartass comment to make. With my laugh, Toni’s hand tightened on mine. A quick glance confirmed she was smiling too. Margie definitely had a way of making people think about what they were saying. Kyle snickered and stood up, pulling his wife back to the table. “No, Ky. Women belong pregnant in a kitchen. I got one down; I better get my fat ass to the kitchen.”
“All right, Margie, we get it,” Axel said trying to placate my sister’s fiery temper. He turned to George, “George, it would probably be best if you’d just shut up now, before Icecore gets sued for sexual harassment.”
“You wouldn’t,” George argued.
“I might not, but if you haven’t noticed Margie’s pissed, Toni’s upset, and both Ky and Jules look like they’re ready to rip your head off. It’d be best for you to just stop, now.” Axel paused and looked at Toni. I tightened my grip on her hand, trying to show support before removing it. I wanted her to know she had support, but I didn’t want anyone thinking she needed it. “So you’re the intern I’ve heard about?” Axel asked, addressing Toni. “Tell me, what makes you qualified to work on my team?”
Toni was still looking down at her hands. She immediately looked up and met his eyes. We all sat quietly and waited for her to answer. Her confidence needed to shine through,
now more than ever.
“Well, Mr. Turner,” she said quietly, “I have been working on cars since I was eleven years old. I am the top of my class at NPCT, I led the team that built the winning car in our car build challenge last semester, and I come highly recommended by my professors.”
“I know your professors, and Roger’s opinion is certainly incredibly important, he was my crew chief after all. But forgive my bluntness, how do you expect my guys to work with you?”
“Pardon me, sir, I’m not sure I understand the question,” she said. Her discomfort following George’s comment came back. I wanted desperately to butt in, but from across the table I could see Ky eyeing me and slightly shaking his head. We both knew she had to do this on her own.
“Well, Toni. You’re a beautiful woman, as George pointed out. How are my guys supposed to work with you when you look like this?” He gestured to her with his hand, drawing attention to her perfect figure.
Toni took in a deep breath. She sat a little taller and then I saw it, that flash of defiance and spirit that I saw in the garage when I pushed her. It wasn’t as fierce, but it was there. This was exactly what she needed to show Axel who she was. She didn’t defend herself against George, but apparently, she’d had enough. “I beg your pardon, Mr. Turner, but I certainly don’t look like this when I’m in the shop. I dress exactly like everyone else, I don’t wear make-up and my hair is pulled out of the way. I have yet to have a single problem working with any of the guys this week. I have been working with the Car Chief Kevin Dunn and several others and there hasn’t been a single issue.”
I was proud of her for standing up for herself. At no point did she call him out for trying to discriminate against her, and I knew that’s exactly what he was fishing for. She was confident and straightforward. It turned me on to see her defend herself again. I was drawn to this girl, and I just knew it was a bad idea.
“Maybe Kevin or the other guys didn’t give you a problem because they were trying to get into your pants,” Axel pushed. Now he was trying to see how far he could push her before she got pissed. She didn’t react to George, so I was sure Axel wanted to know what it would take to set her off. I’d seen him do this to just about every crew member we had. He believed people’s true colors came out when they were pushed.
“With all due respect, Mr. Turner, I can’t control what other people think. Clearly, George thinks we’re still livin’ in the 1950s and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.” Margie let out a small snicker at Toni’s comment about George, Kyle was smiling, and I was finding it difficult to control my laugh. “I can only control myself. At no point did anyone say anything that I felt was trying to get my attention. Unless asking me to show them my method for adjusting the chassis is their way of flirting.”
Axel looked her over and then turned his attention to Kyle. “Tell me about this bet you have going with our young intern.”
“Whoever’s car performs better tomorrow will be the car we use for the races. If her car is better, she gets an immediate contract,” Kyle explained.
“And you’re gonna hire someone without my approval?” Axel asked.
Kyle’s eyes flashed with annoyance. Ky was used to Axel’s shit, he liked to fuck with people’s heads and right now Ky and Toni were the top of his list. He wanted to make sure she was the right fit for our team. Axel believed it didn’t always take the best driver or mechanic to get the job done; it took a team who worked well together to bring out the best in one another to get it done. “Axel, you know goddamn well I have full control over my crew. It’s written into my contract and it has been discussed on numerous occasions. I don’t appreciate you questioning my decisions,” Kyle growled.
I worried about this situation. Kyle was right, he did have full control, but Axel still had to sign the checks. If Axel didn’t feel she was a good fit, he’d fight Ky every step of the way. Axel looked pissed for a moment, but then he softened. “You have that much faith in the girl?”
“Fuckin’A I do,” Kyle said. “There wasn’t a single other student her group that could touch Toni’s knowhow. She also has earned the trust of Kev and the rest of her team. You’ve trusted me to make the best decisions for this team for five years. Are you seriously questioning me now?”
“And I still do trust you,” Axel said. He turned to Toni with a smile. “Sorry Toni, I had to test you. You’ll do just fine with these assholes. Welcome aboard.”
Toni smiled. “Thank you, sir.”
“Call me Axel, Toni. Sir makes me feel like an old man.” He smiled at the young woman, his eyes flashing with a protective glow. It amazed me how quickly people took to her. She has something about her that won people over almost instantly. Even Axel wasn’t immune to her charms.
“Well,” I said, “you are old, Axel. Especially to Toni.” I winked at Toni and smirked at the old man. “She’s the same age as your daughter.”
“Fuck off, Jules. You can be replaced,” Axel said. It was his normal mock threat when I was fucking with him.
“I can be,” I agreed. “Of course, my replacement could never drive like me. So have fun loosin’.”
Axel scowled at me then turned to the Icecore rep. “You see the shit I have to put up with, George.”
George laughed, “This is why I love sponsoring this team. Y’all are a real family.”
I glanced toward Toni. She seemed more relaxed, but still a little nervous. She could be so shy and modest one moment then brazen and confident the next. She was a constant contradiction. I was impressed and intrigued with her ability to get people to see what kind of person she was beneath all the pretense. She clearly wanted to be taken seriously in her work and she made sure everyone knew it. I gestured to the waiter and turned to my companions. “How about dinner?”
~oOo~
After dinner, we returned to the hotel in a quiet haze. Everyone seemed to be tired or focused on whatever was on their minds. My mind was stuck on the woman next to me. The dinner went well. All night she was by my side. Her spunk and her confidence were amazing throughout the conversation. She seemed to win everyone over with her knowledge and the way she expressed herself. There were times when I noticed she would turn into herself in spite of the company. But the biggest thing I noticed was when Axel was animatedly talking; his hands flying around made her flinch away from him. Another thing I was starting to notice was not only did I want this beautiful woman in my bed, but I also wanted to know her. I wanted to help her to move beyond whatever plagued her so she could have a future and a growing part preferred that future with me. It scared me a little. I didn’t look for relationships anymore. Women were there to meet my immediate needs and nothing more. The fact I was actually contemplating more than a moment with this woman was terrifying. But it gave me hope; maybe I wasn’t quite as fucked-up as I thought.
We rode up in the elevator together. Kyle and Margie seemed to be in deep conversation while Toni was silent and seemed to be lost in thought. I wanted to talk to her but I didn’t know how to start the conversation. When we got to our floor, Margie grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall. I wanted to walk Toni to her door, but it seemed Kyle would have that honor.
We said brief goodnights before Kyle and Toni disappeared in the opposite direction down the hall. I looked at Margie and she had a questioning look in her eyes.
“What?” I asked, kind of annoyed.
“You like her, don’t you?” she asked.
“Margie, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. She’s a nice girl, but she basically works for me.” Part of me wanted to admit it to my sister; maybe she could help me in some way.
“You like her,” Margie said again. It was a statement this time, not a question. Margie worried about me. She watched me self-destruct after Anna’s death and after finding out the baby most likely wasn’t mine. I was reckless and dangerous to everyone after Anna died. It took a reality check from Axel to make me wake up and focus. But then I was still reckless with the wom
en I was around. Margie watched it all happen. She above most anyone else knew, for me to acknowledge another woman, beyond sex, was a pretty big deal. “Can I tell you something?” she asked. “You gotta promise you won’t say anything though.”
“Yeah, I promise. What?”
“She’s had a rough start. She went through some shit in high school; I think it might have been worse than what I went through. Did you see her flinch when Axel was talking? I thought she would jump out of her skin.” She took in a deep breath and I had to clench my fists so tight my knuckles turned white from the strain. My hands ached from the strain. I had a feeling but I hoped I was wrong. I would never understand why some men think it was okay to hurt women. “I think some guy screwed up her head, he must have destroyed her confidence and her self-image. She doesn’t seem to see her own beauty when she looks at herself. She only sees the image he left her with.”
“What the fuck happened to her? Who the hell was this guy,” I growled.
“She didn’t say specifically. She only said she went through a bad time and she got away from him and she hasn’t seen him since. She doesn’t date; she doesn’t talk to men other than the Hanson twins and the guys in the shop. She doesn’t trust too many people. I gained her trust somehow; I think that’s why she opened up to me. I think she wants to heal but she’s too afraid to open herself up again.”
“Why are you tellin’ me this shit?” I was pissed hearing some guy fucked with her head. It explained a lot.
She scowled at me. “Because I see the way you look at her. You haven’t looked at anyone like that in a long time. She’s a good girl and you’re a pain in the ass, but you could be good for her.” And I knew what she was thinking; maybe the brutalized girl and the damaged boy could save each other.
“You watch too many rom-coms, Marg. We can’t save each other. Maybe we’re both too fucked up to be any good for the other. Maybe fucked up is just what we need to be to survive our lives.”