by Shelly Davis
His smirk came back bigger and more annoying than before. “There a reason you don’t want anyone lookin’ at her? She’s fuckin’ beautiful and just about perfect. Someone’s gonna see it.”
“No,” the sound of my own voice betrayed me. Of course, I didn’t want anyone else looking at her and of course, there was a reason. I just wasn’t saying it aloud. “Just make it happen.”
“I gotcha! She’s hands off. But you know, you can’t tell her she can’t start seein’ someone. She’s only gonna wait so long before she finds someone. You know she’s special, right?”
Fuck yeah. I know she’s special. Anyone can see she’s fucking special. And it’s got nothing to do with her beauty, her ability to work on cars, or her body. Something about the girl, I can’t get her out of my head. I wanted her more than any other woman, ever. But I couldn’t just have her for one night and I wasn’t sure I was capable of the other anymore. After Anna’s betrayal, how could I ever trust another woman? And I didn’t trust myself to be the man she needed.
We sat in silence eating our pizza and drinking our beer. When it was clear the girls weren’t coming to my place, Ky left and I went to bed. The house was huge and tomb-like. I hated it. Just like every other night over the past five and a half years, except one, I went to bed alone. But this was the first time I didn’t want to be alone.
~oOo~
During the weeks leading up to Speed Week, I spent my free time at the gym. I told everyone it was so I could work on my stamina and strength for the upcoming season. But I saw Toni there almost every night with the twins. She seemed so comfortable in that environment and around them, it pissed me off more than I ever realized. I found it difficult to believe there was nothing between them beyond friendship. Their personal relationship was one I only ever had with Margie and Anna, and Margie’s came from being siblings. I would see her from time to time as she worked out and hung out with her friends. Cade, Jake, and Mia were her constant companions but I did see Margie several times. I was surprised by how quickly Margie befriended her.
On Wednesday night, Cade walked into the private area of the gym where I always worked out. His welcoming but take-no-shit demeanor always made me a little leery. Jake was the relaxed and laid-back brother, Cade was the more serious and protective one. I hadn’t seen either brother over the past couple weeks since our return, so seeing Cade was surprising.
“Hey, Jules. How was Daytona?”
“Fine, good. The car’s ready to go.” It was my normal response to people asking me how I felt about a race or my car. But I knew he wasn’t asking about my car, I could tell by his posture and his tone. He wasn’t here as a friend or a fan, he was here as a big brother, checking up on the guy his sister spent the night with. Even though nothing happened that night, I knew it was a big deal for Toni to let her guard down.
“I hear Toni spent the night in your room.” No pulling punches, no beating around the bush. Straight to the point and looking me directly in the eyes, he challenged me to lie to him.
“Nothing happened, Cade. She just fell asleep on the couch.”
“And you did too?” He paused and when I was about to speak, he stopped me. “Look, I know you’re a good guy Jules. I know you wouldn’t set out to hurt anyone. I also know women flock to you and you can bed whomever you want. But she’s not like that, she’s a good girl.” He stood and took in the room and then turned his attention to me.
“I’m not out to hurt her, Cade. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. I know she’s a good girl. I knew it the moment that I met her.”
“Look, just don’t fuck with her mind or her spirit. We’re just getting’ her back. She’s finally bein’ herself again. Part of me thinks it has somethin’ to do with you, so don’t fuck it up.”
“What happened to her?” Before I could stop myself, the question was out of my mouth. So instead of trying to smooth things over, I pushed a little more. “She had a nightmare. It seemed like it was pretty bad too. She was sobbin’ and beggin’ someone named Todd to stop. She was so shaken up when she woke up, she couldn’t stop cryin’. What the hell happened to her and where the fuck is this Todd?” Maybe I could finally get some answers from someone about this. This past week, Toni had been avoiding me. I couldn’t get her alone, no matter what I did. She left when the others left, and she arrived when they arrived. As much as I wanted to talk to her alone, she wasn’t allowing it at all.
Cade looked at me and seemed to size me up. He came to some kind of decision; I could see it in his eyes when it happened.
“Look man, I’m not tryin’ to be a dick or anything, but it’s her story to tell. But I’ll tell you this much, whatever you think happened to her is nothing compared to what she went through. No one should ever have to endure what that prick put her through. I didn’t see it then. I didn’t watch her as I should’ve. I won’t make the same mistake again. I like you, Jules. But I won’t let you fuck with her.”
This wasn’t a scorned lover warning off a new suitor, this was the act of a brother trying to take care of his sister. He’d failed her once—he wasn’t doing it again. I would have done the same thing.
“I have no intention on fuckin’ with her in any way or tryin’ to do anything with her, it’s not like that with her, and nothing happened in Florida. We fell asleep, that’s it.”
He smiled slightly. “All right. Good,” he said. “Just be careful with her.”
“I will,” I confirmed. We talked for a few more minutes then he left to meet a client.
Throughout my workout, Toni’s nightmare and Cade’s words filled my head. I didn’t know specific details, but I knew her past was worse than I’d ever imagined. Part of me wanted to run for the hills and stay as far away from her as I could. She might not be the right person for me. One doomed relationship was more than enough. The other part, the risk-taker/gambling man part, wanted nothing more than to be the man that helped her to heal.
Just as I was finishing up, Jake walked into the room. He had an easygoing smile, but I could see there was something else behind it. I realized as soon as he approached that this was going to be another talk like the one with Cade.
“Hey man,” I said before he had a chance. “How’s it going?”
“Hey Jules, it’s good. Look, I’m not gonna beat about the bush. I know you already talked to Cade, but I think you need to hear somethin’, so I’m just gonna be blunt here. See, she was in a really fucked up relationship. Beaten, raped, mentally and verbally abused. He put a fear in her that it took years and a therapist for her to start to overcome and finally start healing. I know Cade said it’s her business to tell but any of this can be found through public court records. I also think you should know Mia thinks Toni has feelings for you. So all I’m gonna say is, don’t fuck with her. If you feel nothing for her, that’s fine. Then don’t lead her on. If you do, my advice is to tread lightly and get her to trust you.”
“I …” I stopped because I didn’t know what to say. I was overwhelmed with anger, sadness, and worry.
Jake seemed to get that and smiled. “You don’t need to say nothin’, Jules. Just remember, you fuck with her and you’ll have to deal with Cade, Mia, and me. And I’d be more afraid of Mia than either Cade or me. You’ll also have to deal with her father and uncle. They, like Cade and me, blame themselves for what happened before. None of us is gonna let it happen again.”
I nodded. The problem was, instead of being warned away and wanting to stay as far away from the girl as I could, I felt the overwhelming urge to protect her.
~oOo~
The next week was a tornado of activity in the shop. No one had time to do much of anything beyond prepare the cars and themselves for Speed Week. We spent most every waking hour together in the shop talking strategy, discussing the slight modifications that were being made to make the car handle better. We also discussed how we expected the week to go.
“So Friday, the seventh, we’ll be flyin’ down to Daytona. We’ll s
pend the next two weeks there. Qualifying is the ninth. The All-Star race is February fifteenth, the Duels are the twentieth, and the five hundred is the twenty-third,” Kyle stood in front of all of the guys explaining the schedule, what was going on each day. Then he called Toni to stand with him. “As we all should know at this point, the car being driven this week is the car Toni and her team built. She will be head on most things in the garage.” He eyed each of the guys. For the most part none of them seemed to have a problem with Toni, but after talking to Kevin and a couple of other guys we wanted to make sure. “Does anyone have a problem with this? Because if I find out there’s a problem in Florida, you’ll be sent home.”
One guy in the back of the room raised his hand, “Yeah, I have a problem. Most of us have been here for years and haven’t gotten the chance you’ve given her. This is bullshit. Just because she’s a chick, she gets special treatment? I could give a shit less about her, but she’s cuttin’ into my time being here.”
Kyle was ready to address the problem, Kevin stood and moved toward the front, and I had stepped forward. She was here on her merit and she earned her spot, not as a crew chief but as a member of the team. But another voice startled me, her voice. I wasn’t expecting her to stand up for herself. But I guess she wasn’t willing to stand by and let someone talk about her.
Toni stepped forward and smiled sweetly. “I understand havin’ a new person around is annoyin’, especially one who was chosen to work directly with the crew chief and car chief. I also understand y’all have been workin’ together for years. But I assure you, I’m qualified to do this work.”
“You’re qualified? Honey, we’re all qualified. You’re all of twenty years old, right?”
“Twenty-three. What does that matter?”
“Then you’ve probably been workin’ on cars for a couple years. Maybe five? Right? I’ve been doin’ this shit a lot freakin’ longer than you have.”
“Fair enough. You see, I’ve been workin’ in a garage since I was ten years old and on my own since eleven. I built my first go-cart when I was eleven. I built my first 426 Hemi in my ‘69 Charger when I was fifteen. Then when I was seventeen, I built an ‘85 Mustang from the ground up. The damn thing had freakin’ trees and plants growin’ inside the engine. When I was eighteen, I rebuilt my truck. The previous owner blew the engine and gave it to me real cheap because of it. I’m going to graduate with my bachelor’s in mechanical engineering along with my automotive training. I’m not new to any of this and I’m not tryin’ to take anything away from anyone.”
I was even more impressed with her. All of these guys were car guys, but they usually don’t start until they are old enough to drive.
“You’re so full of shit. There ain’t no way.”
“Actually,” Kevin said stepping forward and addressing everyone. “She ain’t full of shit. See, I worked with her on the car. And as ashamed as I am to say it, I didn’t believe her either. She told me about her dad’s shop in her home town, so I took a drive one weekend.”
“You went to see my dad?” Toni asked, surprised.
Kevin nodded. “Yeah, I did. He confirmed it all. She spent every livin’ moment in that garage tinkerin’ with somethin’. She has a gift, Joe. So back the fuck off.”
Joe looked annoyed, but he sat down. Toni smiled and looked back at everyone. “I’m not here to take jobs. My dream was to be on a race team and that’s what I’m doin’. I’m still an intern, so I have to work with Kyle and Kevin. When that’s done, I’ll be just like anyone else. I ain’t tryin’ to take jobs, but I ain’t gonna back down either.”
Axel smiled from his place in the front. “I think our girl has proven herself. She’s had an uphill battle since she arrived. Ky never made any of y’all prove yourself the way he’s made Toni. So back the hell off and do your job. Make sure y’all see Marg for your tickets and itinerary. You’re dismissed.”
They all left the meeting room, and no one seemed to question Toni’s presence anymore.
She turned to where Ky, Axel, and I sat at the table. “I’m sorry I’m causin’ so much trouble. I don’t need to be lead on anything if y’all don’t want problems in the shop. I’m happy just bein’ here.”
“And that’s why you’ll be leading things in the garage,” Axel said. “You don’t expect anything and you’re willing to listen to what others have to say. They’ll come around. I’d tell you to let me know if there’s problems, but I have a feeling you won’t. So I’ll just say good luck to y’all and I’ll see you in Daytona.”
“Well, I’m gonna go grab my pregnant wife and head on home. I’ll see y’all tomorrow. Be at the airport by nine in the mornin’.”
“Bye Kyle, see you tomorrow.”
“See ya, old man,” I said as he walked out the door. Toni and I sat in silence for a few moments. Then she stood.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow mornin’. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” I wanted to say something else. Ask her to go get food with me, to come back to my place to hang out, something. But none of it seemed innocent enough. I sighed as she walked toward the door. But then I heard her mumble something under her breath. She mumbled a curse. “What?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Nothin’ it’s just Mia brought me in today; Jake and Cade needed my truck to haul somethin’ from Shady Falls. Mia has some trainin’ in Charlotte, I was supposed to ask Kyle or Margie for a ride and I forgot. I also have no way to get to the airport tomorrow.” She looked uncomfortable. “I gotta run and see if I can catch Kyle.”
“No need. I’ll take you home,” I smiled. “And I’ll pick you up in the mornin’ too.”
“I don’t …” she started, but I immediately cut her off.
“It’s no trouble. Come on, we’ll go get somethin’ to eat first and then I’ll take you home.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t.”
Jeez this woman is stubborn. I was having dinner with her one way or another. “Well either I take you to get somethin’ to eat, or we’re pickin’ something up and eatin’ it at your house. I’m hungry and I don’t wanna eat alone. So, your choice.”
She seemed uncomfortable as she stared unblinkingly at me. I could see her mind racing and I almost read every thought as it crossed her face. She didn’t hide her feelings well.
“All right,” she sighed. “But we’re getting something and taking it to my place. I’m not up for going anywhere. Actually, I’ll call and order something from my uncle’s bar. He’ll have it ready for when I get home.”
I couldn’t believe she was allowing me to accompany her to her apartment. We climbed into my truck and I pulled out of the parking lot. She sat stiffly in the passenger seat. She looked so uncomfortable and paranoid. “Toni, relax. We’re friends, right?”
She sat there for a long time, quiet. Glancing at her, I wondered if she was going to relax enough to talk. Maybe she didn’t think we could be friends. Maybe she didn’t want to be my friend. When she finally spoke, I could see her entire form relax. She looked over at me and smiled. “Yeah, we’re friends,” she whispered.
“Good … good.” I nodded my head, happy to see her relax. I was sure we overcame a big obstacle. I knew it took a lot for her to relax and let her guard down with people. She might not be completely calm and relaxed, but she was trying and that’s all I could ever ask for.
She fiddled with the seat belt as we flew down the highway. The cab of the truck was hushed, waiting for one of us to break the quiet, but neither of us did. We sat in a harmonious silence that I’d never once experienced with a woman. I’d never met a woman who didn’t feel like she had to keep a conversation going. Toni seemed more than happy to sit and relax into the plush interior of my truck. The slight smile crossing her face was my only indication that she was feeling at ease. It thrilled me to know I was able to bring her a calm she didn’t usually experience. Usually such a guarded person, she didn’t seem to let her defenses down easily.
When we arrived in fron
t of the bar, I realized I knew this place. I’d been there many times before. A flash of a beautiful dark haired bartender helping out from time to time flashed in my memory. I’d seen her here before. It had been almost two years ago, but I was sure it was her. I was smitten with the beautiful bartender who seemed to be so distracted and extremely busy that night so long ago. Realizing now that beautiful bartender was Toni actually made me happy. Back then, I was only worried about fucking every woman I could. I could have fucked up any chance I had at this girl because my head was still in such a screwed up place at the time. I slid the truck into a vacant spot in the parking lot and killed the engine. After a moment, I finally broke the silence. “Your uncle is Bobby?”
She looked over at me, surprised. “Yeah, how’d you know?”
“I’ve been here before. He’s a great guy.” She stared at me for a moment, maybe searching her memory for a time she could’ve encountered me here. She wouldn’t have remembered me that night, however. I sat at a table, while Kyle and a couple of my other buddies ran for drinks all night. It was just after Axel and Ky had forced me to pull my head out of my ass and I had won my second truck series championship in as many years. That night, Axel announced he was giving me a shot at the Sprint Cup series. A bunch of us decided to go out and celebrate.
I climbed out of the truck and ran around to open her door for her. She looked shocked, as if no one had ever done this for her before. That pissed me off, because this girl deserved to be treated like the lady she was. I took her hand and helped her down from the truck. We were only inches apart, so close I could see every freckle on her nose and the dark brown dot in her right iris. I felt an intense pull toward her, and I desperately wanted to test it out. The draw was palpable, like the attraction between two magnets. Neither of us moved or even seemed to breathe. I wanted to lean in and close the distance. I wanted to pull her to me and wrap my arms around her. I wanted to feel her body pressed against mine, even if just for a moment. I had no idea what was going through her head, but I could see that she was visibly shaken and very nervous. She didn’t understand what was happening, and neither did I. I stared at her, her golden eyes fixed on mine but only for a moment. She broke eye contact, her lashes fanning across her cheeks.