Relative-ly Speaking

by Karen D. Badger

  "I'm afraid we deserted her and Cat to Grandma Jo's antics," she confessed.

  "Grandma Jo?" Ida said. "I'm almost afraid to ask what she's up to this time."

  "She's up to giving Dad a lesson in tolerance," Dylan said, breaking down once more into fits of laughter, causing Billie to join him.

  Ida put her hands on her hips. "You two are incorrigible!" she exclaimed. "Where are they?" she asked, heading in the direction that Billie pointed while holding her stomach through the laughter.

  "I suppose we'd better get hold of ourselves and go back to rescue your Dad, don't you think?" Billie asked her brother.

  Dylan suddenly turned serious. "No. I think he deserves everything he is getting right now. Billie, I saw the way he treated Cat at the airport. That was very rude. I'm actually surprised Cat controlled herself as well as she did. Had it been me, well, let's just say the only thing that might have saved him is the fact that he's my father," Dylan explained.

  Billie sobered at the thought. "Yeah, you're right. Cat was pretty upset. You know, she lectured me at the airport before your plane arrived about this very thing. I guess in theory you can accept things more readily than in practice. I'll take her aside and make sure she's okay," Billie said.

  "Mommy!" a voice suddenly rang from behind them.

  Billie turned around just in time to catch a running Skylar in her arms. Scooping her up, she held her close and nuzzled her neck, making the child squeal.

  "Hey, rugrat," she said. "Where's brother and sister?" she asked.

  "They're with Grandpa, puttin' the horses away," she replied, looking shyly at Dylan, putting her head on Billie's shoulder.

  Billie saw Skylar looking coyly at Dylan. "Sky," she said to the child, "This is your uncle Dylan, Mommy's brother."

  Dylan reached out to the child and asked for her hand, which she extended shyly.

  He bowed regally. "Princess Skylar," he said, kissing the back of her hand. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

  Skylar giggled and pulled her hand back. Billie grinned.

  "Mom, it was awesome!" Tara exclaimed bursting into the room as if she owned the place, drawing the adults’ attention to herself. "Seth and I had a race, and I beat him! It was so cool!" she said proudly, arms flailing every which way. Eyeing Dylan curiously, she added, "Who's he?"

  "As subtle as ever, huh, Tara?" Billie teased.

  Dylan grinned. "Hi, Tara, I'm your Uncle Dylan." he said, extending his hand toward the eleven-year-old.

  Tara shook it firmly and grinned. "You don't look like Mom," she observed.

  Billie shook her head side to side at her daughter's boldness.

  "Nope, I don't. I look like my dad. You mom looks like our mother," he explained.

  Tara looked at Billie. "Nana's here too?" she questioned excitedly. Receiving a nod from Billie, she exclaimed, "All right!" then started to leave the room.

  "Wait, Tare. I wanna see Nana too!" Skylar exclaimed, wiggling out of Billie's arms. Soon, both girls were gone in search of their grandmother.

  Billie looked at Dylan. "Well, that's two of the three."

  No sooner had she said the words, than Seth entered the room. Seth immediately went to his mother and hugged her.

  Billie dropped a kiss on top of his head. "Did you have a good ride, honey?" she asked.

  Seth pulled out of his mother's embrace, and nodded his head. "It was awesome, but of course, Tara had to be a show-off again," he said, slightly embarrassed that his sister had beat him. "Little sisters can be such a pain," he added.

  Dylan laughed. "You know, I wanted a brother or sister all my life and didn't have one, until now," he said, reaching out his hand to Billie.

  Billie took his hand and made the introductions to Seth. "Honey, this is your Uncle Dylan. Dylan, this is Seth."

  Seth grinned ear to ear. "Cool! Finally another guy around the place!" he said, shaking his hand. Billie suddenly felt old as she looked at her son and brother together. Seth was rapidly approaching manhood. He was obviously going to inherit her height as he stood nearly 5'9" at thirteen years old, with many more years of growing to do.

  "Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" Doc said coming up behind the group.

  "Sorry Grandpa," Seth said. "But, well, you're kinda old."

  "Seth Michael Charland! What a thing to say to your grandfather!" Billie said aghast.

  Doc chuckled. "Don't worry, daughter. I understand. I was thirteen once, several hundred years ago that is," he said, winking at Seth. Then, turning to Dylan, he extended his hand, shaking it firmly. "You must be Dylan," he said. "I'm Cat's dad, so, I guess that makes me your uncle, but you can call me Doc." Then, turning to Billie he added, "So your mother and father are here too?"

  Billie cringed slightly at the mention of Jim being her father. "Yeah, they're here," she said. Then looking to both Doc and Dylan, she added, "I guess we've left Jim at the mercy of Grandma Jo long enough, huh? We'd better go see how things are going, don't you think?"

  "You left that poor man with Josephine?" Doc said in astonishment. "You are a cruel woman, Billie," he added jokingly, a huge smile plastered on his face.

  Dylan placed a hand on his uncle's shoulder. "Believe me, Doc, he deserves it!" he said, chuckling. "But you're right, maybe we should go rescue him."

  ***

  They found the rest of the crew in the parlor. Josephine still had her unlit cigar in her mouth, and whip on her hip. Pacing back and forth in front of her audience, she recalled how she successfully broke the Viet Cong code used to set up ambushes against US troops during the Vietnamese War fifty years earlier. Ida and Cat, having heard the story about a hundred times over the past thirty years, had politely excused themselves to check with Maggie on dinner, while Laurel, Jim, and the children sat captivated by Josephine's story…at least Tara was captivated. Skylar sat curled up in Laurel's lap sound asleep.

  Opening the door to the parlor, Billie peeked in and raised her eyebrows when she saw her daughter asleep in Laurel's arms. Silently closing the door, she relayed to the others what she had seen.

  Doc smiled broadly. "Don’t tell me…the Viet Cong code?" he asked. Looking to Dylan and Seth, he said, "You'll love this one. Josephine is a natural born story teller." He ushered them into the parlor as Billie excused herself to look for Cat.

  Billie found the object of her desire in the pantry, where Maggie had sent her to retrieve a new package of napkins. Ida and Alexandra were in the dining room discussing seating arrangements for dinner.

  Billie snuck up behind Cat and clamped her hand around her mouth. "Don't make a sound if you know what's good for you," she purred into Cat's ear,

  Cat grinned behind the hand covering her mouth then nodded her head rapidly.

  Removing her hand, Billie wrapped both arms around Cat's waist and started a tactical exploration of the smaller woman's midriff, while Cat pressed her head into Billie's shoulder and closed her eyes.

  Making their way up Cat's sides, Billie's hands rested on her shoulders as she turned the smaller woman around to face her. Cat's cheeks were flush with desire as Billie lowered her face and claimed her lips, tilting Cat's chin upward with two fingers. Breaking the kiss, Billie looked into her wife's eyes and said, "Hi!"

  "Hi, yourself," she replied.

  Billie took Cat's face between her hands and traced the bone structure across finely chiseled cheeks with her thumbs. "Are you all right?" she asked.

  "I am now," Cat said, pressing herself into Billie.

  Once more, Billie lowered her head and placed gentle kisses on Cat's lips. Cat closed her eyes and moaned as Billie made her way across Cat's jaw to the sensitive skin behind her left ear.

  "Cat, I'm sorry for the way Jim treated you today," Billie whispered into her ear.

  Cat's heart was racing wildly with desire. "Who?" she asked, causing Billie to grin.

  "I love you, Cat," the tall woman said, nipping lightly at her wife's earlobe. Tremors ran through the body that had surrendered
itself into her arms.

  "Oh, God, Billie. You're making me crazy," Cat said shakily as her hands made their way behind Billie and pulled the T-shirt out of Billie's waistband. Within seconds, Cat's hands were under Billie's shirt, kneading the muscular flesh on her wife's back.

  Billie reached behind Cat and shoved her hands into the waistband of her shorts, cupping Cat's bottom and pulling their lower bodies together as she buried her face into Cat's neck. Billie sunk her teeth into the corded muscle of Cat's neck, causing her to moan loudly.

  "Sweet Aphrodite!" Cat exclaimed loudly.

  "There you are!" Maggie exclaimed. "I should have looked here first. You two certainly have Wycliffe/Spirakis blood running through your veins! This is one of your grandmothers' favorite places for makin' out too!" she teased.

  Hands quickly found their way out from under the other's clothing as Cat buried her face in Billie's shoulder, embarrassed beyond belief.

  "Now, there's no reason to be blushin', Miss Cat. Old Maggie here still remembers what it's like to be young and in love, and I'm long past being shocked by public displays of affection. Heaven knows, Miss Josephine has seen to that!" she exclaimed, causing Cat and Billie to chuckle.

  Maggie turned to go, then stopped and looked over her shoulder. "By the way, child, did you find the napkins I sent ya in here for?"

  Billie reached up to the shelf and grabbing the bag of napkins that Cat would have needed the step stool to retrieve. Giving them to Cat, she grinned evilly.

  "I don't want to hear anything about being vertically challenged, got it, Miss Show-off?" Cat said, a twinkle in her eye.

  Billie leaned over and whispered in Cat's ear, "How about horizontally challenged, huh?"

  Cat grinned seductively. "I'll take that challenge later, my love," she said.

  ***

  Dinner was an exercise in controlled chaos. Having had to prepare meals for Alex and Jo's frequent dinner parties, Maggie was well versed in handling large crowds, so a group of 12 people was relatively easy. What she found difficult was the need to constantly chase Ida and Laurel out of the kitchen. Finally, after politely asking the ladies to leave for the fourth time, she picked up a large cleaver and waved it around in the air.

  "Now I'm gonna say this just one more time, then heads are gonna roll! This is my kitchen. You are here to enjoy yourselves, not help prepare the meals. You two ladies may be the mistress' daughters, but this is my kitchen, understand? Miss Ida, you should know that by now, having grown up in this house. Now scoot your behinds outta here, and don't come back!" she shouted.

  Ida and Laurel looked at each other with shocked expressions.

  "Scoot!" Maggie shouted once more.

  Both ladies turned on their heels and practically ran out of the kitchen, into the dining room where Jo and Alex were helping to organize the seating.

  Hearing the commotion in the kitchen, and seeing the two ladies exit in haste, Josephine chuckled and said, "I see you two have been introduced to Maggie's cleaver."

  "Mom, that woman is nuts!" Laurel said in disbelief.

  Josephine walked up to Laurel and patted her on the cheek. "No, sweetheart, she's just real possessive about her kitchen. Hell, even Alex and I don't dare go in there during a dinner party!"

  "All right, everyone, let's take our seats and enjoy this wonderful meal that Maggie has seen fit to prepare for us," Alex said, flitting around like the perfect hostess, waving her hands about.

  After a few moments, everyone was seated. Jo and Alex at the ends of the table, Jim, Laurel, Dylan, Doc and Ida on one side, Billie, Cat, Seth, Tara and Skylar on the other. They were seated such that Jim was sitting on Jo’s right, Cat on her left. Seth and Dylan, and Laurel and Billie sat opposite each other.

  "Josie, darlin' would you like to say a few words before we enjoy this fine meal?" Alex asked.

  Jo stood at the end of the table and picked up her wine glass. Before she could say a word, she noticed Alex at the opposite end of the table gesturing wildly. She looked like she was grabbing for something on top of her head. After a few seconds of not understanding what Alexandra was getting at, Josephine became impatient.

  "For the love of Zeus, Alex, what is it?" she questioned loudly.

  "Josephine Wycliffe, where are your manners? Please remove your hat at the table," Alex replied.

  "Oh, sorry," she said, grabbing the fedora off her head and placing the hat directly on the plate in front of her.

  Alexandra lowered her head in her hands and shook it side to side.

  Billie and Cat glanced at each other and grinned.

  Dylan looked down at his plate and tried hard not to laugh.

  Ida kicked Doc under the table as a warning to keep his mouth shut.

  Jim stared open mouthed at his crass mother-in-law.

  Laurel chuckled under her breath.

  The kids thought Grandma Jo was so cool!

  Josephine was oblivious to the commotion around her. Lifting her wine glass, she began. "Fifty years ago, a very young and naive Josephine Wycliffe was working on a mission for the US government deciphering enemy code…"

  Doc leaned in to whisper in Ida's ear, "Naive? Josephine was born with a cigar in one hand and a whip in the other...ooomph!" he exclaimed as Ida kicked him under the table once more.

  "I had resigned myself to being alone. Considering I was one of those women," she said pointedly to Jim, "I accepted the fact that I would never marry and have a family.”

  Billie reached over and took Cat's hand under the table. They exchanged a warm and loving look.

  "Then one day, a tall, dark-haired, blue eyed beauty was brought in by my commanding officer to assist me. She took my breath away with her presence," Josephine said, making eye contact with Alex at the other end of the table.

  Alex blushed profusely.

  "I was captivated...a willing prisoner trapped in the depth of blue eyes," she continued. "We fell in love and decided to spend the rest of our lives together. Then, by the grace of God we had Ida, and from her she saw fit to bless us with Cat and her sisters, and eight beautiful great grandchildren."

  Ida smiled at Cat and the children, acknowledging that she too, considered them gifts from above.

  Josephine paused for a moment to take a deep breath before continuing. "Just when we thought we had been graced with all the wonderful things life could bring, along came Billie, who helped us to find the one missing piece of our souls.

  Jo looked around the table to be certain she still had everyone’s full attention before continuing. “Laurel, sweetheart," she said, directly addressing the woman who was fighting to keep tears from her eyes. "Your mother had a void in her heart for many years, believing that you had died as a baby. Finding not only you, but two beautiful grandchildren has made both of us complete."

  Billie and Dylan looked at each other and smiled. Billie reached her hand across the table and took Laurel's, squeezing it for a moment before releasing it.

  "So, for all these things, I am grateful. Fifty years ago, I was content to live my life alone. Today, I can't imagine how I would have survived without my Alexandra. And now we have all of you. Thank the gods," she said, raising her glass.

  "Thank the gods," rang out a chorus around the table as they all sipped from their glasses.

  "Let's eat!" Josephine exclaimed. "I've got plans for after dinner. All this mushy talk has made me horny!"

  Jim spat his wine across the table…all over Cat.

  Cat stood up, fuming, and stomped away, Billie right on her heels.

  Laurel sat there dumfounded.

  "Grams, what does horny mean?" Skylar asked innocently.

  Three more mouthfuls of wine flew across the table from Doc, Ida and Dylan.

  Alex dropped her head into her hands and died of embarrassment.

  It was going to be a long week.

  CHAPTER 7

  Cat leaned against the window frame of their bedroom overlooking the courtyard and watched Dylan play footbal
l with the kids. It was Dylan and Skylar against Seth and Tara. Cat smiled as Skylar caught the ball and started running toward the goal, only to have Dylan come up behind her, pick her up and run the rest of the way with her in his arms. Seth and Tara piled on top of him as they made a touchdown.

  A pair of arms suddenly circled Cat's waist from behind. "Hmm, you smell good," Billie said, burying her nose in Cat's freshly shampooed hair. Looking over Cat's shoulder, she chuckled as Dylan accidentally on purpose missed a tackle on Tara, allowing her to score.

  "I really like your brother, Billie," Cat said. "And your mom."

  Billie's arms instinctively tightened around Cat's waist. "And Jim?" she asked.

  "Jim will take some work," Cat admitted. Turning around in Billie's arms, she wrapped her own arms around Billie's waist. "Hold me," she said, laying her head against Billie's chest.

  "Forever," came the reply as Billie rested her cheek on top of Cat's head.

  Billie's hands roamed up and down Cat's back, rubbing gently in a sensual rhythm.

  Cat's hands dropped lower to cup Billie's bottom, squeezing it gently.

  "Billie," Cat said.

  "Yes, love?" Billie responded, a feeling of sexual pleasure starting to permeate her being.

  "Do you think he'll come around? I mean, I don't ever expect him to support our lifestyle, but it would be nice for him to at least accept us the way we are," Cat explained.

  "I don't know, Cat. I know that he loves Laurel very much. He wouldn't be here if he didn't. I'm hoping for her sake that he at least makes an effort to accept us. It will drive a wedge between them if he doesn't," Billie replied.

  Cat turned her face toward Billie's chest and placed kisses on the bare skin above her tank top.

  Billie's chin rested on top of Cat's head. "That feels good, Cat," she purred.

  Cat tightened her hold on Billie's bottom as she lowered her kisses to her wife's breasts through the material of the shirt.

  Billie moaned out her pleasure, pressing her breasts forward.