Relative-ly Speaking

by Karen D. Badger

  "Grams fell on the stairs and hurt her knee, sweetheart. Mama bandaged it up for her, and now she's resting," Billie explained.

  "Oh. So, can you play with me again?" Skylar asked.

  Momentary panic set in as Billie tried to think of a way out of her second visit in one day to paper doll hell. She'd rather eat broken glass than play paper dolls again. Just when she thought she had no alternative but to give in, Jo returned with the older two children.

  "Cat, we need some help out here," Jo called frantically, breaking Cat away from her enjoyment of Billie's paper doll dilemma. Jumping to her feet, she ran into the kitchen, with Billie right on her heels.

  "What is it?" Cat asked hastily as soon as she entered the kitchen.

  There before her stood a wet Josephine, and two very sick looking kids. "For the love of god, what happened?" Cat demanded, immediately examining both children, who were quite green around the edges.

  "Grandma Jo let us smoke a cigar," Tara confessed, holding her stomach.

  "You did what?" Cat yelled at her grandmother.

  "Hey, I promised I wouldn't drive recklessly. You didn't say anything about not letting them smoke. Besides, cigars never affected me that way. I didn't think it would be a problem," Jo said in her own defense.

  "Mom, I'm gonna be sick," Seth complained.

  "Not in here you aren't. Come on…to the bathroom with you," Billie said as she took her son's arm and rushed him into the bathroom.

  "Whatever possessed you to give the kids cigars?" Cat asked sharply, while feeling Tara's head.

  "They wanted one. Hell, Caitlain, weren't you ever a kid? Can't you remember ever wanting something you knew wasn't good for you?" Jo countered.

  Not wanting to argue with Jo in front of her daughter, Cat changed the subject. "Tara, honey, go upstairs and get ready for bed. I promise you'll feel better in the morning. It's nearly bed time anyway."

  After Tara left the two ladies alone, Cat turned to Josephine. "Now, do you want to tell me why you're soaking wet?" she asked.

  "I'd like to hear the answer to that one too," Billie said from the doorway. "By the way Cat, I just sent both Seth and Sky to bed. It's nearly bedtime anyway. Oh, and I promised Sky you'd play paper dolls with her again tomorrow," Billie added, briefly changing the subject.

  "Gee thanks," Cat said dryly. Then, turning back to Jo, she folded her arms across her chest and continued. "So, spill it. Why are you wet?"

  "I fell in the lake."

  "You fell in the lake?" Cat repeated.

  "Is there an echo in here?" Jo said sarcastically. "You heard me. I fell in the lake. Tara's line was hung up on the bottom. I was trying to pull it free and it snapped. I lost my balance, and in I went," she explained.

  "And was this before or after you let the kids smoke cigars?" Billie asked.

  "Before."

  "So you sat on the river bank, soaking wet, smoking cigars with the kids. Did it ever occur to you that you could catch your death from cold?" Cat asked.

  "Hell, no. A little water isn't going to hurt me. Geesh, you'd think I was fragile like Alex or something," she complained.

  Billie resented that last remark about Alex. "Grandma Jo," she said. "It's about time you realize that your wife is not weak and fragile. Hell, Alexandra Spirakis is one of the strongest women I know. And if you don't smarten up, you're going to find out just how strong she can be," Billie scolded.

  Jo did not like being chastised. "Speaking of Alexandra, is she home yet?" she asked indignantly, "Or is she still out with that nice southern gentleman you all seem to be so taken with?"

  "She's home. Billie and I just put her to bed. It seems that she tripped on the steps coming onto the back porch and scraped her knee. She's in there resting right now," Cat answered.

  At the mention of Alex's injury, Jo's anger vanished. "She's hurt?" Jo asked softly.

  "Slightly," Billie replied. "Nothing serious."

  "Well, I'd better go see if she needs anything," Jo said.

  "You might want to get out of those wet clothes first and take a hot shower. I don't think Grams will enjoy sleeping next to someone who smells like dead fish," Cat added.

  Jo stopped and sniffed at the sleeve of her shirt. "I guess you're right," she said, heading directly to the bathroom and leaving Cat and Billie in the kitchen alone.

  Billie shook her head and grinned. "Cat, if I ever get that feisty in my old age, shoot me."

  CHAPTER 25

  "Good morning neighbors," Jen said as she poked her head into the door. "Is it safe to enter?" she asked.

  Cat and Billie were sitting at the kitchen table, sharing the morning paper, each sporting a cup of coffee. "Sure, come on in," Billie answered.

  "Now, why wouldn't it be safe to enter?" Cat asked, her curiosity piqued.

  "Well, I figured that Jo might be on the warpath after Daddy kept Alex out so late yesterday," Jen explained.

  "Actually, it was Alex that was on the warpath because Jo wasn't here to see her come home," Cat replied.

  Jen frowned. "I don't understand," she said.

  "It appears that Miss Alexandra is turning the tables on all of us, Jen. She wanted Jo to catch her coming home late. Unfortunately, Jo thwarted her plans by taking the kids fishing. She wasn't here when Chet brought her home. Her exact words were, you think she would'a been out fightin' for what's hers. But no, she went fishing instead," Billie said in her best Alexandra accent.

  "Well, I'll be," Jen remarked. "And here I was feeling guilty about setting them up like that," Jen said in awe. "So, where is everyone this morning?"

  "Well, Missy showed up bright and early. She and Skylar are in Sky's bedroom playing paper dolls, thank God," Billie said.

  "Thank God?" Jen questioned.

  "Don't ask," Cat interjected, holding her hand up like a stop sign.

  "Seth and Tara are still sleeping as usual, and the grandmothers are still in their room. No clue as to whether they're asleep or awake. We've seen no sign of them yet, and no sounds of cannon fire coming from their room, so I’m assuming they’re still alive," Billie finished.

  "How is Chet faring through all of this?" Cat asked seriously.

  "Well, Daddy understood what we were trying to do right from the beginning, but I'm afraid he's become a bit infatuated with Alex himself. She is a very charming and beautiful woman. He's quite taken with her, and more than a little regretful that her inclinations lie elsewhere, if you know what I mean…which of course you do," Jen explained, chuckling.

  "Well, the last thing we want is for anyone to get hurt. The whole reason for doing this was to bring the grandmothers closer. We really appreciate what Chet is doing to help us out. I guess the ball's in Jo's court right now," Billie said.

  "Josephine Wycliffe, I am not an invalid. I will thank you to stop treating me like one," a loud voice said from the living room.

  "Oh-oh. There’s the first cannon shot. Civil War round two," Cat whispered to Jen and Billie as they eavesdropped on the ladies' argument.

  "Alex, don't get your panties in a wad. I'm only trying to help," Jo replied.

  "I don't need your help. Kindly remove your hands from my person," Alex demanded.

  “Ouch,” Billie commented.

  "Suit yourself," Jo yelled as she stomped her way into the kitchen. "Stubborn, arrogant, pigheaded...," she mumbled as she headed for the coffee pot, throwing her fedora on the table as she passed by.

  "Good morning," Cat said brightly as all three ladies pretended they hadn't heard a word. "What was that you were saying?"

  Jo turned around. "I said, stubborn, arrogant, pigheaded. That grandmother of yours is driving me crazy, and don't pretend you didn't hear what was said a moment ago. Hell, it was so loud, a room full of nursing home residents could have heard it from a mile away," Jo said, causing all three ladies to turn red with embarrassment at being caught. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she joined the ladies at the table and sat down. "She won't let me help her to the bathroom. It
's obvious that her knee hurts, but she's as stubborn as the devil himself."

  "Sounds like someone else I know," Billie said softly.

  "I heard that," Jo replied, shooting visual daggers across the table at her tall granddaughter who lifted her eyebrows in mock innocence.

  Just then, Alex hobbled into the kitchen. Billie immediately rose to her feet and offered her arm for support as she guided her across the room to the empty chair at the end of the table. Seating the proud southern woman, Billie then poured a cup of coffee and placed it in front of her.

  "Thank you, dear," Alex said.

  "How's your knee this morning, Grams?" Cat asked after rising from her seat to kiss the older woman on the cheek.

  "A little sore, but manageable," she said. "Although some people would have me believing I was an invalid," she added throwing a sharp look in Jo's direction.

  "I was only trying to help, Alex," Jo said in her own defense.

  "In any case, I'll be fine. I would appreciate a little something for a headache though, if you wouldn't mind, dear?" she asked Cat.

  "Coming right up," Cat said as she went to fetch the pain reliever.

  "A little hung over, Alex?" Jo asked coyly.

  Alex avoided Jo's eyes. "Whatever makes you say that?" she asked as she took the pain relievers with the water Cat handed her.

  "I could smell the booze on you last night. You seldom drink anything stronger than iced tea or wine. It was pretty noticeable," Jo explained.

  "I might have enjoyed a cocktail or two while I was out," Alex replied.

  "A cocktail or two? Is that why you hurt your knee, Alex?" Jo baited.

  Flustered, Alex rose to her feet. "I don't have to sit here and listen to this. Caitlain, Billie, Jen…my apologies for being such poor company. I believe I need to lie down for a while—alone," she announced before once more hobbling off toward her bedroom.

  Billie turned to Jo. "You're not scoring a hell of a lot of points here," she said.

  "I can't help it! Just the thought of her in the arms of someone else just tears my heart out. Hurts like hell. All I want to do is strike back and then I turn into this monstrous bitch," Jo explained, tears filling her eyes and emotion choking the words in her throat.

  "Maybe it's time to fight back with actions instead of words," Cat suggested.

  Jo looked at the three ladies sitting around the table. "I really hate to admit this, but I don't think I'm strong enough to beat the shit out of Chet. And besides, I wouldn't want to hurt Jen like that," she replied.

  All three ladies tried very hard not to laugh. It was unusual for Jo to admit a weakness.

  "Grams, the only thing you need to beat the shit out of is that stubborn pride of yours," Cat explained.

  For several moments, no one spoke, a contemplative silence settling over the group. Finally, Billie spoke up. "Look, the wedding is just two days away. I would really hate for it to become a war zone between you and Grams. That wouldn't be fair to Drew or Dylan," she commented.

  Jo just nodded before rising to her feet. "I need some fresh air. I'm going for a walk," she announced.

  "Would you like some company?" Cat asked.

  "No, that's all right. I have some thinking to do. Besides, I'm afraid I wouldn't be very good company to anybody right now. I'll be back soon." With that, she planted the fedora on her head and headed out the door.

  ***

  "Damn, look at the time. Billie, where do you think she went?" Cat asked nervously.

  "It's hard to tell. She was pretty upset when she left. I can't say that I blame her. If I thought I was losing you, I'd be just about ready to cash it in," Billie replied.

  Cat turned sharply toward Billie. "Don't say that. Don't you dare say that. Grandma Jo wouldn't do anything stupid, would she?"

  "Desperation can drive a person to do things they normally wouldn't do," Billie said realistically. Crossing the room, she opened her arms and took Cat into them. Rubbing her hands over Cat's back, she tried to soothe away her fears. "Honey, I'm sure she's okay. She's probably sitting on a park bench somewhere trying to get her thoughts together,"

  "Billie, we need to go look for her," Cat suggested.

  "Look for who…Josie?" Alex said from the doorway. "I wouldn't waste your time. When Josephine doesn't want to be found, there's no sense looking. This isn't the first time she's disappeared."

  "It isn't? What do you mean, Grams?" Cat asked with interest.

  "In the fifty years we've been together, she's disappeared at least a dozen times, although I have to admit she hasn't done that for several years now. Most of the time she would just up and leave without warning after some big confrontation, mostly. She's usually gone for days at a time. One time she didn't return for nearly two weeks. Gradually, I began to worry less and less about her safety, and more and more about our relationship whenever the mood would strike her to run off like that. Josie can take care of herself. She's a survivor. What I am worried about is not her, but us. I don't know if the present state of our relationship can survive another separation," Alex explained.

  Cat approached her grandmother and cupped the aging face between her palms. "The question is, Grams, do you want it to survive?" she asked.

  Tear welled in Alexandra's eyes. Without breaking eye contact, she began to talk.

  "Caitlain, I fell in love with Josie the moment I laid eyes on her. She was extraordinary. I had never known a woman quite like her before. She was brash, wild and bold. Josie wasn't afraid of anything, except maybe her own emotions, but she'd never admit that to you. She had a passion for history that surpassed any I had encountered before. She was totally dedicated to it, heart, mind, body and soul. If Josie had sent me home that first day, I would have refused to leave. Even then I knew I couldn't live without her."

  Alex broke away from Cat's grasp as she absent-mindedly walked to the window to peer out. Billie took this opportunity to walk up behind Cat and surround her in loving arms.

  "Josephine Wycliffe. Even her name sent chills of desire running through my veins, as it still does today." Still facing the window, she continued. "Do I want it to survive? Caitlain, if it doesn't survive, then I have no reason to go on. She is my sole reason for living."

  "Then why...?" Cat began.

  "Why the confrontations of late?" Alex asked, turning to face her granddaughters. "Cat, could you live in a relationship that was lopsided, even knowing your partner loved you with all her heart? Could you live without being formally recognized as the most important person in your partner's life? Child, I love Josie more than life itself, and I know she loves me with equal vigor, but knowing that isn't enough. I want the world to know it too, and I want Josie to be proud that the world knows it."

  Alex stopped momentarily, turning her back on the duo and walking a short distance away. After a few moments, she turned around to face them once again.

  "I know Josephine Wycliffe will never be the tender, gentle, passionately sincere person I would like her to be, but it would be real nice for her to even fake it once in a while, just for me. Am I making any sense?" Alex asked.

  Billie's arms tightened around Cat, partially to support her now-weeping wife, and partially to keep her own emotions in check.

  Cat nodded. "Grams, you are making perfect sense," she replied through the sniffles. "So you don't want the relationship to end?"

  "If it ends, I end. It's just that simple," Alexandra replied.

  ***

  Cat strained once more to see through the picture window into the darkness beyond the illumination of the front porch light. Seeing nothing, she resumed pacing back and forth across the room, each time stopping briefly to peer into the darkness. Finally, patience wore thin as she stopped dead in her tracks. "That's it. I can't take it any longer. She's been gone all day. I'm going to call Mom. Maybe she's over there."

  "You're wastin' your time, Caitlain," Alex said from her position on the couch. "She'll show up when she's done poutin'."

  "Well,
I'm going to try anyway," Cat said as she dialed the phone.

  "Hey Drew, this is Cat. How are you doing sweetie? Are you getting nervous yet? The big day is less than two days away. Yes, I remember that I need to pick up the flowers for the attendants. Don't worry about it. I'll pick them up tomorrow. Consider it done. The flower shop is decorating the church and banquet hall, right? Good. That's one less thing for us to worry about. Okay. Hey, is Mom there, honey?" Cat asked, trying hard to get to the real reason she had called her mother's house. Moments later, Cat had her mother on the phone.

  "Hi, Mom? This is Cat. Is Grandma Jo with you? No? Well, she left here about nine this morning to go for a walk and she hasn't returned. Yes, I know, but she was kind of upset when she left, and we're worried about her. Yes, Grams said the same thing. Mom, I can't help but worry about her. Yes, I know she's done this before, but...okay Mom. I'll talk to you later. Love you. Bye," Cat said in defeat before returning the receiver to its cradle.

  Cat ran her hands through her hair in a worried fashion before turning back to Alex. "Mom said not to worry about her, that she's done this before, and that she'll be back when she's good and ready," Cat explained.

  "I told you as much, Caitlain," Alex replied.

  "Grams, how can you just sit there and accept that kind of behavior from her? If Billie disappeared on me for days at a time without an explanation, well...well...I just don't think I could deal with it," Cat said, distress dictating her tone of voice. "For someone who has lived as long as she has, she sure is acting like a child," she added.

  Alex chuckled. "My dear girl, you are just now realizing that? Josie will never have to worry about a second childhood because she has never left her first one behind. It's part of what makes her so charming."

  "Charming? How about infuriating?" Cat blurted out.

  "That, too," Alex agreed.

  "I wonder if Billie's had any luck finding her," Cat pondered. "I'm going to call her cell phone."