Habits of the House

by Fay Weldon

  ‘Rosina is right,’ said her father, who often took a more kindly view of his daughter than did the mother, or indeed the brother. ‘It might have been wiser for all of us to have shown more civility to Mr Baum. Arthur, you should not have been witty at his expense.’

  ‘Sorry and all that, Pater,’ said Arthur, ‘but sometimes the tongue outruns the mind. I really must be off. I’ll leave you to sort this out. I’m needed in the garage. I don’t trust William with the boiler of the Jehu. The man’s a good mechanic but does not quite understand the power of steam.’

  ‘I would prefer that you stayed, Arthur,’ said his father. ‘You are to inherit the title, the trust fund is empty and you are perfectly old enough to give the matter some attention. The future of the steam car is neither here nor there. It is an absurd contraption, and dangerous as well. As for you, Rosina, you yourself scarcely acknowledged Mr Baum’s presence.’

  ‘All I did was ignore him,’ said Rosina snappily, ‘I didn’t make fun of him. So all of a sudden I am the one expected to be nice to someone Mama dismisses as a dreadful little man. I’m glad there is a Mrs Baum, or next thing you would be asking me to marry him.’

  Both parents looked at her speculatively. Isobel said, ‘Well, my dear, it is a great luxury for a girl not to marry, one you may not be able to afford. The younger she marries the better her prospects in the world. With every year her charms wane. So I suggest you get on with it, for you have no dowry other than your looks to offer.’

  ‘Plainly spoken, Mother,’ said Rosina, bitterly. ‘I am sorry to be such a disappointment to you. Let me just say that I am surprised that so much of the family fortunes was trusted to a hole in the ground.’

  ‘Mines can be drained,’ said Isobel. ‘We must see this as a setback, not a disaster.’

  ‘What, drained, with hostile forces in the area?’ asked her husband. ‘After a mere two weeks wooden pit props rot under water. Iron fixtures corrode and rust. The Boers resent all mining, whether gold or diamond, in what they fancifully see as their territory.’

  ‘I think I should have been consulted,’ said Rosina. ‘You mentioned investing in South Africa, Pater, but no one said anything about mining. The conditions down the mines are shameful. It is no better than slave labour. Workers die.’

  ‘Rosina, please do try not be so disagreeable,’ said her mother. ‘It is hardly surprising if your father keeps some things to himself.’

  ‘A gold mine?’ It was Arthur’s turn. ‘We have interests in a gold mine? Why? Diamonds I can understand, you can use them in machines to cut other things with, but gold? It’s so soft. What can you make out of it, other than ladies’ jewellery and spare teeth? If there was money to spare, it should have gone into automobiles.’

  ‘Paper money will lose its value,’ said their father. ‘It is an invention, an abstraction, numbers on a piece of paper, a concept. Gold is real; it is not smoke and mirrors: you can see it and touch it. It is in scarce supply in the world and so can be used as a base from which to value other things. Gold is a wonder.’

  ‘You are such a romantic, dear Robert,’ said their mother. ‘You see only the glister, you forget about rotting pit props, strikes and sabotage. As for you children, when you gave your father power of attorney it was so that you, Rosina, could devote your valuable time and energy to improving the world, and you, Arthur, to the workings of the steam automobile as opposed to the petrol engine. You chose to do so and are in no position to complain.’

  Arthur put some honey on his bread and ate it and said nothing more.

  ‘I am glad the mine is flooded,’ said Rosina. ‘It spares me from belonging to a slave-owning family.’

  His Lordship said Rosina was at liberty to leave the room, there was too much chattering which precluded necessary thought. ‘I really cannot put up with any more annoyance than I have already had today.’

  ‘So Arthur is to stay and I am to go?’ enquired Rosina. ‘Yet I am the elder? The laws of primogeniture reach everywhere!’

  So Rosina flounced out of the room and went to find Grace, whom she asked to help her compose letters to such medical schools as accepted women as students. She did not intend to marry anyone. Marriage was slavery, a woman offering domestic and sexual services in return for her keep, George Bernard Shaw had said so.

  ‘Yes,’ said Grace, ‘that’s as may be, and we all know him to be a very clever man, though some think if he were not a vegetarian he would speak more sense. But marry the right person and at least you can afford to get someone else to do the domestic servicing. The sexual servicing, in my opinion, can be quite enjoyable.’

  ‘Ugh!’ said Rosina.

  Back in the breakfast room Robert suggested to Isobel that it might be wise to invite Mrs Baum to an At Home or whatever it was the ladies did to be hospitable. His wife should remember that times were changing and that these days those who were once powerless now had power. Isobel raised her elegant eyebrows and refrained from remarking that it was in male nature to look for their own faults in those most near and dear to them.

  Robert had kept his composure remarkably well so far, for which she was proud of him, but she knew by the twitching of the vein above his left eyebrow that at any moment he might start shouting at either herself or more likely Arthur, who sat sulking at being prevented from going to rescue his new steam car from destruction by an over-pressured boiler; or he might start banging the furniture or the doors, simply to ease his tension.

  ‘I quite agree. Mrs Baum is pretty and noisy,’ said Isobel, ‘although she wears too much jewellery in the morning. I daresay she has a good heart, and I wish her no ill. But it would be an unkindness to her to set her down in real society. They would tear her to bits.’

  ‘Even so,’ said Robert, and his voice was rising in scale. ‘If Baum forecloses on my debt to him, we will have very little but the clothes we stand up in.’

  ‘I hardly think it will come to that,’ said Isobel. ‘Or that Baum will actually foreclose. We have friends in high places. And Mrs Baum will have an invitation from me by tomorrow’s post. Though only to one of the less important “At Homes”.’

  ‘Thank you, my dear,’ said Robert, and the vein in his forehead ceased throbbing. ‘Perhaps the Prince could be persuaded to buy his racehorse back.’

  ‘My dear,’ said his wife, ‘I don’t advise any approach to him at the moment. To them that hath shall be given. Not to him that hath not. Are you listening, Arthur, or still sulking?’

  ‘I am listening if that’s what you prefer, Mother,’ said Arthur. He was a handsome and charming lad: even when sulking he could not hide the agreeable curve of his lips, or the brightness of his smile, when he chose to use it. ‘Anyway they say the Prince is up to his ears as well, and since the Queen won’t finance him because of the latest scandal – he being too closely associated with Agnes Keyser for Her Majesty’s comfort – he has gone to his friend Cassel for money. Which is why the fellow has scrounged a KCB.’

  ‘Arthur, that is a foul calumny,’ said his father, his vein throbbing again. ‘The Prince is not to be bought.’

  ‘It is only what the servants say, Pater,’ said his son. ‘I am not saying it is true.’

  ‘Be that as it may,’ said his wife. ‘Arthur is only reporting back what is widely held to be the case. I would advise against spreading the news of our financial difficulties abroad. See them as merely temporary, and they will be. Poverty is seen to be as catching as the smallpox, and people flee from it.’

  ‘What about my tailor and his beastly letters?’ asked Arthur

  ‘Carry on spending,’ said his mother, ‘as if nothing were amiss. Carry on running up bills. Defy the sorry rogue to go to court, and he will not. On no account offer him part-payment, or he will take it into his head to demand the lot. “Let the fear of poverty govern your life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live.”’ She spoke with vehemence, as one who knew.

  There had been times when the lawyers of h
er father’s legal wife had prevented money reaching them, and little Isobel and her actress mother had gone hungry.

  ‘I only hope you are right, my dear,’ said the Earl. ‘I hope you have not learned too much from me. Heaven knows how I have got us into this mess.’

  How the Earl Got Them into This Mess

  11.40 a.m. Tuesday, 24th October 1899

  His wife knew well enough. Robert loved to take a risk: he loved to gamble. He was wily, but trusted too much. His impulse was to keep up with whoever was around to keep up with and keeping up with the Prince of Wales was no easy matter. So far as she knew his Lordship did not accompany HRH to the brothels of London but kept to the gaming clubs, though they were alarming enough: the most charming and attractive girls of loose morals gathered there in the hope of a little excitement and if they were lucky a protector. But she trusted him – he seemed too fond of getting back to his wife to succumb to any folly. Also, her Ladyship was well aware how hard it was to be anonymous in current London society. Servants carried news from household to household, hotel to hotel, stable to stable.

  Just as well, Isobel thought, that her beloved father Silas was not alive to crow over Robert’s present predicament. Silas had warned her against the marriage.

  ‘Marry that young man,’ he said, ‘and you’ll end up poor.’

  Thirty years later and Isobel could see that it might be true. The upper classes were up against it as never before. It could only be in desperation, Isobel thought, that Robert now surrounded himself with unsuitable advisors. Silas, who had started life as a coal miner and ended life as a coal baron, had foretold it. Land as a source of income was finished.

  ‘Where there’s muck there’s brass,’ he’d said. ‘Where there’s sheep there’s nought but wool, and who wants wool now cotton’s here? Your young man’s a second son, he won’t inherit. He’s not in the habit of earning a living. All he can do is chatter and look down his nose. It’s a good nose – I’ll grant you that – for looking down.’

  ‘He loves me, Father,’ said Isobel. ‘His father will set him up as Member of Parliament.’

  Silas had snorted. ‘Then he’ll die even poorer. Tell him he’ll get not a penny from me and see what he says then.’

  She told Robert, and though he blanched just a little, he said it made no difference, he loved her, and meant to marry her.

  Isobel was Silas’s youngest child, and born out of wedlock. Her mother was a young widowed actress, Fanny Bridie, a member of the London demi-monde, that frivolous fringe of society where artists, musicians, poets and theatre people clustered together, talked, fornicated and chatted freely and all without any apparent sense of guilt.

  Silas had married his cousin Nell when he was twenty and she was sixteen, and left to her own devices by him when she was thirty, already the mother of five boys who’d burst from her like peas from a pod, and who, like their mother, struck Silas as plain, dull, worthy and without special merit. Nell made no objection when her coal baron husband vanished from home for weeks at a time to cleave to pretty, lively, silly Fanny, the London actress. Nell was relieved that there would be no more babies, and that she could reap in peace the benefits of her husband’s ever-increasing wealth and status in the world. The fact that he had a mistress was no secret but seldom referred to.

  When Isobel was born Silas thought that at last he had a child worth having – a bright, lively, pretty little thing, who could read when she was three, speak Latin when she was four and by the time she was fifteen was writing poetry, had been painted by Rossetti (some say she was the model for La Castagnetta), and keeping company with members of the Garrick Club, who often visited Fanny at her home, and who took her child up as a kind of mascot and wrote poetry to her, sometimes romantic, sometimes lascivious and often bad.

  Within a few years Silas had replaced Fanny with another, but continued to support her and her daughter in some comfort and style. Fanny could never be accepted in bourgeois society of course, let alone in high society, but the handicap did not worry her. While there was food, drink, conversation and the thrill of the theatre, who cared? Her little girl grew and flourished on the edges of society where the rich and powerful mingled with the bohemians; she took good care to preserve the girl’s virtue and was rewarded when the young Robert Hedleigh wooed and won her.

  The eldest son and heir to the Dilberne title would never have been excused such behaviour, but a second son was allowed more latitude, and Isobel’s charm was great and her manners perfect, so the imprudence of the marriage was all but overlooked, though some Hedleigh eyebrows were raised. But when it was rumoured that Silas had settled one hundred thousand pounds on the girl, so that she was, in fact, an heiress, society marvelled at the romance of it all. When Robert’s father and eldest brother were killed in a yachting accident in a storm off the Isle of Wight, and Robert stopped being ‘the Honourable’ and became an earl and she became a Countess overnight, Isobel’s origins were quietly overlooked. She seemed born to the title, preferred the town to the country, gave excellent dinner parties and lavish balls and her invitations were eagerly awaited by anyone who mattered. And who mattered in today’s Society was increasingly decided by Isobel, Countess of Dilberne.

  Silas was a frequent visitor at Dilberne Court, and rubbed along well enough with his son-in-law while continuing to believe that the man had no head for business, though saw that perhaps he did for politics. He was of the view that few politicians died rich unless they were corrupt; and the landed gentry saw corruption as beneath them, though how long their principles would stand fast against hard times was anyone’s guess.

  Alas, Robert had spent money he did not have on the lavish refurbishment of Dilberne Court. He had for long done what he could to avoid using his wife’s money. In the end he had asked Baum, a young solicitor recommended by the Prince’s friend Ernest Cassel – albeit that the latter was described by his enemies as a Shylock and a moneylender – for a loan to pay the builders. There were a couple of bad harvests. Soon he was eating into his wife’s money, and his children’s. He had no option. His Lordship gambled, the sooner to pay Baum back, and lost yet more.

  Robert turned to Silas. Silas refused him cash but gave him free advice. Robert should grit his teeth, tighten his belt, sell off the less productive farming tenancies, and a couple of the villages – times were such that overdue rentals were running at atrocious levels – pay off Baum and the gambling debts: these money people were not tradesmen to be ignored but were dangerous – and invest the rest in the productive Welsh coalfields. Baum’s advice was different: forget coal, invest in the diamond mines of Kimberley.

  Robert sold off a third of the Dilberne estates – which enraged his two remaining siblings, Alfred Hedleigh, the third son, who was an army officer in India and Edwin Hedleigh, the fourth, a country parson and amateur architect. As the eldest surviving son he had inherited the land outright – but the other two had their principles. Robert did not have the moral right, they claimed, to sell off land which had been in the Hedleigh family for generations. Robert was surely unduly influenced by his wife. Such a marriage could never have been expected to turn out well. He was landed aristocracy; she was trade, and a by-blow at that. Old wealth and new wealth would never speak the same language.

  Forget that the unproductive Dilberne acres were sold to an idealistic developer who wished to create a self-contained garden city of ten thousand souls; to clear the tenants’ debts and rehouse them in better conditions than they had ever dreamt of; forget that much of the profit from the sale was to be set aside for improvements to the two thirds of the land and tenancies that remained: the Hedleigh brothers were not appeased.

  The sale went ahead and notification arrived that the cheque had reached the bankers. His Lordship havered. Coal or diamonds? It just so happened that on the very day the cheque was safely in his Lordship’s bank – his Lordship now banked with Ernest Cassel himself, banker to the Prince of Wales – Silas was visiting his daughter
Isobel. She was the only one of his many children whose company he sought, though when he did visit he had to put up with a son-in-law who was too pleasant a fellow fully to understand the world, and a grand-daughter Rosina who was too self-righteous to make concessions to it. Silas didn’t object to Arthur because they were both interested in engines.

  But Rosina, then aged twenty-four, at the time much exercised by reports of two hundred and fifty deaths in the terrible accident at the Albion mine near Pontypridd that very day, had a heated argument with her grandfather over the morality of coal mining.

  ‘It is a disgrace,’ said Rosina. ‘That so many should die to make a few rich men even richer. The owners knew the mine was dangerous but they did nothing to make it safe.’

  ‘So a few people die that many will be warm?’ said old Silas, snappily. ‘It is not so bad a bargain.’

  ‘Coal is nasty, filthy stuff, ‘said Rosina. ‘God put it underground, there it should stay, and not be gouged out for reasons of profit.’

  She was young but argumentative. Silas, who had started as a miner himself and ended up as one of the wealthiest men in England, who saw very well the benefit to himself, to his family, to this household, to his very country, of digging coal out and burning it, felt such a spasm of anger that, in the words of Elsie who was there to witness the event: ‘The poor old man just grabbed his heart, fell down in a faint and passed away there and then.’

  ‘All I did was speak the truth,’ said Rosina, over and over into the uproar, as doctors, police and lawyers gathered round the sofa where the body lay. Robert had been sent for. ‘Coal is nasty dirty stuff.’

  ‘Just be quiet, Rosina,’ said her mother, through tears. ‘For heavens’ sake, just for once have the decency to keep your theories to yourself.’

  ‘But it’s true,’ said Rosina.