You Should Smile

by Lee, Renee

  Miss Shay:

  I hope it’s okay that I wrote you. I got your address from the A Hand UP listserve. We sure do miss you around here, but I told you before that I understand how love can make or break folks. You’re not broken yet, Miss Shay.

  Boss don’t know I’m writing you. He’d probably get mad if he knew, though he’s Mr. Softy Pants now days.

  Anyway, we’re gonna dedicate the homeless house on Thursday the 25th at 6pm. I just thought you’d like to know, in case you’re back. I hope you can come. A house dedication is a beautiful sight to see – the final goodbye for us and the first hello for someone else. A new start for them. A new life. Another chance.

  Everyone deserves another chance, don’t ya think, Miss Shay?

  With my love,

  Roscoe

  I smiled and shook my head. Roscoe was a good, good man. He wasn’t too subtle, but his message was heeded. I would go to the dedication. It was only a day away. I needed to see the final result of all of our work. I needed to see the happiness in someone’s eyes as we gave them a new start.

  I needed to see the only man I will ever love.

  Gathering up all of my new photographs, I rolled my suitcase down the hall and into my bedroom. I gasped as I looked inside. On the wall, next to the bed, was a huge mirror. It took up nearly the entire wall. It was set in an ornate wooden frame, beautifully carved with delicate roses. Phenomenal. The room looked so much bigger! Wow.

  There was another note attached to the mirror. I opened it and read:

  “Step Two: I want you to know that the only person I’ve ever imagined myself with forever is you. If you ever come back to me, I’ll show you that you’re the only one by making love to you in front of this mirror. That way, the only images you’ll remember seeing are the images of me making love to YOU. Only you. Always.”

  Oh goodness. The man was good. Really good. I started unpacking as thoughts of making love in front of that mirror with Thad ran through my mind.

  Later, I called Grant to let him know I was home safely. Their flight wasn’t due to come in until the next day. I also filled him in on what Thad had done in my apartment.

  “Oh my god, Princess. Please tell me you’re gonna go back to him! I don’t want to hear anymore of your numbnut excuses!”

  I laughed. “Calm down, Queenie. I’m going to the house dedication tomorrow. I know he’ll be there. I just hope he still wants me.”

  Grant snorted. “Still wants you? The man sent you an envelope in the mail every single day. That takes some dedication, Princess.” Then, he paused.... “Besides, trust me. He still wants you....”

  I knew Grant well enough to catch the inflection in his voice.

  “Alright, spill it, Grant.”

  “Uh...what are you talking about?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about….”

  “Well....He and I’ve been emailing a lot the past month. He just wanted to make sure you were okay. He’s my friend, too, so don’t get all pissy.”

  I smiled. “I’m not mad, Grant. He needed your friendship, too. Thanks for convincing him not to come to Scotland, though. I don’t know how you did it, but I did need that time for me.”

  “I know you did, Princess. He figured it out.....maybe with a teensy little bit of help....”

  “Love you, Grant.”

  “Love you, Princess.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  The next day, I started getting nervous. Would he look the same? What would he think when he saw me? How would I react when I saw him? Those questions rolled through my mind as I pulled into the lot in front of the new house.

  The ceremony had just begun and there were around 200 or so people standing down in front of the house. I snuck in behind the group, hidden from view. I couldn’t see past the tall guys in front of me. I heard a voice I didn’t recognize....then realized it was the Mayor. He was introducing someone.....Thad.

  Thad stepped up and I heard his deep, smooth voice for the first time in over a month. How I’d missed that beautiful, masculine voice. My heart warmed and tears pricked at my eyes at the very sound of it.

  “Thank you, Mayor. Thank you for coming, everyone. First, I want to thank every single one of you for your hard work and dedication. We couldn’t have done this without you….Sometimes in life, we face obstacles that seem insurmountable. Mountains we can’t climb, sicknesses we can’t overcome, loves we’ve seemingly lost....” His voice began to crack and he cleared his throat. I still couldn’t see him behind all of the people, but I could hear his deep voice, full of emotion. “I started this company with the hope that we could build new dreams for people suffering, that we could offer hope to someone, that we could offer a hand to help lift them up. This house is a first step toward those goals. This house can give them a new dream, a new hope, and a hand UP.....It is what I hope for every day – that we can all find what we are looking for. That we can all heal…..And so now I dedicate this house – to new beginnings and new hope…..Thank you.”

  His passionate words, full of hidden meaning and regret, filled my heart with love. I didn’t try to stop the tears from falling. They felt like signs of freedom – freedom from grief and sorrow. I brushed the back of my hand across my face to wipe them when I heard a raspy voice behind me.

  “Thought that might be you, Miss Shay. I’m glad you came.” Roscoe’s toothy grin beamed. I rushed to hug him tightly.

  “Oh, Roscoe! I’ve missed you all so much. Thank you for inviting me. The ceremony was beautiful.”

  Roscoe tilted his head at me and smiled knowingly. “Wasn’t it, though?” Then, his voice turned to a whisper. “He’s hurtin’ Miss Shay. He needs you.”

  Still crying, I nodded my head and said, “I need him, too, Roscoe.”

  Roscoe’s smile turned to a smirk as he nodded uncomfortably and looked down at the ground. I sensed his sudden change in body language – and then I felt it. The looming presence behind me – his smell, his warmth, his being.

  His voice carried across the lawn, laced with deep heartbreak. “Please tell me this isn’t a fucking dream. Shay?”

  I slowly turned around to him and smiled, nodding, tears still flowing down my face. I took him in with my eyes. His hair had grown out some and he had a goatee. Pickup Grinner wasn’t clean-shaven any more. He looked good! Mouth-watering, actually. He was wearing khaki pants and a blue button down shirt with a blazer. He looked like a JCrew model.

  I finally spoke. “It’s me, Pickup Grinner. I’m sorry I left. I just needed....time.” I began to cry harder and Thad reached his arms out tentatively, awkwardly, offering them to me.

  He had a look of pain on his face and all I wanted to see was his smile. I needed to see it. “You should smile. It’s a beautiful fall day. Summer’s wrath is left behind….so smile.”

  As the familiarity of my words hit him, he finally smiled. This smile gave me the creases I loved, but it was laced with pain. I stepped forward into his arms and when I felt them pull around me, all muscular, hard, and tight, I felt comfort. I felt safe. I felt loved.

  I vaguely heard Roscoe chuckle lowly and walk away as Thad took a deep breath in my hair.

  “I’ve missed you so much. I thought I lost you. Please tell me I haven’t lost you…..Wait, how’d you know about the dedication?” He pulled me out from his arms to look me in the eyes.

  I was still crying and words were hard to find. I whispered, “Let’s just say a little birdy told me....” I smiled up at him, trying to convey how I felt. “You haven’t lost me, Pickup Grinner. I’m here now.”

  Thad pulled me back close into his chest again and I could smell his aftershave. He smelled like a pine tree on a beach. I tried to picture the absurdity of a pine tree on a beach, but made the thoughts swim away. He smelled so damn good. I missed him so much. “I missed you so much, Thad. Every day. I’m sorry I put you through that. I just needed time to process. I’m good now.”

  “Shay, I’m the one who caused this mes
s….and I’m the one who’s going to make it up to you. Did you get my messages?”

  I came out from the warmth of his arms and met his eyes. “Yes. They were exactly what I needed.”

  “Good, Smiles….” Then, he cocked his head to the side and grinned. “Chris might have helped me with some ideas on how to make it better. Maybe….”

  I nodded, smiling back up at him. “It still kind of freaks me out how he can read my mind. Don’t worry, though, I’m not attracted to clean cut pretty boys. Apparently, I like guys with goatees now.”

  He grinned broadly.

  I wiped away the last of my tears and gave him a sly smile. “Now, are you gonna kiss me or what?”

  He grinned, full-out this time. My old Pickup Grinner grin. Eyes crinkled, sexy creases framing his luscious lips. He finally grabbed me and pulled me into those lips. I’d missed them so much. Soft, yet demanding. He kissed me slowly, savoring every inch of my mouth as our lips entangled. I moved my arms around his neck and pulled him in closer, demanding more. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me tightly to his chest. The hardness of my nipples hit the tightly wound muscles of his chest and I moaned softly in his mouth. My moaning made him more aggressive. His tongue began seeking entry and I opened freely to meet it with my own. It felt soft and warm, channeling sensations that were brewing as if I were feeling them for the first time. I was lost in his touch, abandoning all reality to the man I loved and needed......until I heard the whooping and hollering.

  We broke free from our embrace and looked toward the noise. The recognizable faces of our HandUP friends and workers cheered us on as they screamed.

  “It’s about time!”

  “Get your woman, Boss!”

  “Naw, get a ROOM, Boss!”

  And I heard another familiar female voice say softly, “Thank heavens….Finally….”

  Thad shook his head at them and waved them away, shooing them off with his muscular arms. He looked back at me and grinned. “Don’t blush, Smiles. Fuck ‘em. I’m kissing you and I don’t care who sees….I love you.” He leaned down to give me another soft kiss.

  “I love you, too, Pickup Grinner…..” I looked up at him shyly. “You know, I….ummm….I have this new mirror at my place....and a very livid libido…..”

  His eyes went wide and he took in a huge breath. He looked at me questioningly and I nodded my assurance. He finally grinned.

  “Fuck yes….I’ll meet you at your place.”

  He grabbed me again and planted a huge kiss on my lips. I laughed out loud as he quickly turned around, gathered his things and jogged off toward his truck.

  When he got to his truck, he turned and yelled to Roscoe, “Roscoe! Can you close up here for me? I’m outta here. Not gonna be in tomorrow, either, man...” Then, he paused thoughtfully, meaningfully. “Oh, and Roscoe….thank you….”

  Roscoe just smiled and nodded, waving Thad off – either unaware or ignoring any implied meaning in Thad’s gratitude.

  I was still frozen in place, taking it all in, grinning at the man I loved so much. He looked back at me and mouthed “I love you.” I mouthed it back. He made a ‘c’mon’ motion adamantly with his hand and I laughed and nodded.

  “Be right there in a sec. Promise!” I yelled. He grinned and got in his truck and sped off out of the parking lot.

  I sauntered over to Roscoe and gave him a huge hug. “Thanks, Roscoe. For everything.”

  He glanced around conspicuously. “Aw, Miss Shay. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He winked. “You do seem happy, though. Life’s too short not to be happy, Miss Shay.”

  I nodded and murmured, “So everyone seems to tell me….” I fought back the tears before hugging him again.

  I could see Gloria off in the distance, finishing up. The woman never rested. I used to get on her about slowing down some, but she’d admonished me. “Slow down, child?! Slow down?! There’s still much to be done in this world and so little time. I need to go faster! I never need to slow down.” She was amazing.

  I tentatively walked over to her, not knowing what her reaction would be. I didn’t know how much she knew about the whole situation. She heard me approach and turned toward me – and smiled.

  “Shay....” Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so glad you’re back. We missed you.” She held her arms out to hug me and I fell into them, tears falling yet again.

  “I’m sorry. I had to go away for a while....I just needed to....I’m sorry.”

  She hugged me tighter and said, “I understand more than you know, dear. Sometimes we all need time to heal. I’m just glad you came back.”

  As she released her grip on me, I wiped my eyes and said, “I love him so much. I want you to know that.”

  She smiled sweetly. “Oh, I know that, honey. You’ll have to be patient with Thaddeus. He’s a lot like his father in some ways – a temper from hell and a grin that’ll pierce your heart. Unlike his father, thank goodness, he’s got a heart of gold. He tries. Believe me, he’ll screw up now and then, but if you can get past the initial blow-ups, you can talk through anything. You just have to see it through, Shay. You can’t always run.....but you know that, don’t you?”

  I nodded. “I do. I know what I want now....what I need. I’m not running anymore.”

  “Good, dear! I like having you around!” She smiled and kissed my cheek.

  I turned to leave and as I approached my car, I heard her voice again.

  “Oh, Shay?!”

  I turned to face her. “Yes?”

  “Abraham would’ve adored you.” She looked up to the sky again and smiled sadly before turning her back to do more work.

  There was always more work to be done.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I entered my apartment to the sounds of silence. Thad’s truck was outside, so I knew he’d just let himself in, but he wasn’t in the living room. I saw no signs of him as I walked down the hall to the bedroom. When I entered the bedroom, I found him sitting on the bed with his back to me, looking down at something. He’d taken off the jacket and was sitting on the bed in his khakis with his shirt rolled up to his elbows. He looked so good sitting there.

  I stopped and took him in for a moment, intent on etching that image in my mind forever. Him, leaned over, strong back muscles flexing, dark hair in waves, concentrating. I sighed. He was mine again.

  He heard my sigh and looked up. I could see he was holding a photograph of us Grant had taken when we’d all gone to the lake together. Thad’d just tried to dunk me and I’d grabbed his waist and we were both grinning. It was one of the photographs he’d included in his manila envelopes. The rest of the pictures from the envelopes were stacked on the floor, where he’d been sifting through them.

  He looked up and gave me a shy half-grin. “Hey. I was just going through these pictures again.”

  I smiled. “I love them. Tell Chris I said thanks for the idea.”

  His grin got bigger and he nodded. “Yeah, I owe him one – big time.”

  A long silence rained over us as he glanced back down at the picture. “I love this picture,” he whispered.

  “It’s a great one,” I agreed.

  “I love it because I can see how much I love you, right there, captured forever. I know how it feels to love you, but I never knew what it looked like until this picture.” He looked up at me with eyes of cobalt blue, eyes so full of love, regret and ache. I could feel his hesitancy.

  “Thad, I love you.....I missed you so much. I just needed that time to work on myself. I’m good now.” I wanted to ease his discomfort – take away his caution. I sat on the bed next to him, noticing my image in my periphery as it reflected in the mirror on the wall behind the bed.

  He turned his head to meet my eyes, pausing to hold my gaze, contemplating something. Finally, he reached his hand out and touched my face, his thumb grazing softly across my cheek.

  “The mirror was my idea, not Chris’. I just want you to know that,” he rasped, emotions
flashing across his chiseled face.

  I raised my eyebrows at him and smiled into his eyes. “It was perfect, Pickup Grinner. So perfect…..All I could think about last night was you making love to me in front of it.”

  I felt him shudder at my words, as if they were heavy enough to affect him physically. His voice was a choked out whisper of need. “Shay, you’ll have to take control. Tell me what you need, what you want......” He paused and whispered, “I’m yours.....”

  I understood his meaning, his need to submit control to me this time – to let me dictate the pace and the passion. These were my images, my memories, to form.

  I took a deep breath, contemplating. I could do this.

  “Okay…..Why don’t you take off my clothes and then yours?”

  He grinned, creases included, and my heart sped up. This could be fun.

  Still sitting next to me on the bed, he reached across my waist. Slowly, sensually, he lifted up the hem of my shirt, raking his hands across my stomach as he went. I gasped. My arms went up automatically and he pulled my shirt over my head, his eyes fixated on my pink lacy bra. He bit his lower lip, lust and fire in his eyes.

  His hands traced a path over the pink material covering my breasts, and I could feel my nipples tighten at his touch. Deliberately, he scraped his rough thumb across the lace-covered nipple and pinched it. An aching moan rumbled through me in response.

  His other hand slid across my back as he unhooked my bra. The straps fell down my arms and he reached up to pull the bra away from my body, exposing my breasts to the open air. My heart was racing as he rubbed his thumb again across my nipple, with no barrier between us this time. And when he leaned down and lightly pulled on the taut bud with his teeth, I felt the pleasure go straight between my legs.

  “Oh god, Thad,” I mumbled. It felt so good.

  I pouted as his mouth left my nipple. His rough hand continued its journey down my stomach, where he paused to circle my belly button with his thumb. I watched as masculine hands – hands that had built houses, bookcases and shelves – rubbed lower, across the tip of my pants and dipped below my waistline to tease me below. I watched his eyes, transfixed by his own movements.