Wings of the Morning

by Lori Wick

  he got to the cabin, he saw it would have to wait. Smokey was

  asleep once again. Darsey stayed below only long enough to

  cover her with a blanket before going topside to cast off.

  Lord Hawkesbury's coach was gone, and Darsey was glad

  that he'd already said his thanks. They cast off, leaving the

  docks teeming with frustrated journalists and spectators. By

  nightfall, they were out at sea.

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  Darsey held a cup of strong broth to Smokey's mouth, and

  she drank greedily. Her hands came up to hold the mug, but

  they were shaking so badly that Darsey did not relinquish his

  hold. After just a few swallows, Smokey lay back as though the

  effort was too much for her.

  She had managed to bathe and even wash her hair. Darsey

  had changed the sheets for her, since she had lain on them

  before her bath and couldn't stand the thought of touching

  them after she was clean. After washing she had put on a

  nightgown and crawled into bed, ready to sleep for weeks, but

  Darsey had other ideas.

  "You've got to eat something."

  "I'm too tired," she told him, but he ignored her.

  "I'll help you," he said and did, holding the broth and

  letting her take all she could. Then she was asleep again, and

  this time Darsey allowed it. She hadn't taken much in, but

  Darsey knew they were going to have to take things slowly.

  Truly, "slow" would be the operative word where Smokey

  was concerned. As long as he was in charge, they were in no

  hurry. If it took weeks to gain their home port, then weeks it

  would be. And if it took weeks for Smokey to tell him all she'd

  been through, he would wait.

  He found himself making these promises in his heart as

  he gazed at her sleeping form. Like the last time they had been

  separated, the tears poured down his face, tears for all the

  pain she'd known, and tears of thanksgiving that God had

  brought her back to him.

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  had been at sea for five days.

  "He'll understand"

  "Or Dallas," she went on.

  "He'll understand"

  "He didn't last time I left in such a hurry."

  Darsey stared at his skipper. "This was nothing like last

  time, mainly because this time Dallas knows that you love

  him."

  Smokey nodded from her place on the deck, desperately

  wanting to believe Darsey's words.

  She had barely been able to climb the stairs, but she was

  sick to death of her cabin and insistent on going topside. She

  was wrapped in a blanket against the wind, but the sun felt

  wonderful on her face. The men had all come one at a time to

  sit and visit with her, and she could see that although they

  were a bit thinner, they were all right. Her heart overflowed

  each time she looked at them and saw that they were safe and

  well.

  "Dars, can you tell Scully that I'm hungry?"

  "Sure," Darsey forced himself to answer calmly and rose

  slowly from his seat. What he wanted to do was shout and to

  run for the galley as fast as his legs could carry him. She had

  wanted so little to eat since they had set sail. And even though

  her color was good, the skin of her face was still stretched

  tightly across her cheekbones.

  That, along with the change in her hair, made her look like

  a completely different person. Her eyes were still just as big

  and just as gray, but there was a new maturity there. Darsey

  mourned the lack of innocence, but understood that God's

  way was always best.

  The days flowed one into another as the Aramis made

  good speed west. Smokey slowly regained her strength, and a

  week outside of Maine was fully back in command of her ship.

  She even raced another vessel and won adroitly.

  Outside of her regular duties, Smokey spent a lot of time

  sitting on deck and thinking. Dallas was constantly in her

  thoughts, and she prayed for him every day. She also remembered

  Brandon, Sunny, Sterling, and Aggie. Whenever she

  thought of Aggie, she remembered how true it was that a

  person could walk around in a prison of his or her own

  making and never be behind bars.

  It wasn't easy to dispel the image of that cell. At times it

  was so real to Smokey that she could smell the stench of it,

  even in the wind. But she never allowed her mind to rest there.

  She would always push onward to God's grace and protection.

  Then the black clouds of memory would be rolled away to

  reveal the glorious sunshine of God's love, and Smokey would

  ask God for her heart's desire--to be Dallas Knight's wife.

  Almost hourly she prayed for him, his well-being, both

  physical and spiritual, his ship, and his crew. She prayed that

  he would soon realize his dream to stay in Maine and build

  ships, and that he would want her at his side when he launched

  his first Knight Craft.

  It was during these prayers that Smokey would tell the

  Lord all the things she loved about Dallas--his convictions

  and tenderness, his beliefs and compassion. But even amid

  Smokey's desire to be with Dallas for always, she never failed

  to end her prayer by telling the Lord that as much as she

  wanted this, she wanted Him more. She always asked God to

  help her accept His will above her own, no matter what.

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  It was because of this commitment concerning God's will

  that Smokey's gray eyes shone with joy and inner peace--a

  peace so deep that Willa did not believe she had been through

  all she said. When Darsey was finally able to convince her, the

  older woman sobbed like a baby.

  But true to form, when the weeping was over, she rose and

  took care of her loved ones once again. In the first week of

  Smokey's homecoming, Willa fed her constantly. She also sat

  Smokey down at the kitchen table and trimmed her hair into

  an adorable style. It had grown ever so slightly on the voyage

  home, and Willa was able to make the front hang over her

  forehead in wispy little bangs and the back and sides to curl

  under, giving a lovely frame to her face. The effect was darling,

  and Willa said they should have cut it years ago.

  Smokey was not so convinced. All she could think about

  was what Dallas might have to say. She knew he had loved her

  long hair. When such thoughts crowded in, she told herself

  that it didn't matter, that as soon as Dallas returned he would

  come looking for her and they would pick up right where they

  had left off at Bracken. But the weeks began to drag, and this

  didn't happen.

  "Why haven't you been to see Jenny?" Willa asked her

  pointedly one day.

  Smokey hesitated. It was tempting to tell Willa that she

  wasn't up to it, but that would have been a lie.

  "I think I'm afraid," Smokey finally admitted.

  "Of?"

  "Of Dallas being there and not coming to see me. Of my

  realizing that his feelings might have changed when mine are

 
; stronger than ever."

  Willa didn't believe for one minute that Dallas had changed

  his mind about Smokey, but she was not going to make any

  promises.

  "It's not like you to be afraid of anything. You'll never find

  out the truth by sitting around here. Not to mention that Jenny

  is your friend and you've got a lovely little baby named after

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  you that you've never even seen. If Iwere Jenny, whichl'mnot,

  I'd be a mite hurt by your indifference"

  "I don't feel indifferent," Smokey protested.

  "I know that, but Jenny doesn't."

  This gave Smokey pause, and she realized she was being

  very selfish. Dallas was probably still at sea, leaving Tate and

  Jenny in the dark as to why their friend would stay away after

  all these weeks. In the morning Smokey packed her bag and

  asked Darsey to take her to Kennebunkport.

  Smokey stared down into the cradle at Victoria Jennifer

  Pemberton and wondered if she had ever seen anyone so tiny

  and sweet. Jenny lifted her tiny daughter and passed her into

  Smokey's waiting arms. Smokey sat down on the edge of the

  settee and just stared into the tiny dark eyes that seemed to be

  gazing right at her.

  "She's precious."

  "We think so," Jenny said softly. The two friends smiled at

  each other.

  After another look at Victoria's round face, Smokey's

  eyes skimmed down the front of her friend's dress and then

  twinkled with suppressed laughter.

  "I can see you've traded fullness in one area for another."

  Jenny really laughed at this and put her hand to her milk-swelled

  bosom. "I think I could have fed twins."

  "So all I have to do to gain a fuller figure is become a

  mother."

  "That's all," Jenny said with a nonchalant shrug, and the

  two women shared another laugh.

  Smokey looked down at that point to see that Victoria had

  fallen asleep. She gently laid her back in the cradle. The

  women silently left the nursery. Neither one spoke until they

  were downstairs in the parlor.

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  "You look wonderful, Smokey," Jenny told her sincerely.

  Smokey's hand went self-consciously to her hair.

  "I guess I should have explained."

  "There is no need; Dallas was here."

  "Dallas was here?" Smokey asked, trying to keep her voice

  light.

  "Yes, and I'm sorry about everything you had to go through."

  Jenny's eyes filled with tears.

  "It's all right, Jen," Smokey told her. "I'm going to be all

  right." Smokey was not sure she believed her own words at the

  moment, but she was trying.

  They fell silent for just a few moments, a silence that

  bordered on discomfort until Jenny's face lit.

  "I have some good news--Buck and Greer are married!"

  "Oh, Jenny!" Smokey exclaimed as she tried to put aside

  her feelings of loss. "That's wonderful! When did this happen?"

  "Just a month ago. They wanted to wait until you were

  back, but they just didn't know when that would be."

  "That's all right. I'll have to go and see them. How does

  Buck like living in Greer's house?"

  "He doesn't; I mean, they live at Buck's. Greer loves it."

  Smokey's whole frame tensed. "And Greer's house?"

  "It's sold," Jenny told her softly, wanting to say more. She

  wished at the moment that she had never promised Dallas she

  would stay as quiet as possible about the sale.

  Smokey nodded, her face full of calm acceptance. Jenny

  went on to fill her in on the goings-on of afew more folks, and

  then Victoria began to cry.

  "I'll have to feed her," Jenny said. "You can stay if you like."

  "Thanks, Jen, but I think I'll take a walk on the beach. I'll

  be back before supper."

  The women went their separate ways then, but Smokey

  might have come back to the house if she could have seen

  Jenny in the second-story nursery window, tears pouring

  down her face, even as her baby fussed in her bed.

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  "Please, Lord," she whispered against the glass, begging

  God with every fiber of her being, "Smokey has been through

  so much, and so has Dallas. Please help them to find each

  other and work things out very, very soon."

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  it felt wonderful to SMOKEY to be able to stretch her legs

  and feel the sand beneath her shoes and the wind on her face

  as she prayed Her voice was carried away on the wind, but

  still heard by her heavenly Father.

  "You just want it to be You and me, don't You, Lord? You

  didn't want me to have Dallas or the house. Help me to accept that. Help me to see that having You is enough."

  Smokey stopped at that point and looked out to sea. It was

  a sight of which she never grew weary. For a time it had seemed

  that she would be giving up the sea and theAramis, but now

  she thought she'd best reconsider. Sailing was all she really

  knew how to do, and she was used to being her own boss.

  "I want to face that pain of loss, Lord, and not just busy

  myself to avoid it, but I can't sit around "Willa's and be underfoot

  there. Show me if You have a new path. Show me where I

  can best be used"

  The tears came then, not a torrent, but they did flow down

  her face as she mourned the loss of her dreams. Smokey went

  on asking God to give her new dreams, dreams to reach for

  and realize.

  Although her heart was heavy, she felt much better after

  she cried For the moment she couldn't think about Dallas. He

  was not attainable, and she would only cry again if she allowed

  her mind to dwell on his face. Smokey was about to turn back

  257

  to Jenny's when she glanced up the beach and saw Greer's

  house. Telling herself she wanted just one more look, Smokey

  moved toward it.

  It really was the most spectacular home she'd ever seen.

  She felt there was little point in telling the new owners to keep

  her in mind if they decided to sell--she'd probably be an old

  woman by then--but she was tempted to rap on their door

  anyway.

  Smokey gazed at the house in wonder for some time

  before she realized a man had come outside and was looking

  down at her on the beach. It was Dallas! Smokey watched in

  frozen amazement as he took the cliff steps to the sand and

  walked toward her. She didn't move a muscle, not even when

  he stopped less than two feet in front of her.

  Smokey's eyes met his and then flicked to the house.

  Understanding dawned like a light out of the sky.

  "You bought it," she said slowly.

  "I bought it," Dallas agreed, his voice as deep and wonderful

  as she recalled

  Smokey took a deep breath and nodded Dallas' face gave

  nothing away, and Smokey summoned a smile.

  "I'm glad, Dallas," she spoke sincerely "Buck told me a

  long time ago that you loved that house, and Greer told me she

  hoped whoever owned it after her would care for it the way

  she did"

  Dallas simply didn't know what to reply, so he just stood

  quietly
and gazed at the women he loved The silence was too

  much for Smokey.

  "Are you all settled in?" Her voice sounded too cheerful,

  even to her own ears, but Dallas didn't seem to notice

  "I'm getting settled I have a few additions to make, but

  that may take some time. Would you like to come inside?"

  Dallas asked, thinking that if she refused, he would follow her

  all the way back to Jenny's. Anything to be near her.

  Smokey told herself that going in with him was the worst

  thing she could do, and at the same time nodded her head and

  began to follow him back up the steps.

  258

  Even with slightly less furniture the house was as wonderful

  inside as she remembered Smokey noticed it was spotlessly

  clean, and every windowpane gleamed in the afternoon sun.

  "It's a beautiful home, isn't it?"

  "Beautiful," Dallas agreed with her. Smokey didn't notice

  that he never took his eyes from her face.

  When she could find nothing else to gaze at, she let her

  eyes meet his and could not pull away. Dallas whispered to her

  from his place some ten feet away, but Smokey caught every

  word.

  "I've missed you, Smokey."

  Smokey drew in a shuddering breath on those words. If he

  missed her, why hadn't he come? When Smokey voiced the

  question, her voice was tight with anger. "Why didn't you

  come to Willa's?"

  "I thought you needed time," he told her, his eyes so full of

  pain that the spark of anger that had ignited in Smokey was

  quickly snuffed out.

  "God has asked me to trust Him many times over the

  years," Dallas went on, his voice still soft, his look intense.

  "I've trusted Him when I thought the sea was going to take my

  ship down, and I trusted Him when it seemed that I would

  never gain the money for my company, but never has He asked

  for so much.

  "I thought my insides were being torn in half, when I

  found that you'd been moved from the Tower. And then when

  I saw you in that courtroom, so pale and fragile, again I

  thought someone had thrust a knife into my side."

  His words were heartbreaking to Smokey and she didn't

  think she could take much more. "You risked your life to bring

  Lord Lynne in. I'm sorry I didn't stay and thank you for all you

  did"

  "It's all right. I understood. Brandon told me you were

  with Darsey, and I was fine as long as I knew you were safe."

  "Why did you think I needed time?" Smokey had to know.