Sway

by Alana Albertson

  But clearly, I was paranoid. Paloma seemed great. Amazing, even. And man, could she cook. The eggs she’d made this morning blew me away. Better than most of the bougie brunch places that Catherine used to drag me to. I could definitely get used to Paloma’s cooking. Beat the chow hall, hands down.

  And she was ridiculously sexy. I wondered what she slept in last night. I imagined her wearing nothing but a tight tank top and sheer panties. But I had to get my lust for her under control. I would not cross that line with her, no matter how much I wanted to fuck her.

  I wasn’t ready to date anyone seriously, but I didn’t know how much longer I could go without having sex. Being so close to Paloma, inhaling her scent, staring at her incredible ass, was almost too much temptation for me. I never thought I’d be with another woman besides my wife. She was it for me. But for the first time since she died, I craved another woman. But that woman couldn’t be Paloma.

  I drove to my command and checked in. Time to fly.

  Charlie, the lead pilot, debriefed me. Charlie and his wife had welcomed Catherine and me to the squad when I had been a newbie. Though he was an excellent pilot, for some reason I didn’t fully trust him, which was a huge problem when flying. I didn’t know why, but there was something off about him. Like he was just faking his good guy persona.

  Sawyer greeted me at the door. “Hey man, how’s the hot nanny? Did you fuck her yet?”

  I shook my head. Sawyer would never know the true meaning of love. At least I knew what it felt like to completely love a woman, even if it had ended in excruciating sadness. But the guy had had a rough upbringing—no role models like I had had in the relationship department.

  “Nope. Not going happen. She works for me.” I looked down at his soggy cereal. “She did make me an amazing breakfast. Huevos rancheros. From scratch.”

  Sawyer shook his head. “Man, she cooks too? Damn, I wish I had a baby, so that I could hire her. I’d be doing her over the kitchen counter while she wore nothing but an apron.”

  Our other friend, Declan, walked over to Sawyer. “You are such a misogynist. You would fuck your own nanny? That’s called sexual harassment. Stop being such a pig.”

  Sawyer laughed. “Whatever. Both of you have zero game. I’m going to give Beck here a pass since his wife died last year, but you won’t shut the fuck up about your high school sweetheart, Declan. Both of you need to move on. I get it—you loved them. But they are no longer in the picture. Are you guys going to be celibate for the rest of your lives? We are motherfucking Blue Angels! There are only six of us in the entire world. We are more elite than the Navy SEALs. Stop letting them get all the pussy. It’s our time to shine. The other three guys on our squad are married. You are my wingmen. And that’s legit, not even a catchphrase.”

  I grabbed my helmet. “I’m here to fly, not to fuck. And you won’t be an Angel forever. In a year, we’ll all be attached to deployable units. You’re a Marine, Sawyer. You’ll probably be dropping bombs over North Korea. Don’t you want someone to miss you while you are gone?”

  His jaw clenched. “Someone to cheat on me while I’m gone? No thanks.”

  “Not all women cheat. One day you will get it. You will look at a woman. and the entire world will melt away. It will only be you and her. You won’t think of anyone else. A supermodel could beg you to fuck her, and you wouldn’t even consider it. You will love her more than flying. Until then, you’re welcome to hook up with all the groupies. Gentlemen, I’m ready to fly.”

  Declan grabbed his helmet, too. “Let’s go.”

  I greeted the other three pilots, and we walked to the runaway. Next week we would start practicing our formations and our aerial maneuvers, but today we were just supposed to reacquaint ourselves with our F/A 18 Hornets after the winter holiday.

  One look at my plane and chills filled my body. I stroked the nose of my other baby. This hunk of steel was my home, and it was the most beautiful plane I’d ever seen. My hand ran over the yellow paint that displayed my name for the entire world to see. Lt. Beckett Daly. Catherine and I had taken a bunch of pictures standing in front of it the day I saw my own plane for the first time. She’d been heavily pregnant but had looked so beautiful and proud. For years when I had deployed, I had been worried about being shot down by the enemy and leaving her a widow. I had never once considered that she would be the one leaving me.

  Once I climbed into the cockpit, the rest of my troubles faded. The only thing that mattered when I was flying my plane was making sure I landed on the ground safely, especially as an Angel performing for crowds of thousands. The risk of death was real in the diamond formation, where we flew as close as eighteen inches to each other.

  I loved it. I couldn’t imagine doing any other job.

  I secured my harness and my lap belt and began to taxi on the runway. I made a call to the tower, and once I was cleared for take-off, I accelerated and headed towards the heavens.

  Time to pay a visit to my wife.

  7

  Tortas

  I dressed Sky in a cute onesie with yellow ducks on it and placed a headband bow on her head. She was so adorable. I made the band from some fabric I had bought from home. When I had searched through the accessories in her room, I had found no embellishments, which made me sad. Had her mom not had time to purchase them? Maybe she was sick while she was pregnant. Or maybe she and Beck didn’t know until Sky was born if the baby would be a boy or a girl. Sky was a gender-neutral name. And many of her clothes were unisex. I realized I knew nothing about this sweet baby in my arms. I wanted to respect her mother’s intentions on how to raise her, but since I knew nothing about Catherine, for now, I would keep this feminine bow in her daughter’s hair.

  I heard the car pull up and my heart raced. Beck was home. It was one o’ clock, and if I left within the next ten minutes, I’d be able to make it to my sisters’ school by the time they were dismissed.

  The door opened, and Beck’s blue eyes widened when he saw Sky.

  He scooped her out of my arms and kissed her forehead. “Nice bow. I don’t remember seeing it before.”

  “That’s because it hadn’t existed. I just made it myself. I brought over ribbons and threads. I hope you don’t mind.”

  He turned to me and smiled. “It’s cute. Thank you. How was the first day?”

  “Great. She’s an angel. You lucked out. How was work?”

  “Incredible. There is never a bad day flying. I’ve been an Angel for a year, but every time I get in that plane, I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

  A burning sensation filled my stomach. How cool was it that this man had this prestigious job? Clearly, he was whip-smart and a hard worker, but I was so envious of his accomplishments. Being around him was a blessing. He inspired me to let nothing stand in the way of my goals. I wouldn’t be a nanny forever. I would graduate from college and start my own restaurant. My dreams were finally within reach.

  “Oh, that’s awesome. Glad you had a good day. Are you hungry? I made lunch. Just tortas—we really need to go shopping.”

  He looked at the plate of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, which technically weren’t tortas because I didn’t have the right bread, but at least I had made a spicy aioli from scratch. I wondered how spicy Beck liked his food—normally I would pickle jalapeños, but I would slowly test his tolerance for heat.

  “I can eat. You are off now if you want to leave.”

  I needed to leave. But I wanted to stay and spend as much time with Beck as possible. “Yup. I’ll leave in a few minutes.” I handed him his sandwich, some chips, and a tall glass of water. There were beer bottles in the fridge, but I hoped that Beck didn’t drink during the day as my uncle did.

  He gave Sky back to me, sat down at the table, and took a bite of his sandwich. After a moment, he gave me a thumbs-up. “This is a great sandwich. Seriously. I would pay ten dollars for this. You are a really talented cook.”

  I beamed with pride. “Thanks.” Many people had complimente
d my cooking, but for some reason, Beck’s approval made me giddy.

  “So Paloma, tell me what it’s like living in El Centro. It’s so hot now; I can’t imagine it in the summer.”

  I closed my eyes and remembered the sweltering nights, sweating in my apartment with no air conditioning. I didn’t want to complain, but I wanted to be honest with him. “It’s brutal. Every day is over one hundred and seven degrees, so we don’t go outside much. That’s how I learned how to cook. I would stay inside most days. It’s really rough for the younger kids because they can’t go outside, and our place is so small there isn’t much room to play. That’s one of the reasons I can’t wait to move to San Diego.” San Diego. A place I had never even visited. I was so sheltered.

  He winced. I didn’t know if he was pitying me, but I felt self-conscious just the same. “You should. There is a chance I’ll be stationed there next year.”

  Oh my God, really? That would be amazing! We could fall in love and both move there, and I could have a hot fighter pilot boyfriend. God, I was so pathetic—he wasn’t even remotely interested in me. He had just asked me to leave his home, and I was sitting here ruining his lunch by hanging around. I had to play it cool. “Oh really?”

  “Yup. I love San Diego. Perfect weather. Amazing beaches. I was going to try to get stationed there next, but Catherine wanted to go home to Virginia. Her folks live there. And that might be wise because when I deploy again, I will need a guardian for Sky.”

  I nodded my head like I thought that was an excellent idea, which I supposed it was. There went my fantasy of having a future with Beck. “How long do you deploy for?”

  “Depends. Nine months, maybe up to a year. Whatever the Navy needs. And I have no control over where I get stationed. I can request a certain place, but there is no guarantee. So who knows? I could still end up in San Diego.”

  Oh. There was still a glimmer of hope. How amazing would that be if we met in El Centro and ended up both living in San Diego?

  But no matter what, the deployment would suck for Sky. She would be without both of her parents. No day-to-day consistency in her life. “The deployment sounds tough. What about your parents? Can they watch her?”

  “They live outside of San Francisco. They aren’t interested in raising a baby. They travel a lot, go to the opera, attend many social events. That’s not really an option.”

  That didn’t surprise me at all. I could tell that Beck was very wealthy by the cars he had parked out front and the amount of money he was paying me for my job. I definitely wanted to be comfortable in life, but I had no desire to be that rich. “Well I don’t know much about Virginia, but I bet it’s really nice. I’ve never been to San Francisco either”—I paused, not wanting to open up to him too much. But then I just blurted out—“or San Diego for that matter.” Ugh. I sounded so pathetic.

  Beck’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious? You live two hours by car from San Diego. I can fly there in forty-five minutes. You never even went there on a field trip?”

  I wanted to laugh but didn’t want to be rude. “Field trip? No. Our school played a football game in La Jolla once, but my mom wouldn’t sign the permission slip. Ana María was a baby, so I had to stay home and take care of her. But I’ll be able to go after this job ends. I can’t wait to see the ocean. And for that matter, I’ve never been on a plane. What is it like?”

  Beck’s eyes bulged. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Probably how pathetic I was. “It’s exhilarating. You are on top of the world. I love everything about it. The adrenaline rush, the excitement, the thrill. Tell you what, I’ll take you for a spin . . . in my plane.”

  Oh my god. Was he flirting with me? “What? Are you serious? Is that even allowed?”

  His mouth closed and widened into a grin. “Of course, it’s allowed. We have a passenger seat for a reason. The whole point of the Blue Angels is to do PR and recruitment for the Navy and the Marines. We take up news reporters, family members, friends . . . beautiful women.”

  Whoa. Did he think I was beautiful? My heart beat rapidly in my chest. My eyes met his. I wanted him to know how much I craved him, even though I would never ever make the first move. “I’d love that.”

  His knees touched mine under the table. “Then it’s a date. I have to head to San Diego for flyover change of command ceremony anyway next month. My friend’s wife can watch Sky. I’ll show you around the city. You will love it.”

  Ay, Dios mío! I was so excited! I wanted to jump up and down and kiss him. But I still told myself he was probably just being nice. It would be like a pity flight. Even so, I wanted to believe he had ulterior motives. “I can’t wait.” I glanced down at my watch and noticed the time. Dammit. I had to leave now to get to my sisters. “Oh. I have to go. I’ll be back later.”

  “I can take you. I don’t mind.”

  “No, thank you. I’ll walk.” A ride would be so much easier. But no. I couldn’t risk him seeing my uncle’s place. He might think that giving me this job was a bad idea because they had to stay there. And he’d be right. It was a bad idea. But I needed this job as a way out.

  “Okay. I’ll see you later. Thanks again for the sandwich, Loma.”

  Loma? Was that his nickname for me? “You’re welcome.”

  He took the last bite of his sandwich, finished his glass of water, and then stood up. He walked toward his room, and a few minutes later, I heard the water start. A chill ran through my body. Beck was naked in the same house as me. I couldn’t stop imagining what Beck looked like with water streaming down his chest. I wanted to jump into that shower with him. I wanted him to make me come so hard that I could forget the hell that was my life.

  But my attraction to him wasn’t just physical. Ever since I’d first met him, his presence has awoken a hunger inside me that I didn’t know existed. I wanted to know everything about him. He was so worldly and cultured.

  I wondered what it would be like to be loved by a man like him.

  8

  Tortilla Soup

  After the first few weeks of flying, I was exhausted. I had adapted back to my routine effortlessly. It helped that I didn’t have to worry about Sky when I was working. Paloma had been such a blessing. I couldn’t have asked for a better nanny. Not to mention a cook. She had made me three meals a day, despite my protests. She never complained once and was always on time. And Sky seemed as happy as a lark.

  I wanted to do something nice for Paloma. Maybe take her shopping. Spoil her.

  Hell, I wanted to fuck her.

  But that was totally out of the question. I wasn’t going to reward her kindness by hitting on her. And I didn’t want her to think she had to hook up with me because I was her boss. So, I would put myself in check and just appreciate how lucky I was to have found her.

  I pulled up to my home and was greeted by Paloma who was holding my little girl.

  “Hi sweetheart. I missed you,” I said to Sky, but I meant it to Paloma as well.

  “Here’s your daddy.” Paloma finally handed her to me, but Sky let out a cry.

  Ah fuck. I tried again to grab her, but she clung to Paloma like a magnet, snuggled against her breasts. Not that I could blame Sky—I wanted to stick my face in Paloma’s breasts also.

  “It’s okay, sweetie,” she said as she hugged Sky. “I’ll just hold her until you are done with your lunch. I made you tortilla soup.”

  Sounded good to me.

  “You sure? You are off if you need to leave.”

  “I’m in no rush. I’ll stay a bit longer.”

  Sky’s last babysitter couldn’t wait to leave every day, and Sky never seemed to care that she was gone. Now Sky was already becoming attached to Paloma. Was I going to take another caretaker away from my daughter? And what would happen next year when I was stationed at my next base? At some point, I would have to deploy again. My own parents would never watch her, and though Catherine’s parents offered, they were so cold that they would probably ignore her. They had even mentioned that t
hey would maybe even put her in full-time daycare. I didn’t have a problem with daycare, but I didn’t see why they couldn’t watch her since they were retired.

  Who would sing songs to her at night? Who would love her when I wasn't around?

  I studied Sky interacting with Paloma. Sky smiled and clapped and pulled Paloma's hair. Suddenly, I wanted to be the one pulling Paloma’s hair while she screamed my name.

  Ah fuck. It had been so long since I’d had sex. But I couldn’t think of the nanny like that, even if she was wearing an apron wrapped tightly over her clothes. The tie in the back accentuated her amazing ass. I pictured her wearing nothing but that apron as I took her from behind.

  Fuck, Sawyer was right. I really did need to get laid.

  At least I was about to eat another great meal. The kitchen smelled like lime and spices, and I couldn’t wait to taste the soup. Hell, I couldn’t wait to taste Paloma. Well if my cock weren’t going to be satisfied, at least my stomach would be.

  Still holding Sky, she placed the bowl of soup in front of me. “How was your day?”

  “Great. How was yours?”

  “Perfect! Sky and I had so much fun today. I took her to story time at the base library, and then we danced.”

  I took a big scoop of my tortilla soup, and the warmth immediately soothed my stomach. I had never had a version like this with a clear broth base instead of a tomato one. It was filled with big chunks of avocado, wedges of lime, and shreds of chicken. A dollop of sour cream accentuated the flavors, and the freshly toasted tortilla strips gave it an extra crunch. I loved it. I wished I could eat like this every day.