A Penny for Your Thoughts

by Bess McBride

  “No, I live in Mobile. We’re just the closest field office.”

  “What a long drive that must be every day.”

  He smiled, the weathered corners of his eyes crinkled in an attractive way. “Yeah. I’m actually going to get a room here so I don’t have to keep running back and forth.”

  She smiled and glanced at her basket wondering what else she might talk about. He seemed to want to linger but had little to say.

  “So, are you shopping for your dinner as well?” she asked for a conversation filler.

  “No, I just stopped by to get a newspaper. I’m going to drive over to Mobile and pick up some stuff tonight and bring it back.”

  “Oh,” she nodded. She shuffled from foot to foot under his scrutiny. He seemed to scan her face every time she met his eyes, and she didn’t know what he was looking for.

  “Penny, I-I...” He paused, averted his eyes and pressed his lips together.

  Penny looked at him expectantly. What was he going to say? She didn’t know why, but she sensed it might be important.

  “I...um... Are you enjoying your stay here?”

  She blinked at the innocuous question. It wasn’t what she expected.

  “Oh, I am! It’s a wonderful place.”

  He nodded. “Yes, it is, isn’t it?” He studied her face again, and she dropped her eyes and felt the flush in her cheeks. “Well, I’d better get going,” he murmured. “I hope to see you soon, Penny.” He nodded in her direction and walked toward one of the front registers. She watched him pick up a newspaper. He turned, caught her staring and waved with a half smile as he left. Penny rubbed her reddened cheeks, shook off the awkward feeling he’d left behind, and moved off in the direction of the food. What had he wanted to say? Was it about Matt? Cliff Sutton was fast becoming an enigma. His behavior had been totally unlike the jovial man who met Matt at the bank the other night.

  She pushed thoughts of him aside while she dawdled in front of the prepared foods, wondering how unhealthy the food was and why she shouldn’t be able to eat it like everyone else. Too much salt, too much fat, too many preservatives. She wandered over to produce and eyed the potatoes. She could hardly imagine peeling one potato for a solitary dinner. She sighed and shuffled back to the prepared foods. The single serving macaroni and cheese tempted her. Who cared about fat content and enriched wheat products? This looked just like Mom’s home cooking.

  “Penny?”

  She swung around to the familiar voice over her shoulder. Matt stood behind her, his head tilted to the side, a half smile on his face that made her heart thud in her throat. He tossed a small plastic grocery basket from hand to hand.

  “Did you get your car fixed?”

  Penny nodded mutely, desperately hoping she wouldn’t forget herself and jump into his arms. Was everyone in the grocery store at the moment?

  He nodded. “Good. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you last night...this morning.”

  “That’s all right,” she mumbled, averting her eyes toward the cold food storage container.

  “I was much more tired than I thought, I guess.” He tilted his head charmingly to the side again, a trait she’d always loved. His five o’clock shadow did nothing to take away from his handsome looks. “Did you get your coffee?”

  Penny’s lips curved. “Yes, I did, thanks.”

  “Good. So, what are you doing?” He nodded toward the basket in her hands. “Shopping?”

  “Yes, I was just debating on the macaroni and cheese.”

  “One of your favorites, if I recall correctly.”

  She swung her eyes to his face. “You do remember correctly. It is.”

  “I remember.” He hesitated. “Would you like to combine resources and eat together?” Penny’s knees threatened to buckle, and she locked them into place. This was her chance to see him again. Don’t blow it, she begged herself. Stay calm. Stay cool. But above all, say yes!

  “Ummm...sure. Sounds good. My place?”

  His smile broadened, and he looked relieved. Penny wondered why. Was there ever any doubt that she was putty in his hands?

  “Great! So, macaroni and cheese.” He bent down to pick up a container and put it in his basket. “What else do you want?”

  “Oh gosh, I don’t know.” What did he even eat these days? “A salad? Some bread?”

  “Sounds good.” He led the way back to produce. They picked up the ingredients for dinner and headed for the checkout. Matt barred her from paying, and she didn’t argue. No doubt he made much more money than she did as a therapist anyway.

  She relished the feeling of standing next to him at the checkout. Memories flooded in. The past became the present. She found herself reaching for his hand at one point and checked herself hastily. That was then...

  Matt carried the groceries out of the store and saw Penny to her car where he examined the new window. Pronouncing himself satisfied with the work, he made his way over to his vehicle and followed her home.

  It was all she could do to keep her eyes on the road ahead, wanting only to watch Matt in her rearview mirror. Why didn’t he have a relationship? Who wouldn’t want to be with him? Didn’t everyone?

  She pulled up to an intersection and waited for the light to turn green. Taking her eyes off Matt for just an instant, she made contact with the occupant of the vehicle in the left lane, a well-groomed blonde woman...about her age...with shoulder-length frisky hair, huge gold hoop earrings, colorful lipstick and tanning salon golden skin who smiled with perfectly even white teeth. Bright golden bangles decorated her slender wrists, and she sported several large eye-catching rings, visible as her hands rested on the steering wheel of an expensive white convertible sports car.

  Penny returned the smile and sunk down into her seat. When would the light change? She pulled down her visor and looked at herself in the mirror. She fluffed the bangs she kept to cover her widening forehead. She lifted the skin above her brown eyes, watching the skin sag again as she let it go.

  Another peek at Matt in the rearview mirror elicited a heavy sigh. He half covered his face with his hand while he leaned his elbow on the car window. If he had aged at all, it had only made his face more angular, his jaw more defined, his green eyes more prominent.

  She returned her gaze to the blonde woman next to her.

  “I can’t compete with that,” she muttered.

  Finally, the light turned, and Penny stepped on the gas though the blonde beauty’s convertible sprung out and left her in the proverbial dust. Turning into the condominium, Penny found her parking space in the garage and waited while Matt pulled his big SUV into the spot next to her, parked and unloaded the groceries. Feeling utterly middle-aged and frumpy, she winced as he followed her up the stairs, wishing her backside weren’t at the level of his face. Some things had slipped down over the years.

  Relieved to finally reach her hallway and keep Matt from any further study of her widening assets, she pulled her keys from her purse and unlocked the door.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t take a look at that lock last night. Don’t you have a deadbolt?”

  Lost in her middle-aged insecurities, Penny started. “What?”

  “A deadbolt. You need to have a deadbolt on that door.” Matt stared at the door with a scowl.

  Penny pushed it open. “Well, it’s not my place. I don’t think I can just put locks on doors, can I?”

  Matt followed her in and dropped the grocery bags on the counter. He returned to the door to study it while she unloaded the food.

  “Well, you need it.”

  She turned to watch him opening and closing the door, locking it and unlocking it. His tone sounded final. It was a good idea, but she thought it highly unlikely the company who rented the condo would simply jump to do her bidding.

  “You’re the Chief of Police. Why don’t I refer the property management company to you?” Penny grinned.

  “Do that!” He shut the door a final time, locking it before he turned. He caught her wa
tching him and returned her smile. He crossed the living room and moved toward the balcony, where he opened the sliding glass doors and stepped out. Penny opened containers, put the food in the microwave and followed him out. He rested his hands on the railing and looked out over the ocean. She came to stand beside him...though she made sure to keep the impersonal distance that time required of them.

  “So, did you get any sleep today?”

  “No, not really. I fell asleep at my desk once, but the phone woke me up. It’s been a busy day.”

  The sun already dipped low on the horizon, a bright orange fireball spreading a path of peach light across the water and promising another fabulous sunset at the beach.

  “You must be exhausted,” she murmured. The slump in his shoulders caught at her heart. He’d always been so full of energy.

  He turned to her and chuckled. “I’m getting old, I think.”

  “Funny, I was just thinking while we were driving here that you look the same. Just a little more gray at your temples.”

  “Really?” He raised his arms and self-consciously ran his hands through his dark hair before dropping them and shoving them in his pockets. “Thanks. You look pretty good too, Penny.”

  Penny blushed and turned away to study the beach below, willing her heart to stop its erratic beating. People on the beach stood transfixed at intervals--as they had the night before, arm in arm, watching the sun go down. The poles of several fishermen broke the smooth line of the shore. A lone man faced the sun. She thought about Kevin.

  “I met a guy today.”

  “Oh, really?” His head turned sharply toward her.

  Penny wondered why she opened her mouth.

  “Well, that is...I met this kid. Well, he wasn’t really a kid either though. His grandparents are from Traverse City, isn’t that interesting?”

  “Yes, very. There are a lot of people coming down here from Michigan. Shoot, even Cliff is from Michigan originally. In fact, he was just up there a couple months ago. You remember meeting him?”

  Penny nodded. “I do. I actually saw him at the store this evening. Did you see him there?”

  Matt shook his head. “He’s staying over here while we work the bank case. Probably picking up some food for his place.”

  “How come he doesn’t stay with you? Are you two friends? You seem to be.”

  Matt chuckled. “We are friends. Have been for years. But the government pays him too well for him to mooch off me. He gets to stay in one of the expensive condos around here somewhere.”

  Penny nodded.

  “So, you were telling me about this kid?”

  “Well, he looked like a kid, but he said he was thirty. He looked kind of like Travis actually.”

  “Thirty? Definitely not a kid. Where did you meet him?”

  “On the beach,” she nodded in the direction of the beach. The lone man caught her eye once again, but he was too far distant to see clearly. But for the miracle of Matt being with her at the moment, she could be just as likely to stand on the beach alone tonight watching the sunset as well.

  “Just like that? He hits on you on the beach?”

  Penny’s head swung in Matt’s direction, her jaw gaped. That direct comment didn’t sound like the implacable Matt she’d once known. He watched her intently, a small enigmatic smile on his lips. She blushed.

  “No, he didn’t hit on me, Matt! What a thing to say...especially from you. He was talking about the robbery yesterday. In fact, he said he saw me there at the scene last night.”

  Matt returned his gaze to the sea. “Really? Well, he certainly gets around.”

  “It’s a small town, Matt,” she chuckled. “How can you avoid seeing the same people over and over?” She heard the ring of the microwave. “I think the food is ready.” She turned away to reenter the condo. Matt followed, closing the sliding glass doors behind him.

  “So, what’s going on with the investigation? Do you have any leads yet?”

  Matt sat down at the small round dining room table. “No, nothing yet.”

  “Any ideas?” Penny spooned food onto plates and tossed salad into a bowl. She brought the food to the table. Matt jumped up to pull out a chair for her. Penny blinked and grinned. Ever the gentleman. She loved it.

  “Nothing. I’m blank. The pattern doesn’t fit any robberies I’m aware of. I’m hoping Cliff can come up with something.”

  Penny shook her head. “What a mystery.” She began to eat.

  “Everything looks good, Penny. This takes me back.” Matt paused and surveyed the food on the table.

  Penny’s fork hovered in midair and she swallowed hard. “I know what you mean,” she mumbled.

  “I missed you.”

  She raised her eyes to his face. He hadn’t yet taken a bite but rested his arms on the table. His gaze held hers.

  Penny fought to keep her voice from shaking. “I missed you too,” she muttered as she stared down at her plate.

  “What happened to us?” He reached for her hand on the table. The warm touch of his skin activated a flood of memories...images of touching, holding, making love. She bit her lip, but couldn’t hold back.

  “I left, and you abandoned me.” She knew better. He wouldn’t react well to her words.

  “What?” Matt pulled his hand away abruptly and sat back in his chair. “What does that mean? I remember you left all right. That’s what I remember!” His normally even-tempered voice took on a harsh note she hadn’t heard in the past.

  Penny tensed and dashed a hot tear from the corner of her eye.

  “Why didn’t you write?” She couldn’t hide the pain from her voice though she knew questions and recriminations were guaranteed to make him run.

  His mouth opened and closed. His normally warm green eyes took on a distant look, and panic seized her. She didn’t have much time before he walked out. She was sure of it.

  “Because you left me.”

  Penny jumped up to pace the floor. She waved her hands wildly.

  “I had to leave. You know I had to go. I had a contract. I couldn’t break it.”

  Matt rose just as swiftly. He jammed his hands deep into his pockets.

  “Yes, you could have. What would they have done? Not hired you to work overseas again? Well, good! Then you would have stayed with me.”

  “I-I couldn’t have.” Even to Penny’s ears, her words sounded hollow. Was it true?

  Matt turned away to face the sliding glass door, staring outside. Sunset had come and gone, only a faint rosy glow kept the darkness at bay.

  “You couldn’t have what?” The bitterness in his voice tore at her heart. “Stayed with me?”

  “No, I couldn’t have broken the contract. I wanted to be with you.” Her voice broke as she continued to pace the dining room area.

  Matt turned from the window and came toward her. He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her around to face him. His direct gaze pierced her armor of self defense, and she dropped her eyes to her feet.

  “If you had wanted to be with me, Penny, you never would have put in for the job. If you had wanted to be with me, honey, you would still be with me. You left me. I didn’t abandon you. I loved you.”

  Chapter Seven

  Tears slipped down Penny’s face. Matt had abandoned her. He had! She hiccupped on a sob.

  “You never told me you loved me. You never said that before, not one single time. I loved you, too.”

  Matt pulled Penny into his arms and whispered against her hair. “I know you did, honey. I know you did.” He set her back to look into her eyes. She ran a shaking hand across her wet face. “But not enough to stay with me.” He traced a tear with his finger. “Why didn’t you call me when you got back to the States?”

  “Because you never wrote me. I thought you’d moved on. Married some blonde with a convertible or something.”

  “What?” Matt blinked. A dull flush stained his face. He dropped his hands and shoved them back in his pockets. “I waited for you. I st
ayed put and got a job there, waiting for you.”

  Sobs wracked Penny’s body. She wrapped her arms around her chest. “I didn’t know. Why did you get married?” she wailed.

  “Because I was lonely. That was seven years after you left. How long was I supposed to wait?”

  “I don’t know.” She tightened her arms around the ache in her heart and sobbed. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

  Matt sighed. He took her face in his hands and kissed the top of her forehead. “I am too, Penny. Me too.” He stepped back.

  His phone rang, and he looked at her with an unreadable expression for a moment before opening it.

  “Chief Williams.”

  Penny choked back her sobs and escaped to the half bathroom where she rinsed her face in cold water. She patted her face dry with a towel, but nothing reduced the splotchy redness of her nose and eyes.

  “Penny?” Matt called from the living room.

  “Coming,” she mumbled. She stepped out to see Matt slipping into his jacket. He glanced helplessly at the food on the table.

  “Something’s come up, Penny. I have to take off. I’m sorry about the meal.”

  Penny nodded and stared down at the carpeted floor. Whether something had really come up or not, he looked like he couldn’t wait to leave. He’d always run from displays of emotion, and she seemed incapable of keeping a tight rein on her emotions.

  “I understand. No problem.”

  “Okay. Well, I’ll see you then.”

  Penny kept her eyes lowered while he approached. He kissed her cheek and paused for a moment. She stared at his boots. With a sigh, he moved toward the door and slipped through it quietly.

  Penny stared at the uneaten food, desolate and lost in the pain of the past and present. He really hadn’t changed at all, had he? He still ran from her tears. And it seemed she hadn’t changed either. She still wailed and sobbed at the slightest provocation. Penny knew she was being too hard on herself, but at the moment, it felt good to punish herself.

  And she’d forgotten to tell him about the missing address book. It hardly seemed important at the moment.

  She wandered past the table and pushed open the balcony door. Night had fallen, with the crescent moon providing the only light on the dark beach below. A stiff sea breeze had arisen with the disappearance of daylight, and as she rested her hands on the railing, she listened to the soothing sound of the wind and the waves.