Strong

by Natalie Debrabandere

  She stopped before she mentioned the panic attack. She knew it would have been going too far. Tyler’s expression did not change, but Kate knew that she understood.

  “Hey, this is not personal,” Tyler said softly.

  Kate stood her ground in front of her, hands on her hips, having forgotten all about how cold it was in the tent. Her eyes were flashing and her cheeks were burning. Tyler looked at her, and she knew for sure that Kate had absolutely no idea how beautiful she looked at that very moment, and how badly Tyler wanted to kiss her. She turned away and got busy with her gear again.

  “Does this have anything to do with what happened between us last night?”

  “No. Absolutely not.”

  Kate stared deep into Tyler’s eyes, looking for the truth she knew would be there. When the corner of her mouth twitched, and a half smile flickered in her eyes, she thought that she had found it.

  “Tyler,” she demanded. “Please be honest with me.”

  “I mean it,” Tyler said quietly. “Nothing to do with yesterday."

  "What then?"

  "Just what I said.”

  “But…”

  “Listen, Kate, you are a doctor first, not a soldier. It’s my job to make sure that you stay safe."

  "No. I am a soldier and a doctor in equal parts. And maybe you could let me decide for myself."

  Tyler raised an eyebrow.

  "What would you do if it was me?" she asked boldly.

  This did stop Kate in her tracks. She remembered how good it had felt to hold Tyler in her arms. How strong and beautiful she was, and yet how fragile she could be as well when her emotions became just that little bit too much for her. She was not as unbreakable as she thought she was, and Kate was terrified that something would happen to her.

  She rolled her shoulders and shook her head a little, then attempted a joke.

  "I would lock you up in a cell in Alcatraz so I can know you’re safe,” she said.

  Tyler gave a silent smile.

  Kate sighed and looked down at her injured arm, feeling the stitches sting a little under her bandage. She did feel quite a bit under the weather, and she knew she was running a fever.

  "Okay," she said slowly. "Okay, you win."

  "It's not about winning or losing, doc, it’s about being safe."

  "I know."

  Tyler shouldered her rucksack, feeling reluctant to leave.

  "Go back to bed, okay? I'll ask Ben to check in on you in a bit."

  "He's not going out? How come?"

  "Scheduled R&R."

  "Right. And Tyler?"

  "Yes?"

  "Thanks. And be careful out there, okay?"

  Tyler flashed a bright smile and saluted briefly.

  "Always."

  The patrol lasted six hours, and for the first time in a long while not a single shot was fired. Maybe it was the weather, which had definitely taken a turn for the worst. Whatever it was, Tyler walked back into Cobel with a smile on her face, tired, but happy to be able to bring everybody back safe and sound. She stopped by the Ops room for a quick debrief with Major Cox, and then headed straight back to her tent.

  She found Kate fast asleep, all cocooned inside her sleeping bag and wearing her USMC hoody for extra warmth. Careful not to make any noise, she grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the showers, popping in to see Collins along the way.

  He was stretched out on his bed reading a magazine, and smiled when he saw her.

  “Hey boss. How’s it going?”

  “Great, thanks."

  "Patrol go okay?"

  "Perfect. So did you keep an eye on Kate today?”

  Collins nodded, smiling a little at Tyler's impatient tone.

  “Yeah, I did. Not that she was awake much. Think the day off would have done her a world of good.”

  “Okay. Thanks for looking after her.”

  She was about to walk back out when Collins sat up and gestured for her to wait.

  “She was worried about you,” he said, watching her.

  Tyler frowned.

  “What do you mean? Why?”

  His expression softened and he resisted rolling his eyes.

  “Do I really have to spell it out for you, Tyler,” he said patiently.

  He called her boss most of the times, especially when on tour. But he was her friend, first and foremost, and this was definitely one of these times.

  "You know for someone so intelligent, sometimes you're a bit slow on the uptake."

  Tyler went still and simply looked at him.

  He shrugged.

  “Come on, it's obvious she cares about you. And she got a bit upset earlier on, so I'm just making sure everything's okay between you guys.”

  Tyler felt herself grow hot at his words, and her heart tightened.

  ”Of course... We're fine. What happened?”

  “She was cold, so I grabbed your sweater and gave it to her. And she burst into tears. Wouldn’t tell me why, gave me some bullshit about not reacting well to pain killers. You guys had a fight?”

  “No,” Tyler protested.

  "You sure?"

  "Yes," she snapped.

  Collins studied her for a few seconds, knowing there was something more going on. But then he just touched her arm briefly.

  “Ah well, don’t worry then. Probably just feeling a little rough after yesterday.”

  “Yeah,” Tyler muttered. “Probably.”

  “Probably could do with a hug, too,” he added, and when Tyler met his gaze he stared straight back at her. “And not one from me, if you see what I mean. Tyler, I told you before, I think this is a chance for you to...”

  Tyler gave a sharp nod, afraid of what he might say next.

  “Yeah. I’ll see you later.”

  “Don’t rush it.”

  "I won't. And Ben?"

  "Yeah?"

  Tyler gave him a heartfelt smile.

  "Thanks."

  Tyler walked back to the tent, just needing to get back to Kate as quickly as possible. She did not give herself any time, to think, stall or remind herself again why Kate was a bad idea. She zipped the canvas door shut behind her, kicked her boots off, and climbed into bed next to her.

  “Ty?” Kate mumbled, still half asleep.

  “Who else are you expecting?” Tyler murmured close to her ear.

  She felt Kate chuckle, and she wrapped her arms more tightly around her. With the sound of Kate's soft laugh against her ear, Tyler felt her defences slip and tension melt away.

  She exhaled slowly.

  “So. How did you enjoy spending the day with my sidekick?” she asked.

  “I think I fell asleep on him rather a lot.”

  “Hmm. He did mention that, yes.”

  Kate twisted round until she could look Tyler in the eye.

  “I think it may have been a good idea to give me the day off today,” she said.

  “Wow. Are you saying I was right?”

  “Maybe.”

  Tyler smiled.

  “Cool,” she said. "I'll take maybe."

  “Your turn.”

  “Yes?”

  “What are you doing in my bed, captain?” Kate asked gently.

  Tyler kept smiling but her eyes grew a little bit darker.

  "Giving you a hug," she said.

  "Hey, that‘s nice," Kate murmured. “What else you got?”

  Tyler was silent, and Kate twisted until she was facing her. Tyler had that look on her face, conflicted, torn. Her eyes were on Kate, and yet Kate could tell that part of her was miles away, lost in memories again. Gently, she reached up and cradled Tyler's jaw in her hand. She waited until Tyler focused on her again, and she smiled.

  "It's okay, you know..." she said.

  "What is?"

  "This. Being together. Being close."

  Tyler's left hand strayed inside her sleeping bag and came to rest on her naked thigh.

  Kate closed her eyes, feeling heat spread between her legs. She shift
ed a little, and Tyler's hand drifted further down, to her knee, coming back up the inside of her thigh. Kate moved her legs apart a little and sighed.

  “Keep going captain,” she whispered.

  Tyler buried her face in her hair and took a trembling breath. Her hand moved higher, and as Kate struggled not to whimper out loud she paused.

  "Ah, Kate... I don't know what I'm doing here," she whispered.

  "Of course you do."

  "Are you sure?" Tyler insisted. “This is nuts.”

  Her voice was low, husky. There was no denying the desire in her tone, nor the hesitation.

  "I'm sure."

  "This is all I can give you, Kate," Tyler murmured softly against her ear. "Just tonight... How can it be okay when I can't even..."

  Kate reached up and clasped the back of her neck, bringing her down for a long, torrid kiss. Tyler groaned. Now she was lost.

  “Stop talking,” Kate murmured.

  She kissed Tyler again, more softly this time. She knew the woman needed her to be gentle. She felt it in the way she trembled in her arms, and when she touched her face she felt her tears.

  "Why are you crying?" she asked tenderly.

  "I'm not," Tyler said.

  Kate stifled a cry as she apparently cast her doubts aside, and once more let her fingers play over her skin. She tried to keep her eyes open. She wanted to give back, but Tyler's touch was so expertly tender she could do nothing but drift.

  "It’s okay. Just let go," Tyler whispered in her ear.

  She kissed the side of her neck, her eyelids, her lips. Now Kate was lost.

  Chapter Ten

  Almost a day later, in the middle of a muddy field, she

  tensed as Tyler’s voice came through on the team radio.

  “Go firm, guys.”

  Every marine on the line stopped. Most dropped a knee down, each of them focusing on their surroundings, listening, watching. The area was amazingly quiet.

  Earlier on there had been people walking around, kids running up to them, shaking hands, smiles all around. Now it was deathly quiet. Kate knew from past experience that it was a bad sign. Either they were about to get shot at, or this was a mined area. Either way, she was feeling nervous.

  “Got any I-Comm?”

  Tyler asked the usual question over the radio.

  Kate exhaled slowly, turning her head a little until she could see her. There was something about Tyler’s voice, speaking right against her ear, that never failed to start her heart beat a little faster. She knew now that it would not give her any real clue as to Tyler’s true state of mind, but it was a reassurance nonetheless. And as she thought of their time together the previous night she immediately wanted to smile.

  “Got I-Comm.”

  Collins’ voice burst through a wall of static, bringing her back to now.

  “Usual shit. Kill the infidels, make em bleed, blah blah blah…”

  “Getting boring.”

  “Yeah boss.”

  “Okay then, let’s push on. Everybody cover your arcs.”

  Kate stood up again. She took a sip of water, tightened her grip on her rifle, started forward. There were some trees up ahead and they were only a mile away from camp. Earlier on that morning they had stopped at a village and she and Tyler had managed to see and speak to some of the women. Another major achievement. Her arm ached but not too much. She allowed herself to think about home.

  Then Collins came on the net again.

  “Got a guy approaching from the North. He’s carrying something.”

  “Go firm,” Tyler ordered again immediately.

  She looked in that direction and spotted the individual straight away. He was wearing a white dish dash, looked to be about forty years old. He was smiling, and gesturing for the soldiers to come to him. After a couple of seconds he started approaching them, and stopped again when he was within shouting distance. People in the area knew not to run at soldiers, and not to rush them either.

  “What’s he saying?” Tyler asked impatiently.

  Collins was a trained interpreter. He made his way slowly to the newcomer, and Tyler saw the man open the bundle he was carrying and show it to him.

  “He’s got a dead baby,” Collins relayed via the radio. “On his way to the cemetery. Guy’s crying.”

  “Stay put, I'm coming over,” Tyler instructed.

  She got to her feet and made her way to Collins and the villager. The man did not pay much attention to her, and he spoke to Collins and Collins only.

  Tyler did not feel she had a lot of patience in her this morning, and she was bothered by his attitude. There was something about the man she did not like, but she could not quite put her finger on it.

  “What’s he saying?” she asked again, finally managing to make eye contact with him, if only for a couple of seconds.

  “Wants to know if you’re the commander,” Collins translated. “I told him yes. He is happy.”

  “Why’s he happy about that? Ask him what happened to the baby.”

  The man lifted the bundle toward Tyler as if he wanted her to take it, but she did not move an inch.

  “He says the baby got sick in the night and died.”

  “Just like that?"

  Collins shrugged.

  "Apparently, yeah."

  "Tell him we have a medic with us. We can help the people in the village if they have any other sick kids.”

  Kate was not close enough to understand every word of what was being said, but she got the gist of it and could clearly see that the man was upset. He spoke animatedly to Tyler and Collins. Collins was listening intently. Tyler stood by the side of him, nodding from time to time. She looked tense, but Kate gave a soft smile as she watched her. She saw Tyler say something to the Afghan, and glance back to where Kate stood, flashing her a quick private smile when she caught her eyes on her. She held her gaze, took a few steps back toward her, and Kate started to do the same.

  And then there was a single shout, and all hell broke loose.

  When it happened, the force of the explosion threw Kate to the ground and took her breath away. All sounds faded, and everything appeared to sink into slow motion. She sat up slowly, feeling numb. When she looked around her, she realised that she could no longer see anybody else through all the dust hanging in the air. She frowned and shook her head a little, unsure what had just happened.

  Then there were shouts on the radio, and everything rushed back into focus, much, much too fast. She scrambled back up to her feet. She turned around, and with her head and her heart pounding, she started to run toward the smoke. Her hearing was coming back and she was suddenly aware of several voices shouting for her.

  At the back of her mind Kate was aware that Tyler’s voice had not come on the radio, although somebody was asking for an evac Chinook. Her temper picked up as she ran. They had no sit rep yet, and she would be the one to issue a casualty report back to base and request a Chinook pickup, if required. What did they know that she had not come across yet?

  Then she stumbled over something on the ground and went flying. When she looked back, she froze.

  "Jesus..." she murmured, appalled at what she saw.

  It was Collins, and yet it was not. The tall, friendly marine's legs had been blown off. His right arm was gone. His face was burnt so badly he was barely recognizable.

  Kate took all this in and she had to stop for a second. She felt sick, dizzy. She wanted to scream. She leaned forward, hands on her knees, and forced herself to breathe. Long stretches of blackness flew in front of her eyes.

  She fought them hard.

  She glanced back at Collins, only once, and said a silent prayer for him. Then she forced herself to push on. She came across a young marine next, covered in blood. She grabbed his hands to stop him from shaking so much.

  “Look at me,” she said loudly. “Look at me! Hey! Are you hurt?”

  He shook his head, in a daze.

  “No. I’m okay. It’s his… Collins. H
is blood… Shit…”

  “Take your time. Breathe.”

  He shook his head, gestured that he was all right.

  “That guy blew himself up!” he said loudly, his voice breaking a little as he spoke. “I saw him grab Collins just before he detonated himself. Fucking suicide bomber!”

  Kate stood up once more and looked around her, fear twisting her stomach.

  “Tyler!” she shouted. “Ty!”

  There was more than a hint of desperation in her voice. Tyler had been too close to Collins to have escaped getting hurt. Kate knew this. At least the rational part of her brain did. But her soul would not accept it. She remembered Tyler that very morning, smiling at her in the tent. She remembered the taste of her mouth and the feel of her skin. Tyler would be okay. She had to be, there was no other way. Kate felt panic rise inside her chest once more. Where the hell was she?

  “Tyler!” she yelled, her voice breaking.

  Then she spotted a small group of soldiers gesturing toward her. She sprinted to them, and at last she knew. Tyler was lying on the ground in the middle of the group.

  She was not moving.

  Kate dropped to her knees next to her and immediately searched for a pulse. Her fingers were shaking almost uncontrollably, but she steadied herself and pushed her fingers against the side of Tyler‘s neck, closing her eyes as she did so. She had to push hard in order to feel a heartbeat, and she almost cried in relief when she felt it. Tyler was alive.

  “Guys, I need some space,” she told the marines gathered around them. “Back off, please!“

  They moved quickly and in silence, their faces grave.

  Tyler had lost her helmet in the explosion. Her fatigues were ripped in places and her hair was dark with blood, her face deathly pale. When Kate saw the state of her left leg it knocked the breath out of her once more. Unable to help herself, she bent over her and framed her face in her hands.

  “Tyler, can you hear me?” she called. "Please open your eyes. Tyler!"

  Lenster came to kneel next to her.

  “I‘ve got medic training, can I help?” he asked.

  He swore under his breath when he saw Tyler’s leg.

  Kate barely glanced at him as she yanked an IV line and several shots of morphine out of her Bergen.