by Bill Keaggy
fruit cups, 128
Fruit Roll-Ups, 144
fudge, 55
gala colon cleanser, 172
garbage bags, 4, 48, 69, 185, 219
garbanzo beans, 137, 160
garden salad, 60
garlic, 10, 20, 96, 108, 211, 221
garlic bread, 5, 111, 219, 221
gas, 16, 197
Gatorade, 31
gay midget porn, 6
gel, 26
gift bag, 1
gin, 13
ginger, 96, 102
gizzards, 6
Glade spray, 137
gloves, 96
glue, 57, 186
goat cheese, 10
Gold Bond Medicated
Powder, 190
Goldschlager schnapps, 37
goodies, 214
Gorgonzola cheese, 96
graham cracker crust, 221
graham crackers, 80
Granny Smith apples, 80
granola, 7, 189
granola bars, 102
grape juice, 53, 91
Grape Nuts cereal, 6
grape tomatoes, 124
grapefruit, 90
grapefruit juice, 170, 214
grapes, 7, 35, 70, 126, 170, 214, 219, 221
Great Grains cereal, 35
green beans, 6, 15, 31, 101, 206, 212
green onions, See scallions
green peppers, 227
green tea, 62, 118, 133
greens, 96, 219
ground beef, 9, 47, 55, 57, 58, 63, 68, 84, 120, 185, 214, 219, 223
ground turkey, 6, 23
grown beef, 58
Guinness beer, 37
gum, 50
hair spray, 26, 211, 212
half and half, 106, 121, 122
ham, 61, 76, 87, 156
hambeger, 61
hambergers, 66
hamburger,
See ground beef
hamburger buns, 11, 16, 185
Hamburger Helper, 26
hamburgers, 11, 40, 61, 66, 80, 93, 101, 183, 211
ham slices, 61
hand soap, 6, 190
Hanes, 212
hare sope, 73
hash browns, 21, 185
hatchet sheath, 187
Healthy Choice TV
dinners, 60
heat pad, 82
Hefty, 185
Heineken, 221
Heinz ketchup, 213
hemorrhoidal
suppositories, 150
Herpecin-L, 173
Hershey’s candy bars, 9, 15
hocks, 77
hominy, 157
honey, 140, 167
Honey Comb, 5
hookers, 5
hot dog buns, 15, 16, 28, 42, 64
hot dogs, 9, 11, 15, 16, 35, 42, 58, 61, 80, 84, 87, 118, 127, 178, 200, 211, 214
hot peppers, 12
Hot Pockets, 137
hot sauce, 58
Hyvee apple juice, 60
Hyvee frozen potatoe, 60
Hyvee ice cream, 60
h2O, 126
h2O melon, 193
hummus, 106
ibuprofen, 45
ice cream, 7, 14, 39, 63, 66, 69, 127, 155, 168, 177, 187, 193, 211, 213, 221, 225
ice cream cones, 225
ice cream sandwiches, 63
ice cream scoop, 198
ice cream topping, 62
ice pack, 8
ice, 14, 37, 42, 87
impulse item, 6
instant coffee, 59, 195
Ivory liquid soap, 58
jalapeños, 38, 221
Jell-O, 145, 214
Jolly Rancher candy, 9
juice, 6, 11, 12, 19, 38, 58, 129, 179, 190
kacup, 67
Kashi cereal, 211
ketchup, 4, 23, 60, 64, 93, 132, 177, 213, 214
kid hair de-tangler, 45
kidney beans, 214
Kit Kat, 75
kitten faces, 203
kitty litter, 39, 102, 119, 181, 211
kitty litter liners, 102
Kleenex, 6, 12, 22, 121, 213
Klondike bars, 132
Kool-Aid, 171
Kotex tampons, 7
Kraft salad dressing, 193
krakers, 73
labels, 8, 146
lasagna, 98, 213
laundry detergent, 6, 73, 138, 160, 170, 211
Lay’s potato chips, 85
Lean Pockets, 6
lecithin, 167
leeks, 65, 221
lemon juice, 47, 223
lemonade, 11, 20, 150
lemonade mix, 11
lemons, 2, 15, 20, 46, 47, 70, 96, 139, 193, 212
lettuce, 6, 18, 29, 34, 48, 57, 61, 80, 82, 101, 106, 120, 131, 139, 146, 180, 211, 213, 219
life, 212
light bulbs, 6, 61, 116, 186, 211
lighter fluid, 41
lighters, 14, 20, 50, 73
lime juice, 40, 213
limes, 40
liquor, 193
Listerine, 140, 156
Little Debbie, 85
liver, 6
liverwurst, 213
lollipops, 103
londri sope, 73
lottery ticket, 90
lunch, 72, 126, 127, 128
lunch meat, 18, 19, 23, 47, 59, 60, 76, 125, 129, 140, 180, 185, 190, 193, 211, 213
Lunchables, 15, 31, 120
Lysol spray, 173
M&M’s, 15
macaroni and cheese, 70, 183
macaroni salad, 40
Malibu rum, 37
Malt-O-Meal, 150
mangos, 7
margarine, 19, 32, 58, 144, 171, 213
marinade, 15
Marlboro Lights cigarettes, 52
marshmallows, 9
mashed potatoes, 206, 211
maul fyle, 73
mayonnaise, 23, 29, 33, 57, 59, 68, 103, 162, 165, 211, 212, 214
Mazola, 185
meals, 125
meat, 56, 70, 87, 160, 177, 182, 211
meatballs, 219
Meclizine, 156
melons, 146
metal pans, 221
Metamucil, 140
Mickey’s malt liquor, 143
milk, 2, 6, 9, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22, 23, 26, 28, 30, 33, 51, 56, 59, 60, 61, 63, 64, 66, 70, 72, 75, 76, 80, 83, 84, 87, 90, 91, 97, 106, 107, 109, 114, 121, 122, 125, 127, 128, 129, 132, 137, 154, 155, 157, 162, 164, 170, 171, 177, 180, 183, 185, 189, 190, 209, 211, 213, 214, 217, 219
million dollars, 8
mince, 164, 177
mint, 94
Miracle Whip, 191
miss you card, 51
mixed vegetables, 68, 214
moe cheese, 18
money order, 197
Motrin Infant, 1, 171
mouse poison, 212
mouthwash, 45
mozzarella, 63, 113
Mr. Clean, 22, 27, 95
MSG, 73
muchrooms, 55
muffin mix, 133
muffins, 116
mushrooms, 6, 48, 55, 60, 96, 108, 153, 212
mustard, 140, 213, 214
nail polish, 88
nail polish remover, 131
napkins, 49, 63, 140, 221
nappies, 164
Nesquik, 6, 82, 137
nicotine gum, 180
noodles, 15, 98, 119
nose strips, 35, 128
nuggets, 178
nuts, 4, 61, 108, 190
Nuts & Twigs, 6
NyQuil, 73
oat bread, 32
oatmeal, 211
oatmeal raisin cookies, 35
oats, 108
oil, 43, 99, 161
oleo, 8, 213, 227
olive oil, 23, 26, 66, 96, 109, 167, 211
olives, 11, 160, 219
onions, 6, 10, 15, 20, 40, 58, 61, 70, 93, 96, 101, 107, 137, 206, 212, 219, 227
orange juice, 16, 22, 28, 48, 57, 65, 68, 76, 90, 127, 138, 139, 140, 144, 157, 170, 180, 211, 213, 21
9
orange soda, 16
oranges, 6, 20, 66, 81, 106, 126, 153, 164, 170, 211, 213
Oreo B interdental refills, 4
Oreo cookies, 82
organic food, 7, 139, 167, 169, 170, 178, 206
orzo, 10
Osteo Bi-Flex, 156
Ovaltine, 6
Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, 38
Pacifico beer, 87
pads, 8, 49
paint, 193
pajamas, 212
pancake mix, 15, 211
pants, 12
panty hose, 170
paper, 8
paper cups, 132
paper plates, 6, 56, 150
paper towels, 6, 22, 49, 58, 85, 138, 157, 177, 225
parmesan cheese, 96, 167, 211
parsley, 10, 94, 96
pasta, 6, 10, 11, 106, 137, 223
pasta sauce, 6, 10, 190
pastry crust, 10
peaches, 76, 157, 213
peanut butter, 6, 56, 57, 126, 139, 150, 167, 193, 212, 213
peanuts, 35, 76
pears, 7, 160, 185
peas, 107, 177, 211, 212
pecans, 96
Pediacare, 171
peeler, 108, 109
pens, 88
pepper, 96, 213
pepperoni, 63, 102
peppers, 5, 12, 58, 70, 102, 106, 212, 227
Pepsi, 9, 59
persimmons, 96
Phish Food ice cream, 213
pickles, 11, 76, 177, 211, 212
picks, 64
pie, 21, 83, 206
pie crusts, 177
pie pans, 12
pigs in a blanket, 221
pills, 157
pine nuts, 211
pine Soul, 49
pine-Sol Orange, 27
pita bread, 214
pizza, 63, 85, 178, 179, 211
pizza crust, 6
pizza sauce, 113
placemats, 212
plaster of Paris, 32
plastic cups, 143
Pledge, 27, 67
plum juice, 162
Polish Boy’s, 80
Polygrip, 21
pomegranate, 96
poo, 159
poop pills, 1
pop (litter), 63
popcorn, 67, 72, 213
popcycles, 63
Popsicles, 145, 214
Pop-tarts, 12, 144, 211, 212, 213
pork, 56, 58, 82, 90, 139, 211
pork and beans, 214
pork stake, 58
potassium, 156
potataoes, 61
potato chips, 28, 34, 60, 85, 193
potato salad, 40, 42
potato stroganoff, 84
potatoe’s, 85
potatoes, 10, 22, 64, 68, 70, 74, 75, 81, 85, 87, 88, 96, 108, 140, 171, 173, 178, 186, 193, 214
potluck, 112
Powerade, 124
pretsils, 73
pretzels, 26, 37, 73, 102, 144, 150
Pringles, 82
printer, 211
propane, 65
Prozac, 45
prune juice, 150
prunes, 83
pudding, 6, 212, 213
Puffs, 77
pumpkin, 104, 225
pumpkin, can of, 225
pumpkin pie, 206
pumpkin seeds, 23
pumpkin spice, 225
Q-tips, 48
quiche, 10
radishes, 211
Ragu, 56, 192
Raisin Bran, 6, 211, 213
raisin bread, 18
raisins, 6, 26
ramen, 84, 161
raspberries, 35, 96, 124
ravioli, 6
red onions, 101
red peppers, 5, 58, 102, 106
red potatoes, 221
Red Stripe beer, 37
Redhook ale, 87
Reese’s puffs cereal, 15
refried beans, 18, 69
relish, 11, 58
rib tips, 58
ribbon, red, 146
rib-eye steak, 61
rice, 139, 217
rice cakes, 109
rice noodles, 211
ricotta, 213
rigatoni, 219
roast, 21, 75
roast beef, 73, 87, 131
rolls, 16, 40, 139, 155, 161, 213, 214
romaine lettuce, 211
room freshener, 108, 137, 153
root beer, 15, 63
rosemary, 160
rost befe, 73
rotini, 11
rum, 37, 77
salad, 66, 119, 126, 142, 144, 168, 170, 190, 193, 206, 213, 214, 219
salad dressing, 35, 51, 90, 190, 193
salad stuff, 109, 212
salami, 139, 144, 161
salmon, 90, 98, 190, 221
salsa, 6, 76, 211, 212, 213
salt, 1, 96, 114, 167, 211, 213
Sara Lee buns, 137
sauce, 1, 58, 119, 213
sauerkraut, 30, 162
sauge, 214
sauguage, 75
sausage, 16, 75, 139, 155, 162, 164, 214, 219
scallions, 6, 211, 212
schnapps, 14, 37
Scoop Away, 181
Scope, 138
Scotch tape, 30
scrimps, 41
sea salt, 167
seltzer, 102, 106
Sensodyne, 45, 102
sesame seeds, 24, 96
7 UP, 185, 219
shallots, 10, 96, 221
shampoo, 6, 49, 62, 73, 125, 195, 217
sherbet, 153, 193
sherry, 51
shoes, 193, 205
shrimp, 41, 73, 206, 211
shrooms, 48, 212
silver polish, 53
sleep aid, 155
smelly stuff, 4
Smimply Orange, 77
Smirnoff, 37
snack bars, 85
snacks, 85, 126, 133, 200
Snickers, 7
Sno-Caps, 9
soap, 6, 48, 49, 58, 64, 72, 107, 155, 190, 191, 211
soap scum remover, 95
soda pop, 4, 6, 8, 9, 11, 15, 16, 19, 21, 26, 28, 32, 35, 38, 40, 50, 59, 61, 63, 70, 73, 84, 93, 95, 126, 133, 137, 143, 144, 177, 179, 180, 182, 185, 211, 213, 219, 221, 225
soda water, 180
Soft Scrub, 27
soup, 5, 6, 18, 33, 49, 74, 91, 104, 106, 137, 140, 148, 157, 168, 172, 185, 195, 211, 214
soup mix, 214
sour cream, 15, 211, 219, 223
Southern Comfort, 180
soy milk, 7, 145, 211, 212
spaghetti, 21, 51, 58, 111, 180
spaghetti sauce, 111, 214, 219
Spam, 32, 161, 185, 190, 214
spices, 20, 87, 96, 160, 225
spinach, 5, 24, 87, 94, 160, 178, 190, 211, 212, 213
spinach dip, 40
sponges, 48
Spooners, 6
spoons, 209
Sprite, 9, 26, 63
sprouts, 29, 48, 221
squirt gun, 12
squish, 6
stamps, 8, 58, 85, 109
steak, 66, 153, 178
steel pipe, 186
stew meat, 20, 75
stockings, 196
Stoli vodka, 37
stollens, 140
storage bags, 22, 102, 138, 209
strawberries, 6, 11, 12, 20, 55, 60, 70, 80, 213, 221
strawberry soda, 32
straws, 57
string beans, 139, 142
string cheese, 6
stroller, 92
stuffed peppers, 2
stuffing, 206, 214
Styrofoam cups, 4
sub folder, 203
suction cups, 117
suet cake, 34
sugar, 6, 15, 59, 62, 77, 84, 96, 103, 104, 161, 165, 211, 214
sugar cookie log, 213
sugar snap peas, 211
sunflower oil, 167
sunflower seeds, 211
sunglasses, 205
supper, 125, 129, 132, 1
33;
See also dinner
suryup, 56
sushi, 207
Swiffer, 160
Swiss Army knife, 22
swiss cheese, 29, 90, 213
Swiss Miss with
marshmallows, 195
syrup, 1, 6, 21, 47, 56, 103, 212
tablecloth, 53
taco sauce, 219
taco seasoning, 219
taco shells, 18, 219
tacos, 80
tamatoes, 81
tampons, 7, 212
tangerines, 96
tape, 30, 32, 103
tapioca pudding, 2
tea, 22, 62, 102, 118, 133, 145, 167, 170, 172
teriyaki sauce, 144
thank you notes, 8
Thermacare heatWraps, 51
three bean salad, 99
thyme, 96
Tilex, 124
tin foil, 102
tinapay, 161
tissue paper, 146
tissues, 43, 174
tofu, 11, 23, 168, 211, 212
Tofutti, 11
toga shells, 69
toilet bleach, 35
toilet bowel cleaner, 77
toilet paper, 26, 35, 48, 49, 74, 140, 156, 211, 213
tomatoe juice, 60
tomato sauce, 70, 160, 189, 219, 221, 223
tomatoes, 10, 15, 23, 29, 40, 48, 75, 81, 82, 90, 93, 120, 131, 146, 148, 159, 164, 180, 212, 213, 219, 221
tomatoes, canned, 23
tomatos, 61
toothbrush, 45, 195
toothpaste, 12, 32, 45, 61, 103, 128, 173, 190
Top Ramen, 84
top soil, 60
tortellini, 6
tortias, 76
tortilla chips, 35, 219
tortillas, 6, 35, 76, 81
Total cereal, 75, 211
towel, 155
treats, 182
triple sec liqueur, 40
Tropicana, 221
truffe oil, 96
t-shirts, 8
tuna, 106, 177, 178, 207, 213, 219
turkey, 6, 19, 23, 29, 60, 75, 90, 131, 164, 206, 213
turkey bag, 21
tush cleaner, 7
TV, 155
TV dinners, 6, 49, 63, 75, 131, 140, 181
twine, 88
Twizzlers, 9
Tylenol, 115, 171, 180
undergarments, 196
underwear, 8, 46, 196
USA Reds shorts, 50
utensils, 41
Vagisil, 174
vanilla, 144
vanity stool, 150
vase, 165
Vaseline, 174
VCR tape, 197
vegetable stir fry, 139
vegetables, 7, 16, 41, 55, 90, 96, 106, 144, 170, 171, 214
V8 vegetable juice, 22, 106
Velveeta, 191
vinaigrette, 87
vine, 10
vinegar, 74, 96, 211, 212
vitamins, 7, 32, 80, 102, 107, 156, 185
vodka, 14, 22, 37, 39, 40, 213
waffes, 35, 57, 140
walnuts, 5
wands, 203
wasabi, 96
washer and dryer stuff, 56
water, 82, 96, 111, 126, 128
water bottles, 145
water chestnuts, 211
watermelon, 101, 193
weed killer, 133
weiners, 63
Wet Ones, 153
wheat germ, 167
wheat glutten, 167
Wheat Thins, 74
whipped cream, 15, 80
wiggle eyes, 32
Windex, 213
wine, 10, 16, 38, 39, 77, 88, 112, 192, 213
Winston cigarettes, 58