Advanced Physical Chemistry

by Susannah Nix

  “Wine’s on the way,” Cynthia announced, coming back with six wineglasses. She looked like one of the Dora Milaje from Black Panther with her close-cropped hair and tall, slender figure. Except Cynthia was a children’s illustrator who mostly wore long dresses instead of Wakandan armor.

  “And one chocolate cupcake.” Olivia set it on the table and sat down on Penny’s other side, passing out forks and small plates so they could all share.

  Penny sniffled and pushed herself upright. “Thank you.” The cupcake looked magnificent. Three inches of moist chocolate cake topped with generous swirls of silky buttercream icing and dark chocolate shavings. It was almost too pretty to eat.

  “You’re drooling.” Cynthia flicked her skirt aside as she lowered herself into the empty chair on Esther’s other side. “Don’t just stare at it. Dig in.”

  Penny cut the cupcake into six pieces and dished them out to everyone, keeping the smallest piece for herself.

  “What are you going to do about Kenneth?” Jinny asked, digging in her purse for a Lactaid.

  “I’m going to break up with him. Duh.” Penny scooped a bite of chocolate cupcake into her mouth. It tasted just as heavenly as it looked.

  “Yeah, but how?” Esther asked. “Like, in person or over the phone?”

  “You want us to go with you?” Vilma said. “For solidarity.”

  It was tempting, but Penny couldn’t imagine trooping over to Kenneth’s apartment with her entire knitting group in tow just to break up with him. “I’ll probably just call him.”

  “Screw that, send him a text,” Cynthia said. “He’s not even worth the time it would take to tell him you’re dumping his sorry ass.”

  Penny stabbed another bite of cupcake. “I think I need more closure than a text.”

  “Closure’s overrated,” Jinny said around a mouthful of icing. “Remember when Stuart cheated on me? He kept calling, begging me to take him back for weeks—and I almost did it. Take my advice and block Kenneth’s number as soon as you dump him.”

  “When are you going to do it?” Esther asked.

  “If you call tonight you might catch him in the middle of sexytimes with his lady friend,” Jinny pointed out, wrinkling her nose.

  “Do it tonight.” Esther bobbed her head eagerly. “Cockblock that motherfucker if you can.”

  “One bottle of New Zealand sauv,” Roxanne announced, pulling a corkscrew out of her back pocket as she arrived at their table. She wore a sleeveless black T-shirt that showed off her tattooed arms and pulled tight across her pregnant belly.

  Before she’d gotten pregnant, she’d been a regular on a local roller derby team and still looked like she could break a man across her thighs. Penny had once heard her threaten to kick a customer’s teeth through his skull for making a lewd comment about her ass.

  She cast a sympathetic look at Penny as she stooped to fill their glasses. “Sorry about your boyfriend, sweetie.”

  “Did you know?” Penny asked. It was one thing for Caleb not to tell her—he’d never really acted like he wanted to be her friend—but Roxanne was different. Penny liked Roxanne. She was halfway through knitting a blanket for her baby. If she’d been protecting Kenneth too…

  Roxanne shook her head. “I didn’t. I swear. They never came in when I was working.”

  “Would you have told me if you knew?”

  “Hell yeah, I would have. Solidarity, sister.” She extended a fist and Penny gave it a half-hearted bump. “Besides, you’re a way better customer than he is.”

  “No wine for me,” Olivia said when Roxanne got to her glass. “I’m on call again tonight.” Olivia was a systems analyst for a power company and spent a lot of nights on call in case any of her systems went offline.

  Roxanne obligingly poured Olivia’s portion into Penny’s glass and took the empty bottle with her back to the counter.

  “A toast,” Esther said, and everyone raised their drinks. “Good riddance to bad rubbish.”

  “Here here,” they all said as they clinked their glasses against Penny’s. She tried to smile, but couldn’t quite pull it off, so she took a big gulp of wine instead. Followed by another.

  Jinny set her glass down and picked up her knitting. “He did you a favor, you know.”

  Penny squinted at her over the top of her wineglass. “By cheating on me?”

  “By getting caught so early in the relationship.”

  “It’s true,” Olivia said, leaning back on the couch. “Can you imagine if you hadn’t been here tonight? Who knows how long you might have gone on dating him, totally unaware that he was a chickenshit dickweed.”

  Penny shuddered at the thought. She’d actually thought Kenneth might be the one. They hadn’t exchanged I love yous yet, but she’d assumed they would soon. Even though it was only April, she’d already been planning to take him home to meet her family at Thanksgiving and fantasizing about a trip to England to meet his parents over Christmas. She’d figured sometime next year they’d probably get engaged. Plan a June wedding for the following year. Start trying for a family after their first anniversary. She’d be able to stay home and keep working, and maybe by then his company’s IPO would have gone though, so they could afford to buy a house in a neighborhood with good schools.

  It was possible she’d gotten a little ahead of herself.

  “I’m going to be honest,” Esther said, picking up her knitting again. “I never liked that guy.”

  “Me neither,” Vilma said.

  Jinny tilted her head. “He did seem kind of…snotty.”

  “Yes! Exactly!” Vilma pointed with the hand holding her wineglass. “Did you ever notice how he talked to service employees?”

  Cynthia pursed her lips without looking up from her knitting needles. “Like they were the help?”

  “That was just his Britishness,” Penny said.

  “He never looked me in the eye.” Cynthia shook her head slowly. “There was definitely something weaselly about him.”

  “You are incredibly tall,” Penny pointed out. “And he’s incredibly not.” She wasn’t sure why she was defending him. Habit, maybe.

  Cynthia sniffed. “He could have tilted his head a little. It’s not that hard.”

  Jinny twisted her lips to one side. “Cynthia’s right. He never gave anyone the time of day unless he was trying to get something from them.”

  “I thought he was charming when I first met him,” Penny said. If there was one thing Kenneth had going for him, it was charm.

  Esther snorted. “Yeah. Because he wanted something from you.”

  Penny frowned at her in confusion. “What?”

  “Sex.”

  Penny wasn’t so sure about that. “To be honest, he never seemed that enthusiastic about it.” She grimaced. “I guess now I know why.”

  “Mmmm, that doesn’t surprise me one bit.” Vilma looked up from her needles with an evil grin. “The way his hair’s thinning? Low testosterone.”

  Penny let out a giggle that quickly turned teary, thanks to the wine coursing through her system. “Thanks for being here tonight, you guys.” Vilma patted her knee and pushed her share of the cupcake onto Penny’s plate.

  Cynthia directed an expressive look in Penny’s direction. “You know we’d do anything for you, right?”

  Esther nodded her agreement. “If you want us to go over to his apartment and kick his ass, all you have to do is say the word. We’ll totally do it.”

  Penny shook her head, smiling at the image. “Thank you, but I don’t think that’s necessary. I’m actually feeling better about the whole situation already.”

  “How about instead we get another bottle of wine?” Jinny said, getting to her feet.

  Cynthia held up her half-empty glass. “Make it two bottles.”

  Penny glanced toward the counter and caught Caleb watching them. As soon as their eyes met he turned away. She knocked back the rest of her wine and tried not to care.

  Chapter Two

  By the e
nd of the evening, their table had gone through four bottles of wine—although Penny suspected she’d consumed at least one and a half of them all on her own. She didn’t usually drink more than a single glass at a time, and she was definitely feeling the effects when Olivia drove her home.

  It felt good though. The fuzziness helped dull some of her rage and humiliation.

  “You want me to come up?” Olivia asked as she stopped in front of Penny’s Culver City apartment building. “I think I saw a space back there.”

  “Not necessary,” Penny said, fumbling with the door handle. “Thanks though.”

  “You sure? We could get in our pajamas and watch TV. Anything you want.”

  Penny yawned and shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m just going to fall into bed and go straight to sleep.”

  “Drink some water,” Olivia instructed as Penny hauled herself out of the car. “And call me tomorrow.”

  Penny waved goodbye and headed inside.

  The walk upstairs in the cold night air woke her back up, so she didn’t feel as sleepy by the time she let herself into her apartment. It also reawakened her anger. She gazed around the cozy two-bedroom space she’d decorated with cheerful floral patterns and overstuffed cushions, unsure what to do with herself.

  Kenneth had never liked spending time at her apartment. He’d said it was too girly, and complained about all her throw pillows. They’d spent most of their time together either out at bars or at his place. Penny didn’t like bars particularly, but Kenneth did, so to bars they went. She’d spend the whole evening standing awkwardly at a high-top, nursing a fifteen-dollar glass of ten-bucks-a-bottle wine and being jostled by passersby as she tried to have a shouted conversation with Kenneth over the music. Then they’d go back to his place, have very brief sex, and fall asleep immediately afterward. And in the morning, Penny would make him breakfast.

  She always wound up cooking for the men she dated, because the only other alternative was eating out, and it was difficult to eat healthy when you ate out all the time. Also because she liked cooking. At home, her mother was always in the kitchen making something delicious, so that was what home meant to Penny. But had a man she was dating ever offered to help her cook? No. They were so used to being waited on by their mothers and their girlfriends that they pleaded helplessness in the kitchen and let her do all the work. As if they were incapable of learning how to chop an onion or dice a tomato.

  Just thinking about all the omelets she’d cooked Kenneth made her blood boil. Anyone could learn to make an omelet! All you had to do was watch a three-minute YouTube video! It wasn’t like it was hard. But he’d never bothered, because it hadn’t even occurred to him.

  Penny had cooked for him and then she’d done the dishes and cleaned up his kitchen afterward. She’d even folded a load of his laundry once, because it was just sitting there in the basket getting all wrinkled, and the sight of unfolded laundry made her twitchy.

  She was getting angrier by the second. Suddenly, more than anything, she wanted Kenneth out of her life. Right. That. Second.

  She pulled out her phone, her veins coursing with righteous indignation and liquid courage. When she pulled up her Favorites she felt even more rage, because what was Kenneth even doing in the number one spot? Above her parents and her best friend? He’d never been worthy of that kind of honor. She angrily smashed her index finger into his face, wishing it was his real face instead of just a picture.

  He answered on the second ring. “Hello, darling. You’re up late.”

  “What’s her name?” Penny said, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice.

  There was a pause. “What?” he said, choosing to play dumb. “Whose name?”

  “The woman you were with tonight at Antidote.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, love. I’m in Portland.” He was a smooth liar, but then he’d have to be. Otherwise he would have gotten caught much sooner. “Did someone tell you—”

  “I saw you, Kenneth. I was there when you came in.”

  Another pause. “Shit.”

  “Yeah,” Penny agreed. “That about sums it up.” She almost never swore, but she was tempted tonight.

  “Listen, darling—”

  “No, don’t you darling me. Who is she?”

  “She’s no one. Just a coworker. That’s all.”

  Penny snorted in disbelief. If tonight’s display was an example of how he behaved with his coworkers, his office must be a hotbed of sexual harassment.

  “Look,” Kenneth said, at least having the decency to drop the darling, “the truth is my trip got canceled at the last minute. Things have blown up with this project and we’ve got a real disaster on our hands. I didn’t tell you because I knew I’d be burning the midnight oil all weekend and wouldn’t be able to see you.”

  “Unbelievable,” Penny said. “You’re still lying.” He really thought he could talk his way out of this. That he’d feed her some story and she’d believe him, despite the evidence of her own eyes. How pathetic he must think she was.

  “I don’t know what you think you saw, but I can assure you—”

  “Stop it,” she shouted before he could gaslight her any further, the repulsive slug. “You know what, Kenneth? I’m not interested in anything you have to say. Now or ever again. You don’t have to lie about going out of town anymore. From now on, you’re free to see whomever you want—other than me, because we’re through.”

  “Penny, please. Let me—”

  She disconnected the call before he could finish the sentence.

  Her phone started ringing again almost immediately. Remembering Jinny’s advice, she blocked his number and went to bed.

  * * *

  The next morning, Penny’s alarm went off at eight a.m., just like it did every Saturday. Her yoga class started in an hour, and she liked to get up and fix herself a light breakfast well before she started exercising.

  Instead of popping out of bed with her usual enthusiasm, she rolled over and groaned. Her head was pounding, both from all the wine she’d consumed last night and all the crying she’d done in the bathroom at Antidote.

  She definitely should have drunk more water before bed. In fact, she should get up and drink some right now.

  Instead, Penny lay on her back staring up at the textured plaster ceiling without moving. A faded yellow water stain shaped like a snowman stared back at her.

  Her limbs felt heavy, like they’d been encased in cement. The thought of doing anything made them feel even heavier.

  Go on, get up. Have a glass of water and an Advil. Maybe a banana too. Then get dressed and go to yoga.

  It would make her feel better. She knew it would. But she didn’t actually want to feel better. She wanted to wallow. Just for today. She was entitled, wasn’t she? She’d just broken up with her cheating boyfriend. If anything entitled you to wallowing, it ought to be that.

  She typed out a text to her friend Melody.

  I think I’m coming down with something. Not going to make it to yoga today.

  Penny tossed her phone down and went back to sleep.

  She slept until noon, which she hadn’t done in months. Not since her last breakup. She stayed in her pajamas and watched a House Hunters marathon on HGTV all day, directing all her residual anger at the insufferable, underemployed couples on the screen who felt they should be able to afford a chef’s kitchen and whirlpool tub with the money their rich parents had gifted them for a down payment.

  She didn’t even feel like knitting, that was how bad things were. Roxanne’s half-finished baby blanket taunted her from the coffee table. If there’d been any junk food in the apartment, Penny definitely would have eaten all of it. Instead, she had to content herself with toast. But she put butter and sugar and cinnamon on it so it’d feel like dessert. So there.

  Olivia called in the afternoon to check on her. “Did you talk to Kenneth yet?”

  “Yeah, I called him last night,” Penny said, pushi
ng herself upright on the couch.

  “How’d it go?”

  “About how you’d expect. He tried to deny it, and then he tried to make excuses. So I told him to stuff it.”

  “Good for you,” Olivia said. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Penny brushed bread crumbs and sugar granules off her chest. She was on her fourth piece of cinnamon toast.

  “Do you want me to come over? We could watch TV and order pizza.”

  Penny didn’t want company. Having company might interfere with her plans to feel sorry for herself. “Thanks, but I think I’m going to call it an early night. Yoga really kicked my butt today.”

  “You went to yoga this morning?”

  “Yep.” Guilt burned in the pit of Penny’s stomach. She knew it was wrong to lie, but she wanted to be by herself. If Olivia knew she’d skipped yoga to stay home and wallow, she’d insist on coming over.

  “That’s good. You’re really doing okay?”

  “Sure,” Penny said, trying to sound like she meant it. “I mean, I’m bummed, obviously, but I’m better off without him, right?”

  “You definitely, definitely are.”

  “There you go. I just have to repeat that a few hundred more times, and by Monday I’ll have forgotten him altogether.”

  “If you change your mind and want company, give me a call.”

  “I will, thanks.”

  When she got off the phone with Olivia, Penny called the nursing home where she volunteered on Sundays and canceled her shift. She could already tell she wasn’t going to feel like leaving her apartment tomorrow.

  She was taking the whole weekend off. From everything.

  * * *

  On Monday morning, Penny lay in bed trying to convince herself to go to her spin class. Her limbs still had that encased-in-cement feeling, and she was completely drained of both energy and motivation. This was what she got for spending the entire weekend alone eating badly and wallowing in self-pity.