Advanced Physical Chemistry

by Susannah Nix

Talking clearly took a lot out of him, so Penny only stayed a few minutes and did most of the talking herself.

  “I’ll come back when you’re feeling stronger,” she promised, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

  He squeezed her hand. “Sorry I gave you and everyone else a scare.”

  “You can make it up to us by getting better.”

  He nodded, his eyes already fluttering closed as Mike walked her to the door.

  Penny took the elevator downstairs and got into her car, feeling shaken. Sure, George was old, but not that old. He’d always seemed so healthy and energetic. One minute he’d been full of life, and the next he’d nearly died.

  It was easy to forget just how tenuous and unpredictable life was. You never knew when something would be taken away from you.

  As she sat in her car thinking about George and life and missed opportunities, Penny made a decision. A scary decision.

  She wasn’t giving up on Caleb without a fight. She refused to spend the rest of her life wondering what could have been. So he was leaving in a month. So what? That still left them thirty days together, give or take. They could do a lot in thirty days.

  So much.

  Just because there was an expiration date hanging over their heads didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy each other’s company in the meantime. She was new Fun Penny! She didn’t need commitment. She didn’t even want it.

  This was exactly what she’d been looking for: adventure, spontaneity, risk. Living in the moment with no strings or expectations. This was her chance.

  Penelope Popplestone was taking the steep path—rockslides be darned.

  * * *

  Penny’s nerves were a jangling mess when she walked into Antidote the next morning. It was one thing to decide to go after Caleb, and quite another to actually do it. She wasn’t used to doing the pursuing. This was new territory for her.

  But that was good. That was what she wanted. Unexplored vistas. Why should she always sit back and wait for a man to make the first move? Hadn’t she just been thinking that she needed to get better at asking for what she wanted?

  Okay, maybe a man as gorgeous as Caleb wasn’t the safest choice for her inaugural attempt. But at least she had hard data that he was interested in her. That was a pretty good starting place.

  “Morning,” Caleb said when Penny stepped up to the register. He wore the wary expression of a dog afraid of being kicked, but at least he wasn’t ignoring her completely.

  Penny gave him her warmest smile, trying to set him at ease. “Good morning.”

  “Lavender latte?” he asked, relaxing a minute amount.

  “Yes, please.”

  He rang her up without another word and went to make it while Elyse took over at the register. Penny watched him, trying to work up the courage to make her move. It was Friday, and he didn’t usually work on the weekends unless they were shorthanded. If she didn’t do it today, she might not have another chance until Monday. She didn’t think she could wait that long—not when the clock was already counting down toward his departure.

  “I still have your hoodie,” Penny said when Caleb brought her latte over. “I meant to bring it back to you, but I keep forgetting.” This was a lie. It was sitting on the arm of her couch. She’d looked right at it as she was walking out the door today and decided not to bring it. Truthfully, she wasn’t ready to give it up yet. It was the only piece of him she had.

  “It’s okay,” he said, already starting to edge away. “Don’t worry about it.”

  He wasn’t going to make this easy for her, was he?

  “I went to see George yesterday at the hospital,” she said.

  That stopped him. He turned back to her. “How’s he doing?”

  “Pretty well, I think, considering.” She sipped her latte, waiting to see if he’d say anything else. When he didn’t, she said, “You should go see him.”

  He nodded, looking less than thrilled at the prospect.

  “I know he’d appreciate it. He adores you.”

  “I’ll try.” The way he said it sounded more like no way in hell.

  Whatever, she wasn’t his mother. It wasn’t her job to nag him about social niceties. New Improved Penny didn’t do that kind of thing for men anymore.

  “So med school, huh?” She tried to keep her voice light, like she was just making friendly conversation.

  A muscle tightened in his jaw. “Yeah.”

  “I had no idea. How old are you?”

  “Twenty-three. I took a gap year after college to save money.” He grimaced. “And to work on my MCAT scores.”

  Penny was twenty-five, which meant she was chasing after a younger man. Somehow that made it even more enticing.

  He shifted his feet and stared at the floor, clearly desperate to get out of the conversation. Any second now he’d make his escape. If she left it up to him, they’d go back to the way things were before, when he’d barely acknowledged her existence. And then in a month he’d be gone. She’d never see him again.

  Unless she did something.

  Here goes nothing.

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday.”

  He lifted his eyes from the floor. “Oh.”

  “Yeah.” Penny looked around. It was quiet in the shop. Now was as good a time as any. “Can we…?” She tilted her head toward the back where they’d had their tête-à-tête yesterday.

  “Hey, Elyse,” Caleb said without taking his eyes off Penny. “I’m taking a break. You’ll be okay on your own for a few, right?”

  “Uh huh.” She waved him off without looking up from her phone.

  Penny slid off her stool and followed Caleb into the back. This time, she was clearheaded enough to bring her purse with her. Her knees felt a little wobbly though, and she put a hand on the cinderblock wall to steady herself.

  You can do this. You’ve got nothing to lose.

  Except my pride.

  He stopped in front of the office door again and turned to face her. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

  She nodded. “I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday and…” She took a breath. “I don’t accept it.”

  His brow crinkled. “You don’t accept what?”

  “I don’t care that you’re leaving.”

  His brow crinkled even more. “Thanks?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I care that you’re leaving, obviously.”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “I’m saying, I’m not looking for long-term commitment. Maybe I just want to have some fun with no strings.”

  He stared at her. “Are you serious?”

  “Completely. One hundred percent.”

  Footsteps plodded toward them as a customer headed into the men’s restroom.

  She couldn’t do this in a hallway with people going in and out of the bathroom. Penny grabbed Caleb by the arm and dragged him into the office, pulling the door shut behind them.

  She’d never been in there before. It was the size of a large closet, and the smell of coffee was overpowering but also deliciously comforting. Metal shelves covered two walls, packed with bulk supplies: napkins, cups, bags of coffee beans, dish soap. Next to a metal filing cabinet, a cheap particleboard desk held a laptop and a stack of invoices. Every available surface was cluttered, and Penny’s fingers itched with the urge to tidy and organize everything.

  “What are we doing in here?” Caleb asked.

  “Talking.” Her heart pounded in her chest. If she was wrong about this, she’d never recover from the humiliation. But she saw something in his eyes that gave her courage: longing. “Maybe more than talking.”

  His gaze traveled down her body and he swallowed hard. She watched with a sense of triumph as his throat constricted. The way he was looking at her—she wasn’t wrong. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  Okay, then.

  She stepped into his personal space and felt a thrill when he didn’t step back. Another triumph. “Tell
me you don’t want to kiss me again.”

  He sucked in a sharp breath, but didn’t speak.

  She smiled, gaining confidence. “Tell me you don’t want to kiss me, right now, and I’ll leave you alone forever.”

  Still nothing.

  She laid a hand on his chest. His pec was like granite. She slid her hand down his torso, to the abs she’d fantasized about. His breath hitched as her fingers traced the hard ridges. Talk about granite…

  “Penelope.” He sounded tortured. Poor thing.

  She looked up at him with her hand spread out on his stomach. A mere inch above the waistband of his jeans. “What? Tell me to stop if you want. Say it.”

  He grabbed her and crushed his mouth against hers. Penny’s purse slid off her shoulder and hit the floor with a thunk.

  Their last kiss had started out sweet and tentative, but there was nothing tentative about this one. It was rough and desperate and messy. His tongue explored her mouth with wanton determination as he pushed her up against the shelving unit. Some sort of paper product fell on them, glancing off her shoulder, but neither of them paid any attention. All their attention was consumed by each other.

  Her hands gripped his shoulders, fingernails digging into the muscle for better purchase. One of his palms moved over her breast while the other cupped her ass. As their hips ground together something hard and heavy pressed into her stomach. Penny moaned, arching against him.

  Caleb let go as abruptly as he’d grabbed her and took a step back. “This is a bad idea.” He ran a hand through his hair.

  “Why?” Her voice rose in disappointment. It wasn’t a bad idea, it was a fantastic idea.

  “Because I’ve tried long-distance relationships and they never work out.”

  “I agree.” Penny watched his chest rise and fall. “Long-distance relationships are the worst.”

  “So…” His tongue ran over his lower lip and she knew he was tasting her there.

  She stepped toward him again. “So what?”

  He shoved his hands in his back pockets, like he needed to physically restrain himself from reaching for her. “So it’s a bad idea to start something now when there’s no future in it.”

  Penny put her hand on his chest. “I’m not saying we should have a relationship. I’m saying we should have sex.”

  He blinked. “Oh.” The sound warmed the air between them.

  “That’s all you have to say? Oh?” Her fingers smoothed over his T-shirt.

  “I don’t—”

  “Want to?” she challenged.

  He shook his head. “I don’t think we should.” So he did want to. He was just being a chicken.

  “Why?”

  His expression softened into regret. “Because I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t do that to you.”

  Penny made a sound of frustration. “I’m a big girl. I promise not to get attached.”

  His eyes bored into hers, challenging. “You sure about that?”

  Not really. But she wanted to find out. Consequences be damned.

  Her fingertips curled into his shirt. “I don’t want to wonder what it could have been like.”

  “You don’t think we’ll regret this?” Lust pinked his cheeks as he glanced down at her hand on his chest.

  Was it her or was the room getting smaller? “I think we’ll regret it even more if we don’t. At least once, to get it out of our system.”

  “Once?” He blinked, and she could swear he looked almost—disconcerted. “You think that’ll be enough?”

  Penny smiled. “Let’s find out.”

  Indecision twisted in his expression. His eyes flicked to her mouth, and she knew he was thinking about kissing her again. His control was slipping. She almost had him. She rose up on her toes, straining toward him—

  “I can’t,” he said flatly.

  She dropped back on her heels and took her hand off his chest. She wouldn’t force herself on him. If he said no, he said no. “That’s too bad.” She struggled to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

  His eyes dropped to the floor, shoulders slumping.

  Projecting an attitude of cool nonchalance, she picked up her purse, took her phone out, and typed a quick text. She smirked in satisfaction at the way he jumped when his phone vibrated.

  “That’s for you,” she said, her pulse pounding at her own boldness.

  “What is it?” He fumbled his phone out of his pocket and frowned at the screen.

  “My address. Just in case you change your mind.”

  Without waiting for him to respond, she yanked the door open and walked out. He didn’t follow her.

  No one looked up as she emerged from the back. They were all in the same positions they’d been in a few minutes ago, like flies trapped in amber or an exhibit at the natural history museum. Twenty-first century humans at a coffee shop.

  It felt like Penny had stepped out of a time machine back into the present day. Like the last five minutes hadn’t happened to anyone but her. She called out a goodbye to Elyse and hurried out the door without looking back.

  Penny had made her offer. It was up to Caleb now to accept it. Or not.

  Chapter Eleven

  She couldn’t believe she’d done it.

  Just…thrown herself at Caleb like that.

  Even more amazing was that he hadn’t seemed to mind. In fact, he’d seemed to enjoy it quite a lot for a minute there. Until he’d changed his mind.

  At least she’d tried. She could feel proud of herself for that much. She’d made a pass at a super-hot guy without completely making a fool of herself. How about that for New Improved Penny’s first foray into uncharted territory?

  She spent the rest of the day trying to catch up on work while visions of Caleb tried to superimpose themselves over the prior art for the thermoplastic polyurethane cell phone case on her computer screen.

  At five o’clock, she logged out and drove to the hospital to visit George. He was looking better tonight. Sitting up in bed, talking a little easier. She stayed a half hour this time, and George even did some of the talking, complaining about the food and the noise and the nurses who woke him up at all hours of the night.

  When she got home, she was lucky enough to squeeze her small Kia Soul into a cramped space on the street two blocks from her building. Her apartment didn’t have an assigned space, and this time of day the street parking situation resembled a scene from Mad Max. In the year since she’d moved to Los Angeles, she’d become an expert parallel parker.

  As she walked up the sidewalk, Penny noticed a man standing in front of her building, staring up at it. Fear prickled at the back of her neck until the stranger’s silhouette resolved into a familiar build with a slouch she knew well, and a dizzying shot of adrenaline surged through her veins.

  It was Caleb.

  She said his name and he turned to her in surprise, his face contorting into the guilty expression of a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar—or standing outside the cookie jar creepily staring at it, in this case.

  Penny stopped in front of him. He smelled like coffee, even standing outside with two feet of space between them, and it immediately triggered a sense memory of their kiss in the storeroom. Her mouth watered in response.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to sound calm.

  It had been disorienting enough to see him at the hospital, outside of Antidote. But that was nothing compared to seeing him here, where she lived. On her turf. It was like a character from a television show had stepped off the screen and materialized at her front door.

  He looked sheepish. “Definitely not stalking you outside your apartment.”

  “It’s not stalking if you’ve been invited.” She could barely hear herself speak over the racing of her pulse. The Indy 500 was thrumming inside her ribcage.

  He plunged his hands into his pockets. Was she really such a temptress that he felt the need to handcuff himself around her all the time?

  “Where’s you
r boom box?” she asked. “Aren’t you going to hold it over your head and play Peter Gabriel at me? I assume that’s why you’re here.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “I guess I must have forgotten it.” She adored that mouth twitch. She wanted to devour it.

  “That’s too bad. I love Peter Gabriel.” She stared into his eyes, caught in their mesmerizing spell. Outdoors, the gold in them seemed to glow even brighter, taking on glints of copper and bronze.

  “I’ve been trying to talk myself out of knocking on your door.”

  A little spike of hope kicked her in the back of the knees. “For how long?” she asked, fighting off the urge to do a little victory dance right there on the sidewalk.

  “About ten minutes.”

  “How’s it going?”

  He shrugged, hands still deep in his pockets. “So-so.”

  She was starting to feel faint. “Caleb?”

  His eyes dropped to her mouth. “Hmmm?”

  “Do you want to come up?”

  He shook his head. “Yes.”

  A laugh burst out of her like a champagne cork. And then a miracle happened.

  Caleb smiled.

  An unrestrained, genuine smile curved his lips, lighting up his whole face as it shone out of his eyes. It was even more beautiful than she’d imagined. It was like the rain clouds had parted and a beam of sunlight appeared from the heavens to create a double rainbow.

  Penny grinned in response. “I didn’t know you could smile. You should do it more often.”

  His smile dimmed a little, but didn’t completely disappear. It was still a single rainbow. “I smile.”

  “Not like that. Not like you mean it.”

  “I’m just selective about who I smile at.”

  “I feel honored to have finally passed the test.”

  Regret flashed in his eyes. He looked down at the sidewalk and shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

  “Yes you do.” Every muscle in her body was quivering with need. She wanted to leap at him and lavish him with kisses, but she held herself back. He was still skittish, like a lost dog. If she moved too quickly she might frighten him away.

  A car with a faulty muffler cruised by like a shark, in search of a parking space. She waited until it had passed. “Okay, well, this has been fun, but I’m going upstairs. Are you coming with me?”