Slave to Love

by Julie A. Richman

  “Only if it’s good.”

  “It’s very good.”

  “Okay, then.”

  “That same night, with Susan and Robyn right there, one of the ladies in accounting asked me if I had a girlfriend.”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “I told her the truth.”

  “And what is that?”

  “I told her that there’s someone very special in my life. And they said, ‘Call her. Have her come meet us.’ And I told them I can’t, she lives in Austin.”

  “Anyone I know?” Sierra looks most amused.

  “I don’t know, you might know her. She’s a really pretty, intelligent blonde. Very driven. I’m working with her on an event and she’s got amazing, kissable lips.” Putting my lips close to her ear, “And nipples that like to torment me.”

  “Where have you been, Bev and I have been trying to reach you?”

  Putting my cell phone onto speaker, I bring Monica into the bathroom with me so that we can talk as I wash my face and brush my teeth.

  “I was having dinner with Hale.”

  “Dinner with Hale? Oh my God, we have so much to talk about.”

  “What’s going on?” Looking in the mirror I can see how much happier I look. One conversation that set everything straight was like lifting a hundred pound blanket of gray gloom. Being out of sorts with Hale causes this odd, empty pain. Everything feels out of sync and I’m too distracted to function properly. I hate the feeling.

  “The rumor mill is spinning wildly. Have you spoken to Kemp?”

  “What’s the rumor and no. He was flying back to New York today. He’s been at that seminar in Seattle all week.”

  “Rumor is Mannon is going to announce his so-called retirement soon and will be out the door December 31st.”

  “Where did you hear it? I mean, we’ve been hearing this same shit for eighteen months now, when is he just going to fucking leave already?” Toweling off my face I leave it a little wet and grab my Vitamin C serum. With a squeeze to the rubber tip of the little medicine dropper, I release some onto my fingers and start to massage the slightly viscous liquid into my cheeks. “Just think, Robyn will need to find a new mentor,” I laugh. “So, where did you hear this tidbit?”

  “From my little buddy in HR.”

  “Ohhh, he’s usually a good source. So maybe this is going to happen.”

  “Oh my God, you are going to be promoted,” she practically sings the words.

  Pulling my tank top over my shoulders, I take a seat in the middle of my bed. “We don’t know that. It really could go either way with me and Cuntessa or they could totally fuck both of us and bring someone in from the outside. And if they did, you know it would be a man.”

  “Ugh, I know. They always find places for the boys, even if they are incompetent. Seriously though, what will you do if you don’t get it?”

  “Start looking immediately for a new job. Someplace where there is room for advancement and opportunities for women.” Opening the drawer of my nightstand, I pull out a small white box and lift the mermaid from her bed of satiny, cloudlike billows and fasten it around my neck, patting her down in place at the apex of my cleavage.

  “You are so driven.”

  Smiling, “Hale used that word today to describe me, too. But you know I have to be, Monica. My dad left us high and dry after making the commitment to support his family so that my mom could stay home and raise us. He just unfortunately made that commitment to more than one family. I will always be able to take care of myself and my family. That can never be left to anyone else to make good on that promise.”

  “Speaking of Hale, what happened with him?”

  I recount the story for her of Robyn and the selfie, “You know, I actually believe him. It all fits. Do you believe him? Was he believable when he was telling you?” Monica usually has a really good bullshit meter.

  “I do. The whole thing makes perfect sense and he seemed really sincere.”

  “Sierra, you know I’d tell you if you were chasing your tail, but I think this guy is crazy about you and I think that you two make a really good pair. You’re both so serious about business and so smart. And you look good together.”

  “I don’t know about that. After Googling him and seeing pictures of him with model-types at all these events, it’s intimidating. I try not to let it get in my head, but it’s hard. He keeps telling me to trust him.” I realize I’m holding onto the mermaid when I say that.

  “Well, you’ll see if he earns it. What he doesn’t know about you is that your trust issues with men go back to when you were just six. That’s a lot of fucked up to fight, Sierra.”

  Sighing, “I know. I wish he’d just leave me to my career.” I get under the covers and turn off the light.

  “Is that what you really wish?” Monica is not buying my story.

  “No, I really wish I wasn’t so fucked up. I wish he wasn’t a colleague. I wish I trusted him. I wish all these stupid things to make me not trust him, like sluts rubbing their hoochie on his legs, would stop happening. And I wish he were falling in love with me.”

  “Really on the last one?”

  “Yeah. I feel like I’m a train barreling down these tracks on a mountainside. Totally out of control. I’m falling so in love with him and I can’t stop it. I’m so far out of my comfort zone and I’m really afraid I’m going to end up there alone.” Tears are springing from my eyes but I’m trying to keep them out of my voice.

  “You are beautiful, smart and successful, so don’t sell yourself short. I don’t think he knows what to do with you, Sierra. I don’t think he’s used to women who can challenge him in the way that you do. And face it, girlfriend, you are a bit of a challenging personality. So now the only question that remains is this, is Hale Lundström up for the challenge?”

  “You are so good for my ego.”

  “You know me, I only speak truth.”

  “I hope you’re up for it,” I later whisper to no one as I approach the edge of sleep and it welcomes me into its fold.

  “If you invite me over sometime, then I can stop showing up unannounced.” Hale is smiling down at me, the sun low in the sky behind him making me squint up at him.

  It’s Sunday morning. 8:30 A.M. My hair is a tangled rat’s nest. No make-up. White tank top (No bra. Nipples plotting devilishly) and a pair of UT sweat-shorts that says TEXAS across my ass.

  Lifting up two bags to show me, he thrusts one at me and I take it to the dining room table.

  “You’re not a morning person, are you?” his smile tells me he is most amused.

  Unloading the bag, there are two large coffees, I pop the lid of the first one, then the other and hand Hale the black coffee. Two croissants, four breakfast tacos, a bag of beignets and a large container of fresh-squeezed orange juice. Grabbing plates, glasses and utensils from the kitchen, I bring them out to the dining room table and sit down across from Hale.

  After the first sip of coffee has permeated my bloodstream and the caffeine has done what it’s paid to do, I am finally able to speak. With a smile, “What a nice surprise. Thank you for bringing over breakfast.”

  How can a man make sipping coffee from a cardboard cup look so damn sexy? I wonder how many days it’s been since he last shaved, his stubble beard is so thick and dark. So masculine. I want to run my fingertips over it to feel the sharp sting and even more than that, I wonder how it would feel scratching the skin of my neck following his lips and teeth. My thighs twitch at the thought and I’m too afraid to look down and see what my nipples are doing. I can hear them screaming, “Bite me through the shirt.” “Yeah, bite her, but suck me.” I silently tell them, “Shut up, sluts.”

  “I hope you like the assortment.” He’s looking for validation.

  “Perfect. Coffee and tacos make me very happy.”

  “You were so cute that you couldn’t speak before you drank coffee.

  Laughing, “I’m glad you find that cute.”

  “Y
our mussed up morning look is very cute, too.”

  The Google images flood my mind, “Yeah, not quite what you’re used to. I don’t quite have that model in the morning thing going.”

  His coffee cup comes down with a thud and he’s looking at me like I’m crazy. “Sierra, they don’t hold a candle to you.”

  “Yeah, right,” I scoff.

  Shaking his head, like he’s disgusted with me. “Starting this week we are going to be sleeping, eating and breathing TFV1, so I was hoping we could take some time before the craziness kicks in to get to know each other better. We’ve known one another for several months now and I hardly know a thing about you. And I want to. I know that after today you’re going to be seeing a very different person in me at the office. As we go into the homestretch, there are matters that are going to require my complete focus. So, I might seem more than a bit distant to you.”

  I want to tell him everything about me. I want him to know and understand who I am. It’s just not as easy as he makes it out to be. But I fear this window of opportunity he’s describing. Like the Hale I know is about to disappear. And I don’t want him to go.

  “I have an idea,” I smile at him. “Give me a few minutes to get dressed.”

  “You look fine to me.” He’s staring at my nipples.

  I look down at my high-beams. “They like you, too. But I really need them to behave in public.”

  He laughs, totally surprised by my admission. I’m talking about my nipples to the man.

  A few minutes later I emerge in jeans and sneakers, wearing a hoodie over a black tank top that is much less revealing, and hand Hale a long clear plastic pack filled with bright rainbow colors.

  He looks at it for a moment, “A kite?”

  “A dual control kite,” I clarify. “I got it as a gift and I’ve never used it. And today is cool and breezy, so I thought maybe we could go over to Zilker Park and fly it.”

  “Do you know how to fly a kite?”

  I shake my head no. “Hold onto a handle and run?” My ventured guess is bringing out his sexy smile.

  “This should be good,” he laughs. “Let’s go.”

  Maneuvering both my body and the kite into the Lotus is a feat.

  “That just might be harder than getting in here in a short skirt.” There was no way he was going to miss that opportunity to tease me.

  Looking over at his beautiful profile and stubble-covered jaw, I realize that I can’t deny how much I really enjoy being in his company.

  “I like being with you,” I blurt out as we head down Riverside Drive toward Barton Springs Road.

  Taking his hand off the shift, he slides it to my leg, giving my thigh a quick squeeze, before returning it to downshift.

  “I’ll one-up you,” he says as we pass a food truck court on the edge of the park, “I don’t like being without you.”

  We’ve finally got this damn thing airborne, soaring into the clear azure sky, the growing Austin skyline providing the perfect backdrop for our wayward rainbow bird. We’re running with it, pulling on the cords to follow the wind and remain aloft. It dips right and I pull hard, catching an incoming gust. Sierra lets out a delighted screech and then pulls her cord before it dips too far and comes hurtling downward… again. She catches it right as the wind kicks up and off we go running as it pulls us across the great lawn. And we run until a shift in the wind has me backing up, trying to rein it in and slow it down. I turn to my left and run right into Sierra, a tangle of arms, legs and cords. Instinct puts me into protect mode and I grab Sierra before I hit the ground, letting her drop on top of me so that her fall will be cushioned.

  Splat! We’re down on the hard ground and my right shoulder is taking the heat for this fall, but my grip around her remains steadfast.

  “Are you okay?” She’s my first worry.

  Sierra’s face is down by my shoulder and I can’t see her eyes.

  “Yeah. I’m fine, but I smushed you. Are you okay?” She lifts her head to look at me.

  “My shoulder hurts like a bitch, but nothing a hot shower won’t fix.” I smile at the girl on top of me and don’t loosen my hold. Not even a little bit.

  Inching up me, I feel her whole body along the length of mine, pressing in all the right places and the pain in my shoulder evaporates as if I’d never landed on it. I feel her breasts against my chest, and my cock, pressing her thigh, instantly hardens.

  Moving an arm up to my face, she stares intently into my eyes, her look very serious, as she pushes back hair from my forehead, raking it with her fingers, before running her palm back and forth on the sharp stubble covering my jaw. Looking up into her eyes, I’d kill to know the thoughts running through her head right now. I’m surprised by the way she is touching me. Tender is the only word I can come up with. Tender. This world isn’t tender. My world has never been tender, and I briefly curse her because after this moment, I know I will always crave tenderness. Damn you, Sierra Stone. Tenderness is not part of the bargain.

  Her head dips to mine, softly she kisses the side of my chin. This is all so unexpected. Continuing, her lips softly graze my jaw farther back, close to my ear, and then she plants a third soft kiss on the crest of my cheekbone, before pulling back to regard me.

  “Three more weeks and we will no longer be working together. Surely I should be able to control myself for three more weeks, right?”

  She doesn’t wait for my answer.

  “But you know what I really fear. I fear that you are a thrill seeker. Actually I know you are a thrill seeker. Look at your life. Who leaves MIT to go and do what you did? A man who needs to be so far out on the edge that one precarious shift in the wind and it’s all over. But there’s a thrill in that for you, isn’t there, Hale? And so I fear that after the conquest, you move on. And after this event is all over and we have fucked on every surface, vertical and horizontal, you will just be a memory of a guy that wanted to nail me because I said no.”

  “Is that what you think?” My anger is rising and my hold on her tightens even more.

  She nods.

  “I love the edge, Sierra. I’ve faced dangers that would make most men shit their pants and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat, without thinking twice. That’s as natural to me as breathing. I thrive on it and I excel at it. It’s why I’m here. So, you got that absolutely right. Where you are wrong, dead wrong, is about us. When I told you that I don’t like being without you, that was a huge admission for me to tell you that. That is really going far out on the edge for me. I have never told a woman that before. But it’s the truth. When you’re not with me, you’re always with me. And that’s why I want you always with me. So if you think I’m in it for the chase and then next, that’s not what’s going on.”

  “What is going on, Hale?”

  “You tell me, Sierra.”

  She just shakes her head. I see the emotion building and I know she’s not able to speak.

  “You’re seeing three weeks as the end, mermaid. I’m seeing it as the beginning. I’ll be able to touch you without you worrying if you are throwing away your life’s dream, everything you’ve worked so hard for. I’ll be able to be open that you are a special part of my life.” I laugh, “I’ll be able to put out a picture in my office in New York of the two of us together. That’s going to really freak some people out.”

  She almost smiles at that, but not quite.

  “What happened to you, Sierra?” I’m hoping that lying here, flat on my back in the grass, with her molded on top of me, that she helps me to understand why she thinks I’m such a douche.

  Watching her facial muscles twitch in sequence as she licks and bites her lips, I have to wonder what is causing this turmoil. This is not about me, I know that. I just have to convince her of it.

  “Talk to me, mermaid,” I implore. “I want to know.”

  With a deep breath, her eyes wander and pinpoint some spot across Lady Bird Lake that she fixates on. “I’ve been so focused on my career and relationships
have been a distant second because I learned very, very young that you can only depend on yourself.”

  I wish she’d look at me, but I understand that telling me her story and looking at me is more vulnerable than she’s ready to be. This is step one.

  “I was six when my father left us. My sister was eight. My mom was a stay at home mom. My father didn’t want her working, he wanted her home raising us. So, she did. She really didn’t have any workplace skills, so when he left, we were in a world of hurt.”

  “Did he pay alimony and child support?”

  Sierra finally looks down at me, a small smile on her face does not paint a happy picture.

  “Well, that’s kind of where the problem came in. What my mom found out when she went to divorce him was that my father was married. Just not to her.”

  “Son of a bitch.” I feel her pain sear my solar plexus. This event shaped her and this man tainted her.

  “You’re being too kind. Turns out that mom was quasi-wife number two. There was his legal wife, quasi-wife number one and then my mom. He had kids with all of them and he was very good at figuring out how to go off the grid and not be found. So my mom never collected a cent.”

  “Wow. That’s harsh.” I think of my own cushy childhood. Two parents, a beautiful home in Marblehead and a summer house on Nantucket. Growing up certainly wasn’t without pain, but security and deceit were never issues.

  “I can’t fuck things up, Hale. And if I do, it can’t be over a man. Do you understand that?”

  Removing one of my hands from her back, I cup her small face. “I’m not him.”

  “I want to believe that. I do. But you grabbed my ass after a business meeting.”

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. “We have come a long way since then, Sierra, and you know that. I’ve kind of told you, but let me finally tell you the full embarrassing truth behind the ass-grab. And it is embarrassing. That was not my lame attempt to pick you up.” I stop, here comes the whole truth, the God-awful, embarrassing truth. “I had been fantasizing about you. Throughout that whole meeting I was daydreaming, if you will, about me and you. And before that meeting you had been on my mind non-stop. So, when I touched you, at first appropriately, then inappropriately, it was because my mind was elsewhere, in fantasyland. And in fantasyland, you were mine and touching you was natural, because there, in fantasyland, I always touch you.”