Beyond Reason

by Gwen Kirkwood

  ‘I understand, Fingal,’ Janet said quietly and laid a hand on his arm. He put his hand on top of hers, holding it there, feeling the delicate bone structure through her glove. ‘I cannot regret what I have done for my mother’s sake. She lived longer than Doctor Carr had expected. He said it was because Josiah had given her the best food possible and I – I gave her the love and care she needed.’ She drew her hand away from his to dash away her tears.

  ‘I do understand, Janet, even while I regret I could do nothing. Is – is Mr Saunders good to you?’

  ‘Oh, yes. He is kind and generous. He has put ten pounds in my bank book in the Reverend Drummond’s bank. He says it is for a rainy day, although he hopes all my days will have sunshine from now on. We both know life is not like that,’ she added sadly. ‘Best of all, he is teaching me many of the things I would have learned from Grandfather and he says I can read any of the books in his library.’ Her eyes shone. ‘You don’t know how wonderful that is after having only the Bible to read at Braeheights, at least until Andrew gave me the book of poems which you bought for him.’

  ‘I knew he did not have long to live and that he would pass on the book to you, Janet. Andrew always preferred mathematics to poetry. He would have made a fine engineer.’

  Josiah joined them in the library when he had seen a disgruntled Eliza take her leave with a very sulky Henry. Apparently Henry had hoped to stay at Crillion Keep for some weeks until his father recovered from their latest quarrel concerning Henry’s extravagance.

  ‘That is the last of them away,’ he said with a sigh, seating himself in one of the large leather armchairs beside the fire. ‘You will join us for dinner, Fingal. I would like to hear about your work now you have moved to Edinburgh. I asked your mother to join us too but she refused.’ He smiled. ‘She says she would not feel comfortable eating in my company since I am her employer, but she says she will have time to talk to you this evening when she gets back to her own fireside.’

  ‘Thank you, sir. If my mother is happy with the arrangement I shall be pleased to join you, for I must leave on the morning coach and return to Edinburgh and there will be no other opportunity to catch up on the local news. Has Mr Bell from Home Farm fully recovered?’

  ‘He has indeed and his son Thomas was hoping he might have an opportunity to catch up with you.’

  ‘Do you remember Thomas, Janet? He was at school with Andrew and me.’

  ‘Yes, but I did not know him well. He only boarded with us in the winter.’

  ‘He always knew much more about nature and the seasons than we did, and the moon and stars too.’

  ‘He loves the land,’ Josiah said. ‘He will be a good manager one day if he follows in his father’s footsteps, as I hope he will. I was fortunate to inherit so many loyal families from my great-uncle, including your parents, Fingal, and now your sister and Donald. I knew little about farming the land.’

  Fingal had the strangest feeling that Mr Saunders was giving him some sort of hidden message but he couldn’t think how this conversation applied to him, other than giving news of old friends, but then Josiah continued, ‘Someday there will be no such thing as class. There is no reason why a hard-working, honest woman who is also an excellent cook, as your mother is – there should be no reason for her to be ill at ease with someone like me. Education should be for everyone, and especially for girls from poorer families. The changes will not happen in my lifetime, nor in yours perhaps, but I see changes ahead.’

  ‘I have heard there are rumblings and disagreements amongst the clergy too,’ Fingal remarked thoughtfully.

  ‘So I believe. Many of them disagree with being dependent on the local laird for their living. I believe the Reverend Drummond sees trouble ahead on that score.’

  Janet was very tired after the strains of the day and she was happy to sit quietly and listen to the deep voices in pleasant conversation. She loved the library with its wall of book-filled shelves. Above the fireplace, a semicircle of daggers was neatly arranged in order of size and on either side hung two pairs of swords in beautifully decorated scabbards. Josiah said he believed they had belonged to his ancestors but when she said she preferred the paintings of the cows and sheep and the pretty girls beside a stream, which were hung on either side of the long window, he had laughed and told her he had bought them himself and he preferred them too.

  ‘Isn’t that right, Janet?’

  She jumped and looked up startled. ‘I-I’m sorry I was not listening,’ she stammered, coming out of her reverie.

  ‘I expect you are exhausted my dear,’ Josiah said gently. ‘I was telling Fingal how happy we should be to receive a letter from him occasionally, especially if he includes a sheet for his mother. I’m sure she misses your visits now you have moved back to Edinburgh.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind paying to receive what little news I might have, sir, I would be happy to write. Can I expect a reply?’ He grinned. ‘Andrew and I guarded our pennies closely when we were at university so we did not get letters, but I can afford to pay to receive a letter now and I would be pleased to hear news of my family and friends.’

  ‘Then that is settled. Janet enjoys writing. She is a great help with my ledgers. I’m sure you would be happy to write to an old friend, wouldn’t you, my dear?’ He turned to Fingal. ‘Perhaps your mother will add a few lines of her own too.’

  ‘Yes, I would be happy to write you a letter,’ Janet said. ‘When I was at Braeheights I longed for a letter but nobody ever received one. Mr Foster would have sent them away rather than pay to accept their delivery.’ Her tone was faintly bitter and both men realized this was unusual for Janet and belied some of the yearning she must have felt for news of Andrew and her mother, especially when Foster refused to allow her to attend church.

  They ate their evening meal together and Fingal recounted anecdotes about his work.

  ‘Now that the senior partner knows he can trust me, he sends me to the distant cases because I am a single man without the responsibility of a wife and family. Unfortunately it has stirred some jealousy with one of the other young lawyers who has been there a year longer than I have, but he is not very conscientious, and sometimes not very honest. This troubled me at first, but I have learned that Mr Crosby, the senior partner in the firm, is a shrewd judge of character. He knows everything that goes on in his offices.’

  ‘I’m sure it pays to be honest in the long run, Fingal,’ Josiah agreed. ‘You have done well. Dominie McWhan always said you would go far when you got the scholarship to go on to university. He would have been proud of you, as we all are.’

  As she lay in bed that night, Janet felt it had been one of the saddest days of her life and yet it had ended with peace and contentment in the company of Josiah and Fingal. She had been happy listening to them talk. If only Fingal did not have to leave so soon, or stay so far away. She had no idea when they would see him again and it saddened her when she rose the following morning and heard that he had already left.

  Chapter Twelve

  Janet had been helping the two gardeners make a herb garden with wedges of sage, thyme, mint, lavender and a low hedge of rosemary. She had left spaces where she could plant parsley and other tender herbs in the spring. It was not far from the kitchen and that pleased Maggie McLauchlan too, but as winter approached she was happy staying indoors.

  ‘I have a surprise for you, Janet,’ Josiah said one day when he came to find her in the library. He held out a small oblong box and when she slid open the lid she was astonished.

  ‘Are these the writing pens with metal nibs you were telling me about?’ she asked, lifting one slender wooden rod from the box and gently stroking the back of the shiny end.

  ‘Yes. You will never need to sharpen a quill again with these. Each one has a different end so I bought two shafts and four nibs. You can practise with them all until you find the one which suits you best.’

  ‘That’s wonderful!’ Janet stood up and faced him. ‘I do
n’t know how to thank you. You are so thoughtful.’ She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

  ‘Thank you, my dear.’ Josiah’s voice was husky, then he chuckled softly. ‘You may not thank me when you make blots on the page. It takes time to get used to the new nibs so I would suggest you practise before you reply to Fingal’s letter. I know how neat you are. And this is for you too.’ He lifted a stand from a box. It was a heavy brass stand with an inkwell at each end with hinged brass lids. In the middle was a tray for resting pens. ‘One for black and one for blue ink,’ he said. ‘They are similar to the one I have on my desk. You can keep yours in here. I am pleased you enjoy using the library.’

  ‘I think it is the loveliest room in the house,’ Janet said.

  ‘Yes, I think I might agree with you since you have come to Crillion Keep, my dear. Your presence makes it welcoming and the fire burns more brightly now it is in use every day. We are gradually getting the books into order too.’ He sighed. ‘Crillion Keep is far too large for one man, or even one family, unless he had a large number of children and staff. It would be ideal as a school for all the parish children.’

  ‘A school?’ Janet echoed.

  ‘I would have dearly liked to be a dominie like your grandfather and inspired children to learn as he did. The tower was already shut up when I came to live here. The furniture is covered in dust sheets but the windows are never opened nor fires lit. No doubt everything will smell of mould. Maybe one day it will be put to good use again. There are four floors as well as stairs up to the roof. I have never managed to climb further than the first floor. When summer comes again you must go and explore and tell me all you have found. There may be pictures you would like to hang in this part of the house.’

  ‘I would love to explore and then describe the rooms to you.’

  ‘When it is warmer, then. Already it is cold whenever we leave the fire.’

  ‘It is,’ Janet agreed. She knew Josiah felt the cold much worse than most people. Doctor Carr had mentioned something about poor circulation and the heart being like a pump, which didn’t always work very well. Josiah’s bedroom was directly across the hall from the library. It had once been used as a sitting room and it was rather too large to be cosy, although Mrs Mossy always kept the fire burning, even in summer. It was Janet who suggested moving the large screen from the main dining room to keep the draughts at bay when Josiah was washing and dressing or preparing for bed. He had been full of praise for her thoughtfulness and declared it a great improvement, especially as he valued his independence and refused to have a valet or a butler, despite Eliza’s hectoring.

  It was the middle of December when one of the Rosses’ footmen rode up to Crillion Keep with a letter from Eliza requesting that Josiah should come to visit her in her sickbed. She had the influenza and was feeling down in spirits. It was Mrs Mossy who brought the letter to the library where Janet and Josiah were discussing the philosophies of Adam Smith with Doctor Carr, who had come to lunch. Now that she knew the old doctor better Janet realized he made these monthly visits to observe and check up on her husband’s health rather than because he was in need of a good meal, although he always ate with relish and praised Mrs McLauchlan’s cooking.

  Josiah read Eliza’s letter aloud the second time, his astonishment evident.

  ‘Mrs Mossy, will you see the man gets some refreshment please. I shall speak to him shortly. Perhaps you could ask if Mrs Ross is very ill and confined to bed all day?’ He waited until Mrs Mossy had left the room, then turned to look at Doctor Carr. ‘My company always causes Eliza aggravation. Could it be that she is seriously ill?’

  ‘Whatever her reason this is not the time of year for you to be away from home, Josiah,’ Doctor Carr said firmly. ‘Perhaps she wants to pass on the influenza and kill you off,’ he joked. ‘Is she badly in need of your fortune, my friend?’

  ‘That could be the reason,’ Josiah said, but he was serious. ‘She asks for an allowance for Henry every time she comes but we have not seen her since Mrs Scott’s funeral. We did not part on the best of terms, but then we rarely do. Eliza constantly tries to organize me and my household.’ His face broke into a smile, wiping away several years. ‘Did you know her private grapevine failed her for once? She had not heard that Janet is my wife. Perhaps she has heard recently and wants to rage at me.’

  ‘Your marriage was such a quiet affair it could almost have been a secret. I have been surprised at the number of people who are not aware you have taken a wife, Josiah. The Reverend Drummond and I have enjoyed many a chuckle at their surprise but we saw no reason to inform them.’ He broke off as Mrs Mossy returned.

  ‘The footman says Mrs Ross stayed in her room for a week but her health is much improved. He spoke to her this morning.’

  ‘In that case I shall write a note for the man to take in reply,’ Josiah said.

  ‘Donald will be glad ye’re not venturing frae home for he smells snow in the air.’

  ‘Well, Donald is rarely wrong about the weather. Will you tell Mrs McLauchlan we shall be ready to eat in half an hour? I will bring my reply for the footman shortly.’

  Donald was right about the weather and Janet was pleased Josiah had not left his own home where they could all look after him. He inspired loyalty and respect from those around him.

  ‘I have never been so spoiled in my life,’ he said to Janet with a chuckle, one cold morning at the end of February. ‘Mrs McLauchlan cooks all my favourite dishes, Mrs Mossy keeps the fires going to keep away the chills, and even young Lizzy does her best to please, making sure I have a hot stone pig in my bed at night and hot water to wash each morning. She plumps up my pillows and mattress to make sure I shall sleep soundly, and now, Janet, I have you for a cheerful companion. I believe some of your youth and enthusiasm has rubbed off on me.’

  ‘But I do nothing to earn the luxury you have given me.’

  ‘My dear, you have done more than you will ever know since that snowy night when you struggled here more dead than alive.’

  Janet shuddered at the memory. ‘I have been so fortunate,’ she said, her voice little more than a whisper.

  ‘No, I am the one who is fortunate. I have enjoyed sharing my books and my knowledge with you, Janet, but there is little more I can teach you. We might practise our Latin and French a little more but I have been wondering if you would like to help me with the ledgers in my office? Would you like to learn about the costs of running the Home Farm, and this house, paying the wages every six months and keeping stock of things? Mrs McLauchlan tells me there is little she can teach you about cooking or running a house after your time at Braeheights.’

  ‘It was a very busy household. I would like to learn everything you are willing to teach me,’ Janet said eagerly, her eyes shining. ‘Mama said Mr Cole told her my father was the best keeper of ledgers he had ever had, as well as being a good tailor.’

  ‘Yes, it is true. Mr Cole told me that himself. He said he could trust your father to keep stock of the materials and threads and to order more at the best prices. Life seems cruel to take away young men with so much to offer.’ He sighed. ‘I wish I had known your father, Janet. But tomorrow I will start to teach you how to manage Crillion Keep and everything attached to it, the cottages which are let, the cost of repairs and those needing maintenance.’

  ‘I shall look forward to that.’

  The following morning, when Janet tapped at Josiah’s office door he called her in immediately and surprised her by presenting her with a polished wooden box.

  ‘This is one of the few things I have which belonged to my mother and I would like you to have it, Janet.’ He opened it to reveal a writing slope covered in dark red leather. It had a narrow, lidded partition to hold pens and pencils and a heavy glass inkwell at either end with silver screw-top lids.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ Janet breathed, ‘but I can’t accept it when you treasure it so much.’

  ‘Who better to have it than my wife, Janet? Eliza commandeer
ed my mother’s possessions, her silver-backed brushes and perfume bottles, and she disposed of the things she did not want. Fortunately my father kept this writing box in his own office. He said my mother was very fond of writing.’

  ‘Once again I don’t know how to thank you.’

  ‘There is no need to thank me. See here beneath the slope is a supply of paper and envelopes, and sealing wax. You will be able to use it when you reply to Fingal’s letters. I am pleased he has retained an interest in everything that goes on around Crillion Keep. At the bottom there is a secret drawer. If you feel beneath the pen box there is a tiny catch. Press it down and the drawer will open at the side. Perhaps it will be a good place to keep your savings bank card.’

  ‘That’s amazing!’ Janet’s eyes shone with pleasure.

  ‘Speaking of the bank it is time to add a little more to both our accounts.’

  ‘I couldn’t take any more after everything you have done for me, all the clothes….’

  ‘My dear Janet, it is a pleasure to give to you, but in the case of the bank it is wise to have something set aside and the Reverend Drummond appreciates our support. Also you may be glad to have money in your own name if it should take longer to settle my affairs than I anticipate when I am not here to protect you.’

  ‘Oh please don’t – don’t think about such things,’ Janet pleaded, her eyes shocked.

  ‘Very well, but leave your bank card with me for now and I shall add a contribution for both of us. Now shall we look at the way I keep the ledger for this household for a start? Draw up your chair, my dear.’

  Janet enjoyed studying Josiah’s methods of keeping his ledgers. He was methodical and each ledger was kept for a different purpose. They began with Crillion Keep and how it was run, then moved on to Home Farm, which had many more items of income and expenses, and lastly there was the ledger for the two tenanted farms and the woodlands which were part of Josiah’s estate.