Blame It on the Pain

by Ashley Jade

  I'll tell him to increase the terms of my contract as a sign of good faith...make it 20 years or some shit. I don't know.

  All I know, is there's gotta be a better way. Hell, maybe I should tell him that an FBI agent was plotting his murder and trying to enlist me to do so he'll really believe that I'm loyal to him.

  Irritation crosses over his features. “I know it's a lot to think about.” He pulls his card out of his wallet and hands it to me. “This deal won't be on the table for long. A few weeks at most.”

  He goes to turn around but pauses. “The only thing I ask is that you don't tell Alyssa I was here or that we spoke about this. She doesn't want me in her life anymore and I don't want to upset her more than I already have.”

  “Okay,” I agree. Not because I want to keep this conversation from her, but because I can't tell her about talking to Ford without giving up my involvement with DeLuca. A part of me wants to tell her about Ford lurking outside her bar, but there's no guarantee that she won't find him to confront him about it. And if she does, I'm sure he'll tell her all about my involvement.

  After I watch him go to his car and drive off I head inside the bar.

  Momma's got a line up of shots in front of her now. It seems that everyone in the bar is enamored by Momma and wants to see her get drunk.

  I shake my head and laugh. Alyssa's eyes catch mine and she lets out a little squeal before running and jumping into my arms.

  She gives me a kiss and I begin to lose myself in her, not caring about anything else. Only her.

  I pull away and look at her. “I love you.”

  She gives me a smile and I put her down. “I love you, too,” she whispers.

  Then she collapses and passes out cold.

  I barely even have time to catch her before she hits the ground, taking my entire heart with her.

  Chapter 31 (Alyssa)

  I hear shouting somewhere in the distance but I'm unable to move.

  I'm so cold. My head feels like it's submerged underwater and I'm floating. There's pressure on my chest and chills are raking up and down my spine.

  “Did she have anything to drink?” I hear Jackson's voice growl.

  There's mumbling in the distance.

  “No, I'm not talking about alcohol, Momma,” Jackson says. “She doesn't drink alcohol. I'm talking about a regular drink. Water? Juice?”

  “I think she had some water,” Ricardo says. “I'm not sure, though. We were all paying attention to Momma.”

  “Well did she leave her cup anywhere? Fuck, maybe someone slipped something into her drink,” Jackson barks.

  I hear some shuffling before I have the feeling of being lifted in the air. Which only does wonders for the feeling of floating that I have. The chills are getting worse and my body is breaking out in a sweat.

  My eyes flutter open, but the weight on my chest feels like it's made out of bricks.

  “I swear to god. If any of you fuckers slipped anything in my girls drink,” Jackson shouts, addressing the entire bar. “I will find you and you'll need a good plastic surgeon by the time I'm through with you.”

  “We need to get her to the hospital, Jackson,” Momma shouts. “She's shaking like a leaf. I think she's sick!”

  “What do you mean sick? She was fine this morning and five minutes ago. She's not sick. Someone shithead did something to her,” Jackson roars.

  “Wait a minute, Jackson. Think about it, she did run to our apartment last night in the pouring ice cold rain, wearing nothing but a pair of pajamas. It's still winter outside, she must have been freezing,” Tyrone says, worry in his tone.

  “Shit. That's right. I should've been paying better attention to her and warmed her up sooner.”

  I soon feel a wet cloth on my head courtesy of Momma. “Yeah, she's burning up. She feels feverish. I don't think no one slipped anything in her drink, Jackson. But we better take her to the hospital just to be sure.”

  She runs her hand through my hair. “It's alright, Alyssa. Momma's not gonna leave your side. I'm right here, sugar.”

  I want to speak, tell her how thankful I am for her, but this feeling is only getting worse. The chills are so bad I feel like I'm going to drop right out of Jackson's arms.

  Jackson peers down at me. “Rest if you need to. I've got you. Everything will be okay, baby.”

  Two hours later, the Doctors eyes appraise me over a pair of glasses.

  He flips open his tablet and scans the rest of the small hospital room, his eyes fall on the three huge men taking up most of the space.

  In other words, Jackson, Tyrone, and Ricardo. In addition to Momma, who hasn't stopped holding my hand the entire time.

  He clears his throat. “Are all these people members of your immediate family, young lady?”

  Before I can open my mouth, Momma and Jackson shout, “Yes! Now tell us what's wrong.”

  The Doctor's lips twitch. “I see,” he says before focusing back on his tablet. “Well, my dear, it seems that you have a touch of bronchitis, a touch of an ear infection, and the beginning stages of what looks to be walking pneumonia.”

  “Jesus,” Jackson says while sitting up in his chair. “Is she going to be okay?”

  The Doctor waves his hand. “She'll be fine. She collapsed because the ear infection threw off her equilibrium, her chest hurts because of the bronchitis, and she has chills because of the pneumonia. Luckily, we caught the pneumonia in the beginning stages. A course of antibiotics will clear everything up.”

  The Doctor pauses and fixes his eyes on me again. “Young lady, might I suggest that you don't go for a jog again in the middle of the night wearing nothing but pajamas while there is ice and rain falling from the sky during the first week of March.”

  “Thanks, Tyrone,” I mutter.

  He holds up his hands. “Don't 'thanks Tyrone' me. If you don't tell the Doctor everything, how is he supposed to be able to diagnose and treat you properly?”

  I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the Doctor. “So can I go home?”

  He shakes his head. “Yes, but not right now. I want to get some fluids in you first. The nurse should be in soon to start an IV. You can go home in the next couple of hours.” He looks at Momma. “But I do want to ensure that she has someone to take care of her for the next few days. I don't want her collapsing again.” He looks back at his tablet and makes a face. “I see that your address is the same address as the bar called “Finnley's'.”

  I wonder how he knows that my apartment is at a bar, but before I can ask he says, “My son's a musician who frequents the bar. He's also dating the owner, Shane. Nice guy.”

  I give him a smile. “That he is.”

  Momma stands up. “Don't worry, Doctor. I will see to it that she gets the very best care.”

  She turns to Jackson. “And she won't be staying at no bar. She'll be coming back to the apartment with us.”

  I open my mouth to protest, but Jackson cuts me off by saying, “Yes, of course. And you won't be the one taking care of her, Momma. I will.”

  Momma smiles and says, “Well, I'm helping. No one makes soup for the soul like I do.”

  “It's true,” Tyrone says. “Momma makes the best chicken soup in the world.”

  With that, the Doctor nods. “ Looks like you'll be in good hands. Here's your prescription. But the nurse will be here in a few moments. She'll give you your first dose of antibiotics and she'll start your IV. After that, you're free to go. Take care.”

  I take my prescription and thank him.

  Ricardo and Tyrone stand up. “We can run that over to the pharmacy for you if you want.”

  “Thanks, guys,” I tell them before they leave.

  Momma kisses my forehead. “Well, I have to run to the ladies room. You gonna be okay, sugar?”

  “I'll be fine, Momma Thank you.”

  When she leaves, Jackson envelopes me in his arms. “Don't scare me like that again.” He closes his eyes. “I swear, my heart stopped.”

&n
bsp; I want to kiss him so bad, but I don't want to get him sick. “I'm sorry. I thought I was fine. I hope I don't get you sick.”

  “Nah, I'm strong like bull.”

  “Thanks for offering to take care of me. But honestly, I'll be fine. I'm sure Shane will check on me.”

  “Nope in my bed is where you will be. Where Momma and I can nurse you back to health. Speaking of nurse's...where is she?”

  I hear the sound of someone clearing their throat and I look up.

  “She's right here,” a woman with long blonde hair, who's wearing pink scrubs informs us curtly.

  Jackson makes a face and I know what he's thinking because I'm thinking it too. The nurse looks a lot like me. She's about 10 years older than me, but she has the same build, similar features, my natural hair color, and even the same eye color; although hers are more of a brown hazel rather than green but still, it's eerily similar to mine.

  It's like I jumped into a time machine and pressed 'future.' I'm suddenly struck with the feeling of wanting to apologize for any troubles that she might have endured in her nursing career due to my sex tape.

  Then I look at her name tag and see the name staring back at me. I almost pass out again.

  “Oh, god,” I whisper. Jackson immediately looks concerned.

  But I'm too distracted when the nurse gives me a cold smile. “Yup. I'm the woman whose husband you stole. You little adulteress whore.”

  The brick on my chest practically caves in with that statement.

  Jackson stands up and scowls. ”First off, don't ever call my girl a whore again. Or I'll be lodging a complaint with the hospital. Secondly, I'm positive that Alyssa isn't responsible for whatever problems you have with your husband.”

  She puts her hands on her hips and glares at me. “Clearly your new boyfriend knows nothing about who you really are.”

  My stomach heaves because as much as I don't like it. This woman is right and I do owe her one hell of an apology for my transgressions. I can't put everything on him.

  I open my mouth to start, but Jackson takes a step closer to her. “I don't know who you are, lady. But I do know exactly who she is. Now I'm only going to tell you this once—leave. Because when the sassy southern woman, otherwise known as my Momma, comes back in here and hears you speaking to Alyssa this way. Trust me, you're going to wish you had.”

  I somehow find my voice. “Jackson, stop. She doesn't deserve to be treated like this, she has every right to be furious with me and call me those names. You don't know who she is.”

  Jackson's eyebrows shoot up. “Who is she?”

  “She's Ford's wife.”

  Chapter 32 (Alyssa)

  “Ex-wife,” she informs me. “Well, thanks to you.”

  “I'm sorry.”

  She frowns and begins setting up the supplies to start my IV. “Save it. You can't apologize for ruining someone's marriage, it's unforgivable.”

  Jackson points a finger at her. “Look, if you think I'm letting you stick a needle in her arm after you've just verbally attacked her, think again. I want another nurse.”

  “Jackson, give us a minute.”

  When he begins to protest, I add, “Please.”

  He kisses my forehead. “I'll be right outside that door.” He looks at Penelope. “And so will my Momma.”

  I sit up in bed and look at Penelope. “You're right. I can't ever apologize for something like that. It is unforgivable. But I will tell you that I'm not proud of myself. And I will tell you that woman to woman, I'm the lowest of the low and I'm ashamed of myself for that.”

  Her cold demeanor shifts a little and she takes a deep breath. “It wasn't all your fault.” She closes her eyes. “In fact, I'd say that a lot of it wasn't your fault. Especially when it started.”

  She wipes a tear from her eye and looks down. “I don't think that you were really old enough to make the adult decision to be involved with a married man back then...were you?”

  “I- um,” I stall, because being an actual adult now, I'm not entirely sure.

  “I mean, what were you, like 16?”

  I fidget with my hands. “It was within hours of 17th birthday. I begged him to see me for my birthday, though. Let's just say that I was with him when the clock struck 12. I felt like Cinderella at that moment. But looking back now, it was never a fairytale. It was a nightmare.”

  I look her in the eyes and hold out my arm. “But that's still no excuse for my part in hurting you, because I didn't stay 17 forever, Penelope. And although I only had actual sex with him once and hated myself right after. I still wanted it beforehand...and I was 21 years old when it happened.”

  Another tear falls down her cheek as she puts the tourniquet on and inserts the needle.

  “And if I'm really being honest, Ford and I always had an inappropriate relationship. I should have kicked him out of my life a lot sooner than I did. I was too codependent on him...and it was toxic. He was toxic.”

  She sniffles and I wish I could hug her. I hate that he took down another woman. And I hate that I played a part in it.

  She reaches for a tissue and wipes her face. “He is. I realize that now. I think I finally got it when our divorce was finalized a little over three months ago. After I discovered everything about the two of you. But he has this way about him, you know? And it's more than just his good looks...it's this way he has of just sucking you in. He tells you what you want to hear. Then he fucks up, you call him on it, and he apologizes and treats you like you're the most important thing in the world again. Until you're not anymore. It's a never ending cycle. Sometimes all in the same night.”

  She worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “And this whole time...you know he's just working his magic. You know he's altering your psyche in some way that you can't explain. But every time you reach to turn that light on...and you get that much closer to realizing it. Bam...he's onto you...and he's ready to strike again and lure you into his trap. The worst part is, you don't even realize how much damage he's caused until it's too late.”

  I nod my head, knowing all too well what she means. “He's a master manipulator. He's the human version of snake oil. Pretty package, and he'll sell you anything you want...but in the end...you realize that the real snake was him.”

  “Yeah, that sums it up perfectly. Look, I'm sorry for calling you a whore. I'm a 34-year-old woman. No matter how upset I am, it doesn't give me a right to slut-shame another female. And I should have left him a long time ago. Hell, I should have figured it out right when you called that night. I was so excited to get married to him, though. I thought we would have the picture perfect life. The nurse and FBI agent and our 2.5 beautiful children.”

  I reach for her hand and she lets me. “Hey. It's not too late to have that. You're nice, sweet, accomplished, and 34 is still young. I would call you beautiful but I'm afraid you would think I'm conceited.”

  She laughs and I feel a weight lift off my chest. “It is a little strange, huh? I mean, even with the dark hair you have now, we still look a lot alike. Obviously, you're younger and your tits don't sag quite like mine yet...but being in the same room with you is like being in the twilight zone.”

  I think back to all those times when I wished that I was the one Ford choose instead of her.

  Oddly enough, I feel relieved because this is like a glimpse into the future of what it would have been like. There's no doubt in my mind now that he would have done the same thing to me and I would have ended up heartbroken like Penelope.

  I give her a small smile. “Well, Ford might be the world's biggest asshole, but at least he has good taste.” I look down. “And your tits don't sag. You're still rocking it. I can only hope to look as good as you do when I'm 34.”

  Then she does something that I definitely wasn't expecting. She pulls me in for a hug. “I didn't like you when I first walked in here. But now, I'm really glad we had this conversation.”

  I hug her tighter and I feel the tears start falling. “Me too. And for the
record, I really am sorry. I wish I could take it all back and I wish you never got hurt in any of this.”

  She pulls away and pats my cheek. “Me too...but I also see now that I wasn't the only one who got hurt. Take care of yourself, Alyssa. Despite what I thought earlier, you're a good person. A good woman.”

  “Uh. Everything okay here?” Jackson questions, his eyes darting back and forth between us cautiously.

  Penelope squeezes my hand. “Yeah, everything's okay. You got a good girl, here. Take care of her.” She looks at me. “Maybe one day I'll find my own handsome knight in shining armor like you have.”

  “I hope so. Because you deserve that, Penelope.”

  She wipes her eyes and heads for the door. “I'll be back to check on you in a little while.”

  Jackson stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say right now.”

  “That makes two of us. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I met her. I'm happy I got a chance to have that conversation with her.”

  “It's fucking weird how much you look alike, though, huh?”

  “Can you blame the man for having good taste?”

  He walks over to me and puts his arms around me. He looks like he's about to say something, but Tyrone, Ricardo, and Momma walk into the room.

  Ricardo whistles. “Did you guys see that smokin' hot nurse walking down the hall.”

  Jackson grunts but I put a hand on his arm. “You should get her number, Ricardo. I happen to know for a fact that she's single.” He looks excited, until I add. “However, she's not a 'hit it and quit it'. So if you pursue her you better be serious. She's been through enough.”

  “Nah. I already learned my lesson when it comes to broken and damaged girls.”

  Jackson and Tyrone look at him but he averts his gaze and rubs his neck. “I'll meet you guys in the car.”

  “I knew he had it bad for Lou-Lou but damn,” Tyrone declares after Ricardo walks out.