Blame It on the Pain

by Ashley Jade

  “I was 18,” he says. “In fact, it was my 18th birthday. The day I officially became a man. My father wanted to celebrate by showing me what you do to rats. Or specifically, what you do when you find out that one of your men is an undercover agent.”

  His face contorts in agony. “You weren't the only one locked in a car that day, Alyssa,” he says gruffly before his tone turns somber. “I'm so sorry. I liked your dad. We did some runs together and became close. I looked up to him. Wanted to be like him. He used to talk about how much he loved his little goblin— ”

  I shoot the wall beside his head again, much closer this time. “Shut the fuck up. You didn't know shit about my dad, you piece of shit! Your father killed him! He killed him and I watched every second of it and I saw the look in DeLuca's eyes when he did it. So don't you fucking try and stand there and offer me your condolences or sympathy. Like this is some kind of hallmark moment...when you're literally the spawn of fucking Satan himself!”

  His eyes become glassy. “I didn't want to be. That day changed me. You have no idea what that day did to me.”

  “It will never compare to what it did to me.”

  “I know,” he whispers.

  In front of me, Lou-Lou's trembling and I hear her sobbing. “You're the little girl. The little girl in his nightmares.”

  “Stop, Lou-Lou,” Ricardo warns.

  Lou-Lou lifts her chin. “No. You need to know, Alyssa. He's not Bruno. Trust me, you don't know what Ricardo's been through. He's not the bad guy. Bruno is.”

  “I guess it's time to find out then, huh?”

  Ricardo's eyes meet mine. “What do you mean?”

  “Call your father and find out where he is right now. If you don't, I'll kill her in front of you and give you another nightmare.”

  Ricardo picks up his shorts off the floor but I click my tongue. “Are you armed?”

  “Would it matter? I'm not going to kill you.”

  “A leopard doesn't change its spots.”

  “You know, bitch—you're not the only one who watched their parent get murdered by the hands of DeLuca.”

  “DeLuca killed your parents?” I question.

  “Probably,” she scoffs. “Who the fuck knows. However, I was referring to Ricardo.”

  “He killed your mother?” I ask in his direction.

  Ricardo closes his eyes and nods. “Yeah. After I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him and said I would never be like him. He tracked my mother down and taught me another lesson.”

  This time, I see a tear fall down his face and I let mine fall with it. “How are you not more fucked up? How did you save yourself from becoming just like him?”

  “Believe me, he's plenty fucked up,” Lou-Lou whispers.

  Ricardo turns around and I read the large tattoo on his back scrawled in black ink. 'Sometimes there is absolutely no difference at all between salvation and damnation.”

  “It's from the Green Mile,” Lou-Lou offers.

  I ignore her and wait for him to turn back around. “You going to call him?”

  “I don't really have much of a choice. I'm not letting him kill Jackson.”

  “I swear I didn't know it was him,” Lou-Lou whispers again.

  I can't believe I almost forgot. “Lou-Lou finish telling me about your involvement with Ford.”

  She clears her throat. “Like I said, he tried to get in my pants and he knew all this stuff.” Ricardo narrows his eyes and she quickly says, “Anyway, he offered me a deal. He said that he would set it up so that I could kill DeLuca. But seeing as he was FBI, he would make sure it wouldn't get pinned on me. He said there would be someone else there, someone with more motive than I had to take the fall. I didn't know it was going to be Jackson because he refused to tell me who this other person was. He said I wouldn't find out until I got there…but I didn't go through with it. I backed out at the last minute.”

  Ricardo starts pacing. “Fuck, he was playing you both.”

  I always knew Ford was manipulative, but even I didn't think he'd take it this far. “I guess that explains why he planned to take me to Mexico. There's really no doubt in my mind that he's setting Jackson up.”

  When they both look at me I say, “Ford and me...our relationship is...was...complicated. It's really fucked up.”

  Ricardo looks disgusted. “Trust me, sweetie. You really have no idea just how fucked up,” he whispers.

  My stomach knots with those words but I don't have time to concentrate on that. “Ricardo, I need you to talk to DeLuca. Find out where he is right now. Tell him it's an emergency and you need him to meet you at the docks near Jersey.”

  “You want to do this there?”

  “Hell, yes.” Not only do I like my revenge served cold too but I need to get him as far away from Jackson as possible and still manage to kill him in the next few hours.

  I look down at Lou-Lou. “And after that, I need you to call Ford. Tell him the fucking jig is up and I'm holding both you and Ricardo hostage. Tell him to meet me at the docks, but warn him that if he brings Jackson it will be the last thing that he does.”

  Ricardo shakes his head. “That's not going to work. He's going to bring Jackson. Especially if he's already targeted him as the fall guy. Also, there's no telling what Jackson will do to Ford if he finds out he set him up. There could be a showdown between them.”

  Crap, he's right.

  “Well then get a hold of Jackson and tell him that something happened to me. Say whatever you have to say to throw him off the course. Don't tell him about Ford just make sure he leaves.”

  “But you said he wasn't picking up his phone,” Ricardo argues.

  I smirk. “I'm sure he has a special company phone that you can get a hold of him on.”

  Chapter 37 (Jackson)

  Ricardo: Alyssa's gone crazy! She has a gun and is holding Lou-Lou and me hostage. Ford's a double agent, don't trust him. It's a set-up. Do not attack him just yet, he might be prepared for that. Get away from him and find a way to sneak to the docks near Jersey. We'll be in the small warehouse-sneak in through the back. Address is in my car gps listed under 10/29/01.

  Make sure you're armed—check the trunk. DeLuca will be there. Stay safe, brother. And when I call you—sound panicked and go with it. Alyssa's fine...well, physically anyway. Erase this text and do not respond to it.

  I have to go into Ford's bathroom and read Ricardo's text message three times to make sense of it. Seeing as he text the burner phone he gave Tyrone and me for emergencies, I know he means business. A minute later, the phone vibrates. “Yeah,” I answer.

  I hear mumbling in the background and what sounds like Lou-Lou and Alyssa arguing.

  How the hell did she figure everything out? But even more alarming than that, how the hell am I going to protect her now when she's pulling this shit?

  “Alyssa's been shot. Come quick,” Ricardo shouts before he hangs up.

  My heart explodes in my chest, until I remember him telling me to just go with it.

  I erase his text and walk back out. Ford gives me an odd look. “Everything alright in there?”

  “No. Something's come up. I'm leaving,” I say, walking toward the door

  He steps in front of me and it takes everything in me not to deck him.“What the fuck could ever be more important than this? Today's the day. I've set everything in motion.”

  I bet you did, you lying motherfucker.

  I decide, to see if his feelings for Alyssa were ever real or if he's been lying about those as well. “Alyssa's been shot.”

  With that, I run out the door and head for the mustang.

  He runs after me. “What?” he shouts. “By who? Where is she?”

  “I don't know. She's at the hospital. I have to go.”

  He's on my heels, but stops to answer his phone when it rings. I open my car door and see his face turn pale. He's so visibly shaken, he has to wipe the sweat from his brow as he whispers something into the phone.

  Then
he screams Alyssa's name in agony.

  His feelings for her are obviously real. You can't fake that kind of emotion.

  However, whatever he feels for her, fails in comparison to what I feel for her.

  Unfortunately for me...his pain will be cut short soon.

  And unfortunately for him...it's because he'll be dead.

  I peel out of his driveway and head for the docks.

  Chapter 38 (Alyssa)

  “Alyssa's been shot. Come quick,” Ricardo shouts from the backseat of Lou-Lou's car before he hangs up the phone.

  I point my gun at his chest. “Really, you couldn't have done better than that?”

  “It got the message across. He won't be with Ford anymore.”

  I dig the gun into Lou-Lou's temple. “Now it's your turn.”

  She pulls up Ford's contact information and hits send. He picks up right away. “Lou-Lou?”

  “Hi, Ford. Alyssa's holding me hostage and she knows what you're up to.”

  “I don't believe you,” he snarls.

  I grab the phone from her. “Hello, Ford. Or should I say—special manipulating bastard agent Ford?”

  His breathing becomes uneasy but he stays silent.

  “I'm going to make this real easy for you. Meet me down at the docks. Leave Jackson alone. This is between you, me, and DeLuca. If you bring Jackson, I swear on my father's death...it will be the last thing you ever do.”

  “Alyssa, no. Don't do this,” he whispers. I don't respond.

  “Alyssa,” he screams.

  That's when I hang up and look at Ricardo.

  “You still have one more phone call to make.”

  I see his adam's apple bob and it's the first time I've ever seen Ricardo look nervous.

  He puts the phone up to his ear. “Yeah, it's me.”

  I hear some murmuring on the other line.

  “I know you're busy. But something's come up.”

  Just knowing that it's DeLuca on the other line makes me want to vomit. I have to force myself to breathe and not pass out.

  “I'm being held hostage,” Ricardo says before he adds, “I know you don't care.”

  Uh-oh. This is not the way I saw this going. I counted on Ricardo being my advantage.

  “Tell him who's holding you hostage and tell him he better be unarmed when he shows up or I'll kill you.”

  I wish I could see the look on his face when he hears that it's me behind all this.

  Ricardo looks at me before he says, “Listen, you need to meet us at the docks near Jersey. Alyssa Tanner's holding a gun to my fucking face.”

  There's more mumbling on the other line.

  Ricardo closes his eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh. When he opens them, he gives me that murderous look before he screams, “I know you don't give a fuck about me Babbo...but she's got Lucianna! And she will kill her. Make sure you come unarmed!”

  There's silence on the other line and my stomach lurches. My plan is going downhill, fast.

  “Okay. I'll be there...unarmed. Make sure that bitch doesn't touch a hair on Lucianna's head or I'll be bashing hers in just like her father's,” DeLuca's gritty voice shouts before he hangs up.

  I look over at Lou-Lou in shock. And to think, I almost didn't want to drag her into this. I was only holding her hostage as a way to get Ricardo to cooperate. I was going to have her drive us to the docks and let her go.

  She's the last person I ever expected to be DeLuca's soft spot.

  “Damn, Lou-Lou. I sure as fuck underestimated you.”

  She looks up and gives me a wink. “Yes you did, bitch. And if you want DeLuca brought to his knees, I'll be glad to help you do it. But if you hurt Ricardo; trust me—I'll make your life even more of a living hell than it already was.”

  I'm not sure if I have a newfound respect for her...or if she's just managed to scare the crap out of me.

  “Noted, now start driving.”

  I adjust myself in the passenger seat of Lou-Lou's car. I have one gun pointed at her head and one gun pointed at Ricardo in the backseat. “Either one of you try and pull something, I'll be reenacting my own version of Romeo and Juliet, got it?

  They both nod and I gesture between them with my guns. “So, what's the story between you two? I gotta hear this.”

  Ricardo lifts his chin and glares at me. “None of your fucking business,” he grits through his teeth.

  I crinkle my nose at him. “Well, seeing as I'm the one holding a gun to your face, call me crazy but I'd say it was.”

  “Oh, I'm calling you crazy alright,” he mumbles.

  “Seriously,” Lou-Lou chimes in. “You got a set of cajones, Alyssa. I'm impressed.”

  “Thanks, I think. But I'm not crazy,” I say softly. “I'm just protecting Jackson and getting my revenge.”

  We stay in silence for the better part of an hour. And all I can think is—what makes Lou-Lou so important to DeLuca? Even more important than his own son?

  She can't be his daughter. That would make Ricardo and Lou-Lou's relationship beyond twisted, especially if it was mostly based on sex.

  Unless? Well, I'll be damned.

  “Are you guys like step-brother and step-sister or something?” I wiggle my eyebrows. “I'm not judging, that's kinda hot.”

  “Fuck off,” Ricardo barks.

  “He's not my step-brother,” Lou-Lou whispers.

  “Why are you so important to DeLuca?” I ask. She grips the steering wheel and winces. “Probably the same reason you're so important to Ford.”

  I have no idea what she means by that, but I have to put it on the back burner because we start pulling up to the docks.

  My eyes automatically look at the spot where my father died and I start dry heaving. For a moment, I feel just like that little girl trapped in the car who watched it all happen.

  Surprisingly, both Ricardo and Lou-Lou put a hand on my shoulder. “Breathe, Alyssa. DeLuca will be here any minute; if he's not here already and you'll make one hell of an easy target if you're passed out. Then all of this will be for nothing,” Ricardo says.

  “It's true,” Lou-Lou whispers. “It's time to get your payback. DeLuca deserves everything that's coming to him,” she says before she gets out of the car.

  Ricardo looks in her direction before he closes his eyes and sighs. “Go big or go home, right?”

  “I don't think I can do it out here. Not in the same place my father died. It just feels...wrong.”

  “I get it.” He gestures his head to a small run-down building. “There's a warehouse over there.”

  When we get out of the car he says, “By the way, I'm not letting DeLuca kill you. So, just know that whatever happens, I got your back.”

  I guess Ricardo's been armed the whole time after all.

  We begin walking toward the warehouse and I place both my guns to their heads again and have them walk in front of me.

  Seeing as I didn't notice DeLuca's car anywhere, I almost piss my pants when I look down and see a pair of metal tipped shoes.

  “Back the fuck up,” I command in his direction, surprising myself.

  He takes a few steps back and the look he gives me could burn through glass. I take in his jagged scar, which still hasn't faded much over the years and his evil eyes and my stomach recoils.

  How can a single person be the source of every nightmare? I can't help it, I start sweating and breathing erratically.

  Before I can say another word, he look's at Lou-Lou. “Are you okay, Bambina? Has she hurt you?”

  Clearly, he really doesn't give a fuck about Ricardo.

  “I'm fine,” she replies icily.

  “Don't take that tone with me,” he barks, almost causing me to jump. “You know I worry about you, Lucianna.”

  Lou-Lou looks up at him and it's like she transforms into a servant right before my very eyes. “I'm so sorry, mio amore. It's been a long day.”

  I see Ricardo's entire body tense in front of me and I gotta say, my heart goes out to him.
>
  I haven't taken much Italian...but I do know what 'mio amore' means- 'my love.'

  It's obvious DeLuca and Lou-Lou are in a relationship of some kind.

  Wow. That's just...holy shit balls.

  Not to mention...odd and kinda gross.

  Lou-Lou's my age. DeLuca's in his late 50's, at least. Not that I should really be one to judge. But now her statement about me and Ford makes perfect sense.

  Poor Ricardo.

  I can't focus on that right now, though. I have a bastard to kill first.

  “Sit over there,” I tell them, motioning to the wall.

  They do as I say, but I don't miss the look in Ricardo's eye, telling me to get this over with.

  I have to take a long deep breath when I realize that it's just DeLuca and I facing one another.

  It's surreal. I don't know whether to pinch myself because it's finally happening or scream because a part of me is petrified.

  “Alyssa,” he says.

  I internally shiver because hearing him say my name sounds like nails on a chalkboard. “So we meet again.”

  He gives me an evil smirk. “Only much closer this time.”

  “I'm not afraid of you,” I say, my voice surprisingly strong.

  He puts his hand in his pocket but I point the gun toward Lou-Lou and he pauses.

  Dammit, I should have done this earlier. Stupid fucker already showed his cards. “Stand by me, Lou-Lou,” I order.

  “No!” DeLuca shouts. Ricardo narrows his eyes at me, but I ignore him.

  Lou-Lou ignores DeLuca, stands up and walks over to me—staying true to her word. I don't miss the look DeLuca gives her. He's pissed.

  I pull her in front of me. “It's safe to say that you might not want to make any sudden movements again. I specifically told you to come unarmed.”

  I glare at him. “Granted, it's not a crowbar, but I swear you'll feel every second of the impact when I kill her.”

  Lou-Lou's lower lip trembles and I don't know if it's an act or the truth, but either way, it makes DeLuca remove his hand from his pocket.

  “You'll never get away with this,” he says.

  I laugh at him. “I beg to differ.”

  That's when I hear the sound of someone's footsteps and see a large shadow walking through the back entrance of the warehouse.