The Last Princess

by Marissa Craig

  Talking about him makes me want to take the rebound offer to clear my head. I should be giggling with her but I can’t.

  “I meant did the captain make you uncomfortable in any way? Does he touch you too much or…”

  “No, he’s actually afraid to show affection for me. Whenever I hug him he hugs me back but quickly pushes me away like he’s disgusted. Sometimes he likes to touch my face but then he’ll pull away quickly too. He seems hesitant.”

  She talks with so much concern for him. I feel like I missed so much from being away.

  “I know a bit about his past so I feel like I understand him a little. Perhaps he’s afraid of having family or close relationships.”

  “It’s not worth trying to understand him. He’s just a guard.”

  “He’s my friend. Kyoya-sama’s friend too,” she tells me. “I feel the difference between our old palace and this one. Did you know Kantarou-sama wanted to become commander of the palace guard since he was a little boy? He always wanted to be the one to protect his family. And Tomoko-sama, she told me she just wants to make her sons feel like normal people and not princes.”

  She sees the Niwa family as her family now. She doesn’t have to spy on them to understand them. The Niwa family likes to talk. She seems happier here. I can’t mess that up by ruining Kantarou-sama’s marriage or sleeping with her bodyguard.

  “What happened to our palace will never happen here,” she says.

  “Cause the killer, Yee, is dead.”

  “It’s just that….no one would dare stand up to this place.”

  I felt accomplished as the commander’s assistant but since leaving his side I feel like I’ve fallen into my old self. Nothing makes me special anymore. Men just want to have sex with me; they don’t want to know me. The commander had dual intentions but he always stopped himself.

  “Yumi-chan, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s good to see you’re well. I’m gonna head back to my room.”

  I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong for a long time. Best answer I have it that it’s me that’s wrong. Outside her door the guards stare at me again. This is getting uncomfortable.

  “Yumiko-san!”

  It’s the commander storming down the hall. He wants to put me back to work but I can’t work for him anymore. I run down the hall before he can reach me.

  Kantarou-sama keeps calling after me. I turn the corner and push myself to the wall. Why does he keep teasing me and putting my hopes up; it’s painful. I hide my face in my hands and breathe in.

  When I lower my hands I see him frowning at me.

  “I’m not in the mood to work today-”

  “Why’s that?” he asks.

  “I just can’t.”

  I keep my head down hoping he won’t notice my awkwardness.

  “You’ll work for me until I say you can’t. I should be the first person you see when you return home.”

  “This is my home?” I ask him.

  I’ve never heard him say that. He shuffles around the hallway nervously. I try looking into his eyes and he dodges me.

  “Wherever I stay is considered your home. And when I leave here, you’ll come.”

  “How’s that gonna work with your new wife?”

  “What’s that have to do with it?”

  He doesn’t get it. Just moments ago I heard him speak foreign words to another woman. I don’t want to be a mistress.

  “I can’t work for you anymore and if it means I have to leave the palace then I will.”

  His head snaps back to me. I know he doesn’t like things not going his way but I have to do this.

  “You don’t have that option,” he says coldly.

  “I’m not your prisoner.”

  His boots thump towards me and I straighten up against the wall. I hold my gaze with him and he grabs my chin harshly.

  “If I have to make you one, I will. You’re not leaving,” he says snarling.

  He shoves my face away. I watch him walk down the hall and grab my chin in disbelief. That’s not like him. Something has to get through to him. He can’t have it all. He can’t have a queen on one arm and me on the other.

  “Get back to work,” he calls back.

  Chapter 50: Kira

  “So Kira, one more year until graduation. Have you thought about what you want to do after?” mother asks me.

  Is that what she called me in here for? This is the whole “what are you doing with your life” meeting. I can do anything; I don’t need to explain that to her. I’ll just behave because the tea is good.

  “I’ll wait for father to tell me.”

  “He has no plans for you. You can pursue whatever you want.”

  I’m sure she’s saying that wrong. Father has to have a plan for me. We continue sipping tea while she smiles at me constantly.

  “What is it?” I ask her.

  “I’m just so proud of you. You’re a very striking young man.”

  “I already know that.”

  “You can have any girl in Han,” she says leaning over to me. “Why Setsuna-san?”

  “I’m not talking to you about this.”

  “Better me than-”

  The door opens and Kan-nii steps in. I was wondering why there were more places set. Mother backs away from me and stands to kiss my brother.

  He sits next to me. I haven’t seen him in a while; I don’t miss him.

  “Something wrong with your mouth, brat,” he says to me. “You don’t greet you oldest brother.”

  “If I wanted to talk to you, I would greet you.”

  He slaps my head. I expected as much. I move my hair into place and the door opens again. Kyo-nii is here too! I had no idea he was back in Han. He sits down on my other side and immediately starts drinking.

  I always wondered if Kyo-nii knew what I did. Does he know I confessed to Setsuna-san? And on top of that….does he know my words caused her to run away and try to kill herself. No one has talked about her suicide attempt. No one told me, probably figured I wasn’t important enough, but I overheard the guards talking outside her door.

  I want to see her and talk to her. It wasn’t me that pushed her to it; it was Kyo-nii. Mother seems happy with this little reunion but I’m on edge. I look over at Kyo-nii and he’s calm.

  “Kira,” he says to me.

  I feel my heart jump. I look to him slowly and he’s smiling at me.

  “I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you,” he says. “I know the military academy isn’t easy.”

  “I was meaning to say the same thing,” Kan-nii jumps in. “Good job.”

  They’re both proud of me? They’ve never said that to me before.

  “You’ll have your pick of what country you’d like you work for. You’d be a great asset to Morinaga.”

  “Um…thanks.”

  “It’s so nice to see my boys,” mother says.

  “Enough of this,” Kan-nii slams down his cup. “Why’d you call us here? No one has time for your senseless tea parties.”

  “It’s your father that wanted to speak to you. The tea is just to calm your nerves. Nothing seems to work on you though.”

  “This can’t be good. Sounds like he’s about to announce his upcoming expectations,” Kyo-nii says taking another sip.

  “Who’s heard this speech more, you or me?” Kan-nii says to him.

  Father never announced his expectations of me before. I’ve proven myself by attending the academy. Perhaps he has plans for me.

  The door opens once again and father steps in. He stays standing. Mother pulls on his arm to sit but he grips the back of his chair firmly and stares hard at all of us.

  “I’m disappointed in all of you,” he says. “I’m lucky enough to have three sons but none of you know how to play your part.”

  “Tell us how to be better,” Kan-nii says leaning back in his chair.

  Sarcasm, I bet. Mother’s eyes warn him not to kid around. My brothers don’t seem shaken by any of this. The
y must have these conversations with him all the time. I can’t look father in the eye with that hard look of his but my brothers have no problem.

  “I’ve given you ample time to pick a wife,” he says at Kan-nii. “You’re lucky I gave you a choice and you piss all over it. You’ve insulted every one of them and left me to clean up your mess with their fathers.”

  “Bring me someone that’s a challenge-”

  “Shut up!”

  Father looks at me then turns quickly to Kyoya. Is there nothing to say about me? That’s good to hear this time.

  “What reason could you possibly have to neglect the princess all this time?” he asks him.

  “I’m running her country. She knows that,” Kyo-nii says to him.

  “And since when have either of you talked back to me!”

  “I get that I’m your son but I’m a king, same as you,” Kyo-nii says.

  He stands suddenly to meet father’s level. How could I think I was better than my brother? He has nerves I’ve never seen before.

  “No one needs to worry about Setsuna-san but me.”

  “If that’s the case, will she succeed in killing herself next time-”

  “Darling,” mother says touching father’s hand.

  “Perhaps I should give her to Kira since he has an interest in her.”

  “You threatening to take her from me?”

  Damn! This is not the time to bring me into this. My brother looks down at me and I avoid his eyes. I’m not ready to challenge him.

  “You still trying to control people. Setsuna-san is on my side and she always will be. She has the only claim to the throne and even if you could somehow cancel the arrangement you made with her father, she would still choose me. She will choose me no matter what.”

  “Don’t you-”

  “No! Don’t you stand there and lecture me about how I should treat my wife and how I should conduct my life. You will never sit me down and take away my will again.”

  It occurs to me why Setsuna-san hasn’t given up on him yet. He’s a man in her eyes…the man I can never be. She’s seen the man that I’ve never gotten the chance to see. I’ve only seen Kyoya as my brother but I see him as a king now. And I had the nerve to take his wife from him. I don’t have a chance with her.

  “Darling,” mother says again. “Let’s take a break from all this.”

  “At the party, you will announce your queen,” father says to Kan-nii. “And you,” he says at Kyo-nii.

  Kyoya sits back down and takes a sip of tea. Is he trying to piss father off on purpose?

  “You will follow what I say. You’re no king yet.”

  When the door slams I’m snapped out of what I hoped was a dream. I’ve never heard father talk like that. My brothers don’t seem rattled.

  “Time for a drink,” Kan-nii offers.

  “The tradition continues,” Kyo-nii says. “You should join us,” he says bumping my shoulder.

  “You’re a man now, right?” Kan-nii teases. “You must be since you’re stealing women that don’t belong to you.”

  Kyo-nii hasn’t said anything. I look over at him and he’s still silent. Why won’t he reprimand me?

  There’s a knock at the door. It opens slowly. Father forgot to say why he was disappointed in me.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” I hear.

  “Setsuna-san, you didn’t have to seek me out,” Kyo-nii says standing.

  She takes a step back. I thought she would be all over him but she’s distant.

  “Kira-kun, do you have a minute?”

  She wants me? I immediately stand. I’m ahead of him then. All eyes are on me as I walk over to her side.

  “What took you so long?” I ask her.

  He can’t count me out just yet. I’m still a threat. And if she wants me then I’m not giving up. With the door closed behind us I take her under my arm.

  “Can we play a game of chess?” she asks me.

  “Of course. I have a set up in my room.”

  Chapter 51: Kyoya

  “So there’s this one. She works at some computer company.”

  Kan-nii slides another picture to me. Not a good idea to be drinking while helping him pick a wife. I lean over his desk. All these women are acceptable. They have good jobs and good looks. They’ll probably agree with everything he says.

  “You could pick anyone at this point. You’re not gonna like any of them.”

  “I would rather be engaged to the princess. She’s quiet and stays out of the way.”

  “Do I have to look out for you too?”

  “Not like that.”

  I don’t want to think about what Kira is doing to her. I feel like I know her well; she wouldn’t do anything to hurt our relationship. But I don’t know what kind of girl she’s become. I haven’t been around to spot the differences.

  “I care about the princess a lot,” he tells me. “I mean that now. Every time I came back to the palace she would come to me and listen to my stories. She got what I was talking about more than a person my own age. I told you a long time ago not to get too attached to her but I realize now that it was out of your hands.”

  “Thanks-”

  “But I don’t see how you could leave a girl like that alone and crying for you, even with all the guilt you had.”

  “This isn’t supposed to be about me.”

  “She came to me once crying at my door. She asked if you were okay. She was making all sorts of stories to explain why you wouldn’t talk to her. She thought you were dead or in love with someone else. I told her you still loved her but felt like I was lying.”

  Didn’t expect to hear this from my brother. I take another drink. I haven’t had a proper conversation with her. I’m putting it off hoping things will return back to normal.

  “I don’t believe she would try to kill herself,” he says to me.

  “Me neither. But I won’t know what happened until she tells me.”

  “Now seems like a great time.”

  He points behind me. The princess stands outside peeking in.

  “Always snooping,” he says to her. “Just announce yourself like a normal person.”

  She steps in shyly. She looks the same in a lot of ways. Still dresses in her traditional clothes. But she’s taller and more developed. I stand up and she takes a step back.

  “Let’s have a talk,” I say to her.

  She nods. We walk down the hall far from each other.

  “I was just helping Kantarou pick his wife. Can’t say I’m very useful.”

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “No, it’s okay. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Does jealousy not work on you?” she asks abruptly.

  She stops suddenly and waits for my answer. Has she tried to make me jealous?

  “You’re not jealous, are you? You think I’ll always be here waiting for you and so you treat me poorly. You were supposed to realize-”

  “Who’s teaching you this?”

  “Yumi-chan.”

  I don’t like games and Setsuna-san is terrible at them. I touch her shoulder and she stares up at me. I’m not jealous cause I know she loves me. And also I would take out any man that tries to take her from me. I know who is a threat and who isn’t.

  “You and I don’t have to play these kinds of games. Just speak honestly to me like you have been.”

  “Did you fall in love with someone else?” she asks.

  “No.”

  “Did you start to hate me?”

  “No.”

  “Do you think I turned ugly?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  I take her chin in my hand. She has turned more beautiful. She looks away and pulls a book from her side. So this is about what she read.

  “You found my journal. You are pretty good at snooping.”

  “Were you just saying words to please everyone?” she asks. “Me, my father, your father, my people.”

  This isn’t the place to discuss it.
I try to pull her forward and she stays in place.

  “Come with me back to my room,” I say to her.

  “What then?”

  “I’ll tell you everything.”

  In turn, she better start talking too.

  Chapter 52: Setsuna

  “I’ve been drinking,” he admits.

  Why did he have to mention that now that we’re alone in his bedroom. He walks from the door coming towards me in the middle of the room. I close my eyes but he keeps walking.

  “What’s the occasion?” I ask him.

  “Just a bit stressed. I am hoping to clear a few things up with you.

  He collapses on his bed. This is so casual for Kyoya-sama. I step closer to him. He holds his head like he’s in pain.

  “I love you!” he shouts.

  I take a step back startled.

  “I never stopped loving you. And I know what you read in that journal. That’s how I use to feel. I didn’t want to be your husband. But when I met you it’s all I wanted.”

  I look down at the book in my hands. It’s possible he’s a different person now. Is it some coincidence that things turned out this way? I step closer and put the book beside him. Since he’s this casual, his behavior is unpredictable.

  “When I met you and we were alone I had to fight my urges. There were so many parts of me that I didn’t want you to see. Even now there are so many parts of me I don’t want you to see…so it’s like there’s nothing to show.”

  “Um-”

  “I didn’t talk to you because I felt like I didn’t deserve you. That’s all there is to it.”

  So that’s it.

  “Were you faithful?” I ask him.

  “No.”

  My heart immediately aches. I can’t see his face and I don’t want to. In my head I knew that was the case but hearing him admit it without hesitation is breaking my heart.

  Without realizing it I’m backing away from him. I’m trying to escape because it’s hard.

  “Come here,” he says to me.

  Still lying on the bed he lifts up his hand beckoning me.

  “Come here,” he repeats. “I know you’re upset.”

  I shake my head. I back all the way to the door and slide down to sit. I don’t know him at all. I cover my face and start to cry.