The Last Princess

by Marissa Craig

  My mother’s not a total airhead. She’s father’s queen; she sits quietly and lets him make all the decisions. She nods at everything he says even when he’s wrong.

  “I’m your father’s strength and weakness. He has to be the one to balance it,” she told me.

  I get that now. I lay with Setsuna-san in our bed. I haven’t been sleeping much. The last two days I lay restless as the sun rises.

  She doesn’t have to marry me if she doesn’t want to. That’s cause she has another love in her life. I bet they’ve conspired against me; they’re planning to run away together. Is she really gonna abandon me and her country? Maybe.

  She snuggles closer to me; her head lies on my chest. I haven’t said a word to her since that night. Don’t know what to say. I understand it. They spent a lot of time together. Each time I ignored her I pushed her into his arms. Mostly I’m mad at myself. But she…..she was supposed to wait for me. Just like she always has.

  “Mother,” I hear her say.

  She talks in her sleep when she’s holding things back. Her mother must be on her mind. Slowly she’ll guilt me into forgiving her without even knowing it. It was me that left her with nothing.

  I push her away and throw on my robe lazily. Once outside I light up a cigarette and cross the lawn. The palace is in the distance. There’s no construction today. Construction is slow because I’m trying to make it comfortable for both of us.

  The one thing I wanted was a replica of the room I met her in. It’s finished. I go through the vacant halls and stare inside the bare room. I stood here as she glanced over into the pond. All I could see was her back.

  “So this is her,” I said to myself. “My future wife and the girl whose life I’m about to ruin.”

  She turned around and it was like the whole room turned into a meadow. She looked at me doe eyed….she always looks at me doe eyed.

  “Kyoya-sama?” she said.

  I’ll always remember the excitement I felt when she said my name for the first time. We’ve come so far from that. Traveled so far from that time of her innocence.

  Ayato-san isn’t to blame. I shouldn’t have fallen in love with her either. Wasn’t part of the plan.

  “Kyoya-sama?”

  I look back and see her standing in the doorway. She left without putting on her robe or putting up her hair. She stands shivering in her thin nightgown.

  I turn my back to her and put my cigarette out quickly. When she comes close I take off my robe and put it around her shoulders. We both stare into an empty pond.

  “Are you okay?” she asks softly. “You haven’t been sleeping.”

  So she noticed.

  “I’m confused. I figured you would want to help me. In a way, since my father died, you’ve been my guardian. I’ve looked to you for all types of help. And while you were away, I know Captain Saki cleared everything with you first. Tomoko-sama did too.”

  I made sure every decision went to my desk first; it took priority over everything else. I was aware of what was going on….just not aware of her feelings.

  “You’re mad,” she says crying.

  I don’t want to hear her cry again. I turn away from her and leave out the door. She’s not allowed to leave the palace walls so I’ll just stay outside of them for a while.

  “Kyoya!” she screams.

  I stop walking.

  “Don’t leave me,” she cries.

  “Go back and get cleaned up. No one wants to look at your crying face."

  What a stubborn girl. She refuses to leave me alone. I walk across the lawn and back to the guest house and she follows. While in the shower she peeks in at me. If she’s not settled she won’t let go. Her sniffling is annoying.

  When I open the shower door she scurries away to another hiding spot; she has so many. There’s other places for me to stay but if I’m caught sleeping somewhere else, it will just make a scandal.

  I tie my towel tightly around my waist and go to the closet. She’s there. She hands me my black suit with a smile. Can’t look at her the same. I take the suit and close the door on her.

  “Where are you going?” she asks from inside. “Can I come with you?”

  “You know you’re not allowed to leave.”

  “But I’ll be with you so-”

  “I need some time away from you.”

  The closet door opens swiftly and she stands in tears.

  “But-”

  “Stop all your crying.”

  I turn my back to her and continue dressing. When she cries I feel bad. I’ve never been hurt by a woman before; I’m not sure how to handle it. I just need to get away from her. She continues to whimper even when I’m done.

  “But I just want to talk you more,” she whines.

  “I think you’ve said enough.”

  “It’s not fair of you to punish me. I’ve done nothing wrong. You’re the one that-”

  “You really think you’ve done nothing wrong.”

  She’ll throw my sleeping around in my face just to cover herself. I’ve stopped all that. I’m not the one that fell in love with someone. Best to leave before I say something hurtful. I make a move for the door and she holds me back; she grabs my hand and pulls it close to her.

  “Please don’t go,” she says to me.

  “Let go.”

  “Can we please just talk-”

  “Let go,” I repeat to her.

  She keeps pulling on me to get me to stay.

  “You won’t even try to help me. I don’t want to love him; I just want him to be my friend.”

  That’s nothing I can help her with.

  “Kyoya-sama,” she whines.

  I can’t stand her right now. That tiny voice of hers prefers to call out his name. How many times has she pulled on his arm and begged him to stay.

  “Setsuna, let go.”

  “No!”

  “Let go of me!”

  I swing my hand back to push her away. She falls to the ground holding her face. I….I hit her. I didn’t mean….

  I didn’t mean to hit her I just wanted to get away from her. Her crying is just unbearable for me. I kneel down to her and reach out for her reddened cheek.

  “I didn’t mean to-”

  She jumps up and runs out the room.

  “Setsuna!” I call after her.

  She’s off to another hiding place. I would never hit her. It’s just….I don’t know how to deal with this. Before I leave out I rip a page from my journal and write her a note. I can’t come back to her until I figure this out.

  I’m mad at her cause she wasn’t how I pictured her. She didn’t turn out how I had her planned. I was supposed to be the one manipulating her and she’s manipulating me. I just wanted to be a king but I’m something else now. I’m living the life of a common man. I’m jealous and incompetent; my shirt buttons aren’t aligned.

  I laugh to myself. Look at me. I’m living in a small house, my girlfriend loves another man and I can’t dress myself. This is the first time I’ve felt like a regular man. I guess I should write to her with these feelings.

  Maybe I should stop trying to control her and just see what happens. I wonder if I showed her the real me if she would like it. Could I tell her I’ve never killed a man but had my best friend do it for me? Would she like me if I tell her I’ve tortured men just for practice? Had sex with women cause I was bored and dumped them right after.

  If I told her I touched her the first night she slept over, right after she said, “I want you to help me be free,” would she still love the Kyoya she sees.

  I rip up the letter. I can’t say any of that. After all I’ve done, this is a small punishment. I’m done blaming her, done blaming myself. I’ll just win her back.

  Chapter 77: Kantarou

  I knew she would come around. Acting cold just makes her come to me to warm up. She feels the same way; misses having me in her life. I take a handful of her silky black hair.

  “Why are you crying?” I whisper to her.<
br />
  I move her hair and see it’s longer than usual. Women often times do these things with hair.

  “Yumiko-san,” I say to her.

  She refuses to take her face off my chest.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask her. “Something I did?”

  She shakes her head. I hold her close. She’s lost a lot of weight; girls like to hear that, right? Her whimpering slows down. I always have that effect on her. Now that she’s calm she’ll tell me what’s wrong.

  I stroke her hair and she finally moves her head off my chest.

  “L-little princess!”

  I jump out the bed quickly.

  “Kantarou-sama-”

  “Why are you here? Are you trying to cause a scandal?”

  That’s why she was so thin. It’s a damn child. She sits up in the bed. I’ve never seen her with her hair down; it’s so long.

  “You’re supposed to protect me so I came to you.”

  I switch back to commander mode.

  “What happened?”

  “Kyoya-sama hates me.”

  “I’m not here to protect you emotionally. As long as he didn’t hit you, I’m staying out of it.”

  She holds her cheek shyly. Lover’s quarrels are to be expected. I assumed Yumiko-san would come see me since I broke it off with Chiyo-san. The two of them are giggling about dresses and ignoring me.

  “He….has a temper,” she says softly. “I didn’t expect that. He’s so calm all the time.”

  “Did you say something to make him mad?”

  She nods. Time to switch back to brother mode. I sit back down. Kids need so much guidance. I’m the oldest so I have to guide all of them.

  “I told him I'm in love with Ayato-san.”

  “Are you?”

  She nods. She’s doing nothing wrong. My mind wandered a lot when I was sixteen. But I’m not gonna let her go after that creep. I’m not very good talking to girls so how can I word this.

  “I’m not gonna sway you either way. All I can say is that my brother loves you a lot. And….I’ve grown to love you too. I want you to be a part of my family so I can continue protecting you. I want to be your big brother.”

  She smiles. Don’t make a big deal out of what I said.

  “When we were younger, Kyoya would always isolate himself. He likes to be alone. He figured if he would do well in his studies and go to the functions, father and everyone else would continue to leave him alone.”

  “But you two seem close.”

  It wasn’t always like that. He ignored me when he was little. I would try to get close to him but he looked at me like I was father. He didn’t know I was on his side from the beginning.

  “We both had the same upbringing. I was always being pulled into meetings with father where he would tell me what path to take. When Kyoya was about eight, father started pulling him into these meetings. He couldn’t handle it at first. I grabbed him under my arm and did something to distract him. I starting spending more time with him and got to understand him. He writes everything in those books cause he refuses to speak about his feelings. If he experiences a weird feeling and doesn’t have time to write, he will show his temper.”

  She made him scared so he lashed out, I guess. How would I feel if Yumiko-san told me she was in love with another man? It bothered me enough when she was sleeping with someone else.

  “When he met Saki, he changed a lot. He finally had a friend. You know how they met, right?”

  She nods.

  “He built up the courage to ask father if he could visit the hospital while the Saki got better. Father said “no,” then mother stepped in and brought him to the hospital in secret. I stood with her and she was so happy to see Kyoya laugh with another boy. To finally hear him share his feelings. She wanted to keep Saki around no matter how much trouble he was. I don’t know why they get along so well but they’re inseparable. And if you love the captain then it’s tearing both of them apart. He won’t let either of you go. So he’s probably in constant pain.”

  I’m not trying to make her feel bad.

  “I didn’t mean to,” she says. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But he ignored me for three years.”

  “He had his reasons-”

  “What reasons?!”

  “Selfish reasons.”

  I warned him but the guilt was too much for him. If she doesn’t stay with him, I’ll be a bit disappointed. I’ve grown to like Setsuna-san very much.

  “No matter what,” I tell her. “I’ll be here for you. Nothing between us will change."

  She tears up again. I didn’t mean to get the tears started again.

  “Kantarou-sama.”

  “Enough. I got enough of your snot on me. Just stay here.”

  I hate crying women. Since it’s a small house I have to share a bathroom with everyone. Hopefully I beat the women to it; they take forever. In the hallway I see Yumiko-san at the bathroom door. She stops with her fingers on the handle.

  “You should go first,” she says. “You probably have a meeting-”

  “No…nothing like that. You can go first. You look amazing already so not sure what you’ll be doing in there.”

  “Always the charmer.”

  We could always go in together. She hasn’t talked to me since I arrived here. She’s not going in. Does she still want to talk?

  “I-I broke things off with Chiyo-san. I didn’t want to be with someone I didn’t love.”

  “She told me. Since you two broke up she's been pretty nice to me."

  “I wasn’t fair to her. I kept thinking about someone else.”

  “Who?”

  “You know who. I only had you as my assistant cause I wanted an excuse to keep you close. You were terrible at it. Still don’t know how to make a decent cup of coffee.”

  She smiles. So maybe we can start talking again. I take a step closer to her.

  “I miss having you in my life,” I tell her.

  “Commander-”

  “Don’t call me "commander" anymore. You’re special to me, you know that.”

  “After how you tossed me away, told me to step aside, how could I possibly know that.”

  She steps in and slams the door.

  Chapter 78: Setsuna

  Today I’m nervous; I feel like something bad is about to happen. I get to leave the palace walls but I’m not going to see a pretty site. Kantarou-sama rides with me with a frown on his face. He seems nervous too.

  We’re headed to the capitol building where I’ll switch cars and ride with Kyoya-sama. I haven’t seen him since he hit me. He said he needed space; I should have given it to him. He’s only been gone a day; if it hasn’t been enough time he may hit me again.

  “Will you stay close to me today?” I ask him.

  “Of course but there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “Don’t these people hate me?”

  “Probably but they’ll never get close to you.”

  Is that supposed to make me feel better? They’re my people and they think I’ve abandoned them. I never identified that man as the killer; it’s all made up.

  “You look so worried,” I say to him.

  “Not about this.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “It’s….”

  He takes a big pause. Kantarou-sama has never shared his problems with me. I don’t think he shares them with anyone.

  “It’s nothing to talk to you about.”

  “It’s about Yumi-chan, isn’t it,” I guess. “She told me you broke the engagement with Chiyo-san.”

  I don’t think she wants to be with him. She’s too hurt. I don’t know how her heart works. When Kyoya-sama wronged me I still loved him but I didn’t forgive him so soon so he would learn a lesson. Maybe she’s doing the same thing.

  “She still likes you; she just wants some time to explore. She was talking about putting a fashion line together and going back to her high school to talk to people.”

  “Real
ly?”

  “Yeah, she has plans now.”

  “And I don’t fit into those plans.”

  “Just support her. It’s really good to see her doing well. She really hit a low point when she slept with….”

  Oh, I wasn’t supposed to mention that. She told me never to mention it, especially to him. He doesn’t seem to be letting my trail off take effect

  “Go on,” he says.

  “Me. She slept with me.”

  “I know she’s been sleeping around. Who is it?”

  “I can’t tell you. Anyway it doesn’t matter. She stopped.”

  “If I knew who Kyoya slept around with would you want me to tell you?”

  No, of course not. It’s easy enough to picture a beautiful no good woman that would kiss a taken man. I’m not curious at all. But it would give me an idea as to what his type might be.

  “Can you not bring that up,” I tell him

  “Hmph…I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You’re the prettiest girl he’s been with.”

  “Really? Well….you’re one the prettiest guys she’s been with. She was thinking about dating this local boy she met. He’s from her high school.”

  “Name?”

  “Hisoka. She said he’ll be joining the military then the palace guard.”

  “A child. What is he like twenty?”

  “Maybe she prefers someone her own age.”

  “Trying to make me feel old.”

  I wasn’t trying to. He is sort of old. He’s quiet the rest of the way. We arrive at the capitol building and he steps out. Now I’ll have to see him. To keep him at ease I won’t mention anything about that day.

  “Princess, come,” Kantarou-sama calls back at me.

  I step out and he walks me over to the next car. It’s just me here. No sunlight because of the darkened windows. Seems like time that could be used for myself. How should I greet him?

  The door opens. I keep my head down to block the sun. The door closes and I see his shiny shoes. I look at his shoes a lot; I know it’s him.

  “Um, good morning, Kyoya-sama.”

  “Good morning,” he mumbles.

  The car starts up and we start the trip south. I’ve never been to the lower districts. I’m told they are provisioned to allow the lower class to have a comfortable lifestyle. I look out the window at all the sights.