Phoenix

by Dawn Rae Miller

  "Transport and visit me?"

  She crosses her arms. "What about Beck? He doesn't want to go, you know."

  "I know."

  Ryker places both hands on my desk. "What if the Council doesn't approve it?"

  I've been so focused on the Beck issue that the thought of the Council not approving a change of power never crossed my mind. "Will they do that?" I ask. "Can they?"

  "Yes," Kyra says. "They can. Don't forget who you are, Lark. We need you here."

  I close me eyes and exhale loudly. When I open them, I look first at Kyra then Ryker. "Why doesn't anyone want me to be happy?"

  "Because you're being selfish. Only thinking about what you want. You are a Stateswoman. A powerful one. We can't let that go." Kyra swings her legs back and hits the desk with them for emphasis. "You have an obligation."

  My two friends watch me as the realization I may never be allowed to go sinks in. I try not to screw up my face, but my lip quivers.

  Ryker flashes a glance at his wristlet. "You have a Council meeting in five minutes."

  I brush away my invisible tears and collect myself. I need to be in top form if I want the Council to listen to me.

  Or maybe I need to bring out angry Lark. They haven't seen her in awhile.

  With newfound determination, I grab my tablet off my desk and stomp to the door. "Come on," I say over my shoulder. "You're going to want to see this."

  Ryker and Kyra exchange curious looks but hustle along behind me. We make our way from my office, down the long hallway and to the stairs. Below us, Statepeople hurry back-and-forth beneath the rotunda. When we get to Beck's office, I stop and knock. He swings the door open and joins us. "Hiya, Birdie," he says, pecking my forehead.

  "Hiya," I answer, still a little upset with him from earlier.

  He cocks his head, reading my emotions no doubt, and frowns. Good. Let him know I'm unhappy. He tries to put his arm around my shoulder, but I shrug it away.

  "Okay then," he says before walking away toward the Council chambers.

  Kyra saddles up to me. "Lark, you're being ridiculous," she whispers.

  I throw my hands up. "I can't help how I feel."

  We reach the chamber doors, and I pause. This doesn't feel right - going in groveling for my freedom. I set my jaw, prepared for a fight, and enter the room.

  Everyone stands, waiting for me to take my seat. Instead of sitting, however, I say, "Sit," and walk to the far side of the room - near Sun-Wei's seat. Looking down the table, I notice several new faces - Light witches most likely. "Minister," I say. "I'd like to speak before we begin with the official business."

  Sun-Wei looks up at me and nods. "Very well."

  I take a deep breath, trying to quell the nibble of anger rising in my core. How dare these people keep me from the life I want. How dare they. Beck watches me with sad eyes, and Kyra leans against the wall with her arms crossed. Neither like my plan.

  Maybe I am wrong? Maybe this is the life I was supposed to have. After all, I did fight for it.

  No. I know what I want, and this isn't it.

  "Dear Statespeople," I start. "I'd like to propose my stepping down as Head of State, and I'd like to nominate Annalise Greene as my replacement."

  Dead silence.

  Then chaos. Everyone begins speaking at once, some in objection, some in agreement. More in objection.

  My heart drops, and magic burns along my palms, but I keep it in. No setting fires for me today. Just calm and collected Lark.

  Then I see him: Beck. Biting on his lip, struggling with my emotions, but keeping himself in check, nonetheless. He closes his olive eyes and inhales deeply. On the exhale, I catch a tremble of magic about him, but it doesn't seem to do anything.

  The crowd between us keeps arguing. As easy as it would be for me to influence them to get my way, I won't. Not on this. I want Annalise to know she was voted in fairly.

  Sun-Wei bangs on the table, and quiet settles in. "What do you propose to do with yourself?"

  "I'd like to work in agriculture. Miss Tully, my human maid, has offered me her home near Summer Hill."

  Two dozen pairs of eyes look at me like I've lost my mind.

  "Forgive me, Lark, but are you saying you want to be a farmer? After all that you did to seize control of the State? After showing our people how badly we need you?" Sun-Wei looks at me incredulously.

  When he puts it that way, it does sound bad, but I squeak out a small, "Yes."

  "What about Beck?" Everyone turns toward my mate.

  "I'd like to stay on in the Diplomatic Corps." He pauses and stares at me. "I'd like to stay on in San Francisco."

  All the heads in the room bobble between Beck and me.

  Sun-Wei bangs his gavel. "Let's put it to a vote. First, can Lark step down as Head of State?"

  He begins polling names. When he gets to Henry, my uncle looks at me sheepishly before saying, "Nay."

  I'm too stunned that I lose count and begin to panic. More 'nays' fill my ears.

  Sun-Wei drops the gavel again. "By a margin of one, Lark, you may resign."

  Beck pushes his chair away from the table and leaves the room. I don't bother to stay for the count for Annalise.

  I need to find Beck.

  #

  He's standing before our old house – the one we shared with our friends, back before life became crazy.

  "Beck," I say softly. "Talk to me."

  He spins around, and I notice the dampness in his eyes. "What am I supposed to say? That I like this plan of yours? You're my mate, and I'm yours. We need to work this out."

  "It's nothing. Just a matter of where we live. With transporting—"

  "This is what we were born for, and you're wasting your talents. You could have a farm and live in the City with me. Why won't you consider it?"

  I tilt my head, and Beck's emotions flood through me, a reminder of how mixed up we still are in each other. Behind him, I catch a glimpse of our old home. New children – babies – live there now.

  With my hand on his arm, I say, "Then maybe we need a break from each other."

  Beck's face falls. "Birdie, I didn't mean that. I meant--"

  "I meant we need space to figure out what we really need."

  With a hard set of his jaw, Beck stares down at me. He kisses me on the forehead. "If that's what you want."

  It's not. But it is. How can I explain it? I want to be with Beck, but I want him – no, us – to be healthy. And happy. I want a real chance for happiness and being here in San Francisco, wasting my time doing nothing isn't my picture of happiness.

  "It's what we need," I say, my eyes dampening.

  Why does doing the right thing feel so wrong?

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  Two weeks pass, and Beck hasn't come to me. After the conversation at our old house, he locked himself away, saying - through Kyra and Ryker - that he didn't want to see me right now. He stopped answering my pings and sealed his mind from mine.

  During these two weeks, my heart hasn't stopped wanting him, but I haven't changed my mind either.

  The transfer of power from me to Annalise happened smoothly and without incident, and as soon as it was complete, I packed up my clothes - the ones I wanted to keep, the rest went to Kyra - and set off for Miss Tully's. By train. Doing the trip again - only this time without fear of being caught - brought back dozens of memories. Like Maz and me on the train together. Callum and Annalise at the station. My first real storm.

  Memories that keep bringing tears to my eyes and doubts to my mind.

  To keep my brain busy, I'm knee deep in dirt, farming. Just the way I like it. A loose strain of hair has slipped out of my ponytail, and I brush it away with my earth-crusted hand. I step back to admire my work. Rows and rows of corn stalks sway in the breeze. From the house, Miss Tully's singing floats down to the field.

  Tired and hot, I take up a position under the shade tree and summon a glass of lemonade. Its sweet-bitterness is just what I need. I
kick off my shoes and let the grass blades tickle my feet.

  Life would be perfect if only Beck were here. But he's not, and he isn't speaking to me. I stretch out in the grass and let my fingers play with the sharp blades. Overhead, puffy white clouds float lazily by.

  "Hiya, Lark."

  It takes me a moment to determine if I'm seeing things or not. I blink quickly, trying to will the image away, but it's still there. Smiling down at me.

  "Beck?"

  He laughs, deep and gravely. "You wished for me, so I came."

  "Spying on me again?" I ask as I push myself upright. Being this close to him makes my pulse thrum like a hummingbird's wings.

  He tilts his head and laughs some more. "You were right. Seeing you like this only proves it. This is where you belong."

  I leap up from my position on the ground and hurtle myself toward Beck.

  His strong arms scoop me up, and he lifts me so that our noses touch. "Missed you," he says.

  "Missed you more," I counter, smearing dirt across Beck's chin.

  He slips his arms under my legs to better support me before turning his head so our lips align. He brushes his lips over mine softly, as if testing out my reaction. A low moan forms in the back of my throat, and his lips press harder against mine. Our tongues intermingle, and I disappear into Beck. My hands trace the contours of his chest and arms.

  How did I ever think I could leave this?

  Beck places me on the ground, and my legs tremble, threatening to send me sprawling across the grass. His arm catches me and pulls me to him once again.

  "If this is how you say hello every time you visit, stay away more often," I tease.

  He nibbles my lip. "So you like me better when I'm gone?"

  "Not at all," I answer. "I just like this part so much. Makes up for how badly I missed you all these weeks."

  "Two weeks, and yes, it seemed like an eternity. The first few days were the worst."

  "And then you got used to being away from me, and it no longer mattered," I sass.

  He inhales deeply at my collarbone. "You smell amazing."

  "Do you like it? It's called dirt and earth."

  "I was a fool. We can make this work. I'll transport to work every day if I have to."

  "Really?" I ask. "You'd do it?"

  Beck sinks down into the dirt, still holding me close. His hand flutters over my necklace, and a deep, soothing sensation fills me.

  "Let me tell you a story," he says. "There was a Light boy, who fell in love with a Dark girl. Everyone said her Darkness would devour him.

  But it didn't.

  It made them stronger. Their love more golden. More pure.

  They never gave up on each other. They never walked away."

  I bury my face into Beck's neck. "And was this girl very wicked?"

  "No," Beck says. "She is the love of my life."

  The End

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  Acknowledgements

  I'd like to thank:

  - My husband, David, for making sure I finished this book and for not letting me give up.

  - My kids, Keegan, Finn, and Boone for being the best helpers, snack makers, and hug givers ever.

  - My circle of writing friends for always being there - through the good and ugly.

  - And lastly, all of you, my loyal readers. Thank you for sticking with Lark and Beck, and for sticking with me while I wrote this book. You are what gets me into my writing chair each day.

  ~ dawn