The Calling

by Rachelle Dekker

  Surrender.

  The voice seemed to come out of thin air and Remko glanced at Wire to see if he reacted. But of course he didn’t and Remko already knew he wouldn’t. This voice was in his head. He’d heard it before. More than heard it, he’d felt it.

  But Remko couldn’t deal with it now. The voice that told him to just have faith, to just believe in the call. The voice that told him to trust, to surrender his fear. The voice that tried to remind him who he was, as if it knew more about him than he did. Where was the man that voice belonged to now? Where was he when the people Remko loved were being murdered? How could surrender help him win the war he was fighting when he had lost sight of what they were even fighting for?

  Or maybe he’d never really known.

  The thought rattled inside his being like a caged animal. Could it be true that he was fighting for a faith and calling that wasn’t his own?

  Stop fighting. Surrender.

  He shook his head and ignored the sentiment. He was fighting for Carrington, for love. He couldn’t afford to lose sight of that.

  Love is surrender.

  Remko stood from his place against the wall and Wire jumped. Remko gave him an apologetic look. “We should keep moving,” Remko said. “How is she?”

  Wire didn’t look at Remko when he answered. He kept his eyes on the girl slouched in pain against the wall. “Not good.”

  “We can’t leave him behind,” Kate whispered. She wasn’t talking to them but rather letting the thoughts that consumed her mind even in her delirious state slip out.

  “We need to get her back to camp,” Wire said.

  Remko agreed. He bent down to pick Kate back up and cringed at the small cry that left her lips.

  Wire finally raised his eyes to Remko’s face and Remko could see the red blotches that dotted the boy’s face. Blotches from tears, from anger, from grief. “They knew we were coming,” Wire said.

  Remko nodded. “We knew the risk—”

  “No, they knew we were going to be there when we were.”

  Remko was confused and Wire saw it in his eyes.

  “There were four times as many guards in that prison today than we’ve ever recorded. Why? Why today?”

  Remko’s mind couldn’t seem to wrap itself around what Wire was suggesting.

  “They knew, Remko.”

  The boy turned away from Remko and started off, back toward camp.

  Camp was beginning to settle down for the day when Remko, Wire, and Kate finally arrived. Ramses and Neil were standing on the outskirts of camp, waiting for them, and Remko saw confusion rush into their eyes at their missing team member. He kept his eyes trained on the ground and headed straight for Connor’s tent.

  People around gasped and speculated at the sight of Kate, blood soaking through the pitiful bandage that wrapped her leg, as Remko carried her through camp.

  He could hear the whispered questions.

  “What happened?”

  “Where is Sam?”

  “Is she breathing?”

  “Weren’t they supposed to bring back a prisoner?”

  He ignored them and crossed the distance to the medical tent with Wire, Neil, and Ramses right behind him. He stepped into the tent and laid Kate on the long table, since Kal was still occupying the only bed.

  “What happened?” Connor asked, sidestepping Remko and immediately attending to Kate’s wounds.

  “She was shot in her calf,” Remko answered.

  “Shot?” Ramses asked.

  “Looks like it’s been a couple of hours; infection may already be spreading,” Connor said.

  “How can I help?” Wire asked, moving to the doctor’s side. The two worked quickly, Connor giving Wire orders and Wire following without a second thought.

  Remko stepped back and gave the two space but stayed in the tent, not ready to face the rush of people outside. There was quiet except for the shuffling of healing hands, and Remko took the moment to breathe.

  “Where’s Sam?”

  Remko glanced up and saw Neil standing inside the tent, arms crossed, face angry. Remko hadn’t even noticed him enter. Remko shook his head, unable to say the words.

  “Dead?” Neil asked.

  Kate whimpered on the table and tried to sit up, but Wire held her down. Sweat beads decorated her pale face.

  Connor looked over at them and Remko knew they needed to leave. He turned and headed out first, Neil right on his heels.

  “So the mission was a failure? I don’t see Dodson with you, and now we are missing one of our key fighters in this war,” Neil said.

  People were starting to gather around the medical tent to try and decipher what had happened to Kate. Remko avoided eye contact with them as he pushed through the small crowd and aimed for his tent. Neil was still only inches behind him, but Remko didn’t turn to face him. He didn’t slow or stop to explain. How could he? He didn’t know how, wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Remko,” Neil said, and yanked on Remko’s shoulder to pull him around. Remko slapped Neil’s hand away and the two found themselves nose to nose. Heat flared off Neil’s face and Remko could feel his own anger threatening to take over. Through his core it rose, eating away the pain and guilt until it was all that remained. Anger was easier to carry than shame.

  Before either man could say a thing Ramses was there, putting distance between them. “Everyone needs to stay calm,” Ramses said.

  “Calm? Every time I turn around he is getting another one of us killed,” Neil yelled. His words burrowed into Remko’s gut, but his anger violently crushed the pocket of guilt Neil’s words threatened to expose. The crowd gathered behind Neil near the medical tent had turned their attention to the confrontation, and Neil’s voice had brought others from the surrounding tents.

  Remko was aware of their stares, but he hardly cared anymore. His anger wouldn’t let him. “And you think you could do better?” he demanded. “When have you offered to go into the city and risk your life for anyone, Neil?”

  “I completed my mission today; I got my team into the facility and brought back samples. Connor is running tests on them right now. You’re the one who failed and came back one man short.”

  Remko tried to step forward, but Ramses wouldn’t let him get any closer. “Your mission to capture information? What risk is there in that? You never volunteer yourself for actual risk.”

  “I have a son!”

  “And I have a daughter! Look around you, Neil; we all have just as much to lose!”

  Neil swallowed hard, his face bulging with fury. “But I don’t get people killed.”

  “Sam isn’t dead,” Remko said. He could feel his anger starting to lose its strength as his guilt and pain began to rise up and build in power.

  “And Dodson—where is he?” Neil asked.

  The mention of Dodson gave Remko’s shame the last ounce of power it needed to overcome his anger. His rage deflated completely and with it his false sense of confidence. The watching eyes abruptly felt piercing, the look on Ramses’s face further disarming. For the first time his eyes found Carrington, standing near the back of the surrounding group, Elise cradled in her arms. Her eyes were filled with pity and he broke.

  Remko dropped his eyes away from his wife’s gaze and felt his anger start to battle back. All the eyes looking at him, the bodies standing around, the way they whispered their disapproval. The way they expected him to be their rescuer instead of offering to rescue themselves. Because of their weakness and fear, he was carrying blame for deaths that none of them could have prevented. Who did they think he was? God?

  Aaron. If anyone was to blame for all this death and suffering, it was the man who had led them to this miserable wilderness with promises of freedom. If anyone should have to pay for the sin of murder, it should be Aaron. He was to blame.

  “You!” a voice called out, rocking Remko from his renewed fuming.

  He looked up to see Wire moving through the collected crowd, his gaze fixed behind Re
mko. His face was filled with rage, something that looked foreign on the boy who was known to be more logical than emotional. Remko glanced over his shoulder and saw that Jesse had moved to the front of the crowd. The archer seemed puzzled by Wire’s outburst and looked around to make sure Wire wasn’t referring to someone else.

  Before anyone could react, Wire was running at full speed. His target was clear but unprepared for the impact. Wire met Jesse with propelled force and both boys toppled to the ground. People nearby shrieked and scurried out of the way as they rolled. Jesse cursed as Wire yelled accusations into the archer’s face and swung his fists. Wire managed to roll out on top, his face flooded with heat, his knees clutching Jesse’s sides.

  “Get off me!” Jesse yelled.

  “You almost got her killed! Traitor!” Wire screamed.

  Ramses and Remko moved to yank the skinny boy off of the fallen archer. Wire elbowed Ramses in the gut and clawed at Jesse’s face. Ramses recovered, and with Remko on the other side, they managed to rip Wire free of his victim. He still fought their hold as Jesse pushed himself quickly to his feet.

  “What is wrong with you!” Jesse shouted.

  “He told them; he told them we were coming. He works for them!” Wire yelled.

  “What are you talking about?” Ramses asked.

  Remko suddenly understood what was happening before him and whirled Wire around to face him. Wire turned and yanked his arms free of Remko’s hold. He was breathing heavily, his glasses barely hanging on to the end of his nose, cheeks flushed, forehead glistening. His eyes were dark.

  “Remko, it has to be him. They knew we were coming! They took Sam; they almost killed Kate,” Wire said.

  “You’re crazy,” Jesse said, using the back of his hand to wipe the blood seeping from the small cut on his bottom lip.

  “Wire, we don’t know anything for sure—” Remko started.

  “You have to be kidding me. Who else could it be?” Wire started toward Jesse again and Remko and Ramses moved to hold the boy back. “I swear if she dies I will kill you,” Wire threatened.

  “I didn’t do anything!” Jesse said.

  “He was with us,” Carrington said.

  Wire stopped struggling and looked over to where Carrington had stepped into the circle. “He went with us to the facility today.”

  “So? That doesn’t mean anything,” Wire said, again pulling himself free of Remko and Ramses.

  “He saved my life,” Carrington said.

  Remko looked at Carrington, worry breaking through the rest of the chaos around him. “What happened?”

  “It’s nothing,” Carrington said, sending Remko a reassuring smile.

  “I’m with Wire; this kid can’t be trusted,” Neil said, speaking up.

  Carrington turned to Neil, confusion on her face. “You saw what he did for us today. Why would he help us if he was working with the Authority?”

  “It’s a trick,” Wire said.

  “Probably all part of his plan,” Neil said.

  “What do I have to gain from any of this?” Jesse asked.

  “Only the guilty defend themselves,” Wire said.

  “Enough,” Remko said.

  Jesse’s eyes dropped to slits and he clenched his jaw. He and Wire locked eyes for a long moment before Jesse shook his head. “Whatever,” he said, and stormed off.

  “Jesse,” Carrington called after him, but Jesse didn’t pause.

  Remko watched after the archer. He didn’t want to believe anything Wire was saying. He could barely deal with the problems currently cascading around him. The last thing they needed was a traitor as well. Could it have been a mere coincidence that the prison had been stacked with more guards than usual? Maybe Wire was just reacting to the stress, creating a problem that wasn’t there? Or maybe he was right, and letting Jesse stay would only result in more reasons to blame Remko.

  Wire stomped back toward the medical tent. People had started to trickle away, and Carrington moved to stand beside Remko. Neil still stood close by as well but Remko could hardly look at him. The two men stood looking in different directions, both too proud to admit their actions had been unnecessary.

  “The Authority knew you were coming?” Carrington asked, breaking the silence.

  “Wire seems to think so, but we can’t prove that,” Remko said.

  Carrington again glanced at Neil. “He could have left us today, and if he had, we wouldn’t have made it out of that complex. Yet you still question him?”

  Neil said nothing and kept his eyes on the ground.

  Carrington exhaled. “Well, I trust Jesse.”

  “I do too,” Ramses said, stepping closer to them.

  “Guess it doesn’t matter what I think, then,” Neil said.

  Remko caught Neil’s eyes as they lifted, and for a split second he saw something that resonated with him.

  Exhaustion.

  The two men had their issues, but at the end of the day they were still fighting the same war. A war they both at some point may have felt called to but currently found themselves questioning. They were the same, he and Neil, both soldiers in an impossible war. In Aaron’s war.

  Neil turned and walked off, the sound of his boots echoing across the pavement.

  Ramses placed his hand on Remko’s shoulder, bringing him back from his introspection. Remko turned to see the concern in his brother’s eyes and wanted to escape from the questions that were coming. The gathering of people was dispersing, and Remko just wanted to be alone.

  “Brother—” Ramses started.

  “I’m fine, Ramses,” Remko said, starting toward his tent.

  Ramses followed. “Carrying all this weight isn’t doing you any good.”

  “What would you have me do? Place it on someone else?”

  “Yes. You are not in this alone.”

  Remko paused and turned back to face his brother. “Are you qu . . . questioning whether or not I’m equipped as w . . . well?” He struggled to get the words out without stuttering and bit his tongue.

  Ramses shook his head. “No. I just don’t want this to destroy you.”

  “We’re at war, Ramses. Wa . . . war isn’t easy.”

  Pity filled Ramses’s face at Remko’s verbal missteps and Remko could feel his fury bubbling.

  “I said I am fine; stop badgering me,” Remko said, then turned and left his brother and his wife standing alone.

  19

  Remko yanked open the flap to his tent and stomped inside. His mind raced through the events that had just transpired. Neil making a public fool of him, Wire trying to kill Jesse, the theory of a spy living among them, Ramses questioning his ability. Not to mention the events of his failed mission plaguing him as if the disease called memory had invaded his entire being. All he could do was remember. Dodson, Sam, Kate. An endless cycle of torture he couldn’t shut off.

  He hadn’t checked on Kate since the altercation between Wire and Jesse. He hadn’t sat down with Neil and Ramses to discuss going back for Sam. He hadn’t followed after Jesse to try to make amends. He couldn’t manage any of that right now. All he could do was walk to his tent and secure himself inside.

  He was remotely aware of Carrington entering behind him and softly placing Elise inside her makeshift crib. He sat on the edge of their bed and propped his arms on his knees. He didn’t want Carrington to worry about him; that was the last thing she needed, so he resisted the urge to drop his head into his hands. If he did that, he knew there was no guarantee he could keep his emotions under control.

  Carrington sat on the bed beside him but didn’t touch him. Her presence was enough to make him want to cave. To give in to the raging sea of sorrow crashing against his strength. But he managed not to.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Carrington asked.

  He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Yes, he wanted to, but he wasn’t sure how to maintain control while doing so.

  She let the silence linger between them. “Is Dodson dead?
” she finally asked, her voice small and quivering.

  “Yes,” Remko answered. Another moment of silence filled their tent.

  “They got Sam?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And shot Kate.”

  Remko nodded.

  The pauses between questions were so long it felt as if the world itself were coming to a stop.

  “It’s not your fault,” Carrington whispered.

  Remko let out a short breath. “You’re the only one who believes that.”

  “The only one who needs to believe it is you.”

  Remko knew where this conversation was heading, and he wasn’t sure he could muster any more energy for that kind of interaction. “I have no idea what I believe.”

  “You used to believe in what we were doing here,” Carrington said.

  Remko turned his head to look at her. “Did I? And what exactly are we doing here?”

  “Following the call.”

  “No, Carrington; I came following you.”

  Her eyes registered worry. “Remko—”

  “And now I’m stuck fighting a war and I don’t even know what for.”

  Carrington looked away and Remko knew his words had hurt her.

  “Stuck? Here with me.”

  Remko finally gave in and let his head hang. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Another pause separated them.

  “We can’t lose faith,” Carrington said, and Remko let out a huff that caused her to trip over her next words, but she recovered. “We can’t let our fear dictate our actions.”

  He looked up at her. “So if a bear chases me, I shouldn’t run for fear of being eaten?”

  Carrington looked exasperated. “I don’t know. Aaron would say—”

  “That I should stop resisting the bear. I know—I’ll ask the bear over for lunch. Then he’ll eat a sandwich instead of me.”

  Carrington rolled her eyes. “Remko—”

  Remko stood from the bed. “No, please, Carrington. Tell me how I am supposed to stop resisting the fear of death when they are executing our people!”

  “I’m not saying we should walk into the Authority City and let them hang us all, but we can’t run away.”