The Infected Box Set, Vol. 1 [Books 1-3]

by Zuko, Joseph

  “Yes, you did last night.”

  “I still love you,” Jim stole one last kiss as he exited the kitchen. Karen finished drying her hands and then twisted the towel and zapped Jim on the butt with a hard SNAP.

  “Holy MOLY!” he yelped as he jumped in the air and clutched his ass with both hands.

  “Love you too.” She plucked the knife from the countertop and continued to dice the chicken.

  Jim rushed out of the bedroom. “Damn it’s seven forty, I’m really running late now.” He fought to straighten his tie. Karen handed him his lunch bag and went to work helping him fix the mess he had made.

  “Sell lots today.” Her hair still needed a brush run through it but Jim always loved her thick wild hair. It was one of the first things he noticed about her when they met seventeen years ago.

  “I will. I promise.” He stood up straight so she had a good angle to work on his faux-silk tie. He watched her eyes as she focused intently on the task at hand. They were pale blue, almost gray. In his whole life he had never seen eyes like those before. She got the knot sorted out and cinched it so tight that it choked him.

  Jim’s eyes went crossed and his tongue stuck out.

  “This is the new way to wear your tie,” she grunted as she fought to make it tighter around his neck.

  He choked out the words, “Do I look good?”

  “Beautiful.”

  “Thank you, baby.”

  “Tongue touches,” she stuck out her tongue and he matched her. The wet tips smacked against each other as they performed the weirdest French kiss ever. “Get going you’re late.” She gave him one last peck on the lips and then pushed him toward the front door. He rushed out and gave her a quick wave bye. He pulled the door shut behind himself and it clicked loudly into place.

  Seconds later Robin cried from the bedroom. Karen made an “I am going crazy” face and her arms shook in the air. Her hands took the form of an eagle claw. Tight and intense. She fought the urge to scream at the top of her lungs. Her face calmed and with the sweetest voice she said, “Mama’s coming.”

  An hour later Karen was fighting with the coffee maker for the second time. Mama needed a ton of caffeine after the night she had. It was an espresso maker Jim bought and spent a lot on five years ago when he was making more money. For the last six months it had only worked half the time. Sometimes she would get a piping hot cup of very strong coffee. The other half of the time the machine bogged down and did nothing but waste the grounds. She cranked the knob at the top of the machine and it worked.

  Success!

  She would not have to kill anyone that morning. A little voice called her. It wafted up to her ears from about three feet off the ground.

  "Mama, Mama, Mama."

  Karen stared down at the child. The child won't stop saying her name until she said, "Yes, Robin." Ninety-nine times out of a hundred it was to tell her something she already knew. This time the two-year-old pointed at the dog.

  "Botchy."

  "Yes, dear. That's Botchy."

  The toddler zipped out of the living room to go play. The dog’s name was Paris. Named after the place in Las Vegas where she and Jim had gotten married. For eleven years the little Yorkshire Terrier was called Paris and about a year ago Robin started talking and the dog's name changed to Botchy. Karen got about twenty Botchy updates a day. There were also the older sister updates. All day long it was Aler updates, as the two-year-old called her older sister Valerie, Aler did this and Aler did that.

  Who needs Facebook?

  Karen got all of the updates a Mom could possibly want. Valerie was home sick from kindergarten. She had a bad cough and a slight fever. The little sickie was laid out on the couch watching SpongeBob. She was only a little sick. Not bad enough to see a doctor, but bad enough to stay home and play hookie. During the flashy commercial breaks she let her mom know what toys she wanted. That was how Karen knew she was not that sick. If it were a bad cold she would be asleep.

  "I want that," a soft voice called out.

  "What was it honey?"

  "I don't know." She didn't even know what kind of toy she wanted. That was good advertising. I don't know what it is, but I want it.

  Kudos to you Mattel. Whatever you pay your marketing team, it’s worth every penny.

  Karen took a knee in front of the couch and placed a hand on the hot little forehead. Valerie let out a bad cough.

  "Please cover your mouth when you cough."

  "Sorry Mama," she coughed again and this time her little hand covered her mouth.

  "Thank you, baby."

  "Mama, I love you."

  "I love you, too."

  Robin emerged from the toy room. The toy room was really the apartment’s dining room. The place was small and a toy room was needed more than a place to sit and eat.

  "I gotta poop," Robin said as she held her tummy.

  "Thanks for the update."

  “I gotta poop!” She ran out of the living room and back toward the toilet. She walked around the place like Winnie the Poo. T-shirt and no bottoms. She stayed bottomless because as a two-year-old you will play right up to the second you have to go. Pulling off your pants was a big waste of playtime. It was best to keep them off. Pants were for chumps. Jim used to fight it, but Karen realized a long time ago that it was futile. An hour after wrestling them on she would have them back off. It is a very short period of time that it is okay to not have to wear any pants or underwear. Might as well live it up for as long as she could.

  "Mama?" She called Karen from the bathroom. She was ready for a cleaning. Karen was in charge of everyone’s buns except Jim’s. She often thought to herself that she needed to write a book for expecting mothers. She would call it "Now You Get to Clean Someone's Butt for Five Years: The Joy of Motherhood."

  "Mama? I need pop water."

  This was how it would go all day long for Karen. Helping one child and then the next.

  "Be right there. I'm busy with Robin."

  Pop water was what the kids called pop. Karen got the littlest butt clean, washed her hands and headed to the kitchen. She poured a cup of ginger ale.

  Thank God Jim isn't sick too.

  Talk about a baby. He was the walking talking definition of "Man Cold" as if no one had ever been sick before him. The first day was okay. He was sick, she gets it, but by day two Karen wished he would either get over it or die. Not really die, but go away and leave her alone was a better way to say it.

  She took the fresh glass of pop to the sick girl and helped her drink it.

  "Mama, Mama, Mama?"

  "Yes."

  "Pop wanga."

  "I'll be right there." Robin called water "wanga." She saw that her sister had a glass and now wanted one too.

  "Mama? Pop wanga?"

  "I'm coming. Be patient," she said as she headed back to the kitchen and poured another glass.

  "Here you go."

  "Tank you." Robin gulped it down.

  "Mama?"

  "What now Valerie?"

  "I spilled it."

  She picked up an old kitchen towel and a glass of hot water to clean up the mess. Karen needed to get the girl a fresh drink too. This was how it would go till Jim got home from work.

  This is Karen’s silly, loving family.

  There was a knock at Karen’s front door. She checked the peephole and recognized the apartment complex’s maintenance man. He was a good-looking young man in his late twenties with a stylish haircut and beard. Karen had him over before to work on the electric range. She totally forgot that he was coming over to look at the dishwasher.

  Shit balls!

  Her brain had been in a foggy haze all morning. He knocked again. Karen realized that she had not brushed her hair or teeth. She had dragon breath so bad it could melt faces. She took a quick sniff of her armpit. The smell of musty ham hit her like a ton of bricks. Her food stained yoga pants showed off every nook and cranny of her mom hips and butt. Her brand new designer jeans that ma
de her butt look incredible were wet in the washer. She had a mini panic attack.

  Why God, why?

  How could she possibly forget he was coming over? How could she possibly let this handsome man in when she and the apartment looked like such a disaster? The third knock at the door made the nightmare even more real.

  The bass in his deep voice bounced through the door and hit her hard in her lady parts, “Miss Blackmore? It’s me, Steve? I said I would be here at nine to fix the dishwasher?”

  There was no turning back now. She had to open the door and try to be okay with the fact that she was a mom. It was not that she had any intention of ever cheating on Jim. Far from it. Every woman everywhere wanted to be found attractive by everyone they met. That was basic physiology.

  Karen opened the door and made sure that she said, “Hello,” out the corner of her mouth. She shot her deadly breath in a different direction than up his perfect nose.

  His rugged beard smiled wide at her.

  She couldn’t help herself. Her eyes looked him up and down and within seconds she had already sexually objectified all of the parts of his body that made him a man. He wore a tight tan colored Dickies work shirt. Its short sleeves revealed a colorful tattoo that ran the length of his right arm.

  His arm flexed as he lifted his toolbox, “The dishwasher?”

  “Right, come on in,” she said as she stepped aside and let him pass.

  “Sorry about the mess. I have a sick kid home from school.”

  He entered and headed straight for the kitchen.

  Robin greeted him with a shout of, “Naked!” as she waved her little butt in his direction.

  “You sure are,” Steve looked back at Karen, “No worries. This place is really clean compared to most.” he set his toolbox down on the kitchen floor and took a knee. “What’s going on?”

  Robin raced back out of the kitchen to watch cartoons with Valerie.

  “Nothing much. I have to drive over to my mom’s to let her chickens out of the coop so they can get some fresh food and water,” she babbled. Karen noticed his smile and that he was pointing at the dishwasher.

  “You mean the machine? Not me, I’m sorry.” She swallowed hard. “I turn the knob but nothing happens after that.”

  “Okay, I’ll pop this open and get it fixed in no time so you can go rescue those poor chickens,” Steve said as he gave her another big smile.

  Karen laughed much louder at his little joke than necessary.

  “You want a glass of water or anything?”

  “No thank you. I’m good.”

  “I’ll let you get to it,” she quickly turned and left the kitchen. Once she knew she was out of his sight she pointed her index finger at her temple and shot herself in the head.

  It was a clean kill.

  A little bit later she heard Steve close the dishwasher, turn the knob and the loud ass machine came alive. It would limp along and poorly wash dishes for another day. She sprang from the couch and joined him in the kitchen.

  “You got it going,” she stated the obvious.

  “Yep, the timer was broken so it was an easy job.” Steve snapped the lock on his toolbox.

  “What do I owe you?” she said jokingly.

  “Today’s service will be gratis.” Steve muscled up the heavy toolbox. He stopped at the edge of the kitchen and looked at the sick little monster on the couch. She barked out a loud cough.

  “I hope you feel better soon.” The man’s smile could light up a city block. He looked over at Robin. “Have fun being naked.”

  “Okay!” She flashed him another peek at her little booty.

  “Call the front desk if you need anything else,” Steve said as he headed for the front door.

  “Will do. Thank you again.” Karen followed him.

  He popped open the door and stepped through the threshold, “Just doing my job ma’am,” he gave her a wink as he walked away.

  She shut and locked it after him. Back to being a mom, “All right girls, who needs a bath?” Karen asked as she whipped off her top and headed for the bathroom.

  An hour later Karen stood at the front door and ran down the checklist. Kids dressed and looking cute, check. Valerie’s hair could use a brush but what’s the point. She was only going to lie down on it all day and mess it right back up. The tangled look helped her sell just how sick she really was.

  She has her purse, sunglasses and phone. Check. Check. Check. Phone’s battery was down to twenty-eight percent. Jim would freak out if his phone were even close to seventy percent before he stepped out of the house. Karen loved to live on the wild side and run around town with only a quarter charge on her battery.

  Karen shuffled the kids out the front door. Valerie announced to everyone that she was sick with a long, deep cough.

  "Please cover."

  "Sorry."

  She locked the door behind herself and tested it three times to make sure she locked it. One, two, three and now they could go.

  "Hold hands." They walked out into the parking lot of the apartment complex. It was never busy out here but she liked to practice car safety with the girls.

  The family that lived kitty-corner on the second floor to them was loading up their three kids into a large silver van. The two families shared a smile and wave. Karen could never remember their names. Carl and Toni. No, Cliff and Tina, right, she never remembered. They had three children, two of them were close in age with Valerie and Robin and the older daughter was about nine. The three kids had the same jet-black hair as their mother, except the Mom’s had a solid streak of green flashing through it. She had a cool punk rock look. The family’s van sported a few heavy metal band stickers across the back window.

  Valerie and Robin got super excited every time they saw the neighbor kids. They would fire questions back and forth.

  “Where are you going?”

  “You wanna play?”

  “Your mom’s hair is green?”

  “We have a Botchy.”

  “That’s my Daddy and Mama.”

  “Look at shoes,” Robin said as she slapped her foot down onto the concrete and the top of her shoes lit up.

  “Whoa.”

  “Cool. I want that.”

  Kids made friends so easily. Karen wished it were that easy for adults. The fear with neighbors was that they would be over all the time. It might be totally cool, but what if it stopped being cool and you want them to go away?

  Then what?

  It was never worth the risk for her and Jim. During the summer months the kids would all play together at the apartment’s pool. The adults made small talk but it never got any further than that. Tina spoke to her kids in English with a little Spanish mixed in. Karen could only half understand what was going on. Her husband, Cliff was always polite but never really said much. He would second a command Tina had issued to the kids, but that was all Karen had ever heard him say.

  He looked a lot like Jim. Same skin tone, hair color, build and age. It was weird how closely they looked like each other. Generic dad look you might say. The main difference was Cliff had his hair buzzed short. He looked like he just got out of boot camp. Karen wrangled the kids into the car and waited for the neighbors to get out first. Then she was off.

  She got bombarded with the same questions every time she drove anywhere.

  "Where are we going?”

  “Can we get cheeseburgers?”

  “What's that? What's that? What's that?"

  Karen zoned out as she pulled up to an intersection. Her attention was quickly grabbed by flashing lights in her rearview mirror. Two police cruisers zipped by them and raced down the street. Right behind them was an ambulance. Its siren set the kids off and both of them screamed at the top of their lungs only because they thought it was funny. Valerie coughed and coughed. It sounded like she was about to lose a lung back there. The light turned green and Karen tapped the gas. Another set of cruisers flashed past her. She jammed on the brakes in the middle of the inte
rsection.

  “What the hell is going on?” she asked herself.

  “Mama, you said a bad word.” Karen looked up into the rearview mirror at her oldest.

  “I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

  “Yes Mama. You’re forgiven,” Valerie said and then barked a cough into her sleeve. Her voice was rough from the coughing attacks.

  “I need to get you some cough medicine.”

  “No way. It tastes gross.”

  “It will make you feel better.”

  “Nope.”

  “We’ll see if Ganny has any.”

  “Ice cream will make me feel better. Can I have ice cream?”

  “Medicine first and then maybe ice cream.”

  “Ice cream and then I’ll have medicine and then a little more ice cream?” Kids are so good at negotiating.

  A few blocks down the road Karen found the accident that had all of the police speeding past her. Black smoke shrouded a three-car pile-up just off the side of the road. A circus surrounded the crash and there was a frenzy of activity. Some of the officers had their guns drawn. An EMT was laid out on a gurney. His uniform was covered in blood. It looked too black to be blood, but what else could it be?

  His body thrashed back and forth.

  Two other EMT’s fought to push the injured man back onto the stretcher. An officer stood guard with his gun drawn. Karen couldn’t quite hear what the officer was screaming.

  “Strap…I’ll put a bullet….don’t let it bite…!” The cop’s face was bright red and covered in sweat. He spit commands at the top of his lungs, but the sirens drowned him out. Her view was quickly blocked when a fire truck pulled up next to the scene.

  As Karen crept past the mess she did a little rubber necking to catch a glimpse. There was a lot of dark crimson liquid everywhere. It was all over the ground. All over the responding teams. Someone was dead for sure. You can’t lose that much sauce and still be amongst the living. Two more shotgun-toting cops sprinted toward the accident.

  “Mama, look!” Valerie pointed out the front window. Karen’s head whipped around and she jammed on her brakes. Her front bumper was a foot away from a young officer. His hand was up, commanding her to stop. He stepped quickly over to the passenger’s side window. Karen tapped the button and the window automatically rolled down. He scanned the inside of the vehicle. He was visibly shaken up.