One Look

by Harlow James

  The conference room is set up to accommodate more than fifty people, that includes every member of the team, trainers, coaches, and support staff, as well as the owner and head of every other department under the umbrella of the OC Rays corporation. Leather chairs line the tables, refreshments are set up along a few tables in the back, and the projection screen is on at the front of the room, all ready for the meeting to discuss the banquet and the handful of other events we have planned throughout the season.

  No sooner does Tiffany set down the printed agendas do the staff and players start to arrive. I busy myself with reviewing my slide show presentation, making notes about key points to emphasize throughout my spiel, when the presence of a burly man in my peripheral gains my attention. I don’t even have to look up to know who it is. Just the outline of the muscles of his legs through his pants, along with the outline of other things, lets me know that Jake is here.

  I glance up from my seated position to meet his deep blue eyes, hidden beneath the bill of his OC Rays ball cap.

  “Good morning,” he greets me, his voice deep and resonating throughout my entire body.

  “Hello,” I answer back quickly, returning my attention to my computer screen, faking nonchalance when my heart is frantic in my ribcage.

  “How have you been?” He asks curiously, probably since the last time I saw him was Friday when I put an end to the rekindling of our relationship.

  “Good. Busy,” I shrug, standing to move around him. I guess I didn’t account for how broad Jake is, for when I squeeze past him, our hands touch, brushing ever so softly against one another, the touch as light as a feather.

  Jake reaches out and intertwines one of his fingers with mine, locking us together for one sweet moment before he releases me, the movement so quick, no one probably would have noticed.

  But I did. My entire body took notice of his touch, and then his eyes, locked on me as I’m frozen in place.

  “Jake, please stop. I… I have to work,” I whisper, feeling the absence of his skin on mine and wishing like hell that things could be different.

  “I’ll never stop wanting you, Dani,” he murmurs back, sneaking a deep inhale of my scent and then glancing down to do a perusal of my body, my insides heating up just knowing he’s eyeing me like prey.

  “I’m sorry, Jake.”

  I use those parting words to continue my trek away from him---away from the heartache and the deep ache between my legs. The irony that I’ve found my dream job at the cost of my dream man is not lost on me.

  After what looks like most of the people attending have filtered in the room, I grab the microphone at the front to begin.

  “Welcome everyone! Thank you so much for being here. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Danielle Peters, and I am the new head of Public Relations and Marketing for the OC Rays.”

  Man, it feels good to say that!

  “Please make sure you grabbed an agenda on the way in as we will begin in just a few minutes.”

  I set down the microphone and address Tiffany, making sure everyone that is supposed to be in attendance is accounted for. We converse over a few other topics before I make my way back to the front of the room, adjusting my dress and fluffing my hair for good measure before I begin.

  Throughout my presentation, I do my best to avoid Jake’s gaze, the heat of his stare easy to feel even though I refrain from making eye contact with him. I smile and nod, answer questions when appropriate, absorbing the peace and intention I feel being in this position. I know this is where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing with my life right now.

  The affirmative looks and nods of agreement seen on the faces of the powerful men and women in this organization only confirm that I am succeeding in this job. I feel accomplished, and for the first time, in a long time, I sense that I’m on the right path.

  But in the back of my mind, I’m at war over this job and how it’s keeping me from Jake. How can I possibly feel so grateful for this position and resentful of it in the same breath?

  I make the mistake of finding Jake’s face, instantly confronted with his intense stare, which sends warm tingles all over my body that I fight desperately to ignore. As I explain the details and protocols of the banquet night to the team, I can sense his eyes burning into my flesh through my clothes the entire time. And then I let my mind wander to the thought of Jake in a tux and I swear, the pink color on my cheeks is a dead giveaway to my body’s reaction to him.

  “Are there any questions I can answer?” I finally declare, hoping the number of hands raised is minuscule so I can run to the restroom to compose myself.

  Gratefully, no one throws their hands in the air.

  “Thank you so much, Danielle,” Tim interjects, gliding across the front of the room to join me. “I think we can all agree that Miss Peters’ attention to detail for this event is completely appreciated and everyone is looking forward to it.”

  Collective murmurs of agreement filter through the room before Tim releases everyone and the players and staff quickly exit to resume their duties for the day.

  With my back to the room as I shut down my computer and gather my notes, the shock waves of Jake’s presence bombard me again, the tightness of my chest returning before I ever twist around to take him in.

  “You did great, Dani,” he offers, his hands placed in the pockets of his jeans almost as a form of self-restraint.

  “Thank you. Speaking in front of a large crowd is always nerve-wracking, but I felt it went well.” I resume collecting my things with my back to him.

  “Well, if you were nervous, it didn’t show. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you,” he says with an intensity that I felt and now I can hear.

  “I noticed.” Even though I shouldn’t go there, I have a hard time not confirming the thought that Jake wouldn’t stop watching me.

  “Really? Because it felt like you were avoiding looking at me,” he teases, forcing me to look back at him again, this time with an arch in my brow.

  “What would you rather me do? Eye-fuck you across the room? In front of everyone?” I whisper, just loud enough that the words stay between the two of us.

  “Dani, that’s not what I meant… I just…” Jake stammers as I feel him start to retreat in his pursuit.

  “You’re not making this any easier on me, Jake. I’m sorry, but this can’t happen.” I sling my computer bag over my shoulder, preparing to head back to my office.

  “I think you’re wrong,” he challenges me, laying a blow to my heart that puts me on the defensive instantly.

  “Excuse me?” I snap at him, louder than I intended.

  “I think you’re scared… too scared to fight for what you want because it’s been so long since you’ve actually been able to focus on what you want in life.”

  His words strike me hard, the truth in them almost too difficult to hear. Of course I want Jake, but that requires me to let him in completely and take that leap of faith that things between us could work out this time. And what if they don’t? What if I end up right back where I was three years ago?

  Our physical connection has never been a problem. I know I want Jake in my bed. I know I want to be consumed by him, wrapped in his arms, and desperately in need of him for hours each night.

  But can we ever have the whole package? Can we have the relationship that they write romance novels about?

  “We can be together, Dani. You just have to want it as badly as I do.”

  I stand there, our eyes never wavering as we stare down one another--- a silent challenge declared by him, telling me that the ball is in my court.

  I let out a long sigh once I’ve reasoned that I can’t think this through right now--- not in front of him, and not at work, where there are prying eyes and ears everywhere I turn.

  “I have to go, Jake,” I whisper in defeat, skirting past him and through the glass doors, frantically rushing to my office so I can recover from the emotional whiplash I experience eve
ry time Jake and I are near each other.

  Once I settle into the reprieve of my office, I sink into my chair and stare out onto the field where the players have gathered for mid-day training and practice. Tim Donaldson opted to keep the team at home this year for spring training and preparation for the season instead of sending them to Arizona like usual.

  With the season starting in less than two weeks, every moment is precious for them. Although that’s how I feel about every moment spent with Jake---they’re precious. I think about how far we’ve come since he returned to Irvine, how close we were to getting what we wanted, and how gut-wrenching it is to know we can’t have it.

  But is he right?

  Can we have what we want?

  Do I really need to just fight for it?

  What if I spoke to Tim? Told him the situation and was upfront with him about it from the start?

  Would that change anything?

  Just as I sense a glimmer of hope on the horizon of my mind, my phone rings and breaks me from my thoughts.

  “Hey, Loch. What’s up?”

  “How did your presentation go this morning?” She sings through the phone, her abundance of cheer borderline annoying.

  “Really well, actually!” I declare enthusiastically, knowing that besides the confrontation with Jake, I couldn’t have asked for the whole thing to go more flawlessly.

  “What about Jake?” She asks as if she almost senses my inner turmoil.

  “Oh, Loch. He’s so relentless. I swear, his pursuit of me just won’t falter, even after I told him we couldn’t be together. It’s like the man won’t take no for an answer.”

  “Hmmm, I vaguely remember when I was going through the same dilemma with Rocky and my best friend told me to get over my fear and let him in.”

  I instantly resent my best friend for throwing my own words back in my face. When Rocky was trying so hard to show Lochlin that he wanted to be with her, her stubborn streak really shined. I swear, it’s like we’ve changed places in the past year.

  “You are no longer my best friend right now for pulling that card,” I snark.

  “Um, no… me pulling that card makes me the best best friend because I’m telling you what you need to hear, which isn’t necessarily what you want to hear. That’s what best friends are for!”

  “Ok, fine. You’re right. I do need to hear it, but it doesn’t make it any easier to listen to your voice of reason.”

  “Oh, I know Dani. Believe me, I didn’t want to listen to you either. But you assured me that something would happen that would convince me that he was worth the risk. And literally the next week, Rocky came over to take care of me while I was sicker than a dog? Do you remember that?”

  I think back fondly of how jealous I was when Lochlin told me that this manly and tattooed professional baseball player with a rap for being a party boy, sacrificed his own health and time to come to my best friend’s side in her time of need. Lochlin had the flu and Rocky brought her medicine, rubbed Vic’s on her chest, and held her while she fought off the virus. When she finally felt human again, she swore that his selflessness those few days was all she needed to know he was the one. No man had ever taken care of her like that before.

  “Yes, I do. That was seriously the sweetest thing ever,” I grin through my words, remembering how consumed Lochlin became with Rocky after that.

  “So, maybe that’s what you need from Jake? That instance that tells you he’s worth the fight. Lord knows the man is wildly in love with you and I know he’s not giving up.”

  “Believe me, he’s made that quite clear,” I agree stubbornly.

  “Then give him the chance to show you that moment, Dani. Please. I know you two belong together and you are being such a stubborn ass about it right now, it’s all I can do to stand by and not smack some sense into you.”

  I chuckle at my friend, the one person who knows me better than anyone else. She’s my family and I know she wants me to be just as happy and in love as she is.

  “Okay, I’ll try. But just for you because that last thing I want is for you to smack me. I know how hard you hit, woman,” I humorously reply.

  “That’s all I ask,” she beams.

  “Okay, well I still have a ton of details to finalize before Friday, so I need to get going. But we will see you and Rocky on Wednesday for Conner’s birthday, right?”

  “Absolutely! Love ya, Dani.”

  “Love ya too, Loch,” I answer back before ending the call and getting back to work, but not before gazing out at the field once more, tracking number twenty-three as he moves so effortlessly, it’s unfair.

  ◆◆◆

  Two nights later, Lochlin and Rocky arrive at our house for dinner to celebrate Conner’s birthday, the smell of the enchiladas in the oven wafting throughout the entire house.

  “Where’s the birthday boy?” Lochlin exclaims as she rushes through the front door as soon as I answer it. Given that she’s always made such a big deal about my birthday, it comes as no surprise she does the same thing for my little brother, who I guess, isn’t so little anymore. Today he turns fifteen, a fact I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around.

  “I’m right here, Loch,” he greets her as he comes down the steps from his room, his long legs draped in denim eating up the stairs, his tall frame filling out from playing sports again, yet his dark brown hair still hanging in his eyes.

  “Happy birthday, Conner! Gosh, I can’t believe you’re fifteen today!” Lochlin tears up, which cues the eye rolls from my brother.

  “Not you too! Dani’s already cried this morning when she dropped me off for school and just a few minutes ago,” he teases before pulling Lochlin in for a hug, his large body now towering over my best friend. Holy hell, when did that happen?

  “It was the onions that made me cry just now, Conner,” I offer, feigning innocence but failing miserably.

  “Sure, okay,” he nudges me before leaving a kiss on my temple.

  I swear, the past two months have given me a sense of normalcy again. Even though he still has his teenage moments, I finally feel like I have my little brother back, the glimpses of my sweet boy growing up peeking through from time to time. I have no doubt that baseball has been a factor in that.

  “Hey, Rocky,” Conner reaches out to shake Rocky’s hand, the camaraderie between them one of my favorite things to watch. It makes me feel guilty that he can’t also have that with…

  Ding dong.

  The doorbell rings, pulling our attention to the front of the house as we all stand frozen in the kitchen.

  “Who could that be?” I ask full of concern, knowing I didn’t invite anyone else.

  “I’ll get it,” Conner offers while striding to the front door and opening up to reveal Jake Calhoun in all his sexy glory.

  “Happy birthday, Conner,” Jake greets him with a handshake and a sideways embrace the way only men greet each other. His long legs covered in black jeans with a plain white sweatshirt covering his chiseled chest makes a level of lust swarm through me that should be illegal.

  “Hey, Jake. Thanks for coming,” he says while leading Jake into the kitchen where I’m standing dumbfounded by how my brother invited him without me knowing and without consulting me. My first thought is, at least I know we have enough food.

  “Hi, Dani,” he addresses me as soon as he closes the gap between us, a rather large box hoisted underneath his arm, which looks like a present for Conner.

  “Hi. Um, I’m not trying to sound rude, but what are you doing here?” I ask, my face contorted with confusion, but my body is carnally reacting to him. I feel him everywhere: my skin, my hair, my core.

  “Conner asked me to come. And I was honored, so I’m here,” he answers matter-of-factly.

  “Conner?” I turn to my brother to question Jake’s answer, feigning some composure when all I really want is to jump in Jake’s arms and kick everyone else out, thinking about what happened the last time we were together alone in this kitch
en.

  Conner shrugs. “It’s my birthday and I wanted him here,” he states confidently, skirting around everyone in the kitchen to move out back.

  “Let’s do some batting exercises before dinner, Rocky. Jake, let me show you what my coach has been working on with me,” his excitement is evident as the two grown men follow him outside, but not before Jake turns back to set down his present on the table and wink at me.

  “Did you know he was coming?” I twist around to face my best friend so fast, I almost snap my ankle in the kitchen.

  “Actually, no. I don’t even think Rocky knew based on his reaction when he arrived. I think this was all Conner’s doing, Dani.”

  “Lovely,” my voice drips with sarcasm and the intent on discussing this with my brother as soon as everyone leaves. I’m not a fan of surprises, especially where Jake is concerned, and I don’t have time to gain some composure knowing I must be around him for the next few hours.

  “Maybe this is part of his plan to win you back?” Lochlin suggests while pouring the bag of tortilla chips into a bowl. The kitchen counter is filled with Mexican fixings per Conner’s request.

  “Well, it wasn’t the worst thing he could have done, but I’m not sure I would consider this his grand gesture,” I say, pulling the enchiladas from the oven, the bubbling cheese over the top makes my stomach growl.

  “I don’t know… showing up for Conner’s birthday when he clearly wanted him here is pretty sweet… I mean, he didn’t have to, but he didn’t want to let him down. I think that’s pretty wonderful,” Lochlin smiles, peering over at me, waiting for some sort of reaction.

  I guess the thought that he’d be present for Conner despite my reservations about us is rather impressive of him. I mean, I know that I put the kibosh on us, but that doesn’t mean that his friendship with Conner needs to end as well.

  “I suppose it is rather admirable of him to show up tonight. I know it surely means a lot to Conner if he invited him in the first place,” I concede while bringing the hot dish to the table.

  “Exactly. I’d say he scored a point for sure,” Lochlin adds, before yelling outside to alert the boys that dinner is ready.