Future Queens of England

by Ryan Matthews

  She returned his beam, “Since when does anything go as you planned it?”

  The nurse switched on the machine and placed a clip onto the end of Tony’s finger. “I just need to take your pulse. How are you feeling?” she said hurriedly.

  “Strangely happy.”

  The nurse took the reading of Tony’s pulse and scribbled it onto the clipboard at the end of his bed, before replying, “That’ll be the after effects of the general. It’ll wear off soon.” She finished her checks and replaced the clipboard on the end of his bed. “Don’t forget to fill out the menu to say what you want for lunch. Anyway, I’ll leave you three lovebirds to it.” She stomped out of the room and continued her rounds.

  The three of them exchanged looks for a moment without speaking a word before Uwe realised that he’d become the third wheel.

  “Okay, it’s time I made a move … even though I’ve only just got here.” He put his bag over his shoulder. He looked at Tony and smiled gently, “Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection. I guess I will leave you two to it,” he stood up and left, his words ringing in the air.

  “So … ,” Louise started, “Homo Protectus.”

  “Yes, apparently so.”

  She sat on the edge of Tony’s bed and fidgeted with her hands, “I owe you a thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “It’s my fault that you’re in here. If you hadn’t told the Head that you were the Phantom, then you wouldn’t have been in town that night. And if you hadn’t been in town that night, then you wouldn’t be here now.”

  Tony tried his best to shrug, “That’s a lot of ‘ifs’ and anyway if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do things differently.”

  She looked him in the eye, “You didn’t return my calls.”

  “No, I couldn’t. It was too complicated.”

  “Or my texts.”

  “It didn’t seem right to communicate via text messaging. As I said, I was planning a fitting reunion and I couldn’t face you wearing the electronic tag.” Tony wrinkled his nose and leant forward he tried to move his fingers closer to his face to scratch his itch.

  “Can I help you with that?” She delicately lifted her hand and gently scratched the end of his nose with her painted nails. “How’s that?”

  Tony smiled submissively, “Ahhhh, that’s the spot!”

  “You’re just a helpless little mite, aren’t you,” she said playfully. “With both your arms in plaster I could do anything that I wanted to you, couldn’t I?”

  Tony’s pupils dilated, “Err, yeah. Probably.”

  “I could do this,” she reached over and pulled his ear gently. “Or this,” she said, running her finger around his mouth in circle. “Or this … ,” she whispered, bending forward and bringing her lips closer to his.

  Tony closed his eyes and gave in to the moment.

  Their lips touched, she kissed him once, then playfully bit his bottom lip. Tony passively laid there and enjoyed the feeling. He concentrated hard to commit every single sensation to memory.

  “In fact, I could do anything at all to you, and there’s nothing you could do to stop me,” she whispered sensuously.

  Tony opened his eyes slowly and met her intense gaze.

  She kissed him again and spoke quietly, “Is that nice?”

  Suddenly, Tony’s expression changed, “Arrgggh,” he screamed in agony.

  Startled, Louise jumped off the bed, “What is it? What is it?”

  “C.c.c….catheter,” he squealed, lifting his knees in pain. “Get the nurse!”

  Louise pressed the emergency button and moments later the nurse ran back into the room.

  “What’s wrong?” she said hurriedly, trying to ascertain the emergency.

  “Down there,” he said breathlessly, “the catheter!”

  The nurse pulled back the covers to reveal the source of the problem, “Aha, it looks like we didn’t account for any change in size. It’s certainly more impressive in this state, than when it’s sleeping. I’ll soon sort this.” She trotted out of the room quickly.

  Tony winced in pain and Louise did her very best to avert her gaze.

  The nurse returned with a spoon, “This never fails.” She lifted the spoon up to Louise, “Do you want to do this, or shall I?”

  Louise pulled her hands close to her chest, “It’s alright, you do it!”

  The nurse nodded and with expert precision smacked the cold, hard spoon onto the end of Tony’s penis and with an air of satisfaction said, “There we go, problem solved.” She brushed her hands together several times and pulled back the bed sheets. “Okay, try not to get too excited again, but just in case I’ll leave the spoon here as a reminder.” She placed it carefully on the cabinet next to the bed, then left the room.

  They sat in silence for the longest time, the spoon reflected the artificial light onto the wall. Louise didn’t know where to look, she stared at the floor, but then caught sight of Tony’s bulging drainage bag. Suddenly, Louise started laughing.

  Tony frowned, “What are you laughing at?”

  “I’m laughing at this whole situation.”

  Tony’s frown relaxed a little, “Yes, I suppose it is ridiculous.”

  “You know what?” Louise said, “I’m going to keep this spoon, I think this’ll come in handy in the future.” She scooped it up and put it in her handbag, she patted the bag and gave a crooked smile to Tony.

  A knock at the door interrupted them. “Come in!” Tony called with a chuckle.

  The door was pushed open slowly, it creaked, and then the figure appeared.

  “Oh,” Tony said with a growl, “what do you want?”

  The Head made his way sheepishly into the room. “Now, now, there’s no need to be like that. I come here offering an olive branch. May I?” he said gesturing to the chair in the corner.

  Tony nodded and the Head sat down slowly.

  “Should I go?” Louise said nervously.

  “No, no,” the Head muttered quickly, “this concerns you too.” He took a deep breath and looked at Tony, “Look, I’ll just come right out and say this.” He coughed and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

  “A mistake?”

  The Head shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “Okay, okay. I made several mistakes and I am here to apologise.”

  “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “Well, as you know I reacted badly to all that business with the Phantom and I may have been a little rash with my decision to dismiss Louise, but I took care of all that and as you know I quashed that decision and Louise was reinstated.”

  “That’s old news, why are you here now?” Tony said, losing his patience.

  The Head gulped, “Ah, well, yes, erm. It seems that a letter has surfaced which reveals the true identity of the Phantom.”

  Tony narrowed his eyes, “I’m the Phantom! We’ve already been through this.” He looked at Louise nervously.

  The Head fumbled with his tie and then looked at Tony. “We both know that you’re not the Phantom and I never believed that you were the Phantom.”

  “So why did you let me go then?” Tony asked irritably.

  “As you know, I didn’t want to lose face over the firing and rehiring of Louise, so I kicked you out of the school based on your confession.”

  “I’m losing patience here, will you get to the point or get out?” Tony growled.

  The Head’s voice quivered, “I received a letter saying that if I didn’t re-admit you back into the school, then they’d go public with the truth. And now that you’re a national hero I can’t afford for the press to find out about the treatment that you’ve been subject too. If this letter surfaces then it’ll be the end of the school, it’ll cause a scandal.”

  Louise spoke up, “What does the letter say?”

  The Head reached into his lapel pocket and removed an envelope. He carefully took the letter out and unfolded it. He coughed and placed it awkwardly in
Tony’s hand.

  Dear Head,

  I cannot stand by and watch this miscarriage of justice. Because of my harmless artwork you tried to punish a good woman and when that backfired you kicked out a good man, rather than lose face. I would suggest that you right these wrongs immediately. If you don’t, then I will contact the press and spill the beans and reveal every little detail. By the end of the week the press will have hung you out to dry.

  Aside from the travesty that has taken place, I can’t have Tony taking the credit for my art. If you’d only asked Tony to prove he was the Phantom by asking him to draw me, then it would have been obvious that it wasn’t him. I mean, have you seen his art work? I’ve seen chimpanzees with more talent. Anyway, I digress, the real identity of the Phantom, is I, Bruce Stringwell. And I’ll save you the bother of having me kicked out, because I’ve already quit. By the time you read this I’ll be on a plane to Mykonos. I don’t care about graduating, I only came to the school to learn some skills to maximise my ability to get some first class cock and bum fun and now I’m about to put those skills into practise.

  What was it all about? I hear you ask. Well, it’s simple, it was just a little outpouring for my sexual frustration, but hopefully that’ll be a thing of the past when I get to my little gay paradise.

  And, just in case you believe that you can talk your way out of this, I took the precaution of burning a forty foot phantom into the school playing fields last night. If you try and claim that Tony was responsible for that, then good luck, not only was he unconscious in hospital with two broken arms, but he is still wearing an electronic tag which tracks his every move. So, do the right thing and see that Tony’s name is cleared.

  Yours sincerely,

  Bruce Stringwell a.k.a. The Phantom

  “Hmmm,” Tony said, “that is interesting reading. So, what’s your suggestion?”

  The Head stiffened, “Here is my proposal. You keep all this business quiet and I will contact the magistrate and tell him that I made a mistake. I will ask that you are immediately reinstated at the school, where you will graduate. Since you saved him from a vicious assault, I am sure he will be more than happy to agree to this. In addition, you can move out of the shared accommodation and you’ll get your own room. I will also see to it that Louise receives a generous pay rise.”

  “And her own parking space?”

  The Head’s left eye twitched, “Yes, and her own parking space.”

  “Then we have a deal. I would shake on it, but as you can see it might be a little difficult at the moment.”

  The Head nodded, “Thank you for being so understanding.”

  “One more thing,” Tony said, as the Head got up to leave.

  “Please don’t push your luck, Mr Horwood.”

  Tony smiled, “Regarding my accommodation, I’ll stay in the Larry Grayson Boudoir, if it is all the same to you. I am more than happy there.”

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  “So this is it then? This is the end of the road,” Hugh said with a touch of sadness. “I can’t believe it’s over.” He looked over at the two empty beds that once belonged to Marc and Bruce, “It feels strange that we are about to graduate without them.”

  “You almost lost me as well,” Tony piped up.

  “I am amazed that you’re still here,” Gareth chuckled. “When you first arrived I didn’t think that there was a chance in hell that you’d still be with us at the end of the year.”

  “Me neither. When you first walked in the door I thought that this guy is never going to actually graduate,” Giles added raising his eyebrows.

  Uwe turned to face them, “And you were right, that guy would never graduate. The man that stands before us today is not the same person that started the course.” He gave Tony a small nod and then went back to preening himself.

  Everyone in the room remained silent for a moment.

  “I think that was a compliment. Are you feeling alright Uwe?” Gareth said a little taken aback.

  “Aye, praise from Caesar,” Keenan laughed as he straightened his tie.

  Uwe ignored their jibes as he continued to style his hair.

  Tony looked out of the window and reflected on their words, they were right, he was a different person. When he thought back to his initial reaction when he appeared in court he could not have dreamed that he’d actually want to be there, let alone negotiate his way back into the place.

  Hugh walked across to Tony, “Shall I help you put your jacket on?”

  Tony nodded and let Hugh remove the sling from his left arm. They worked together to thread Tony’s left arm still in its cast into the left sleeve of the suit. Once it was pulled through Hugh placed the sling around Tony’s neck again and placed his broken arm back in the sling. They repeated the same manoeuvre with his right arm and once this was completed Tony thanked Hugh.

  “Could you do me a favour and just scratch my back for me?” Tony said.

  “Yeah sure,” Hugh said and put his hand in the centre of Tony’s back and began to scratch. “Here?”

  “Up a bit, up a bit, left a bit, ahhhh! That’s the spot,” Tony said with obvious relief.

  Uwe sneered and tapped his watch, “I hate to break up this bro-mance but it’s time for us to shine.”

  “Shit!” Keenan said excitedly, beaming from ear to ear, “I can’t believe this is it.”

  “Well, believe it guys! Let’s go and graduate,” Uwe said with a smile ushering them out of the door.

  The five of them joined the crowds at the entrance to the main hall. They pushed their way excitedly through the assemblage of students as they looked for their seats. Shuffling sideways along the row they found them and hurriedly sat themselves down.

  “Oh look! There’s my Mum and Dad,” Gareth said pointing over at couple seated in the visitors area. He stood up and waved at the couple trying to get their attention, eventually they spotted him and waved back.

  A look of shock appeared on Uwe’s face, “O.M.G! They’re your parents?” he laughed incredulously.

  Gareth scowled, “Yes, is there a problem?”

  “In that case I think you might have been adopted, just look at what they’re wearing. Aran sweaters! Can you believe it?” he wiped his eyes as he wept with laughter.

  “Don’t say sweaters Uwe, you’re not in the US, they’re jumpers.

  Uwe ignored him, “Oh, I must see the photos of you as a child if this pair dressed you. I bet you looked ridiculous.”

  “This hurts all the more coming from a nation that is ten years behind England when it comes to fashion,” Gareth said in retaliation. “Are your parents here? If they are I bet they’re wearing stone washed denim.” He craned his neck looking for a couple of people dressed like it’s 1985.

  The smile disappeared from Uwe’s face, “Don’t waste your time looking, you won’t find them. They didn’t come, they couldn’t bear the thought of eating Yorkshire Puddings and Spotted Dick.”

  “Eating Spotted Dick,” Tony laughed. “Where’s Bruce when you need him? He would have loved that.”

  “Well if he’s getting any action in Mykonos then he’ll probably have a spotted dick of his own by now,” Keenan chuckled.

  Hugh scanned the room looking for his Dads, his eyes moved across row after row of uncomfortable looking fathers and proud mothers. At last he found his parents and the three of them made eye contact.

  “Oh shit!” Hugh said and turned around in his seat.

  “What’s up?” Tony said.

  “I can’t believe that they brought George with them!” he whispered not daring to look back again.

  “Really George is here. Then you’ll have to introduce me later,” Tony said.

  “No! No! I can’t,” Hugh said breaking out in a sweat.

  “What? Why not?” Tony stood up and looked at the visitor’s area trying to spot them. “Where are they sitting?”

  Hugh pulled at Tony’s arm forcing him to sit down.

  “Careful!” Tony bel
lowed, “Jesus Christ, I don’t need you to break another piece of my arm.”

  “Sorry! Sorry!” Hugh said patting Tony’s cast. “Just don’t worry about looking for them.”

  All of sudden the music began to play and the ambient noise of the audience dropped to a whisper.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen,” the voice boomed from the speakers, “the school for Future Queens of England welcomes you to our graduation ceremony. And without further ado please put your hands together for the Headmaster of this fine establishment, Doctor Bruno Clements.”

  The crowd applauded wildly, except for Tony who just rolled his eyes.

  “Come on Tony, you old misery,” Uwe shouted over the noise. “Let’s see you clap your hands.”

  Tony shook his head slowly, “Very good Uwe and even if I could clap I wouldn’t cheer that old bastard.”

  “Welcome, Welcome, one and all,” the Head started. He took his place at the front of the stage, his most senior teaching staff sat behind him to one side. He surveyed the hall and smiled warmly, basking in their glow. “Our numbers this year are at a record high and I’m pleased to see so many families here today supporting our boys. So please, give yourselves a clap.” He clapped his hands together and the rest of the room joined in. “We’ve got so much to get through today, so I will keep my introduction short. As I said our numbers this year are our highest yet, does this mean that there are more gay people in the world?” He paused for a moment to let everyone consider this. Hugh sat uneasily in his chair and took a furtive glance back at his two Dads as they sat there proudly listening to the Head’s speech. He looked at George and gave a weak wave.

  “I say no! I believe that the reality is that society is becoming more tolerant. I say without a shadow of a doubt that the dark days are over. Dark days when we had to hide our true nature from friends, from family and from the world.”

  The room echoed with the sound of applause. Hugh began to bite his nails nervously.