“He is a concussion,” Becca growls. “Look at the way he talked to you, like you’re a pet he can control. He can’t control you.”
“He was jealous. His reaction makes perfect sense. If he was all over Sam I would have beat her ass too.”
“Who are you?” she demands. “Drinking, fighting, men. It’s like you’re losing yourself.”
“Or,” Sophie supplies, looking cute and unruffled. “She’s finding herself.”
Becca glares her. “You barely know her. How could you know who my sister is?”
“I know she’s been working at Oblivion and not once has she smiled. Every time I mention Kent’s name she does. I know she’s done more with me in the last week than she has since I met her. I know that. Do you?”
“I know my sister learned how to fight because of me,” Becca warns.
As they argue I open Kent’s mouth and check his wounds. His teeth are intact, but there’s a thick gash in his mouth and in his cheek from his face smashing against his teeth. I want to pound Trevor’s face in.
Kent starts to groan in my lap.
I pat his cheek. “Wake up.”
His eyes twitch and open, struggling to focus. When he sees me he attempts to smile, but soon realizes he’s in pain. “My jaw hurts.” He sounds dumbfounded. “Why does my jaw hurt?” He lifts his hand and checks his bloodied knuckles, putting things together quickly. “Shit. I lost. Didn’t I?”
I laugh sadly and lean over, kissing his bloody lips. I lick the taste of copper and touch his face gently. “He sucker kicked you.”
“Who?”
“Tell him,” Sophie urges.
“Yeah, tell me.” His eyes darken and I know he remembers. “What were you doing all over him? What are we trying for if you’re going to screw someone else?”
“He was here with Sam. Having his arm around me is hardly screwing him. You should know that,” I grumble. “Who was the redhead?”
He looks away. “Some clingy whore. I told her I had a girl, but she was sure she was different. They all think they’re so different. Guess what, Rain?” he growls drunkenly. “They’re not different. They’re all the same to me.”
I don’t want to hear this. “Can you stand up?”
He teeters on his feet and then points at me accusingly. “You kill me, Rain. Every day you kill me a little more. Since I met you you’ve been under my skin. I don’t like women under my skin. I can’t go a day without seeing your face. I left here and I missed you the second I closed the door. What kind of shit is that?”
“Kent.” I look down at his blood on my hands. “Not right now.”
“When, then?” He stumbles back drunkenly. “In a month? You think a month is going to make me change my mind? It’s not. My mind is made up. The truth is I want you, Rain. I want you more than I want my own damn self. I want you right now, tomorrow, and the next day. But you know what else? I can’t have you. I’m just some shithead and you’re going to leave like Willow. You’re all the same. Even you, Rain.”
I’ve been waiting for it. All this time I knew it was coming. You’re all the same. I am not different. I am Auburn Hair to him. I am Samantha and Arissa. I am another faceless body to him. He doesn’t even need me. He wants me.
He continues, driving the knife in my heart. “Why don’t you leave now? Why wait? Why make me fall harder? Trevor, Rain? All those talks we had together? I trusted you. I fell for you. I made love to you. You’re just like Willow!”
All I hear is: You’re just like Willow. Willow’s not with him. How can I be like Willow? A cold sinking feeling starts to eat at me.
Becca steps in, talking soothingly to him. “Okay, Kent. Cut it out. Let’s go lie down.”
“You have to get her away from me,” he begs Becca, looking her right in the eye. “You have to or I never will. I’ll fucking ruin her if you don’t. Look at her! I’m already doing it.”
“I am,” she promises him.
I get up and block his path. “Look me in the eye and tell me yourself.”
His black eyes are churning. They’re full of pain and anger. “Let me by.”
“Tell me!” I screech, making him flinch. “Tell me and I’ll leave you forever.” Don’t tell me. Please don’t tell me.
“Tell you what?” His voice is suddenly emotionless.
I want to claw my way to his heart and rip it in half the way he’s doing to mine. He knows what. “That I was right. You’re just like my father. You’re a lying, cheating, pathetic bastard and I never should’ve trusted you. I trusted you too!” I give in to the rage. I slap him so hard my hand makes a sharp smack.
He grabs his jaw and bends over in pain. “What the hell!” he growls. His eyes find me. “Get out of my apartment and out my life. It’s better for you. Everything your sister said was right about me. I’m no good for you. Listen to her. She loves you.”
“What about you, Kent? Do you love me?”
His eyes widen and then his expression falls apart. He shoves past me and a second later his bedroom door slams. His shouts fill the back of the apartment.
The moment he slams his door I ice over. I imagine I am a cold, sharp object floating in the middle of nowhere. Alone and frozen with no warmth in sight. The sky is black and my only companions are the stars. I am numb. My wings are no longer on fire. I’m falling toward the earth on my own in the dark.
“Talk to me.” Becca grabs my face and lifts my head up. “Say something.”
I can’t. My insides are missing. Kent took them with him.
“I did not expect that.” Sophie whistles. “So I’m going to go…” She edges for the door. “I’ll call my boyfriend to come and get me. See you at work tomorrow?”
I nod mutely.
She makes a face before leaving. I wonder about that face. But I’m so lost and empty I don’t wonder long. I take a deep breath. The inhalation is a break in my dam. Tears burst through the ice inside of me and I succumb. Becca leads me into my bedroom and I curl up against her on my bed and cry for hours, and the entire time I do I picture my father’s handsome whorish face.
He did this to me. He ruined my childhood, my trust, and my future.
Becca holds me. “This is a good thing,” she insists. “Please stop crying. He’s one guy. Just one guy.”
That makes me cry harder.
“You’re scaring me.” She wraps me closer to her, rocking me back and forth. “We’ll move out in the morning.
I didn’t think I could cry harder. Yet I do. I scream and wail, surprised by my lung power. All of my frustrations and emotions over the past few days, even years, compound with the realization Kent is gone. The word ‘gone’ twists the knife he slid into me. It hurts so damn bad to know I was wrong the entire time. He wasn’t dragging me down. I was dragging myself down. Kent was simply the person responsible for my destruction.
Eventually I cry myself to sleep. When I wake up Becca is snoring softly beside me. I don’t move or think. Thinking hurts. I lie still and stare at her familiar features. You’re all the same. Silent tears trail down my cheeks. Attempting to convince myself this is a good thing doesn’t work. It feels far worse than even I understand.
We were supposed to be trying. He was trying.
I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling. The movement must rouse Becca because she sits up and gasps, looking around the room. She always wakes up like that. As if someone’s standing over her with a knife.
And I’m the one with trust issues.
She spots me and releases her breath, sagging back down on top of my blankets. “Stop crying. You’re an O’Connor. We get up and move on. You remember when we got taken away by the state? You cried for months straight until we ran away and I found a place. Couldn’t even eat. But you stopped, didn’t you? You got better.”
“Did I?”
“Yes, you did. You’ll get better again. You barely know him. I don’t understand what it is about this guy.”
I try and listen to her word
s instead of feeling them. “He’s just a guy,” I repeat, trying it out.
“That’s it. Come on,” she says, patting my thigh. “Let’s start packing.”
She is in such a hurry to get me away from him. To free me from my own self.
“Raina!” she snaps. “Get your ass up. This is ridiculous. He’s not even worth crying over. Let’s go. Get up!”
I flinch and wipe my tears. “This is your fault.”
“No it’s not. This was going to happen regardless. I’m glad I’m here to pick up the pieces.”
Pieces. That’s all I am now. Sharp shards that are no longer whole. Kent has shattered me. I wanted him to want the pieces. But he didn’t want them.
Those pieces are you, my common sense points out. Without them I’m not me. I can’t let a man take them from me.
“Help me. Take these bags down to your car. I got most of your clothes and things in garbage bags. We can come back and get your furniture.”
I refuse to speak to her.
She opens the door for me as I grab two heavy garbage bags full of clothes. As I do I can’t help looking at Kent’s door. It’s closed. But I know he’s in there. I turn away and keep walking. One foot in front of the other. It’s what I’ve always done. It’s all I can do now. Becca is behind me. As long as that’s true I can keep going. She unlocks my car and opens the back doors and the trunk. We start cramming it full of my stuff, making too many trips to count.
“Is that it?” she checks, wiping her sweaty hands off on her pants.
“I have to go get my purse and phone.” I start heading for the stairs.
“That’s it, right, Rain?” Her gaze is intense and probing.
“That’s it.”
On my way back into the apartment James comes out of his room, groggy and sleepy-eyed. He smiles pleasantly at me, but his smiles falls as he passes my bedroom and looks inside. It’s empty expect for my furniture. Even my curtains are gone. My heart sinks when his does. He looks at me and then at my empty room.
“No!”
I quickly grab my purse and phone off the coffee table and make a run for it. I can hear him running after me. I’m much quicker. I bound down the stairs and hop into my car. He skids to a halt outside my window and bangs on it.
“You promised,” he mouths.
I ignore him. I have to. If I don’t I’ll break down. I can’t break down anymore.
Becca pulls away. “Did you see his eyes? Killer blue eyes,” she mumbles, seeming to get lost. “Was that James?”
“Mhm.” I lean my head against the window and let the sun warm my face. My eyes look back at me. Red, bloodshot, and drained. I feel empty and too full. “I have to work tonight.”
“Can’t you call in?”
“I could try.” I move slowly. My stomach feels sick. “Becca,” I whisper, terrified of my emotions. “I can’t breathe.”
“Yes you can. I want you to realize what’s he’s doing to you. Look at you. You’re a mess. Every time you start to think about him, think about this moment right now. You can’t even breathe. Men are supposed to take our breaths away by the amazing things they do. They’re not supposed to leave us breathless with the things they won’t.”
But he did take my breath away…
My intelligence must be up for debate. How could it not be? I did everything I said I wouldn’t do. I did it knowing it. It was similar to touching something hot even though everyone told you it would burn. I wanted to get burned, as if some small part of me was eager for Kent’s fire. He burned me all right.
Becca slows down outside of an unfamiliar house. She pulls into the driveway and the front door opens. A biker babe with a black bob comes out. She’s covered in tattoos and piercings. She runs with her arms outstretched and brings Becca into a huge hug. I get out awkwardly. I’m sure I look like the last twenty four hours feel and I’m painfully confused. Why are we here?
I self-consciously tuck my hair behind my ear and approach their bonding moment.
“Claire, this is my sister Raina. Rain, this is Claire. Her husband was my boss at the bar I worked at before I went to school. Claire and I hit it off and kept in touch.”
“Hi,” I mumble, taking her hand. It’s always been weird for me around Becca’s friends. They’re all like her and I am me. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s wonderful to meet you too,” she says, taking my hand. “I’ve heard so many things about you. Why don’t you guys come in? Max can bring in your stuff if you want when he gets home from work.”
“Oh it’s no problem.” I don’t know Max. Max is male and therefore not to be trusted.
“You sure?” Becca asks. “Because I’m tired and hungry. Last night was insane.”
“I’m sure,” I bite out. I don’t want to be here. I don’t even know these people. “If you’ll tell me where to put it all.”
“Hall off the front door, second door on your right. Come on, Bec. How long are you home for?”
Bec?
I glare at Claire’s back. She isn’t the enemy, but I can’t help but feel like Becca did this on purpose. Claire isn’t acting as if this is brand new. Becca planned this from the moment I mentioned Kent’s name.
I grab my hamper and a garbage bag and follow Claire’s directions to a small room with a twin bed. The house smells like cigarettes and there’s a musky odor, like cats. A bronze cat slinks between my feet, answering my question. It jumps onto the windowsill and basks in the sun.
“Home sweet home.” I’m exhausted. I sit on the bed and find that it’s soft. Before I know it Becca is shaking me awake. “What?” I sound half asleep.
“It’s Sophie. She called to check on you and told me Sam’s covering your shift tonight. You don’t have to come in.”
For the first time in days I feel relieved. I sit up and push my hair out of my face. “What time is it?”
“Four.”
“What is this place?” I whisper so only she can hear.
“They’re good people.” She smiles reassuringly at me. “You want to go out tonight? Claire’s taking me to a new nightclub downtown.”
“I don’t know what I want. I think I’ll start looking for an apartment. Get a job,” I order. “It smells like cats.”
She lies down on the mattress. “You think you can get me a job at Oblivion?”
I smile a real smile. “That’d be so cool. Wayne would love you. I’ll ask.”
“This is only temporary,” she promises. “We can get a new place and move on with our lives.”
“Move on with them how? Where are we going?”
“I don’t know. That’s the beauty of it. Live a little. I’m going to go shower. Can I borrow some of your clothes?”
I shrug. “Where’s yours?”
“In your car, buried under all your crap.”
She sits on the floor and rifles through the few garbage bags I managed to bring in. Picking out a pair of black skinny jeans, she sighs. “This is a good thing. We’re starting over. Think of it as a fresh start.”
Fresh starts aren’t supposed to feel like the end.
When she’s in the shower my phone chimes.
Sophie: Kent’s here. He’s looking 4 U. OMG he looks so bad.
I don’t answer her.
Sophie: He’s talking 2 Sam.
Witch.
Sophie: She’s touching his arm.
Troll.
Sophie: He’s coming my way.
I raise my eyebrow at my phone, pretending I’m not waiting for her reply. But of course I am. And of course it doesn’t come. She wants me to text back, to engage in her game. I refuse. This is a new start; a start without Kent Nicholson.
My phone chimes again.
Sophie: Kent got arrested for beating the shit out of Wayne.
I close my eyes in agony. There goes my job. I text furiously back.
Me: Why didn’t U stop him?
Sophie: Where’s the fun in that?
Cunt.
; I break down and call her.
“Hello?” she answers sweetly.
“What happened?”
“Kent, the sexy beast he is, came in here looking like hell. Drunk off his ass, bloody, and with a broken heart. He wanted to know where you were, so he started to hassle the waitresses, specifically Samantha. She went and got Wayne and Wayne tried to get him out of Oblivion, but Kent wasn’t having it. He wanted to know where you were. I think he thought you were hiding. Anyway, the man was pissed. He begged me for your phone number. How come the man doesn’t have your phone number?”
“And then what?”
“And then,” she drawls. “Kent beat Wayne up. Like bad. Like Wayne’s going to the hospital bad.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh no?” Sophie laughs. “You are killing him.”
“You know my life isn’t a soap opera for your enjoyment, Sophie.”
“Oh yeah? I’m texting him your phone number. I’m sure he’ll be even more pissed by then.”
“Sophie, no!”
“Oops,” she says, sounding more evil and less apologetic. “Too late.”
“How do you have his number?”
“He gave it to me so I could give you his. Now that you two aren’t an item maybe he and I can start talking? This is my chance. I rarely miss an opportunity.”
“Be my guest.” I refuse to acknowledge her betrayal. She wants a reaction. What did Kent say about her? I still can’t remember. Somehow I feel like this was her plan the entire time. That’s why she called Kent that night at Sam’s, why she puts me in his path, and why she made it so I was in Trevor’s arms when Kent came home. She didn’t want me to have Kent. She wanted to have Kent. “I hope you enjoy the couch. You know, the same one he fucked Sam on, and every other girl before her. The same one he’s going to do you on. I bet you think you’re different.”
My Sweet Demise (Demise #1) Page 24