Only a Heartbeat Away: Pride and Prejudice Novella

by Dixon, P. O.

  Now it was Darcy who looked as though he had been punched in the stomach. Good. It is only fitting he should suffer the pain he has inflicted upon me!

  “You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been.” Standing straight and tall, he jutted his chin. “Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.”

  With these words, he hastily left the room. The next moment, Elizabeth heard him open the front door and quit the house.

  ~*~

  Elizabeth stood at the window awaiting the carriage due to arrive to take her to Longbourn. Two days had passed since she last saw the haughty, presumptuous Mr. Darcy.

  “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire you.” To think she actually had listened to his oration and had stood amazed when hearing she had been such a target of his esteem. She had listened without speaking as one after another, he disparaged her mother, her father, and her younger sisters. Had she put a stop to his offensive declaration, she might never have known how much he despised her family and how much she in turn despised him.

  Elizabeth’s heart swelled with indignation. The bits she overheard when she stood outside the door at the inn were all starting to make sense. When Mr. Darcy made mention of the family who was so despicable—the family he would never wish to align himself with, he was speaking of her family. He was speaking of my sister and Mr. Bingley when he boasted of trying to persuade his friend against making a grave mistake. What if he had succeeded? How devastated Jane would now be.

  Everything Mr. Wickham said about him is true. How could it not be when she had levelled all of Mr. Wickham’s accusations against him, and he made no attempt whatsoever to deny a word of it? Standing there, gazing outside, Elizabeth was not of a mind to regret any of the words she had spoken to Mr. Darcy despite the hurt that was so evidenced on his face pursuant to her rejection. Even if he were guilty of none of these things, how could I possibly have said yes to a man who cares so little for my loved ones?

  They are my family—the people I care most about in the world. I could no sooner give them up than I could give up the air I breathe.

  His poorly chosen words meant to sway her echoed in her ears. “It will be impossible for you assume your life as Mrs. Darcy and maintain your ties to those people!”

  Elizabeth stood away from the window when she espied a gentleman walking up the lane towards the gate. It was not Mr. Darcy, but rather it was the colonel. What could be his purpose? As much as she had admired him upon first making his acquaintance, she had learned to think less of him since their encounter in the lane. His own avowed habits of taste which demanded he marry a woman of substantial fortune had been enough to have his name scratched from her list. Still, he was noble and everything a gentleman ought to be. Perhaps he had heard of her pending departure, and he only meant to say goodbye. Just because she suspected the worst in everything that Mr. Darcy did and said, there was no need to assign such foul motives to his cousin.

  The colonel had hardly taken his seat before he launched into a full assault in his cousin’s defence. The nature of his defence was rather uncertain to Elizabeth.

  “Did Mr. Darcy tell you all the particulars of our disagreement?”

  “No. He only confided that you hold George Wickham in some esteem.”

  “How might anyone who knows of his plight help feeling sorry for him?”

  “If you truly knew what that gentleman was about, I wager you would not be such a staunch supporter.”

  “Please, sir, I have heard enough about the purported deficiencies in Mr. Wickham’s character from both your aunt and your cousin to know he is fairly deplored by your family.”

  “There is a reason neither Darcy nor I can abide him that I believe you out to know. Perhaps, it will help you see Darcy and Wickham in the light they both deserve.” The colonel urged Elizabeth to have a seat. “You already know that Darcy and I are Georgiana’s guardians. Darcy had to come to her rescue when George Wickham followed her to Ramsgate and pledged violent love to her. The reason Georgiana does not speak ill of him is because she blames herself. She does not know his true character—that he only wanted to control her fortune of thirty thousand pounds, that he would have done anything to spite her brother. Neither Darcy nor I told her the true reason for Wickham’s defection. It was enough that he fled town. We did not want her thinking less of herself for falling for a man who meant her such harm.”

  “Perhaps, had Mr. Darcy honoured his father’s wish and gave Mr. Wickham the living he ought to have, he would not have resorted to such desperate measures.”

  “I am afraid you have been woefully misled on that score, for Wickham came to Darcy even before the Ramsgate affair with demands of his own. He did not desire the living. He demanded three thousand pounds in lieu of the living, a demand to which Darcy acceded, for he knew Wickham was not fit for the clergy.”

  “I posit it is merely Mr. Wickham’s word against Mr. Darcy’s. I would expect you to side with your cousin.”

  “I have seen the proof of Darcy’s allegations in the form of a letter in Wickham’s own hand. The man is a fool to spread his lies about Darcy to anyone who would hear, but then again, he knows Darcy would not expose him. It would be beneath my cousin to give credence to the man in any such fashion.”

  Elizabeth did not know what to think or how to feel. The carriage’s arrival could not have been better timed. Elizabeth desperately needed a chance to consider all that she had heard. Mr. Darcy is good, and Mr. Wickham is so very bad. She connected her friend Georgiana’s account of her painful past with an unnamed lover with the colonel’s words. Mr. Wickham was the scoundrel who broke my friend’s heart and taught her not to trust and not to believe in love. How could I have been so mistaken about his character? Do I even know myself?

  Moments later, Elizabeth stood outside the Parsonage gate with her intimate friend Charlotte before boarding the carriage.

  “Dear Eliza, it has been such a pleasure having you here.”

  “Charlotte, I do not suppose my cousin shares your sentiments. I fear my presence may have exacerbated or given rise to matters best left undisturbed.”

  “Whatever do you mean? Certainly you do not refer to his manner of speaking to me.”

  “I would be lying if I denied that I find his manners officious and dogmatic.”

  “Why, Eliza, you could not have chosen two better words to describe the greater percentage of the male populace.”

  Elizabeth could not deny the veracity of her friend’s claim, but she certainly would not submit to its acceptability as regarded her own sensibilities. She did not walk in her friend’s shoes. “Charlotte, as long as you are contented in your situation, I have no right to judge.”

  “Truly, it is all I ever asked of you. I am quite contented. It is so nice to be mistress of my own home. Although it may not seem like very much now, I trust my situation will not always be this way.”

  Elizabeth drew her head back and regarded her friend in dismay. “Pray do not allow my mamma to hear you speak this way.”

  “Forgive me, Eliza. I did not mean to sound insensitive as regards the entail.”

  Having taken no offence, Elizabeth said, “No—I understand. Truly I do. It is not your doing. You have every right to anticipate your becoming Longbourn’s mistress someday.”

  Charlotte smiled meekly. “As for the other aspects of my life, I never suffered any misapprehensions of what my future held. It is for that reason I have learned to do a great deal of seeing and hearing those things that give me pleasure and disregarding those things that do not.”

  Elizabeth placed her hands on Charlotte’s. “It seems you have adopted a very wise philosophy.” She embraced her. “Thank you for your hospitality. While I do not suppose I shall ever visit you again here in Hunsford, owing to my cousin’s censure and her ladyship’s stern disapprobation, I can certain
ly say I am forever altered by having been here.”

  “Why do I suspect your alteration has more to do with the company you were keeping even before you arrived in Hunsford?”

  Elizabeth looked over to where Mr. Collins and the colonel stood. They were industriously overseeing the carriage’s imminent departure. The latter signalled the time had come for Elizabeth to take her leave. “Oh, Charlotte, it has everything to do with the two gentlemen who accompanied me here.”

  Chapter 13 ~ Longbourn’s Shame

  Elizabeth had the presence of mind to toss her list into the fire before heading to her awaiting carriage in Hunsford. She set off for Hertfordshire prepared to accept her destiny—that of the spinster, so certain was she that nothing would persuade her to accept her father’s suitor, not after the complete shambles she had made of her life pursuant to her rejection of Mr. Darcy’s hand. Elizabeth would not regret her decision. How could she? Given a choice between Mr. Darcy, with all his wealth and connections and privilege, or the joy of forever remaining in the bosom of her family, her preference was clear.

  Things were calm and quiet in the Longbourn household upon Elizabeth’s arrival. The only disturbance at all occurred those first days when it was decided that Lydia was to travel to Brighton with Colonel Forster, his wife, and the militia. But soon after she left, a sense of normalcy returned. Jane was blissful, and Mrs. Bennet was busy planning a grand wedding. Elizabeth and Jane had happily agreed that the former no longer needed to contemplate their father’s prearranged marital scheme, for there would be only one wedding—Jane’s to Mr. Bingley.

  An early morning visit from Colonel Forster turned the Bennet’s world upside down. After what seemed an eternity of marching in concert outside Mr. Bennet’s library while he received the colonel, the ladies proceeded to the parlour, where they were certain to catch sight of the gentleman upon his leave-taking.

  Mrs. Bennet wailed. “Whatever has brought the colonel here at this hour all the way from Brighton cannot be good. I fear something dreadful has befallen my Lydia—something dreadful.”

  Elizabeth knelt on the floor in front of the sofa where her mother laid prostrate with grief. “Mamma, we must not expect the worst. Soon, Papa shall tell us what has happened.” Elizabeth pretended to be calmer than she actually was. She had warned her father not to allow Lydia to travel to Brighton, thinking a young girl of Lydia’s wild temperament and young age surrounded by soldiers was a recipe for disaster. I pray Lydia has come to no harm.

  When the library door flew open, the colonel headed straight for the front door. Moments later, a very weary, forlorn Mr. Bennet emerged from the room. He looked as if he bore the weight of the world on his shoulder. Elizabeth stood back as her sisters Kitty and Mary raced to his side. “Oh, Papa! Pray all is well with Lydia.”

  “I fear the news from Brighton is grave—grave indeed. Lydia has run away.”

  “Run away!” startled voices rang out in concert.

  “She has left the Forsters’ protection. She has thrown herself into Mr. Wickham’s power.”

  Mrs. Bennet gasped. “Oh, how could the colonel have allowed this to happen?”

  Her head lowered, young Kitty slowly edged away from the others. Elizabeth noticed this and followed her sister. “Kitty, what do you know about Lydia’s disappearance?”

  “Oh, Lizzy! I feel this is my fault. Lydia wrote to me that she and Wickham were to be married, but it was supposed to be a great secret. I was to say nothing until she had written to Mamma and Papa.”

  Mr. Bennet must have overheard his daughter. “I can assure you, Wickham has no intention of marrying Lydia—not if the reports from Colonel Forster’s men are to be believed.”

  Clutching her handkerchief, Mrs. Bennet pressed her hand to her forehead. “Oh, Mr. Bennet! You must hunt them down and make him marry her. My dear, dear Lydia.”

  The aggrieved patriarch clasped his hands behind his back and stared into open space. “I know what must be done.”

  ~*~

  Days later, Elizabeth fretted over her eldest sister. Jane should have returned hours ago. Wherever can she be? Worried, Elizabeth donned her light cloak and headed outside. She saw Jane sitting idly in the garden, alone.

  “Jane, I supposed you were at Netherfield. Have you been sitting here long?”

  “I have just left Netherfield—I fear for the last time.”

  “Whatever do you mean? Are you not to be mistress of the grand estate?”

  Lowering her eyes, Jane sighed. “Miss Bingley was there.”

  “What on earth is she doing at Netherfield? I thought she was in town, enjoying the Season.”

  “So did I,” Jane said hopelessly. “I suspect she came solely for the purpose of saving her brother from a disadvantageous alliance. She made it abundantly clear that she was no stranger to Lydia’s situation.”

  Elizabeth raised her hands to her mouth. “Heavens! How did news of Lydia’s exploits reach town already?” If Mr. Darcy has learned any of this, surely he must be congratulating himself on having avoided such an alliance.

  “I do not know. Oh, Lizzy! Miss Bingley was dreadful, and she refused to allow me to see her brother until she had spoken to me in private.” Jane brushed a tear from her cheek. “It seems the news of Lydia’s disgrace is widely known in the community. Miss Bingley accused our family of such wicked things. She told me that if I cared anything at all for her brother, I would release him from our engagement.”

  “I suppose Mr. Bingley has something to say in the matter.”

  “Actually, he does not. Everything his sister said is true. An alliance with our family would be devastating for Mr. Bingley. I cannot allow our family’s shame to ruin his family. It would not be fair to him or his sisters. This is the reason I shall never see Netherfield again—at least, not as its mistress. I ended the engagement. I had no other choice.”

  Elizabeth reached out and placed her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Oh, Jane.”

  “Lizzy, it is so heart-breaking to know Mr. Bingley’s sister was never in favour of her brother’s acquaintance with me, which I cannot wonder at, since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects.” Jane burst into tears.

  “Jane, I am dreadfully sorry.”

  She would not stop crying, giving Elizabeth to know the situation was far graver than Jane admitted. “What are you not telling me?”

  “Oh, Lizzy, Mr. Bingley and I anticipated our vows, and it is entirely my fault!”

  Elizabeth swallowed her disappointment over what she heard. “Jane, how can you say such a thing? Even with my limited experience, I am certain it is the man who is the ultimate decider in such matters.”

  “I would tend to agree if I did not know better. It started out rather innocently, I suppose. The Hursts and Miss Bingley had returned to town, and I found myself alone with Mr. Bingley. He offered me a tour of the upstairs.”

  “Why would you need a tour of the upstairs? You were confined to that part of the house for days.”

  “Indeed. But Mr. Bingley insisted I had not seen it as the future mistress. Lizzy, I hesitate to recount every detail. Suffice it to say that the feelings engendered by our initial touches were such that I longed to explore. Once we made a start, we—I insisted we let nature take its course.”

  Elizabeth bit her lower lip. Could the feelings of which Jane speaks so wistfully be akin to the dizzying emotions evoked the first time I found myself in Mr. Darcy’s arms, or the second, or the third? For if that is the case, I might well understand how she allowed passion to overwhelm her sensibility. She loves Mr. Bingley, and I do not even like Mr. Darcy.

  “Jane, I suppose a single instance could not allow for any unintended consequences.”

  “That was my thinking as well. Were it only one time, I would say that was true. Alas, there were other times.”

  “My dearest Jane, in light of what you have said, how could you possibly have released Mr. Bingley from the engagement? Your actions are
wholly incongruent with prudence and sound reasoning.”

  “Lizzy, when I went to see him today, I assure you I did not go with the intention of breaking the engagement. How could I have known Miss Bingley would be there?”

  “Does she know what you and her brother have done?”

  “That, I cannot say. However, her reasons that I should break the engagement all centred on the scandal our family is embroiled in pursuant to Lydia’s shameful behaviour. Can you not see, Lizzy, my actions are no better than Lydia’s. If it were discovered that Mr. Bingley and I had anticipated our vows, would the shame be any less?”

  Yes, Jane and Mr. Bingley have been reckless, but their actions were fuelled by love. The catalyst for Lydia and Mr. Wickham’s actions was anything but love—be it lust, wickedness, depravity—it was anything but love! She took her sister’s hand. “Your behaviour is not to be compared with Lydia’s. You and Mr. Bingley were to be married in a month. Lydia—heaven knows what is to be her fate.”

  “Miss Bingley would disagree with you.”

  “What does it matter what Miss Bingley thinks?”

  “Then let me be clear, I do not agree with you. That is why I released Mr. Bingley from the engagement.”

  Elizabeth took Jane’s hand. “Jane, I am struggling to understand why you would do such a thing—especially now, when there is all this uncertainty and so much at stake.”

  “Can you not see that is the very reason I acted as I did? What Mr. Bingley and I did was foolish, but I accept more of the blame, for you see, he was reluctant. It was I who insisted and now, pursuant to the disgrace that Lydia’s action has brought to our family, I can only be all the more ashamed of my own.”

  “Jane, I sincerely hope that this is resolved in a manner that finds you and Mr. Bingley reunited, for the alternative is unthinkable.”

  “I have already given this matter a great deal of consideration. If there are unintended consequences as a result of what I have done, then I shall know how to act.”