Relinquishing Liberty (Second Chances)

by Mayer, Maureen

  “It’s okay, Bob. I think I know who it might’ve been. Thanks for letting me know.” I patted his hand and stood to leave, but he gently took my hand, urging me to sit back down.

  “Are you sure everything’s all right?”

  No. Nothing was right.

  “No…but it will be.” I gave him a weak smile.

  “Well, if you need any time off, don’t be afraid to ask.” He rubbed his hand nervously across his neck. “I mean, I don’t know jack-squat about women or relationships, but I’m sure what you’re going through isn’t easy and…ah hell, I’m no good at this shit.”

  I had to chuckle at Bob’s failed attempt to comfort me. “Don’t worry about it, Bob. I appreciate the offer, but seriously, I’d much rather be here listening to customers bitch about their meaningless problems. And staring at your handsome face of course.”

  Bob was in his early 70s, but he was still adorable for a man well past his prime.

  He shook his finger at me trying to keep a stern face, but I noticed a hint of a smile. “Don’t push it, young lady. Sucking up will only get you so far, and I already offered you time off. If you’re looking for a raise then you’re shit out of luck.”

  I shook my head laughing and stood up again, giving him a quick hug, which I think took him by surprise. When I pushed the door open to step back into the dining area, my light-hearted laugh was cut short. Brett’s expression was laced with worry and standing next to him was none other than my mother.

  After hearing that she had called the restaurant, I guess it was only a matter of time before I heard from her again. I just wasn’t expecting her to come all the way down here. My parents seldom left the house for any reason other than to visit my brother’s grave once a year.

  I took a deep breath before I made my way over to them. My mother’s mouth continued to move as she spoke to him, but I didn’t need to hear her to know that something was wrong. Brett’s gaze met mine first, and he gave me a half-hearted smile, but it never reached his eyes. That was definitely not a good sign.

  When my mother finally turned to look at me, her eyes immediately pooled with tears, and she broke down pulling me into her arms. “Oh sweetie, I’ve missed you so much. Your father and I have been trying to find you for months.”

  I pulled back for a moment, not fully believing that they had actually made any effort to find me. “Really?” I scrunched my eyebrows together in bewilderment.

  “Of course we have! Did you think we wouldn’t notice that you were gone?” I couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed my mind.

  “So how did you know where to find me?” I already knew the answer.

  “My brother, Steve. He called and said he saw you here,” she said through sniffles.

  “Look, mom, I’m really sorry that I left without any notice. I’m sure I’ve put you and Dad through hell, but just because you found me doesn’t mean that I’m coming back home. I’ve already started a new life here and made new friends. I’m sorry you wasted your time coming all the way down here.”

  “Oh sweetie, I should have just told you this first…”

  I looked over at Brett, and he nodded towards my mother with a dismal look on his face. What the hell is going on? What haven’t they told me? “Okay, you guys are kinda freaking me out here. What is it, Mom?”

  “Your…your father had a heart attack, Liberty.” Her hand flew up to her mouth, muting her whimpering cries. Brett wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back while I stood there dumbfounded.

  “Wh-when?”

  “Five days ago. He had to…” She took a deep breath while Brett tried to calm her down. “He had to have triple bypass surgery yesterday. I flew here as soon as he came out of surgery.” She took my hand in hers, squeezing it tight. “He needs you, Liberty.”

  Oh my God. This was all my fault. I never should have left. None of this would have ever happened if I had never left.

  “Shit. I need to get a flight out there as soon as possible! I need to pack!”

  “Shhh, Liberty, darlin’, calm down. Look at me.” He cupped my face in his hands, capturing my attention. “Your mom already took care of everything, and she said you still have half a closet full of clothes at home. All we need to do is get you two to the airport.”

  I nodded my head. “Okay. Well, let’s go, what are we waiting for?”

  “Just take a second to calm down first. This is a lot to take in all at once. Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to come with you? I can probably still get a ticket for your flight.”

  “No. No, I think we’ll be fine. I just need to get there. My dad needs me.” I choked back a sob.

  “All right, let me talk to Bob and let him know what’s going on, and I’ll drive you and your mom to the airport.”

  He started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm, pulling him back. “Thank you, Brett. You’ve been there for me more times in the past few months than most people have been my whole life. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Think nothing of it, darlin’.” He enveloped his arms around me and held me tight. He truly was my rock. “I’ll just be a sec.”

  After talking things over with Bob, who was more than empathetic of the situation, we all hopped in Brett’s truck and flew down the road, arriving at the airport a few minutes later. Brett wished us well and told me not to worry, reassuring me that my father had gotten through the worst of it since he already made it through surgery. But I knew he still had a long recovery ahead of him, and I wanted to be there for him every step of the way.

  We landed at the Buffalo Niagara International Airport after a few rough bouts of turbulence, but after all of the shit I’ve gone through the past few days, that was nothing. It was already well after midnight, but I wanted to head to the hospital first to check on my dad before my body finally gave way to exhaustion. I had to make sure he knew I was home, and that I was sorry for putting him through so much stress these last few months. God, I never meant for any of this to happen. I swore that I would never forgive myself for doing that to him. Both of them.

  The taxi dropped us off in front of the hospital, and my mom led the way up to his room. The door was open a crack with soft light filtering through, and I slowly pushed it open, not wanting to wake him if he was already asleep. When I first set eyes on him lying in that tiny bed, I nearly crumbled to the floor. I had never in my life seen my dad look so weak and frail. He looked as though the heart attack had aged him by about ten years.

  I pulled a chair up to the side of his bed and scooped up his large hand in both of mine. Leaning my head forward, I pressed his hand to my cheek and let the tears flow freely over his warm skin. How could I have done this to him? I selfishly ran away, and this is how I repay him? Well, I think I officially won the award for worst daughter ever.

  I felt his thumb slowly brushing over my hand and looked up to see his smiling face beaming back at me.

  “Daddy? Oh Daddy, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” I threw my arms around his neck, and he groaned in pain from the pressure of my body on top of him. “Sorry,” I said as I wiped the tears from my face.

  “It’s all right, peanut.” He gently brushed my hair behind my ear, and I giggled softly. Even though I was well into adulthood, my father still refused to give up the nickname he bestowed on me the minute he first laid eyes on me 20 years ago. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

  “I am so s-sorry. I never meant for this to happen, daddy. It’s all my fault.” I buried my face in his arm, and he continued to stroke my hair, comforting me. I didn’t deserve it, though. Not when it was my fault he was even here in the first place.

  “Peanut, why would you think this was your fault?”

  “Because…’cause I ran away, and I left you and Mom all alone with no one to take care of you. I should have been there for you. None of this would have happened if I had just been there for you.” My breath hitched as I choke back a sob.

  “Liberty, sweetie, none
of this is your fault.” My mom came up behind me and rubbed slow, gentle circles on my back just like she used to when I would get upset as a little girl.

  “How can you say that? Look what I did! Dad is in the hospital because of me!”

  “Now I don’t want to hear any more of that, peanut. None of this was your fault. I haven’t been taking care of myself for a long time, so if anyone is to blame it’s me.”

  “But—”

  He cut me off before I could protest. “No buts, young lady. The doctor said the main cause of the blockages in my arteries was my poor diet. Even you have to admit I was a bit of a fast food junkie. You were the one who always remembered to hide any evidence of that from your mom whenever you borrowed my car, remember, peanut?” His body shook as he laughed, but I could tell it was uncomfortable for him to be moving so much.

  “See, this is my fault!” I threw my hands up in the air, frustrated that no one would let me take the blame for what I had caused.

  “I’m only going to say this one more time, peanut, so you better listen and listen good. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. It is my fault and mine alone. I almost dug myself an early grave because of my carelessness, but I promise you things are going to change.” He shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. “I never should have let things get so bad after your brother died.”

  “Daddy, it’s okay. I know things were hard for you and Mom.”

  “No. You didn’t deserve to have all of that responsibility dumped on you like that, and I will never forgive myself for robbing you of the rest of your teenage years. And then on top of everything, you had to go and drop out of college?” I had never seen my father so overcome with emotion. He was always so strong, the rock of our family, and now he looked like he was the one who was going to break down and lose it. “I’m so s-sorry. I realize now that your mother and I should have gotten help a long time ago.”

  “Oh, Daddy.” I gently placed my arm around him, avoiding any contact with his chest, and we held each other as we cried. My mother had tears streaming down her face as she watched our tender embrace. Our emotional release was a long time coming. My family never grieved together as a unit. We never talked about our feelings or how we were coping with my brother’s death. It was just left at a stalemate. But now…I had a really good feeling that things were going to be different.

  The heart rate monitor came to life with its obnoxious beeping and a nurse came into the room letting us know my dad needed to get some rest. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and we said our goodbyes, letting him know we’d be back to visit tomorrow. On the way home from the hospital I realized that this was the most I had spoken to either of my parents in the last four years, and as I looked at my reflection in the side mirror of the taxi, I caught myself smiling. I finally felt like I had my family back…and it felt good. Really good.

  The next morning, my mother sat down with me to talk, and I finally broke down to her about everything that happened, starting with the day I left home. I hadn’t realized how much of a roller coaster the last three months had been until I finally laid it all out for her. God, how did my life become so screwed up in such a short amount of time?

  After I divulged all of the heart-wrenching details of mine and Shayne’s tumultuous relationship, my mother became very quiet, and I wondered if it had been because of something I said. My mother wasn’t one to hold back her opinion when it came to relationship advice, but now she seemed at a loss for words. A few minutes passed by before she finally looked up at me and spoke.

  “Liberty, there’s something I want to share with you that only your father and a handful of our friends know.”

  “Okay?” I wasn’t exactly sure where she was going with this.

  “When I was pregnant with AJ, a friend of mine approached me one day and told me that your father was cheating on me.”

  “What!? Are you fucking kidding me!? How could he do that to you? And while you were pregnant? God, what a sleezeball!”

  “See…that reaction is exactly the reason why I need to tell you this story. Now let me finish before you jump to any more conclusions.” I nodded and let her continue.

  “Now, hearing that when I was seven months pregnant and hormonal had my blood boiling, and I had my bags packed and ready to go before your father came home from work. I already had everything planned out. I was going to stay with my mother until the baby was born so that I could save up enough money to get a small apartment for AJ and me. I knew it wouldn’t be easy on my own, but I had to do what was best for my baby. There was no way in hell I was going to let that lying, cheating bastard raise my son.”

  “So what happened?” I sat there anxiously.

  “Well, I took my mother’s advice and listened to your father’s side of the story before I made a final decision. Turns out, my friend who originally told me this rumor was really trying to split your father and me up. She’d always had a thing for your father ever since high school, but he was never interested in her. Guess that didn’t stop her, though. When I confronted her about it, she of course denied it at first, but when she finally admitted to the whole thing, we ended up having a huge fight. I haven’t spoken to her since.”

  “What a conniving little bitch!” I shouted.

  “Liberty, sweetie, don’t swear.”

  “Oh come on, mom! She was a fucking bitch, and you know it!”

  “Well…okay, yeah. She was,” she said with a crooked grin.

  “Now, as enlightening as that story was, Mom, what was the point of you telling me now?”

  “Sweetie,” she cupped my face in her hands to make sure she had my absolute and undivided attention. “I would have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me if I had believed one word coming out of that cunt’s big, fat, lying mouth.”

  My jaw literally dropped to the floor. My mother just said “cunt”. Way to go mom!

  “So what you’re saying is—”

  “Hear him out. You already heard Maddie’s side of the story. So, wait a few days for things to cool down and then talk to him.”

  I let out a heavy sigh. “Mom, I don’t think there’s anything else he can say to convince me otherwise. This isn’t even a matter of whether or not he slept with Maddie and got her pregnant. He admitted that much was true. And yes, it hurt to hear that, but that’s not what has me the most upset. I’m upset because I don’t think he ever intended on telling me. I can’t be with someone like that, someone who lies and keeps secrets from me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him again.”

  “Sweetie, sometimes when we’re upset, we tend to hear only what we want to hear. I really think you should give him another chance to explain himself. If not, you might spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if’.”

  I let the mull over for a few seconds, but I knew she was right. “You know, sometimes I really hate when you’re right.”

  “I’m your mother. It’s my job.” She smiled at me knowingly.

  “What makes you so sure that I should give him another chance, Mom? I mean, you haven’t even met him. For all you know he could be some crazy serial killer.”

  “Because, Liberty, as upset as you are right now, your eyes still light up every time you mention his name. That’s love, sweetheart; there’s no denying it. You need to understand that relationships aren’t perfect. Your father and I have struggled over the years, and some days I’m so angry with him that I just want to ring his neck. But through all of the ups and down, at the end of the day, I still love him with all my heart. Nothing will ever change that.”

  Well, shit. Was I still in love with Shayne? Was is possible to forgive and forget the lies that had shattered my heart into a million pieces, or would I end up losing the one person who finally made me feel whole again?

  Five days later, my father came home from the hospital, and he was doing much better than anyone expected. The doctors said he would be up and running in no time, but he still had to take things slow for the time being, so my mo
ther and I took turns waiting on him hand and foot. My father was really milking it for all it’s worth and even made me pick up a pair of walkie-talkies so he wouldn’t have to shout for us throughout the house whenever he needed anything. Really, I think he just wanted them for fun, but I was happy to appease him. I hadn’t seen him this happy in years, and his new jovial attitude warmed my heart. My mother attributed it to me finally being home, but I couldn’t take all of the credit for it. I think my father’s heart attack was an eye-opener for all of us.

  I finally caught a break one afternoon when my father decided to take a nap and my mother was holed up in the kitchen baking up a storm. I stood there in the doorway of the kitchen and watched as she skillfully rolled the dough out across the floured surface of the counter. She was making her famous frosted sugar cookies, and the batch she already had baking in the oven smelled out of this world.

  I closed my eyes, breathing in the delicious aroma and was immediately brought back to a memory of AJ and me helping my mom bake cookies. She would always give us our own little ball of dough so we could mold and shape our cookie however we wanted. More often than not, AJ would make his cookie resemble something close to a T-Rex, and I would shape mine into a dolphin. They never quite came out right after they were done baking, but we didn’t care because they were yummy nonetheless.

  I opened my eyes and Mom was looking back at me with a warm, contented smile. “Did you want to help me, sweetie?”

  “Actually, Mom, I was wondering if it would be all right if I borrowed the car for a little while.” I leaned over the counter and grabbed a cookie off of the cooling rack, popping the scrumptious, little morsel in my mouth. God, they were just as good as I remembered.

  “Oh. Did you need me to pick something up from the store for you? I’m sorry I forgot to ask if there was anything you wanted to add to the list before I went shopping.”

  “No. No, I just wanted to go for a drive to clear my head. I might stop and visit with someone I haven’t seen in a while.”