by Jen Wylie
Looking off into the distance he shook his head slightly. "I don’t know if there is even a home to go back to."
"True," she said quietly.
"We’ll figure everything out, no worries."
Straightening her shoulders, she nodded sharply. "Yes, we will. Together."
"Of course," he agreed.
* * *
She didn’t avoid Prince for the rest of the day, but she didn’t seek him out either. He kept to himself, following behind them all on his horse and not speaking a word to anyone.
A few times she thought of speaking to him through the pack bond, but she couldn’t think of what to say. The idea of apologizing irritated her. This time, she hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d kissed her after all. She refused to apologize for saving his life.
Most of the day she kept herself occupied thinking of scenarios. What he might say, how she would reply. However she didn’t understand how men thought. Even worse, he was royalty and an Elf. Who knew what might be going through his arrogant skull.
As the afternoon wore on she kept playing what had happened over and over in her mind. Yet already the details, the exact feelings, were beginning to fade. She stopped suddenly, as something finally occurred to her. Blinking rapidly in surprise, a smile slowly formed on her lips and then she darted through the woods.
Approaching Prince warily, she watched him closely before trotting up to walk next to his horse. For a few moments she said nothing, but kept shooting glances at his face. The side facing her showed a swollen lip and a black eye. She winced. Kei must have hit him more than once. His face remained a stony mask and her confidence began to fade.
"H-how is your back," she finally stuttered out.
"Well enough," he answered stiffly, not looking at her. She chewed her lower lip, trying to pick out her words. "You just keep coming back for more."
Her head jerked up at his scathing words. "What?"
"Like a puppy that has been kicked. You just keep coming back, hoping the next time you will get some affection instead."
Lips trembling, she turned her attention back to the ground and struggled to remain calm and not say something that would make things worse. "I…I…"
"I…I…," he mocked. "Go away, Arowyn. I do not want to deal with you right now."
Her feet planted themselves to the ground. Staring at them, she clenched her fists and sucked in a number of deep breaths as his horse walked on. Finally she raised her head. "I just wanted to thank you," she called out. "I realized, you had me pinned beneath you. You…you touched me."
The horse stopped.
"But I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t scared at all. I didn’t even think about them and what they did to me." She raised her chin, even though he hadn’t turned around. "I wasn’t scared. So… maybe there is some hope for me. One day I’ll find someone who does want me and I’ll be able to be with them. Now I know that, so…thank you."
His head turned slightly but she didn’t wait to hear what horrible words would come from his mouth this time. Her escape worked, the only thing she heard was him call her name.
* * *
By the time they made camp exhaustion weighed heavily over her whole body. Dinner wasn’t very good, she being too tired to put much effort into it. Ignoring Prince, she gave faint smiles to the others when they fussed over her.
Before settling down to bed she shouldn’t have been surprised when she turned and bounced off of Prince’s chest. Taking a startled step back, she frowned up at him. "Sorry, I didn’t see you there."
Clearing his throat, he looked off to the side. "I would like to speak with you a moment." Her lips pressed into an angry line as she raised her eyebrows. "If you would walk with me?" He gestured to his left, off into the trees.
She laughed and shook her head. "No. I don’t want to hear any more of your rotting comments on how everything is my fault. You can go and shove–"
"Arowyn, please." Clamping her lips closed on what else she’d like to say, she shook her head again and crossed her arms. "Please," he said again.
"Fine," she snapped. "If you start, I’m gone."
He nodded and held out his hand. She ignored it and stomped past him. After a while she stopped in a slightly open area where at least some moonlight shone down and spun to face him.
Uncertainly crossed his face for a moment before it disappeared and he frowned.
"Well? I’m tired. What do you want to say?"
"You seem to have a strange affinity for magic."
She raised her eyebrows, trying to decide if she should be offended or not.
"It concerns me, that you took the Fey’s power and fury."
"Bo thinks that is what the prophecy meant. How I’d help them."
"You are human, Arowyn."
"I am?"
He frowned and shook his head in annoyance. "Just, please be careful. You were…a bit out of control."
"So were you," she muttered.
"Yes, and on to that…"
She winced.
"I would like to ask," he stressed, "that you not do such a thing again. I am almost home, having magic of Were or Fey on me will not go unnoticed and would prove…troublesome."
"Then don’t almost die anymore."
"You do not understand the implications–"
"No," she snapped loudly. "You don’t seem to understand I prefer you being furious with me, or never speaking to me again, to being dead."
His entire body jerked in surprise.
"Rot," she muttered in exasperation. "Have you ever actually been in love, Prince? Because you don’t seem to understand my feelings for you, or why I act the way I do."
With a grimace he looked away. "I have…not," he said quietly.
Her shock actually kept her silent.
He shifted uncomfortable. "I love my family, though I know that is not what you mean. Other women…I have desired some, but there has never been one I would even consider spending forever with." He raised his eyes to hers. "Do you see the difference between us? You do not have to consider forever, your lives are so short. We do, and forever is a very long time. It can take Elves centuries to find a mate, some never do."
She cleared her throat, but couldn’t meet his eyes. "Well, I hope you find yours one day."
"You have distracted me," he said after a moment of awkward silence. "Please, no more magic. I do not want it."
Anger bubbled up inside of her. He didn’t seem to understand. "Magic is magic! Stupid elf, have you thought how this could make you stronger?"
"Once I am home, I will be strong enough. I do not need your help. I do not want it." Throwing up her hands, she turned away in frustration. "I am not finished, please." She turned back, pressing her lips together to keep from snapping at him.
"I would," he hesitated a moment, his brows drawing together. "I apologize, for all that I said earlier. You are not deserving of it. I was…confused. And angry. The fury, I believe, reacted strangely within me." He looked off to the side. "I have never felt such intense emotion before."
"Are you going to apologize for kissing me now?"
His head snapped around to look at her, yet he didn’t say a word.
"I don’t want you to. So don’t."
With a sigh, he shook his head. "Arowyn, child–"
She held up a hand, silencing him. "Do not, ever, call me a child again." Before he could respond, she turned angrily on her heel and headed back to camp.
Kei settled down next to her as they readied for sleep. Prince kept his distance. Upon his return he’d sat and stared vacantly into the fire, ignoring everyone.
She turned to face Kei and raised her hand. Taking it in his own, his golden eyes searched hers. Closing her eyes, she gave his hand a squeeze.
I’m fine, she told him.
Are you sure?
Yes. He doesn’t even know what love is.
I’m sorry. His hand squeezed hers again.
Don’t be. I’m done.
She had
trouble falling asleep. Despite her desire to let everything go, she couldn’t stop thinking about Prince. As she tossed and turned and spent forever staring up through tree branches she finally squeezed her eyes closed and concentrated. Once, she’d locked her love for Prince away, trying to hide it from him, from everyone, from herself. She did so again, cutting it away and forcing into the deepest part of her fortress. It hurt, oh, how it hurt. She locked the pain away as well.
Finally she was able to sleep. Her dreams were full of blood and death instead of him.
Everything had returned to normal.
Chapter 25:
Back and Forth
Prince looked like he hadn’t slept at all and stumbled about the camp as they packed up. She helped and smiled and treated him exactly like she did the others.
Throughout the day she returned to her old routine of running with Kei, who didn’t say a word about her change in behavior. She laughed and joked with him and when they would occasionally circle back to the others she did the same with Bo and Prince.
Prince, on the other hand, watched her warily at first, and then seemed to wilt under her happiness.
For the first time in weeks she felt free, like a great weight had lifted from her shoulders…and her heart. It gave her hope she would get over him, knowing she’d be able to survive without him when he left.
She and Kei found a spot to camp for the night and she ran back to guide the others while he began work on the fire pit.
When she found them she stopped and waited for Bo and then walked beside him as he rode, pointing out the direction to go.
They talked for a moment of the campsite and then he paused and looked down at her. "What did you say to Prince?"
She frowned. "Nothing. We came to an understanding."
"I don’t think he understands," Bo muttered.
She raised her eyebrows, but then looked away and shrugged.
"He seems very…conflicted," Bo continued.
"I don’t know about what. He made things very clear. I didn’t say anything that should confuse him."
"He’s been watching you and–"
"I don’t care, Bo," she said wearily. "I’m done. I’m not playing his games anymore and I’m not going to pretend I’m his little child to coddle and take care of. I’m not a child. I’ll be his friend. I’ve been acting like his friend. That’s all he’s getting."
Bo let out a deep sigh and rubbed at his scar. "You’re right. Forget I said anything."
She nodded and brought up the topic of what they’d have for dinner. His words bounced around in her head though and she cursed under her breath.
Once dinner plans were settled she stopped and waited for Prince to catch up.
"The camp's not far," she told him. He nodded, but didn’t reply. Letting out an irritated breath, she continued, "It’s by another small stream. So we can all get cleaned up a bit."
Walking beside his horse silently, she lowered her head and scowled. Why did he have to make things so difficult?
"I have been thinking," he said.
"That can’t be good." She eased the harsh words by looking up at him and smiling. Her smile faltered at the look on his face.
Sunlight shone down on his dark hair. His head bowed, he stared at his fingers as he fiddled with the reins. Dark brows drew together as he held his lower lip between his teeth, clearly uncertain.
She turned her attention back to the woods and gave him time to sort out what he wanted to say. Part of her wanted to run. Whenever he spoke, it never ended well. He didn’t speak for a long time, so she sucked in a breath and smiled. "Garen says another two days and we’ll reach the wardwall, then maybe a day to get to the gates of Rivenward." He nodded absently, still lost in his own thoughts. "Don’t lose sight of Bo," she said finally and started jogging ahead.
"Aro, wait!" She stopped and let him catch up again. "I think," he said slowly, keeping his eyes on the reins. "I need you, more than I thought." He turned his gaze up to the sky. "I thought you needed me, but you take care of me as much as I take care of you."
"Glad you noticed," she said wryly. "That’s what friends do," she added.
With a sigh he lowered his head and closed his eyes. "I think you have always done more for me than I thought. What you do with your magic, I think you have kept me alive. You have been with me almost since the slavers took my amulet. When I think back, I should have died long ago, before you even started giving me the power of Were and Fey."
She shook her head in confusion. "I don’t–"
"It is disturbing, I know. I do not understand it. Or you."
"That makes two of us."
He smiled weakly. "You are the only woman I have ever met who made me think so much."
She laughed. "That doesn’t say much for you."
He smiled softly but it died quickly. "I find myself so often confused when it comes to you." He pulled the horse to a stop, and she stopped as well. "You bind me to a pack and you fill me with Fey power. You are changing the very essence of who I am, and now I find I do not care. You have changed who I am, what I believe in." He shook his head as she stared up at him in shock. "That first simple kiss, such an innocent thing, destroyed me. It tore apart the walls I had built, the rules I have lived by, that had been bred into me. It sent my thoughts down paths they should never have gone. Would never have, if not for you.
"I should have ignored it, made nothing of it. Yet I could not. Something within me will not let the memory go."
Her heart stuttered in her chest as her mouth worked, trying to find words. Instead she reached out and stroked his horse’s neck. "What are you saying," she asked quietly, forcing her words to come out evenly.
With a shake of his head, he sighed. "I wish I knew."
His words sent the spark of hope rising within her back into the darkness. "I wish you did, too." Giving the horse a pat, she set her shoulders and raised her chin to look up at him. He wasn’t playing games this time, she could easily see that from the tortured look on his face as his eyes searched hers. For what, she had no idea. "Let’s get to camp. I’m hungry."
Glancing away, he smiled sadly and nodded.
Men. She would never, ever, understand them.
* * *
Aro put the few small game animals Garen and Kei had caught turning the day on the fire while the boys unloaded and finished setting up camp. It never took them long. They didn’t have much.
Once the animals were roasting she started digging through the packs, grinning in triumph when she finally found what she was looking for.
Still smiling, she walked over to where Prince sat and crouched down next to him.
He looked up at her, his head tilting sideways curiously at her smile.
"Take off your shirt," she demanded.
A rare wry smile crossed his lips before he did as she asked. "A little forward this evening, are we?"
She snorted and moved behind him. "I wanted to check your back…" Her words trailed off as she stared at his skin.
He turned his head slightly, trying to look at her. "I think it is healing well, yes?"
She nodded, her fingers reaching out to trace a pink line of new skin. "It’s…wither me. You healed so fast." Her fingers continued to trail across his warm skin. She cleared her throat and jerked her hand back. "There are a few areas with scabs still. Most of it is fully healed though." She laughed suddenly, her eyes tracing across his back. "You have scars, but you don’t."
His brow furrowed. "I should not. Not from this."
"Yes, but…" She couldn’t stop her fingers from reaching out again, tracing a claw mark down across his back. "It’s healed over the old scars, so you can still see the claw marks."
"Ah, I see."
She leaned back, her brows drawing together. “It wasn’t a Fey.” Spreading her fingers, she rested her hand against his back. “Turn a bit, so the others can see.”
He did, craning his head trying to look himself.
“Did
you see what attacked you?”
“No.”
Kei walked over and only looked briefly before he shook his head. “Not Fey,” he agreed as he went back to the horses.
It isn’t Were either, before you ask.
Prince tensed under her hand and she removed it quickly. No one offered what it could have been. The only other answer being their new enemy, the Vor.
The silence quickly became uncomfortable. She shifted and then stood, holding out her hand. "Go get cleaned up in the stream." She held up her other hand. "I found the needle and thread. I’ll mend your shirt."
His eyes searched hers until she looked away. He stood and placed his shirt in her hand. "Thank you," he said quietly.
She watched him leave, her heart pounding in her chest. "Rot it all," she whispered. Closing her eyes tightly, she pushed her feelings back into her fortress, adding extra locks and a chain.
She turned and scowled at the boys when she found them all staring at her. Finding a spot near the fire so she could keep an eye on dinner, she sat and put all of her concentration into sewing the tears with small neat stitches. It was a little chore. Something a friend would do.
"You two…" Bo started.
"Be quiet," she snapped.
He chuckled.
Kei plopped down next to her, making her poke her finger. She swatted him, sucked her finger for a moment, and then decided more blood stains on the shirt wouldn’t be noticed anyway and went back to sewing.
"Turn the meat for me," she asked absently.
Kei did and she flashed him a grin.
"It’s good to see you smile again," he said softly.
She shrugged. "It feels better, too." She grinned again. "Not as much work."
"Everything will get sorted out."
"I know. One way or the other."
She sewed as quickly as she could, but still wasn’t done by the time Prince returned. It was a challenge to keep her eyes averted from his half naked dripping form. "I’m not done yet, sorry."
"Your turn. It can wait."
With a brief nod, she fled for the stream, happy the suns descent added more shadows in the trees. The water was shallow, but she still stripped and scrubbed herself and her clothes.