“You miss him, don’t you?”
Shay exhaled. “Yes.”
“Why aren’t you seeing each other anymore?”
“Because, we’re not going to pursue a relationship, we’re going to remain friends only—very distant friends.”
Julia looked at her daughter as if she were a stranger. “Girl, what are you talking about? You and Brian have been in a relationship practically since the day you met!”
Shay wiped her face. “But when we slept together, it messed things up.”
“How?”
“We willfully sinned, Mama, and we enjoyed it. We have to pay for that.”
“And you think you have to pay for your mistake by never having contact with each other again?” Julia questioned.
“Exactly.”
Julia felt sorry for her baby. “So you’re prepared to be miserable for the rest of your life, because of one mistake? That’s going to be kind of hard to do since his father and brother live in this house and I love him like a son.” Shay didn’t respond. “Do you love Brian?”
“Yes.” Shay realized that now that he wasn’t around. Actually, she realized it a year ago, but wasn’t ready until today to admit it.
“Does he love you?”
Shay thought about their last conversation. “I don’t know.”
“What if he is in love with you? Don’t you think God can forgive you of your indiscretion and show you how to build a proper relationship? Shay, you and Brian have something special. Don’t allow one mistake to destroy everything.”
“I don’t think I can have a godly relationship with him, Mama. Maybe if I didn’t enjoy having sex with him so much, it might be possible,” Shay answered. “All the relating I want to do involves a horizontal position.”
Julia narrowed her eyebrows. “Just how many times have you had sex?”
“Just that one time, but we did it twice.”
“Just twice, and you’ve lost your mind?” Julia teased.
“Mama, you don’t understand.” Shay fanned her face and laid back on her bed.
“Oh, I have a good idea.” Julia grinned. “But seriously, honey, don’t feel guilty because you enjoyed it. Sex was designed to feel good. Sex feels good whether you’re married or not. But the only sex that God honors is within the confines of marriage. Repent for committing the act of fornication, and don’t do it again.”
“You need to be honest with him about your feelings and stop hiding behind being just friends. You and Brian are just friends about as much as Reggie and I are.” Julia smirked. “I guess that’s how your little brother was conceived, by spreading all that friendship around.”
“Mama,” Shay whined.
“Mama, nothing. You need to set some boundaries for yourself. When Reggie and I were dating, I knew if I kissed him on the lips, I’d end up in bed with him. So we didn’t kiss until after Pastor Jackson pronounced us husband and wife. You have to find out what you are weak to and protect yourself. The only way the devil can get the upper hand, is if we’re ignorant to his devices.”
Julia left Shay’s room an hour later. “God, please let her take heed to what I’ve said,” she prayed on her way down the hall to check on Josiah.
Chapter 6
“Todd, where’s the orange juice?” Brian yelled at his roommate.
“We ran out yesterday,” Todd yelled back
“And you couldn’t pick up some more?” Brian slammed the refrigerator door shut.
“Man, it’s your week to buy groceries. And while you’re there get some toothpaste.”
Brian slammed his fist on the table; he had forgotten to buy groceries. He had been forgetting a lot of things lately and he really didn’t know why. He had a lot of free time since he’d stopped hanging out with Shay. So there was no reason why he couldn’t take care of his shopping or any of his other responsibilities. Then he remembered shopping was something he usually did with Shay. Come to think of it, he did most things with her. Now that Shay wasn’t around, he didn’t want to do much of anything. He didn’t want to clean the house or even make his bed.
“Man, you sure are grouchy lately. What’s going on?” Todd asked, folding his arms and leaning against the arched doorway.
“Things, just things.” Brian didn’t feel like talking.
“These things wouldn’t have anything to do with Shay, would they?”
Brian attempted to act nonchalant. “Why would you ask that?”
“Because I haven’t seen her around and your cell phone has been quiet.”
Todd was right. His funky mood had everything to do with LaShay Hampton. Brian missed her so much, but he had to stay away from her. That was the punishment he imposed on himself for committing fornication.
The nights were especially hard for him. Lately he’d been up until one o’clock in the morning lifting weights in the garage. Brian needed to be exhausted before he climbed into the bed he had shared with her or else he would lay there daydreaming about the night they shared. He had to fall asleep with his headphones on to drown out her voice in his head. However, he still kept a picture of her on his nightstand.
Brian turned his attention back to Todd. “What else do we need?”
Todd, realizing Brian was not going to divulge anything, called off a few more items and left.
***
Sunday morning service at True Worship was something Brian really enjoyed. Not because his father was the pastor, but he always left revived and ready to tackle the next week. He’d missed the last two Sundays. The excuse he fed himself was he had finals to study for, which was true. But he really felt too guilty to walk into the house of God. Brian was afraid the prayer warriors would zero in on him the second he entered the sanctuary, particularly Mother Elsie, the church mother. She only had a sixth-grade education, but read most people’s spirits with one-hundred-percent accuracy.
Pastor Reggie’s preference was for his family to sit in the front center section of the 1500-seat sanctuary, but today, Brian thought he would hide in the back. His plan didn’t work.
“Hey, Brian, I saved you a seat,” Angie said, approaching him on her way to the front.
Angie was Julia’s oldest sister. She and her husband Mike had joined the church right before Reggie and Julia got married.
“Thanks,” was all Brian could say as he made his way to the front. He knew better than to argue with his aunt. Of course the vacant seat was right next to Shay, who was holding Josiah.
Brian was about to turn and leave, but his little brother stopped him.
“Bi-an, Bi-an,” little Josiah called and held out his arms.
Brian took his brother and sat down and played with him for a while, but didn’t speak to Shay.
Chapter 7
Shay’s feelings were hurt. How could the man she’d been crying herself to sleep over, the man she loved. The man she’d given her virginity to. How could he sit right next to her and not say one word? Not talking to her over the phone was one thing, but in person he couldn’t even say “hi” or “hello”. He didn’t acknowledge her presence at all. Brian wouldn’t even look at her. Shay folded her arms and glared at him.
The congregation stood as the Praise and Worship ministry took their places on the platform. Hitting Brian’s head in the process, Shay yanked her purse and walked out.
She was pulling out of the parking lot when Brian caught up with her.
“Shay, where are you going?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m giving you some space, fat head!”
He leaned into her car. “Shay, I’m sorry. I wasn’t prepared to see you today.”
“Shut up, Brian. You knew I would be at church today! I’m here every Sunday.”
“But I didn’t know I’d be sitting next to you.” Brian looked around; they were not alone. A steady stream of people flowed through the parking lot en route to the sanctuary. “Shay, we need to talk. Let’s go somewhere where we can talk in private. I want to clear the air between us.”
<
br /> Shay didn’t want to go anywhere with him. She also didn’t want their business to be headline news for the TWM gossip column. “Meet me at the condo in Emery Bay,” Shay barked and drove off.
The minute she let Brian into her mother’s corporate condo, Shay got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was then that she realized that they were alone for the first time since that night. Her conversation with her mother replayed in her head. The part about being alone with Brian was jumbled and undecipherable. This won’t take long. We’ll just talk and then leave.
Shay grabbed a Henry Wienhard’s root beer from the refrigerator and sat down on the couch. “You wanted to talk, so talk,” she said before taking a swig.
Brian stood in front of her. “You’re not going to offer me anything?” he asked trailing his eyes along the shaft of her long legs.
“You don’t need anything; you’re not going to be here that long,” she answered and sat the bottle on the table without a coaster.
He didn’t say anything, so she made her announcement. “Brian, I’m leaving California for a while. I’m going to Harvard for my Master’s and teaching credential. I’ll be gone for a year.”
His eyes bulged the precise second his jaw fell. “When do you leave?”
“Right after you graduate.”
“But that’s only a few weeks from now.”
“I know.” He remained quiet so she continued. “I would leave sooner, but I don’t want to miss your graduation.” Shay admitted it was important to her. “The move should give you, excuse me, us enough space. Don’t you think?”
Shay’s eyes begged him to ask her not to leave, but he didn’t. If he wasn’t going to ask her to stay, she wasn’t going to tell him how she really felt about him. When she reached for her root beer, he took her hand and lifted her to her feet and hungrily kissed her. As he explored the inside of her mouth, his hands roamed her body and every word her mother had spoken went right out the window along with the guilt and the shame of their first encounter. Every promise Shay made to God about not touching him again was placed on hold. The only thing of importance was desire.
Brian felt and smelled so good to her, Shay had to have him. “God, please forgive me, again, for what I’m about to do, again,” Shay whispered when his kisses traveled down to her neck. She lifted his head so she could look into his eyes. “Brian, make love to me one last time, then I promise we can go back to being just friends.” Without hesitation, Brian lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
The orange rays of sunset sprayed the bedroom as they made their way up the third summit. This time it was Shay who couldn’t hold back anymore. “I love you, Brian. I love you so much,” she said repeatedly, then cried quietly when the reality of this being their last time together in this way came crashing down.
Later in the parking garage, Shay unlocked her car then turned and kissed him on the cheek. “See you later, friend.” Shay locked herself in the confines of her PT Cruiser before Brian returned the valediction and before she gave into her emotions.
When Shay went to bed that night, she slept peacefully. She didn’t have everything figured out. She didn’t know if God would ever forgive her and be merciful enough to give her another chance at love with Brian. Shay wasn’t sure if she wanted to love someone other than Brian. One thing was for sure, the love she felt today would help her get through whatever punishment God had waiting for her.
***
Brian slept well also. True, he felt bad about yielding to his flesh again, but he didn’t feel bad about being in love with Shay. He didn’t want Shay to leave and he really didn’t want any more space, but she’d made up her mind. If she was willing to leave that confirmed that their relationship didn’t mean that much to her. Brian wished he’d listened to his father and been upfront about his feelings with her, but it was too late for that now.
The sound of her telling him she loved him was like music to his ears and that rhythm would help him get through the rough days ahead. If God ever decides to give him another chance at love, he didn’t know if he would take it, because he left his heart with Shay.
Chapter 8
Brian finished his laps in his father’s pool. From the patio window, Shay watched him take laps wondering if she should tell him or just wait it out on her own. He looked so relaxed, now threading and enjoying warm water in the 80-degree clear weather. What she had to tell him would without a doubt disrupt his peace, but what choice did she have. Shay couldn’t believe the mess she’d gotten herself into. Behaving as a responsible adult had never been an issue, but that was before she discovered the power of passion mingled with lust. “Please, God, I know I was wrong, but how about some longsuffering and mercy here?” she begged, once more looking toward heaven, before stepping onto the marble tile that led to the pool.
Brian saw her approaching and floated to the side of the pool. Water splashed her feet as he poached his massive body on the tile. They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other since the day they shared at Emery Bay.
“You look pretty.” Brian took in the soft-pink tank dress and white sandals. Shay grabbed his towel from the lounge chair and handed it to him. “Thank you,” Brian said, accepting the towel. “How have you been?”
His casual tone was too impersonal for her. Considering she was the woman he’d given his virginity to and whose he had taken. “Brian, we need to talk,” Shay answered, without responding to his question. She then turned her back to him, trying not to remember what it felt like to lay against his now-bare chest.
“What do you want to talk about, Shay?”
Shay folded her arms and nervously looked back toward the house. Reggie and Julia weren’t visible through the sliding glass doors, which meant they were probably upstairs in their bedroom. She’d throw herself in the pool and sink to the bottom if they heard her next words. She looked down at her arms in amazement at the goose bumps that had suddenly appeared in the 80-degree weather. “I’m late,” she whispered.
“Where are you going?” Brian asked innocently. Too innocently to be the same man who turned her world upside down.
Shay let out a long sigh. “Brian, my period is late.”
***
At first Brian just sat there staring at her as if trying to process what her words meant. Then he lowered his head and massaged his temples as the impact of Shay’s words slammed his frontal lobe. “Oh, God,” he finally said, before stepping completely from the pool and wrapping his robe around him. There was only one thing on his mind, what was he going to do if Shay was pregnant with his child?
He was not ready to become a father and he didn’t believe in abortion. What was he supposed to do? What about school? He didn’t have a job. How was he going to feed and clothe a child? What would his father say? How would his mother feel? “How late are you?” he finally asked to stop the questions from bombarding his brain.
“Two weeks.” Shay’s voice sounded so low he barely heard her. She still didn’t make eye contact with him.
“Have you taken a test?”
“No.”
“How long are you going to wait before you find out if you are preg—” Brian couldn’t say the word. “You know…”
With fear and anxiety etched on her face, Shay turned away from him. Brian sensed that she harbored the same fear as him. He walked over to her and turned her to face him. Her head slumped, hiding the tears that rolled down her cheek, but Brian knew her too well. He instinctively wiped her cheeks with his fingertips and cupped her face. “I wish I could tell you that everything is going to work out, but I can’t. If you’re pregnant, I don’t know what I am going to do. But I promise you, you won’t have to deal with this by yourself. If you have our child, you won’t raise it alone.”
Brian’s sincerity leaped out and seared her heart. She knew he would put his life on hold to take care of his child. But she didn’t want it to come to that, didn’t want Brian to abort his dreams because of uncontrolled lust. Shay
wasn’t rich, but by all accounts she was well off. With trust funds from both sets of grandparents and being the daughter of a wealthy developer didn’t hurt. Shay would be able to adjust to the cost of raising a child, but not Brian. He didn’t have the cushion or support system she had. Because of that it was Brian’s desire not to have children until he became a lawyer, wanting to make sure his own children never suffered the things he had endured as a child. Now that might change.
“I know,” Shay said softly, and then ran into the house before a flood of tears erupted.
Chapter 9
He wanted to follow her, but didn’t. Brian stayed outside praying that Shay wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t be. Sure they had unprotected sex, but Brian wasn’t ready to be a parent. He couldn’t take care of himself without his father’s assistance, how was he supposed to provide for a child. And what about school? He would have to postpone law school and find a job. Brian loved Shay, but being an unwed father was not on his agenda and he was not ready for marriage. No, Shay couldn’t be pregnant, he decided. Not now. “God, please don’t let this be,” he mumbled, walking back to the house.
Inside the confines of the guest room, he mechanically showered then slid into a pair of khaki shorts and a white T-shirt. The possibility of his child growing inside of Shay robbed him of his rational thinking ability. He paced rapidly in circles until he became dizzy and fell onto the queen-sized bed. He lay there until the ceiling returned to its still-state. The pounding in his chest, which surfaced with Shay’s revelation, remained. He counted on that being a permanent fixture until he found out the results of the pregnancy test. Somberly, he made his way to the den to join his father.
Minus the usual passion and intensity, Brian stared at the mounted plasma screen. The San Francisco Giants and the Oakland A’s were engaged in the Bay Bridge Series. Instead of professional athletes, the men on the screen were orange, black, white and green dots. His team was winning, but he didn’t know that. The numbers danced over the screen like his thoughts. Shay can’t be pregnant. I still have law school. How could I have been so irresponsible? I didn’t even think about using a condom.
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