Heiress on the Run

by Laura Martin

  ‘I can’t leave her.’

  ‘I’ll sit with her a while. You must be exhausted.’

  He was exhausted. It had been nearly two days since the duel, two excruciating, tortuous days. In that time the doctors had been to check Amelia over four times, but not much had changed. Still she was breathing, still her heart beat, but her eyes never flickered open and there was no sign Amelia was behind her closed lids. A few hours after the impromptu surgery to remove the bullet Amelia had grown hot with fever, and over the past two days both doctors hadn’t dared speculate whether she would survive this latest development, but were clear she would only wake once the fever was under control.

  ‘I can’t leave her,’ Edward repeated. If he left her then he had this peculiar fear that she might die whilst he was away. If he could just sit it out, remain by her side, then maybe everything would work out.

  ‘Then let me sit with you for a few minutes.’

  It was comforting to have Mrs Henshaw’s presence by his side. For a while he could imagine they were just waiting for Amelia to wake from a normal sleep, ready to jump up and enjoy the new day.

  ‘What happened?’ Mrs Henshaw asked softly.

  ‘I was a stupid fool,’ Edward replied, keeping his voice low. ‘I didn’t realise what I had until I lost it.’

  ‘You pushed her away?’

  Edward nodded, for in a way he had. Oh, he had held Amelia tenderly, whispered he cared for her, even made love to her, but he hadn’t given himself to her fully, that he could see now. If only he’d let go of that final piece of himself, if only he’d shared the decision about McNair with her, then maybe it would be him lying in her place as it should have been.

  He regretted not telling her he loved her. He hadn’t realised it before the duel, he’d been too afraid he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t the man to protect her and cherish her. He’d been too preoccupied with regrets about failing to keep her safe from McNair that he hadn’t realised what she truly had needed from him. Now he’d give anything to see her face light up as he whispered a declaration of love into her ear.

  ‘I thought it was my duty to protect her,’ he said eventually, ‘but I didn’t realise the thing that would hurt her the most would be pushing her away.’

  Mrs Henshaw remained silent by his side, stroking the back of Amelia’s hand.

  ‘I wish I could tell her I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I wish I could tell her how much I regret my actions.’

  ‘You can, dear,’ Mrs Henshaw said. ‘She’s listening, even if her eyes aren’t open. Talk to her, let her know you’re here and let her know she’s got something to wake up for.’

  The older woman stood and kissed him lovingly on the top of his head, then made her way from the room.

  Edward sat in silence for a few minutes, wondering if Mrs Henshaw was right or if he would be stupid to sit here talking to an unconscious Amelia. Realising he had nothing to lose, he took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts.

  ‘I’m sorry, Amelia,’ he whispered quietly, holding on to her hand as though it were an unbreakable connection between them. ‘I got so caught up in my own head...so caught up in the idea that I had to protect you I didn’t even think about what you really needed.’ He paused and then pushed on, knowing the words had to be said. ‘I thought I’d failed you. I promised to keep you safe and protect you from McNair. When I couldn’t do that I felt an absolute failure. I thought that you deserved better.’

  Gently he shook his head. If only he hadn’t tried to punish himself by agreeing to the duel. It had been self-indulgent and selfish, and if he’d just thought things through a little better then Amelia might never have got hurt.

  ‘I know you saw that, I know you saw I was going to meet McNair for the duel to punish myself, but I was too caught up in the moment to realise it.’

  He wished he could turn back the clock...that he was still in bed with Amelia tucked into the crook of his arm and instead of misleading her he had actually discussed the situation and came up with a better solution than meeting McNair with pistols at dawn.

  ‘Please don’t leave me, Amelia. I need your strength, your resolve. I love you.’

  He watched her eyes, hoping for some flicker of acknowledgement, some sign that she might have heard what he was saying. Edward knew there was a good chance she might never wake up. Both doctors had been pretty clear on the subject. Right now Edward couldn’t think about how he would survive if she died. At first he had wondered if he would shrivel and die, too, but as he had spent the hours by her side he knew no matter what he would keep on fighting his demons for Amelia.

  Another thing that scared him was the thought of her walking away from him. He knew if she ever did wake up there was a good chance he had ruined any possibility of having a future together. He’d misled her and even if he hadn’t lied to her outright, he’d certainly lied by omission.

  Edward stood, stretched and carefully got on to the bed beside Amelia. Gently he wrapped an arm around her and held her as he had the first night they’d met.

  * * *

  Amelia struggled to open her eyes. She’d never been a morning person, but today it felt particularly difficult to lift her lids. As she became more aware of her body she realised there was a dull ache in her shoulder and a sharp, shooting pain every time she breathed in. The events on the duelling field came rushing back and Amelia felt her pulse quicken as she remembered the searing pain as she’d dived in front of Edward.

  ‘Edward,’ she murmured, her voice coming out as a dry croak and her lips cracking painfully.

  She felt his warm presence beside her, his arm draped over her midsection protectively. He looked exhausted, even in sleep, with deep dark circles around his eyes and a few days’ growth on his jawline.

  As she tried to sit up in bed the pain ripped through her chest and she let out a loud squeal. Immediately Edward was awake, looking at her with a mixture of disbelief and hope.

  ‘Amelia,’ he said, gently taking hold of her and propping the pillows behind her so she was comfortable. ‘I thought I’d lost you.’

  ‘Water,’ she managed to croak and sipped gratefully at the glass he held to her lips. The water was warm, but as it soothed her parched throat she thought it was the most delicious drink in the world.

  ‘Are you in pain?’ Edward asked. ‘The doctor left some laudanum.’

  Amelia shook her head. Maybe soon the pain would get too much, but for now she wanted to think without the heavy haze laudanum brought on.

  ‘What happened?’ she asked.

  ‘What do you remember?’

  Amelia closed her eyes for a moment. Trying to think was like putting together a puzzle where half the pieces were missing.

  ‘I remember waking up and finding you gone and dashing out to the stables.’ She paused, frowning, ‘And I remember reaching you just as you were walking out to the markers to start the duel.’

  ‘Do you remember what happened next?’

  Amelia bit her lip, trying to focus. The memories were all there, but they were fragmented and distorted, as if she were looking at them through curved glass. Then all of a sudden things came into focus and she remembered the sound of the shot being fired and her jumping out in front of Edward, followed by nothing but pain.

  ‘You saved my life,’ Edward said softly. ‘You jumped into the path of a bullet for me.’

  ‘How silly of me,’ Amelia said, trying to keep her voice light.

  ‘Downright reckless,’ Edward agreed. ‘The bullet hit you in the chest, just below your collarbone.’

  Amelia glanced down at the bulky white bandage covering her entire shoulder.

  ‘It penetrated your lung and glanced off the bone. The doctors said you’re very lucky to be alive.’ Edward’s voice held just a hint of a tremble. ‘We weren’t sure if you would e
ver wake up.’

  ‘Is the bullet still in there?’ Amelia asked, running her fingers over the bandage gently.

  ‘No, they fished it out. Apparently you are more likely to die of the wound putrefying if the bullet is left in.’

  ‘It sounds as though you’ve become quite an expert.’

  ‘I’ve never been so worried in my entire life.’

  ‘Edward, we need to talk,’ Amelia said softly.

  She saw the panic in his eyes and wanted to reach out and soothe him, but quickly he stood up, distancing himself from her.

  ‘I know,’ he said. ‘But first you must rest. We’ll talk later, I promise.’

  Gently he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, brushing his lips against her skin as though she were made of porcelain.

  Amelia didn’t protest as he left the room. In truth, she did feel exhausted and to manage the emotional intensity of the talk they needed to have she wanted to be in a better condition. Closing her eyes, she listened to Edward’s retreating footsteps and wondered just what the future held for them.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  A week and a half later Amelia was feeling much stronger and now she was beginning to get restless. She’d never been good at sitting still and now she’d spent the longest time ever confined to her bedroom. Edward had sat with her most of the time, reading passages from his book aloud, or discussing the renovations he planned on the house, and that had helped to pass the time, but now Amelia was desperate to get out of this room and feel the sun on her face.

  ‘You have to be very careful,’ Dr Peacewell warned. ‘The wound could still open up and your lung needs time to heal.’

  ‘But maybe I could just take a short trip outside,’ Amelia suggested.

  She’d even settle for sitting in a different room for an hour or two.

  Dr Peacewell looked at her appraisingly. ‘Very well,’ he said, ‘but just a short trip. And then it’s back to bed to recuperate.’

  ‘Yes, Doctor,’ Amelia said meekly, catching Edward’s eye and grinning once the doctor had turned his back.

  ‘A short trip,’ Edward reinforced after the doctor had left, ‘And if you begin to look tired I’ll bring you straight back to bed.’

  Amelia nodded, not bothering to argue. She’d got what she wanted. Soon she would be sitting with the sun warming her face and the breeze in her hair.

  ‘And then maybe we should have that talk.’

  Amelia looked at Edward in surprise. Every time she had brought up their need to discuss the future since she’d woken up he’d shaken his head and said she wasn’t strong enough. Now he was agreeing to talk Amelia felt nervous about what he might say. She was very conscious that she had declared her love just before the duel had started and not received any words of love in return. Edward cared for her, he looked after her more than anyone had in her entire life, but she craved another sign that would tell her he felt something deeper.

  * * *

  An hour later Edward reappeared and looked her over carefully.

  ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ he asked, concern etched on his features.

  ‘Edward, if you don’t take me outside now I might scream.’

  Carefully he scooped her up into his arms and ensured she was comfortable before making his way through the house.

  ‘Be careful, ducky,’ Goody called after them as Edward pushed out through the front door and into the sunshine.

  Amelia sighed with contentment. Finally she had escaped her sick chamber. Even just a few minutes out here in the daylight would do her the world of good.

  ‘I heard from Mr Pollard,’ Edward said as he carried her carefully across the lawn.

  Amelia stiffened and found herself struggling to breathe.

  ‘There’s no need to worry,’ he soothed her. ‘Your cousin is back with the Earl of Burwell. Mr Pollard has delivered your letters and I am sure you will hear from Lizzie soon.’

  Amelia let go of the breath she had been holding and smiled. Finally she could stop worrying about Lizzie and instead await the news on what was happening between her beloved cousin and this Earl. Maybe Lizzie had found the man she wanted to spend her life with, too.

  ‘Can you bear to be carried a bit longer?’ Edward asked.

  ‘If you’re not tiring,’ Amelia said, ‘I could spend all day up here.’

  He carried her through the gardens, treading carefully so as not to disturb her wound. After a few minutes Amelia realised where they were going and couldn’t help but smile. He was taking her to the secret walled garden, the first place they had allowed themselves a long, leisurely kiss. It was very apt for the serious conversation they were going to have to have.

  Once inside the garden Edward set her down in a chair he must have brought over from the house earlier and spent a moment ensuring she was quite comfortable.

  ‘Stop fussing,’ Amelia said, swatting him away, ‘I’m not an old invalid.’

  ‘You were shot in the chest less than a fortnight ago. I’m allowed to fuss.’

  Amelia smiled, closing her eyes and lifting her face to the sun. For a few minutes she just sat there, enjoying the feeling of being alive, listening to the buzzing of the bees and the hum of the insects.

  ‘What has happened to McNair?’ Amelia asked as the thought popped into her head.

  She heard Edward grimace and opened her eyes.

  ‘He’s fled the country. I should imagine he was scared of retribution for shooting you.’

  ‘He’s actually left the country?’

  Edward nodded. ‘I think he realised I would have killed him if you died.’

  ‘Do you think he’ll come back?’

  ‘Maybe once he’s heard you’re alive, but I don’t think he will bother us again.’

  ‘I suppose he exacted his revenge. I was injured just as he was.’

  ‘Let’s not talk of McNair any longer,’ Edward said and Amelia sensed the conversation was about to get serious.

  ‘We need to talk about the future,’ she said after a minute.

  Edward looked nervous, she realised, as if he had been dreading this conversation. Her heart began to sink as she wondered if he wanted to pull away from her, whether this brush with death had been enough to make him realise he didn’t love her.

  ‘Before we make any decisions I need to apologise,’ Edward said, ‘for many things.’

  Amelia frowned. Yes, he had been a bit stubborn racing off to the duel with McNair, but his heart had been in the right place.

  ‘I wanted to protect you.’

  ‘There’s no need to apologise for that.’

  ‘Let me finish. I wanted to protect you and when I failed I felt as though I didn’t deserve you. That clouded my judgement’

  Amelia leant forward, grimacing as the pain shot through her shoulder, and took hold of Edward’s hand. She didn’t interrupt, sensing he needed to get whatever he wanted to say off his chest.

  ‘After the incident on the beach I felt as though I’d been given another chance at happiness. Even with the threat of McNair’s revenge hanging over us I thought if I could protect the woman that I loved then all would be well.’

  Amelia felt her heart leap in her chest and struggled to concentrate on what Edward said next.

  ‘When McNair broke in and I wasn’t there to protect you, it felt as though I’d failed all over again. I didn’t think I deserved you, not if I couldn’t protect you from a man who wished you harm.’ Edward paused, looking into Amelia’s eyes. ‘But I shouldn’t have deceived you. I should have told you I was going to meet McNair, not let you wake to an empty bed. For that I am truly sorry.’

  ‘I know you acted out of consideration for my well-being,’ Amelia said quietly. ‘It might have been the wrong thing to do, bu
t I can’t question your motives.

  ‘I think there was also a little bit of me that wanted to punish myself for not protecting you.’

  Amelia shrugged. ‘We’re all human, we’re all flawed.’

  ‘I should have realised we needed to make that decision together. It was wrong of me to push you out and I know it was what got you shot.’

  She studied his expression, trying to read his thoughts. For a while she had wondered if Edward blamed himself for her injury. It had been McNair who had aimed the pistol, McNair who had pulled the trigger, but it would be just like Edward to blame himself.

  ‘You need to let go of this guilt and this sense of responsibility for everything. I made my own decision when I followed you to the duel site, I made my own decision when I jumped in between you and McNair. That wasn’t you.’

  ‘I know,’ Edward said quietly.

  ‘We both made mistakes, but you can’t live your life in a perpetual cycle of guilt and regret.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Edward said. ‘But I refuse to give up my sense of responsibility for you,’ he added with a smile.

  Amelia leant forward, ignoring the pain shooting through her chest, and pulled Edward towards her until his lips rested on hers.

  ‘You saved me, Edward,’ she said after a long, deep kiss. ‘You saved my life.’

  Amelia felt her heart soar as he kissed her back. For ten long days, ever since waking up after being shot, she had wondered what the future might hold, but sitting here kissing Edward she was in no doubt. His kiss contained love and hope and passion. He couldn’t kiss her like that and then tell her they couldn’t be together.

  ‘What’s next?’ she asked as she pulled away, looking up into Edward’s dark eyes.

  ‘Well, I thought I’d kiss you again,’ Edward said, a teasing note to his voice.

  Amelia swatted him on the arm, but before she could exert herself any further Edward slipped from his chair and knelt in front of her.

  ‘Before you came bursting into my home I thought my life was over,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t see a way through the grief and the guilt. I’d built this cocoon of solitude and I was slowly suffocating in it.’