by J P Barnaby
“Jayden, you cannot make any decisions now while you’re so upset. You have time to make that kind of choice,” she advised, stroking my face. “You can sit down and go through the pros and cons of each option, you are a rational man. Now, your sister will get over things. She’s just shocked and confused. Imagine how it would look to you if you walked in on her and Mistress Nicole, for example.” I shuddered, trying to block that mental image from my head. “Exactly. There are only so many conclusions she could have drawn from what she saw. However, I think it was really poor taste to jump to the one she did. I don’t blame you for being angry with her, and that will take time to get past. About my leaving, it’s true, I can’t deny that. You and I can keep in touch, Jayden. We can call, text, email, and even webcam if you want. I’ll be there for you and you’ll be here for me. Again, because that’s what friends do. And finally, I’m not sure what you mean by being jealous of my relationship with Ethan?”
“He’s so possessive of you.” I tried not to let the jealousy color my tone, but was unsuccessful. “He let that woman and her sub use me right in front of him,” Turning my face away from her, I rubbed my forehead above my closed eyes. “He won’t let anyone touch you. When he let me touch you he left the room so he wouldn’t have to watch. I don’t understand. Why does he value me so little?” I cried, unable to stop the anguish. “I try so hard to be what he wants me to be. I never seem to be good enough. That’s why I think maybe I should take one of the other offers. If I’m not good enough, maybe I should just go.” I said, my eyes still closed, I couldn’t face her expression. Shocked that I had revealed so much of myself, so much of my shame to her, I kept my face hidden against her shoulder. I had just admitted being angry that I’d had sex with a woman when I could have been having sex with Ethan. How fucked up is that? Then, to my utter amazement, she pulled my face up, and kissed me.
“It’s not that Jayden,” she sighed. “I wish you’d have talked to me about this. I could have saved you a lot of anxiety. The agreement in our relationship that no one else touch me is my condition, not his.” Stunned, I looked up at her. I hadn’t realized he would take our wishes into consideration like that. I mean we had talked about limits, things we absolutely wouldn’t do, but it never occurred to me to include other people on that list.
“Due to my lack of experience with men, it was one of my terms for him in entering into the relationship. He agreed. You were the one exception to that original agreement. I knew that I would be leaving soon, and I wanted to have a different kind of sexual experience so I asked Ethan to set that up with you. I knew that you would be a tender and caring lover, which was what I wanted.” I kissed her forehead, and she giggled. “See – exactly like that. As for Mistress Nicole, Ethan really did want for you to be happy. Seeing how hard it was for you to be with a man in the beginning, he thought you might have an easier time with her. I think he agonized over it for a while before finally calling her. He was so afraid that you would agree and leave him.”
Sitting up, she said, “I need to finish a paper that’s due tomorrow. I know you have some things that you need to think about. Please know that I’m here if you want to talk things through. I will support you no matter which way you decide to go.” Just as she picked up her sweatshirt from my desk chair and threw it on, something occurred to me.
“Lexi, how did you know about Kimberly today?” I asked, curious. Was she already in the house? Did she hear our fight?
“Ethan called,” she replied, ruffling my hair before heading out my door.
I sat up and grabbed the envelopes that Lexi had set on my bedside table. One was from University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC), the other from New York University (NYU). Opening them, I started to read, knowing I had a lot of decisions to make this week that might end up affecting the rest of my life. Given the gravity of these decisions, I owed it to myself to consider all of my options.
Chapter 5
It had been two weeks since Kim had stormed out of the front door. And even now, I could still hear the echoes of the heavy wood slamming when I fall asleep at night. I have not been back into ‘the room’, nor have I had direct contact with either my sister or Ethan since that day. It seemed that they all understood that I had a decision to make. That night, Ethan had come into my room after Lexi left to find me looking over my acceptance letters. He apologized for antagonizing the situation with Kimberly, saying that he must have misread me, and explained that some subs are excited by and derive pleasure from humiliation, and if he had known the pain it would ultimately cause, he would have stopped at once. I didn’t look up, not wanting him to see the conflict raging in my eyes.
I had wanted him to stop, right?
The awkward conversation with Josh that night was infinitely worse. He had called, making a joke about interrupting me, just to make sure I was still going to stand with him in their wedding, exactly two weeks before graduation. While I still resented Kimberly for her implied accusation, I wouldn’t miss her wedding. Thankfully, they had not made me best man, so I didn’t really have anything to do except show up. Josh had tried to tell me how sorry Kim was, but it was halfhearted at best. It was fairly evident, at least to me, that she was disgusted with me, and I wondered with a heavy heart how many of our friends and family she had already told. Had she said anything to our parents? I had been pondering for a while how awkward the wedding might be.
I sighed and changed into a pair of sleep pants, it was starting to get warmer out now so I didn’t bother with a shirt. As I lay back on my pillows, my mind was raced, I had already mulled over all of the pros and cons of each of my choices, now, it was just going to come down to deciding which was the best for me. Unconsciously, I had eliminated UIC as an option, and really just narrowed the choices down to staying with Ethan or going with Lexi, assuming she would still be my friend in New York. Did she want me to come with her? She’d never given me any indication that she thought of me as anything other than a messed up friend. I kept leaning on her for emotional support, and never really gave anything back to the friendship. Why would she want me to go with her? To say nothing of the feelings she had for Ethan – feelings she could probably never have for me.
Then, I thought about Ethan, and wondered if he regretted taking me on as a sub now. I’d seen him, and Lexi, going down the hall into the room for sessions. Part of me wanted to ask them if I could join them, but I never did. Ethan had not approached me about fulfilling my duties towards him. Either he was giving me space, or had decided that he just didn’t need the drama. That’s me, the little drama queen. As I started to drift off, my mind wandered back to that night. My mind focused on how it felt to be completely dominated by him, his anger, and his tone. My dreams were wild and vivid.
We walked into the room together, and Ethan began to remove his clothing right along with me. He eyed me speculatively, but said nothing as I pulled my shirt over my head. I was still taking off my jeans when Ethan finished and assumed a submissive position on the floor in front of me. I gaped at him, but his eyes were downcast. Somehow I realized that I was dreaming, and in this dream, Ethan was the sub and I was his Master. When I looked down at his naked body just waiting for me, I was instantly hard. walked to the closet and pulled from it the same posture restraint he had used on me. When I reached him, I pulled his hands away from his neck and affixed the collar.
“Back straight,” I barked at him, and then grabbed his wrists roughly and fastened him into the cuffs. He looked vulnerable and boyish with his hair falling just into his wide, expressive eyes. His soft lips were slightly parted as he took deep breaths to steady himself. God, I wanted to feel them around my cock. That reminded me of our reversal in position. “Did you enjoy humiliating me the last time we were here?” I asked him ruthlessly as I walked to the wall to select the implement for his chastisement. With a small smile to myself, I selected the horsehair flogger. His eyes widened as he saw what I carried, but to his credit he did not move or speak. As an experi
enced Dom, he knew that leather floggers will give you a good thud, rubber floggers will give you a good sting, but horsehair floggers will give you a wicked sting. I wanted him to remember this.
“Answer me!” I said loudly, slashing the flogger across the top of his back in a light quick movement. I was very careful not to let the ends wrap around his shoulder. An inexperienced flogger will allow the ends of the flogger to wrap around curved flesh which can be extremely painful. I was not looking to damage him, just instruct him - sternly. He had the perfect skin for this type of punishment; it would bear the marks of my displeasure well.
“Yes, Master Jayden,” he moaned out as the light red lines appeared on his skin.
“You’re not supposed to be enjoying your punishment, Ethan,” I said, looking down with a frown. “Look how hard your cock is getting.” I laid another swipe of the flogger over the other side of the metal bar going up his back. As more lines appeared, he hissed, but I continued to whip his legs, his buttocks, even his chest. He was panting, with silent tears streaming down his face when I was finished. To an inexperienced eye, he would appear to be in agony. However, his raging erection and perfectly hard nipples told me quite a different story.
“You deserved that punishment didn’t you Ethan?” I asked him, dropping the flogger onto a nearby table. My arm was tired now from the exertion of placing my very carefully aimed strikes. A lot of energy is expended by the restraint necessary not to inflict real damage.
“Yes, Master Jayden. Thank you,” he choked out. His tears were beautiful, almost as lovely as the crossing lines over his soft ivory skin. I walked behind him and picked up the black leather ottoman. As I placed it in front of him, he moved to lie across it.
“Did I tell you to move?” I asked sternly, and he immediately straightened. “Do you want another round with the flogger, Ethan?”
“If it pleases you, Master Jayden,” he acquiesced, his voice trembling. God, his defenselessness, the sheer degradation that he was suffering at my hands, I fucking wanted him, and his mouth just wasn’t going to be enough.
“Mistress Nicole said that you weren’t fond of male companionship. Does that mean you don’t want me to fuck you, Ethan?” I asked, picking up the lubricant from a side table where it was always kept. “Answer me honestly.”
“No, Master Jayden,” he said, and dropped his head. It shamed him to know that for this one thing, he did not particularly want to please me. I knew from experience that he would have me over this thing in a heartbeat given the chance. And then I remembered my experience on this very ottoman, and was struck by an idea.
“I will consider that in future, but for right now I want to fuck your ass, and hard.” I said, drizzling the lubricant lightly near the edge of the ottoman. Then I pushed him over it, letting his hard cock settled right into the slick liquid, and he unconsciously rubbed his erection back and forth against the leather. I didn’t bother to say anything about it as I prepared him. For a few minutes, he stroked himself on the leather as I drilled him with my fingers. Then, he was ready.
I pulled him open to me and drove my cock in hard. He grunted loudly as I filled him, and I stopped for just a moment to let him adjust before starting a hard rhythm. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be taken with no regard to wish or need. I wanted him to know that I was in charge of his ass right now. Grabbing his hips, I took him harder, he was so tight around my swollen cock, and he felt so fucking good. I could hear him moaning and whimpering unrestrained against the onslaught of my impalement as he moved his hips, rubbing his erection against the soft leather. As his sounds grew more animalistic, I knew he was on the verge, so I leaned down and told him how good it felt, how I was going to come soon. I asked him if he wanted to come, and he begged me to let him, his voice soft and pleading as he whimpered, desperate for release. Granting my permission, he stiffened, and cried out in unrestrained pleasure, thanking me over and over as his orgasm raged through him. Finally, he was spent, and he lay docile over the ottoman, waiting for me to finish. I could feel my orgasm coming, I was going to fill his tight ass with my come. I was so fucking close.
The beep of my phone woke me up, telling me that I had a text message. I didn’t fucking care. I was so hard, it was actually painful. Lifting my hips, I slid my sleep pants down just enough to free my raging erection, and took it into my hand. Stroking myself hard, I thought about the sounds that Ethan had made in my dream, about his face while he was on his knees in front of me, how badly I wanted to fuck his mouth, about how the welts looked on his tender skin. He had gotten so hard as I whipped him. I could almost feel myself in his ass as I squeezed and stroked my every inch of my cock, my back arched sharply as I came in a hard wild orgasm over my hand and torso. It seemed to go on forever, because I was overly sensitive from not having our sessions, and I gasped for breath as it finally started to subside.
Finally, I got up and headed for the shower. I checked my phone as I waited for the water to warm up. The text message was from Lexi.
Everything ok?
So, I sent her back a text message to tell her everything was fine. I had come to realize over the last two weeks that I had lost my way. Ethan’s ultimatum, and ultimately his dominance, had served to disrupt me from my comfortable existence. He had always made me feel off balance, both emotionally and psychologically, and I was done feeling that way. While he may have controlled my sexual activities, he did not control the rest of my life. Lexi deserved a better friend than an emotional train wreck, which is what I felt like the last few weeks. I removed my leather cuff.
As I stepped under the jet, I knew I had my decision. I washed the remnants of my orgasm from me, and relished the feel of the hot water on my skin. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, with no longer a burden to bear. When I finished my shower, I emerged a different man, one that was in charge of his destiny.
I picked up my phone and sent Ethan a text message for him to meet me tomorrow morning at nine am.
* * *
By five minutes to nine, I was ready. I wondered what he would open the door expecting - clothed or naked, kneeling or standing - certainly not this, I'm sure. I was completely and utterly defenseless - at his mercy, exactly where I wanted to be.
Finally, I heard the door opening and closing - and then a sharp intake of breath. Light footsteps made their way over to me, and then I felt a hand stroking my hair.
"My...my...What do we have here?" Master Ethan murmured low against the skin of my shoulder as he kissed it lightly. I shivered, but remained still, even as I heard paper, and guessed that he had picked up my note from the side table next to me.
Master Ethan - Last night, I pleasured myself thoroughly in my bed. I had awoken from a dream in which I had bound you, flogged you, and fucked you hard. I place myself in this room, into your mercy, and bend
myself to your will. Your devoted servant, Jayden
“Well… you have been naughty haven’t you, boy? You came without permission, and you seem to have some ambiguity regarding your station. Let me clear that up, right now,” he said, and I felt him slap my ass hard and then leave his hand on my stinging flesh. “This is mine.” Then his hand slid down between my legs and he grasped my straining erection. “This is mine.” I moaned softly into the gag as he stroked me. “Your pain, your pleasure, everything is at my discretion. Do you understand that?” he asked sharply and I nodded.
“Without that I am nothing,” he whispered, stroking my hair. The contrast between his harshness and tenderness left me unbalanced. But while I felt out of step, I also felt like I was home. Deep inside me, I knew that was what I wanted, and where I wanted to be. That was why I chose to make myself defenseless to him, to show him my unconditional trust. I had attached a spreader bar, the long one, to my outstretched ankles, making the insides of my thighs burn with the effort of standing with such an incredibly wide stance. Bent at the waist, my arms pulled back and up, cuffed with short chain that had been thrown over
the lowered hook on the pulley. My arms were straining with the effort of being held so far back, and it pushed me to bend farther at the waist. I had put in my gag, and even covered my eyes with a blindfold. I was ready, and willing, and waiting for him when he came into the room – and he knew it.
“You define my identity. Am I a Dom if I have no sub? I don’t believe that I am, for there is no one to dominate. You are my dream, my goal, and my purpose. To mold you, and shape you is what I strive for. Without you, I have no control,” he finished in a whisper while stroking my hair. He was trying to tell me how much I meant to him, in the only way that he could. The longing in his voice was almost tangible, and for the first time, I saw into Ethan’s soul, how giving up that control seemed to frighten him. I found myself wanting to touch him now, to reassure him. Unfortunately I wasn’t in a position to do that.
“I never wanted a male sub,” he confessed, still stroking my hair. I imagined that it was easier for him to talk to me like this when he couldn’t see my eyes. Even though I couldn’t see him, I imagined that beautiful crooked smile of his. “I never had any interest in the men that Nicole brought around to play with. Then, I heard your voice on the phone, and when I saw you walking up to my house…there was something indefinable about you, something that drew me to you.” His lips were at my neck now, grazing it lightly and I shivered. “There is something about you that makes me so fucking hard.” I moaned softly behind the gag. “Shall we get on to your punishment?” I nodded and tried to reply, but the gag muffled the words.