by J P Barnaby
“Thank you,” I said in a broken whisper. Her breathing hitched just once, and the wash cloth paused, but then she resumed. Ethan came back a few minutes later and began to rub something on my back, buttocks, and legs, never saying a word. His touch was gentle and affectionate. Lexi sat at the head of the bed and stroked my hair.
“What’s that?” Lexi asked in a whisper. I felt a sharp pinch in my arm as he answered.
“A sedative,” Ethan answered after a minute or so and his voice sounded distant and slow. “He needs to rest.…” he finished as the curtain was pulled over my consciousness. The last thing I heard was Ethan’s anguished voice, a bit muffled as he said “I didn’t want to hurt him, Lexi. But I understand what he meant about the pain….”
* * *
The yelling woke me up. I was still lying on my stomach, naked under the sheet covering up to my waist. Turning my head slowly towards the sound, I moved before I remembered the searing pain in my back. I hissed at the burning still torturing my skin and then noticed that the sun had set. I don’t know how long I had slept, but Ethan had been right, I felt better after resting. I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep since the policemen showed up at the door with their news. Once fully awake, I could hear the voices more clearly. It sounded like they were in the hall outside my partially open door.
“How could you do that to him – no matter what your fucking ‘title’?” A sneering voice accused in a low tone. I recognized that voice as my sister’s. Hadn’t she done enough to me? Now she was tormenting the only people who truly cared about me. If I could have moved, I would have picked her up and thrown her out.
“You have inflicted more pain on him than I ever could,” Ethan snarled back, the venom in his voice was unmistakable. As my friend, as well as my Master, he was furious with Kimberly for the damage she had caused.
“Stop. Please.” My voice rough and cracking because of the soreness in my throat. Kimberly threw open the door and ran to my bedside, while Ethan stood looking at me from just inside the doorway. I nodded and he left the room. It was time to talk to her; there was nothing else she could really do to me now.
“Oh Jay….” Kimberly said, and I could tell by the thickness of her voice and the soft sniffles that she was crying. I opened my eyes and looked at her, and she turned on the bedside lamp. “Honey, why did you let him do this to you? Please…Please come and stay with Josh and me.” She ran her fingers through my hair, and I relaxed into her touch.
Then I heard Lexi’s, screaming, almost hysterical, voice in the hall. “Why? Why would you let her in there with him? Hasn’t she tortured him enough? Ethan, let go of me! Please! P...please,” she whimpered, crying. “I can’t stand to see it again, Ethan. I can’t listen to his screams, his anguish. It broke my fucking heart!” I could hear her still struggling against him and it sounded as though Ethan carried her down the hall and then down the stairs. It warmed me to know that Lexi was ready to fight for me. The fact that she cared so much about me gave me the strength to face my sister.
“I didn’t let him do anything, Kimberly. I asked him … no, begged him really, to do it.”
“Why would you do that, Jayden?” she growled her voice angry now. I turned my head away from her and faced the wall, still too sore to move. Unsure how to explain it to her, I still wanted to tell her the truth, because in this case, the truth may actually set me free. I wanted to be free from the guilt, and the secrets.
“Because the physical pain is easier to deal with,” I said in a flat, expressionless voice. “My parents are dead. Worse, they died believing that I had sex with men for money. I’m sure they hated, and were disgusted by, me.” She gasped. “I don’t even have the energy to feel the revulsion and self-loathing anymore. All I can focus on now is the scorching pain. That’s why I begged him to do it.”
“Oh Jay, why would you think that they believed that? Did they say something?”
“They gave me a huge check at graduation and told me that you had told them that I was in trouble. Dad wouldn’t even look me in the eye the last time I saw him. You have never in your life been able to keep a secret. Why would I think you’d kept one that made you disgusted with me? Josh knows. God only knows how many other people you told about your sick freak of a brother - anything to make Kimberly the victim in need of sympathy.”
“Oh honey, I did tell them that I was worried about you, but I would never…I’m sure they assumed because you refused their help for college that it was about money,” she said with a sigh. “And I may not understand what goes on here, but….” She ran her fingers through my hair. “You are my brother, Jay. I love you. I would never do that to you. And…and…” She began to sob. “And I’m so sorry. Please, Jay, you’re all I have left. Please don’t hate me. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t lose you too, please…please…” I turned my head to look at her; she had her head in her hands. And with that, the wall between us fell. She really hadn’t betrayed me to our parents, she would get past our differences and we would be us again. I had missed her so much.
“Kimmy….” I said, using my nickname for her for the first time since she walked in on Ethan and me. “Kim, of course I don’t hate you. You just have to understand that this is what I want, not some perversion that your sweet, innocent brother was forced into. Okay?” She nodded. “Now, I’m really tired and not all that comfortable talking to you with just a sheet on. I’ll come by in a few days, okay?”
“Okay, Jay,” she sniffled and giggling a little. “I love you.” She said softly, and stroked my hair again. I told her I loved her too and my eyes closed slowly, hearing her leave just as I fell back to sleep. The past few days had just drained everything from me, and the sedative Ethan had given was still in my system.
I wasn’t used to sleeping for such a long time in one position, especially on my stomach, so when I finally woke up, I was stiff. Someone was playing with my hair, and I opened my eyes slowly to see Lexi watching me.
“Hey…” she said softly, smiling.
“Hi.” Her hand moved from my hair to my face.
“You okay?” Her eyes searched my face, and I nodded. Then, I pressed my cheek into her palm as she stroked it gently with her thumb and we stayed just like that.
No more words were necessary.
Chapter 14
It was a moment that I had been thinking about for over a year; sitting on my sister’s couch with her leaning back into me, her head rested on my chest, and we were comfortable with each other. Kimberly had even made peace with Lexi before I drove her to the airport this morning. Deep down, Kimberly knew that Lexi was someone that I truly cared about, and someone that cared about me. She felt compelled to, if not befriend her, at least tolerate her. Though, I’m sure tolerating Ethan was going to take a little more work.
“Hey J? Can we….” Kimberly asked just as my cell phone rang. It wasn’t a number that I recognized. Worse than that, it was a three-one-two area code – Chicago.
“Hello?” I answered cautiously. After having listened to enough sympathetic callers, I had grown frustrated with hearing their ‘I’m so sorry, Jason’ – because of course they couldn’t get my name right.
“Jayden?” The voice asked quietly. “Is this Jayden Carter?” Well, at least they knew my name.
“Yes, this is Jayden Carter,” I said rolling my eyes at Kimberly, she giggled quietly.
“Jayden, this is Harold Rotes. I was your father’s attorney, and am trustee to his estate,” he said solemnly. I appreciated that even though he wanted to give his condolences, he held back.
“Hello, Mr. Rotes. I remember you,” I said, picturing the older, balding, quiet man who used to stop by the house when I was younger with papers for dad to sign. Silently, I thanked my father for putting his affairs into such good order. Kimberly and I had barely had to do anything.
“Jayden, I’ll get right to the point. There is trouble in your father’s company. The stock prices have fallen some since his death and the board is wo
rried. There is a provision in your father’s will…well, maybe it would be better to discuss it in person. It would be helpful if you and your sister could come to Chicago and meet with me, and then the board,” he explained gravely. I don’t know anything about business; I was getting my Master’s in history for God’s sake.
“I’ll talk to my sister, but I will definitely be there. You and I can meet when I arrive, and we can discuss things with the board on Monday.” I heard Mr. Rotes chuckle lightly on the phone.
“I’m sorry, Jayden. You sound just exactly like your father when you put on your professional voice.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said quietly, and then hung up the phone.
“Jay, what do you need to talk to me about?” Her face was set and determined as I explained to her about the board and she relaxed. While she knew that I would take care of whatever it was, but she was happy to head out to Chicago with me. Josh had some time coming too, so he could go with us. Hesitantly, she even asked, if I wanted to take Ethan and I snorted. It wasn’t exactly ‘bring your Dom to work’ day. He had come with me the last time I needed to go to Chicago, and with his history there, I think he’s more than met his quota.
When I got home that night, Ethan was sitting at the table eating dinner. “I made enough for two, if you’re interested,” he said lightly, smiling at me. Things had become much more relaxed between us since the definition of our relationship had changed. I was still his sub, but I was also a Dom. Well, technically, I was a switch, someone that could confidently fill both roles. However, I felt that I was not really a switch, as the only one that I would ever sub for was Ethan. I filled a plate and sat down at the table with him while he poured me a glass of wine.
“Thanks.” I took the merlot from him, having developed an appreciation for wine since I’d lived with Ethan. I liked to think that I had a similar influence on him, that I had enriched his life in some way. He had certainly enriched mine. “By the way, I got a call from my father’s attorney,” I began, might as well get it over with. “I need to go to Chicago for a few days.”
“If you’d like company, all you need do is ask,” he offered. I told him that I while appreciated the offer but that Kimberly and Josh had to come with me anyway. “I didn’t think of that, I guess that she would. If he hassles you about anything and you need a good attorney, I know someone.” Always the optimist, I had to chuckle and he smiled. He offered to drive us to the airport, but I told him we’d just keep the car in long term parking – we wouldn’t be gone that long.
The flight to Chicago was uneventful, well, unless you count Josh’s rendition of some eighties pop song for the flight attendants. They thought it was funny. Kimberly and I, however, changed seats when he went to the bathroom. It took him two trips through the nearly empty plane to find us as we sat very low in a couple of seats. Mr. Rotes had a car waiting for us at the airport. It still felt so strange to know that I had so much money. I had never really given it much thought when it was my parents’ money. Now, it was mine and Kimberly’s. We literally didn’t know what to do with it. Josh both surprised and impressed me when he told Kimberly not to buy him a huge red jeep that he’d had his eye on. He said that we should discuss things with terms like P/E ratio, EPS, and market value with a reputable financial planner and get everything organized before we did anything else. I gaped at him, but he just shrugged.
It took nearly an hour in traffic to get to my parents’ townhouse. Eerily, my childhood home looked exactly the same. Though for me, so much had changed since I’d been there last. Kimberly stopped dead on the sidewalk too. This would be the one event, more than any other, which drove the point home that our parents were dead. As we walked up the sidewalk to the house, I held my sister’s hand; she was shaking slightly next to me.
I unlocked the front door. Some things had changed, as you would expect through the passing of time, but many other things had not. Our school pictures still lined the staircase, stacked one on top of the other, first Kimberly on top, then me – all the way up the stairs. My mother always made sure that neither of us felt the other was favored, she was just like that. I felt the weight settle in my chest just thinking of her.
I waited in my father’s study for Mr. Rotes to arrive. It had been years since I’d been in here, but everything was much the same. While he had updated the phone and the computer, the big cherry wood desk was still the same. Sitting in his chair, I looked around where we’d had all of our talks - the ‘be nice to your sister’ talk, the ‘boys and girls are different’ talk, the ‘treat women right’ talk, and the ‘condom’ talk - all of them. I began to lament all of the talks that we would never have – the ‘wedding’ talk, the ‘kids of my own’ talk - none that would ever happen. As I took in the wall next to the desk, I noticed something that made my heart stop. The check and letter I had sent back were pinned to a corkboard hanging on the wall. leaned over and pulled it down.
“You know, I asked him about that recently,” Mr. Rotes said from the doorway, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked over at him, and he must have seen something in my face. “He told me how you wanted to make it on your own steam. He said he kept it up there as a posted reminder of his son’s outstanding character.”
With that, the weight of his statement hit me – my father wasn’t ashamed of me, he was proud of me even though I had done so many fucking things wrong. So many things…my relationship with my parents, with Kimberly, I made it so much worse than I needed to, putting them through so much grief, and my parents had no idea why. I should have just talked to them while I had had the chance.
“What is it that you wanted to discuss with us?” Kimberly asked as she walked into the room. “It’s not very easy for us to be here, so if we could just get through this?”
“Of course,” Mr. Rotes said lightly. “As you know, your father started his company from nothing, and built a rather large business from it. He was revered by his employees because he never lost touch with the people he worked with – he was their leader, more than their boss. With his death, people have started to become very worried. The stock price has fallen, and the board is at a loss on what to do about it. They see only one option. They need a Carter on the board.” I was stunned; he couldn’t be asking what it sounded like he was asking.
“Mr. Rotes, with all due respect, I have a degree in American history. I’m not a businessman.”
“No, but your brother-in-law here,” Rotes said as Josh and Kimberly came into the room, “has an MBA. They’re looking for a name, a figurehead. You can give them so much more than that, if you’re willing. I think our proposal should be that you be on the board for a year to calm peoples’ nerves. Then, you let Josh take your place. You would all have to move here, Josh would need to work closely with our other executives to familiarize himself, but from what I’ve heard about him, I’m confident in his abilities.” I stared at Josh, and his open, but slightly smug, look. I assumed he was a just a jock.
“Mr. Rotes, I still have two semesters left to get my Masters. I’ve worked…” I started but he cut me off.
“Your father had mentioned that were accepted to UIC. I’ve talked to them. Your father was a pillar in the community, they would be honored for you to finish and accept your degree from them,” he said in a rush. With that statement, my last argument was lost. I knew that I owed it to my father to help save the company he had built; it was selfish of me to think of myself first right now. After having done everything for me, the least I could do was give my father’s company a year of my life. I looked at Josh who nodded at me. Then, I looked to Kimberly who did the same.
“We’ll do it,” I said weakly, wondering how in God’s name I was going to explain it to Ethan.
* * *
The plane ride back was quiet. Kimberly gave me space to let me work through uprooting my life for the next year. She and Josh were excited about moving to Chicago, and I had given them my blessing to live in, and renovate, our parent
s’ townhouse. I thought it was fitting that eventually they would raise their children there because we’d had such a happy childhood there.
When I arrived home, it was dark and quiet, and after leaving my jacket and shoes in the closet by the door, I went in search of Ethan, finding him in his den. He looked up, almost surprised to see me standing in his doorway.
“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”
“Well, the board accepted our proposal fairly quickly, so there was no real reason to stay. I had to come back and get things ready.” I replied, it would be better just to do it, I rationalized.
“What recommendations did you offer?” His jaw tightened, as it always did in times of stress. He knew there was something wrong as I avoided eye contact, my feet shifting in my discomfort.
“That I serve on the board of directors for a year as a representative ‘Carter’. After that, Josh will take over,” I said solemnly, still looking at my shoes.
“So, you’re giving notice?” he asked, his voice in a forced calm. Giving notice? Subs gave notice? Like a job?
“Giving notice?” I asked, not fully sure what he was asking.
“To move out,” he continued in a business-like tone. “Fine, after I inspect the space, I’ll refund your deposit.”
“Ethan…”
“No, Jayden. It’s not a big deal. I can always find another tenant,” he said, and went back to typing. I knew was upset, but that fucking hurt. Although, I had to remember he was panicked now at the possibility of having his only sub taken before he’s ready. I turned and left the room. It was eerie how calm he had taken that, but I was sure that would not be the end of it. When I entered my bedroom a few minutes later, I had to stifle a groan. Mr. Rotes may be taking care of the college transfer, but he certainly wasn’t going to pack for me. Deciding to put it off until tomorrow, as I was tired, and a little peeved at Ethan, I grabbed my laptop and started an email to Lexi. She’d kill me if she found out about this from anyone other than me. That thought made me chuckle as I started to type.