The Reluctant Cowgirl

by Christine Lynxwiler

  She was going to have to get a handle on that if she was going to stay here.

  “Or you could start going to church again,” she could almost hear her friend Tina saying. She turned over and pulled the edge of her pillow over her ears. Not that it helped, since the voice was coming from inside her head. But she knew it would take more than putting in an appearance at church to make things right between her and God. So that was that.

  She punched the pillow and closed her eyes. Now if she could just go back to sleep.

  ***

  “I can’t believe we’re leaving tomorrow.” Her mother turned toward the suitcase on her bed as she said the words, taking great pains with arranging the pair of jeans Crystal had just folded.

  Crystal glanced over at her tense profile. “You nervous?”

  Her mother bit her lower lip. “Don’t tell your daddy, but I am a little.” Concern filled her eyes. “You do know you’ll need to stay in the house, right?”

  Crystal closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She’d known this was coming. Had actually thought of it a split second after she volunteered to take care of things while her parents were gone.

  And when she’d flown back to New York this past weekend to tell Mia and pick up her things from Tina, it had been this thought above all others that had most tempted her to call Aaron yesterday and chicken out of coming back. But she hadn’t. So here she was.

  She opened her eyes. “I was hoping maybe I could just stay out at Elyse’s and walk over here every day to check on things. I’m already settled in there.”

  Her mama didn’t say anything. She just reached over and added a pair of casual black pants to the suitcase.

  “I know you’d feel more comfortable if someone stayed in the house,” Crystal said. How did Mama still do that? Make them toe the line without saying a word? “I’m just not sure I can do it.” Her voice cracked and she put her fingertips to her throat, as if to add strength.

  When her mother finally turned to face her, tears sparkled in her eyes, but she was smiling. “Oh, honey, you’re so much stronger than you think you are.” She motioned toward the queen-sized bed. “You can sleep in here if you’d rather.”

  Crystal nodded. She’d probably end up on the couch downstairs, but there was no point in worrying her mother. “I’ll be fine.” She folded the last of her dad’s casual shirts. “I guess I’d better go out to the barn. Aaron’s going to remind me what it takes to run this place. I promised I’d take notes.” She dropped a kiss on her mama’s smooth cheek and started toward the door.

  “Crys...”

  She spun around.

  “I’m glad you’re home. I know it will be a lot of work, but I wish you’d relax and enjoy it.”

  Crystal smiled. “I will, Mama. I’m looking forward to a little break from the city.” And she was. As long as that’s all it was. “I love the ranch.” Again, true. The house may suffocate her, the river might sadden her, but the ranch, with its honest labor and never-ending circle of life, made her feel rejuvenated in a way The City That Never Sleeps couldn’t seem to do.

  As if reading her mind, her mother frowned. “We’re proud of your success on the stage, honey. You know that. But you have other talents besides acting.”

  Crystal frowned. “I made a choice to follow a bigger dream.”

  “Are you still writing?”

  Crystal shook her head.

  “Do you ever think about working with children?”

  Crystal forced a chuckle. “I was a kid myself when I thought I wanted to do those things.” Why couldn’t her mom just be happy that she was achieving some measure of success in New York? She might eventually make it to Broadway. What mother wouldn’t be thrilled about that?

  “Honey, you and I both know you loved working at that childrens’ theater when you first went to New York.” Compassion filled her mother’s eyes. “Cami wouldn’t want you to keep on living your life for her. In spite of what she might have said to you that last day, she was always a believer in y’all each doing your own thing.”

  Crystal winced and wrapped her arms around her waist. She’d quit the children’s theater and started waitressing because she was getting too comfortable there. She could see she’d never push herself hard enough to make it on Broadway if she stayed there. And she really didn’t want to talk about what Cami and she had disagreed about “that last day.”

  “Uh-hum.” She started to dart for the door, but her mother took two quick steps and cut her off as if she were a confused calf that needed to be herded into the trailer.

  Her mama touched Crystal’s shoulder. “Talking about her helps.”

  Crystal twisted her mouth. “Not for me so much.”

  Her mama sat on the bed and patted the spot beside her.

  Crystal sank onto the hand-pieced quilt with a sigh.

  Her mother reached over and pushed Crystal’s hair back behind her ear. “When’s the last time you said Cami’s name?”

  A few months ago, actually, when she’d told Brad right before their trip to Arkansas for the wedding. Of course that was the only time she’d spoken of her sister since the move to New York. But it wasn’t like she was around family.

  Crystal frowned. “I’m not still grieving, if that’s what you mean. How could I be? It’s been seven years.”

  “Seven years you’ve spent in a time warp.”

  “I didn’t run away to New York. You know we planned to go right after graduation.”

  Mama stared into her eyes, and Crystal squirmed under “that” look. Her face grew hot. “I just did what we planned. I’m living our dream.” Of all people, her mother knew how long they’d counted on making it big on Broadway.

  “You did what Cami planned for the two of you. You’re living her dream.”

  Crystal flinched. It was partly because of a conversation just like this with her mama seven years ago that had made her mention to Cami that maybe they shouldn’t be so quick to go to New York. That maybe it wasn’t the best thing. And because of that conversation, she hadn’t been with Cami when she died.

  “Living her dream, without her.” Her mother never took her gaze away from Crystal’s face.

  Crystal picked at the tiny stitches around the big star in the middle of the quilt.

  “I remember when your granny was making that quilt,” her mother said. “Years later, it almost killed me when she called me into her room and insisted I take it for mine and Jonathan’s bed when she was gone.”

  Crystal traced the star with her finger.

  Her mom chuckled. “Not long after she passed, I found you and Cami in here, lying on your stomachs on the quilt, telling your favorite ‘Granny’ memories. I let the chores wait while I plopped down between you and joined in.”

  A smile lifted Crystal’s lips as it always did when she thought about her granny. The woman had been strong and courageous, working beside her husband on the ranch and thanking God for every minute of it. “I remember that day. We laughed so hard. You know, we always felt sorry for the others because they never knew Granny.”

  “That was a loss, all right. But you two kept her memory alive with your stories. I guarantee you, if you ask Aaron or Luke or even the younger ones, they’ll say they felt like they knew her.”

  Crystal’s smile faded. “That’s not the same thing, Mama.” She lifted her chin and met her mother’s gaze. She was a grown professional woman, a breath away from Broadway, not a troubled teenager who needed to be tricked into healing. “I really need to go see if Aaron’s ready.”

  Her mother nodded. “You’re right.” She pushed to her feet and turned back to the suitcase. “We can talk more when I get back from our trip.”

  Crystal nodded, grateful for the reprieve. When her parents got home, she’d be gone back to New York before there was time for more talk.

  ***

  Jeremy stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door shut behind him. And almost collided with his dad. “Hey. I didn’t know you were he
re.”

  “Got a minute to talk?” Worry lined his dad’s face.

  Jeremy glanced at his dad’s truck, parked squarely behind his in the driveway. Why did he feel like that was no accident? He jangled his truck keys a little but nodded. “What’s going on?”

  “You know we’re going to Florida next week.”

  Jeremy nodded.

  “You sure you won’t reconsider and come with us? We’ll only be gone a couple weeks.”

  “I appreciate it, Dad. But I’d better stay around here. Keep an eye on our land.”

  “Speaking of our land, I thought you and I might go out to the sale barn at Ash Flat and check out a special Black Angus consignment sale they’re having.”

  Jeremy took a deep breath. “I’ll go with you if you’re looking to increase your herd, but I’m going to wait a while.” He resisted the urge to say, “Like I told you before.” He knew his parents had his best interests at heart with their offers of vacation and their urgings to buy cattle. But they didn’t understand.

  “You know, son, when they discovered natural gas on our place down south, I thought we were the luckiest people in the world. You and I agreed that we could finally live our dream of moving up here and having adjoining cattle ranches.”

  Jeremy had heard it all before and knew exactly where his dad was going with this, but he just stared out at the rolling hills of his land. The new green grass was undisturbed for as far as he could see.

  “In order to be a cattle ranch, it has to have cows.” His dad’s chuckle was forced. “A year ago, you were ready to fill this land with livestock. It’s time to make that dream a reality.”

  “Ten months ago, everything changed. I told you and Mom then that I didn’t want to be tied to a working ranch, that I was going to wait until I found Beka before I went ahead with my business plan. You know that financially I can afford to do that.”

  His dad looked down at the ground and scuffed at a rock with his boot. “We’re not talking about finances, son. We’re talking about you having a life.”

  “I have a life.” Finding Beka. And putting one foot in front of the other until that day came.

  “We just thought you might...”

  “Give up?” Jeremy could hear the anger in his voice and he tried hard to rein it in. “Is that what you want me to do?”

  His dad’s tan face paled to a sickly gray. “Everything changed for us, too, when Lindsey took Beka,” he said. “And we would never give up on bringing that sweet baby home. You know that.”

  “I know. We will find her,” Jeremy whispered, the lump in his throat not permitting anything louder.

  His dad put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezed. “I believe that. I just hate to see you in limbo until that day.”

  “No more than I hate to be here. But in the meantime, I’ll help you. And I’ll help the McCords. And I’ll keep looking for Beka every chance I get.”

  His dad nodded. “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing, then.” He turned to walk to his truck, suddenly looking older than Jeremy had ever seen him.

  Jeremy squeezed the keys in his hand. “Holler if you want me to go with you to the sale barn.”

  “We’ll save that for another time.” His dad climbed in his truck and left as quickly as he’d come.

  Jeremy stood for a minute and watched him drive away. In spite of his attacks of doubt, he did believe what he’d told his dad. They would find Beka. And when they did, he’d fill this ranch with cattle. But until that day, he would avoid complications and stay focused.

  Crystal McCord’s face immediately popped into his brain and he chuckled, the tightness in his chest loosening a little. How would she feel to know that the word complications brought her to mind?

  ***

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Crystal barely stopped short of stomping her pointy-toe high-heel boots on the wooden floor of the barn office. “Hello? I was raised on this ranch. Do you really think I need a babysitter?”

  Aaron smiled and shook his head. “C’mon, sis. You know better than that. But Jeremy needs to stay busy right now. And helping you get your ranch legs is the best way I could figure out to make that happen. I told him to stick close to you for a week and then he’ll let you manage things on your own, if you want.”

  She frowned. “You’re not trying to play matchmaker, are you? I know how newlyweds are, but Aaron, I assure you, I couldn’t be less interested in a relationship right now.”

  He raised an eyebrow and fiddled with a notebook on his desk. “So you and Brad are over? I figured, but you never really said.”

  She gave him a terse nod. Considering that Brad still called at least once a day, in spite of the fact that she ignored every call, he might not have gotten the message yet. But they were definitely over. “That doesn’t mean I’m looking for a cowboy to fill the gap. I’m going back to New—”

  “Whoa, whoa.” He put his hand out as if soothing a skittish colt. “I’m not matchmaking. If you’re not interested in a relationship, how do you think Jeremy feels? His ex-wife prances back into town and steals the daughter she left without a thought three years before. It’s been a long time with no word. Other than anger, that man’s heart has to be numb with grief.”

  She blushed. “I’m sorry. Of course it is. And I’m with you on his needing to stay busy. But a week?”

  He picked up the notebook and stood. “It’s for a good cause, I promise. Besides, who knows? You might actually need his help at some point. So don’t burn any bridges.”

  She sighed. “Give me some credit. I know I don’t know everything. It’s just that...” She studied his face and opted for total honesty. “Getting used to the ranch again will be hard enough without a constant companion.”

  “Got it,” he said and made an imaginary mark on his notebook. “Cancel the golden retriever I hired for you.”

  She laughed. “Very funny.”

  “It’s good to hear you laugh.”

  She sobered. “I laugh.”

  “Not often enough.”

  “I wish you and Bree didn’t have to leave tomorrow. It would be so nice to spend more time with you.”

  “Chicago’s not nearly as far away as New York is. We’ll come home often.”

  She cringed inside at his implied excuse for her long absences.

  They both knew distance had nothing to do with it. “But I may be gone by the time you get back.”

  He shook his head. “We’ll have a welcome home party for Mama and Daddy. And you’ll still be here then.”

  “Am I late?”

  Crystal spun around just as Jeremy stepped into the tiny office.

  Aaron grinned broadly. “No, not at all.”

  The two men shook hands.

  Jeremy tipped his hat to Crystal. “You getting settled in?”

  She nodded absently.

  Aaron handed Crystal a notebook. “I thought I’d show you both the routine at once. If that’s okay...”

  What was she supposed to say? Jeremy was staring at her as if expecting her to protest. But Aaron had gone to all the trouble of setting it up. And she had no real reason to resist. Probably her own insecurities made her more prickly about accepting help than she normally would be. She took a deep breath and nodded. “That sounds great.”