The Reluctant Cowgirl

by Christine Lynxwiler

  “Oh, Jeremy.”

  “I made it plain that I had no romantic interest in her, but I offered to help her find a job and an apartment. And to figure out a way that she might fit into our little girl’s life.”

  “But instead she took her?” Tears sparkled in Crystal’s eyes.

  Anger clenched the muscle in his jaw. “Beka was at a birthday party when I told Lindsey that we had no hope for a future together. Lindsey picked her up early. And just kept going.”

  “You must hate her.”

  He stared at the family next to them again. “I try not to. The first six months I spent just trying not to lose my mind. The past six months I’ve worked to keep from losing my relationship with God. Logically, I know hate has no place in that relationship. So some days I think I can forgive her.” He watched the dad hold a sippy cup up to the toddler’s mouth. “And other days, I’m sure I can’t. But I have to keep trying.” He glanced back at Crystal. “Because if I lose Him, what’s left?”

  Crystal bent down and picked her napkin up and set it on the table. “Morning’s going to come early.”

  They left the pizza place without talking much more.

  Halfway home, he glanced over at her. “Sorry for being such a downer.”

  She took her hat off and shook her hair out, then ran her fingers through it. “I’m the one who asked. But I’m not sorry. I think it’s incredible how you’ve gone on.”

  He snorted. “What choice did I have? I’m not a noble man, Crystal. I’m just a guy trying to deal with what life’s handed him. No different than you dealing with your own tragedy and going on. It’s what you do.”

  She looked away from him and shrugged. “Some people deal better than others.”

  “Hey, you’re doing fine.” He drove up in front of the ranch house. “You’re not sleeping on the porch anymore, right?”

  Just as he’d hoped she would, she smiled. “No, I’m camping out on the couch now, so no more scary early morning discoveries for Slim.”

  “Then that’s progress.” He jumped out and ran around to her door and opened it.

  “Emily Post really did teach you well,” she teased as she climbed out.

  As they walked up to the porch, their hands touched, and the next thing he knew they were walking hand in hand.

  The third step squeaked as he stepped onto it, and Crystal giggled. “When we were teenagers, we’d come home from a date and Daddy would listen for that step to squeak. After that, he’d say we had one minute. Then the porch light would come on.”

  “One minute, huh?” he said, his voice husky as he held her hand and looked into her huge eyes. Her hair was spun gold in the moonlight. He pulled her gently closer and with his free thumb, he brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. “Does this count as a date?” he whispered just loud enough to be heard above the crickets’ song.

  A mischievous grin played across her face. “You tell me,” she said softly.

  He leaned toward her and barely brushed his lips across hers.

  What was it about being with her that felt like he was coming home to his favorite place? “Yes, I’d say it more than qualifies,” he murmured, his face still close to hers.

  The sound of a truck motor broke through the cricket symphony, and headlights shone across the porch. They both turned toward the light. He squinted. “Is that Luke?”

  “Yep,” Crystal said wryly, releasing his hand. “Perfect timing, as usual.”

  The truck honked and went on by to the barn.

  Jeremy turned back to Crystal, but she was unlocking the front door. “Thanks again for the pizza,” she said, a little formally, he thought.

  “I had a good time.”

  She looked back over her shoulder. “Me, too. See you in the morning.”

  And with that, she was gone inside. He heard the lock turn behind her.

  He stood on the porch for a few seconds, wondering why he hadn’t kissed her properly before they were interrupted. It was probably just as well. But he couldn’t deny that he was disappointed.

  CHAPTER 15

  Ten long months of waiting for a middle-of-the-night phone call brought Jeremy awake on the first ring. “Jeremy Buchanan,” he growled as he sat up and turned on the bedside lamp.

  “You need to get here to Memphis. They’ve found a woman they think is Lindsey.”

  “Sam? Where? Is Beka with her?” Jeremy wiped his palm across his eyes, trying to clear the fog of sleep from them, as well as from his brain.

  “Whoa, whoa. Nobody’s seen Beka. But the woman they think is Lindsey is at Baptist Hospital. I’ll meet you there, but hurry.”

  “Wait.” He grabbed his jeans from the cedar chest at the end of the bed and yanked them on with one hand. “Was she in an accident?”

  “Drug overdose.”

  “Is she...” He clutched the phone to his shoulder as he shrugged into a shirt.

  Sam hesitated. “She’s still alive, but barely.”

  “Has she said where Beka is?”

  “You need to be praying, because right now she’s unconscious.”

  “I will be.”

  And he did, the prayers tumbling on top of each other as he wrestled his socks and boots on and grabbed his wallet and keys. Any romantic feeling he’d had for Lindsey had dissipated to dusty memories years ago. But even as angry as he was that she’d taken Beka, he’d never wished for her to die. He was ashamed that the next thought came so quickly, but it did. If she did die, how would they find his little girl?

  In the garage, he jumped into his truck. As he backed out onto the road, his gut clenched. What if it isn’t her? But an equally awful thought pushed into his jumbled mind. What if it is?

  The dashboard clock read four a.m.

  “Beka, where are you, honey?” he whispered to the empty truck.

  As he passed through Jonesboro at five thirty, the sky was barely starting to lighten. His dark imaginings lifted slightly. To distract himself, he thought back on the previous day. The day that was supposed to have been his last day “staying right with” Crystal as Aaron had requested. But he just wasn’t ready to go back to the loneliness he’d been enduring before she came into his life. Had she seen through his decision to keep working a few more days?

  Not that he’d be there now to check the cows this morning. He picked up the phone and scrolled to her name. She should be getting up about now. He punched SEND.

  “Hello?” Her voice was heavy with sleep.

  “Crystal, I’m sorry for waking you.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. I should be up, but I hit Snooze. Everything okay?”

  “Not really.” He ran his hand across the leather of the steering wheel. “I’m on my way to Memphis. A woman they think might be Lindsey is in the hospital from an overdose.”

  Crystal gasped. “What about Beka?” All traces of sleepiness were gone from her voice.

  His chest constricted, but he forced the words out. “There’s no sign of her.”

  “Oh, Jeremy,” she whispered, “you’ll find her.”

  “Thank you. I’ll let you know when I get home. But I won’t be at work today for sure.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll get Slim to help me check the cows out and let them go. Take care of what you need to.” She hesitated. “Please call me, whatever happens. And know I’m praying.”

  He knew he should hang up.

  “Do you want to talk for a while?” Crystal said softly. “I hate that you’re alone.”

  “Thanks.” Grateful for her understanding, he was embarrassed that he had no words to fill the gap right now. Every time he opened his mouth, he struggled not to give voice to his worse fears.

  As if she knew exactly what he was thinking, Crystal began to tell rambling stories about when she was growing up. Specifically about how they got each of her brothers and sisters, starting with Aaron and ending with the twins, Kaleigh and Chance.

  His breath was coming a little easier.

  “Does Beka like
the stars?” Crystal asked suddenly.

  Jeremy blinked at her sudden subject change. “Yes. She loves them. We used to spread a blanket on the ground and lie out and watch them when we first moved up here.”

  “Can she find the Big Dipper?”

  He chuckled. “Sometimes. Right before...” The fears came rushing back, but he pushed them away. “She was getting to where she could find it sometimes.”

  “I had a book when I was her age...” This time Crystal’s voice faltered. “I’m pretty sure it’s here somewhere. Anyway, it teaches an easy way to find some of the constellations. I can’t wait to read it to her.”

  “She’d love that. But she might give you a run for your money reading. She could already read some simple books when she turned five.”

  “Sounds like she’s smart like her daddy.” The warmth in Crystal’s voice pushed away the coldness of being alone.

  “I don’t know about that. But I know she’ll love you. She always colors her princesses with blond hair. And you know...” He paused, and to his amazement, felt a little bit of a smile tilt his lips. “I told you Sleeping Beauty’s her favorite.”

  Crystal groaned. “Are you ever going to let that rest?” She giggled. “Pun intended.”

  “Probably not. You’re too much fun to tease.” He stared at the interstate sign in amazement. The exit for the hospital was straight ahead. “I’m here. I’ll call you later.”

  ***

  “So you haven’t heard from him since day before yesterday?” Elyse rubbed her dog’s head.

  “Right. He called me Thursday morning on his way to Memphis.” Crystal sighed. “I’m about to go crazy not knowing. Thanks for walking down to keep me company.” An engine roar in the distance brought her to her feet. “Somebody’s coming around the barn.”

  Elyse stood, too. “It’s Luke.”

  “Oh. It is.” Crystal sank back to the swing.

  “You know, Crys, if you’re feeling like this now, how are you going to feel when you go back to New York and leave him a thousand miles behind?”

  Crystal jerked her gaze to her soft-spoken sister, irrational anger welling inside her. “Feeling like what? I’m concerned about his little girl. Just like I would be if it were any friend.” Any friend who kissed me on this very porch, she thought, her face growing hot.

  “Ohh ... Sorry for misunderstanding.” Elyse stared out at the front yard.

  Luke’s truck screeched to a stop in the driveway. He got out and slammed the door. Crystal and Elyse sat without speaking, listening to the sound of his boots click-clacking loudly on the gravel.

  Another sound caught Crystal’s ear. She and Elyse, their own awkwardness forgotten, looked at each other in amazement. Their brother who had been so tense lately was whistling. A happy tune.

  He stepped up on the porch and grinned. “Mornin’.”

  Crystal narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

  “Doc Westwood found out there’s a big festival or something the same weekend she was having her grand opening, so she decided to move it out a month.”

  “Oh, Luke!” Elyse jumped up and hugged him. “That’s wonderful!”

  Crystal stood and hugged him, too. “It’s good to see you looking more relaxed.”

  “I even thought of taking the day off, but I didn’t have anything else to do, so I figured I might as well work.”

  “How sad,” Crystal said automatically then thought of how that sentiment had pretty much been her own for the last seven years. “You deserve a Saturday off. Life’s too short to work all the time.”

  “Let’s do something together today.” Elyse pointed toward the sunny sky. “It’ll be so much better than fighting the rain.”

  Luke cast a sideways glance at Crystal. “Want to see if Jeremy wants to hang out with us? We could drive over to Hardy, see if there’s any live music.”

  Crystal shook her head. “He’s out of town.”

  “You sure? I saw his truck in his driveway when I went out to get a newspaper early this morning.”

  “Jeremy’s truck?” Crystal tilted her head. “Is in his driveway?”

  Luke nodded. “Something wrong with that?”

  Her heart felt like lead in her chest. The news must have been bad for him not to call her. “I don’t know.” She picked up her cell phone and punched the button to dial Jeremy. After five rings, it went to voice mail. “I’m going to drive by there,” she said to Elyse. “You can tell Luke what’s going on.”

  “Thanks,” Luke drawled, still standing. “I was starting to feel like I was invisible.”

  Crystal didn’t respond as she snatched her keys from inside the door and ran out to the farm truck. If she was staying around, she’d have to see about getting a car or an SUV like Elyse’s. But in the city, she wouldn’t need one.

  Ten minutes later, she felt like a stalker, parked out in front of his house. She’d driven slowly by twice and finally pulled in. Luke was right. Jeremy’s truck was here. But there was no sign of life.

  She finally got out of the truck and walked up the driveway. On the porch, she hesitated. What would she say if he opened the door? She’d improvise. She raised her fist and hammered the door. On the fourth blow, she saw a small white button on the door facing. A doorbell. Why didn’t she think of that? She pressed her finger on it, and inside the house, she heard it play a loud tune. No one could not hear that.

  She waited and rang it again. “Jeremy,” she yelled, feeling unreasonable panic.

  When no one came, she stopped, suddenly feeling foolish. What if his parents had come back to town early and taken him out for breakfast? Or what if he was out at the barn, feeding the cat? Did he even have a cat?

  The door creaked open.

  He looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen and his face was covered in short stubble. And he looked as if he’d been asleep.

  She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

  “That’s okay,” he said dully.

  “Have you been home long?”

  “Since about two this morning.” He just stood there, not coming out, not inviting her to come in.

  Why had she come? Surely he’d have called her when he woke up. Although he hadn’t in the last two days. So maybe not.

  “I was going to call you later.”

  “Oh.” She shifted her weight backward, ready to bolt. “Then I’ll just go on home and wait for you to call.”

  He winced. “No, I didn’t mean that.”

  She stared at a little butterfly fluttering back and forth from a shrub next to the door. It couldn’t seem to make up its mind.

  “She died.”

  Her heart lurched. Beka? Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.