“It isn’t a great mystery, ladies,” Stuart interjected. “I am not used to the cold and had a runny nose earlier, so I grabbed a few extra from the nightstand. So, really, Holly, they are your tissues to begin with, I just carried a few down.”
“Ah, good boy.” Ally bit back a comment about Stuart not being a dog. This was a happy moment.
“I’m really excited for you mom, and for the mothers and children you are helping. It’s really great.”
‘Thanks, sweetie.” She caught Ally’s sleeve. “You know who you should meet? This young couple moved from Chicago and started a llama farm last summer. I’m not really sure this is the best place for llamas, but they built the most charming, spacious barn for them and use solar power to heat it all winter. I went to visit last December, fairly sure they would be starving and freezing, but they were doing a wonderful job. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a happier herd of any sort.”
She was waving as she talked, trying to catch someone’s attention. Then she was gesturing for that someone to come over. “When I met them, I thought, oh, these are just the sort of people Ally would be friends with if she still lived here.”
Ally thought bemusedly, What part of me screams ‘good friend for llama farmers’? But when the couple arrived at their corner of the room, Ally instantly liked them. “This is Steve and Laura, the new young farmers I was telling you about. They have a truly lovely operation.”
Laura was golden skinned (but not tanned) with honey blond hair. “Thank you, we really love it here. Everyone is so friendly.”
“We knew as soon as we visited that this would be a community we could live in for the rest of our lives.” Steve was just as warm and genuine as his wife. Ally thought they seemed so natural together, and wondered how long they had been married. Normally it was the kind of question she wouldn’t hesitate to ask, but talking about marriage around Stuart felt… dangerous, somehow. She had a feeling the mere mention would get him planning the date. He moved so fast.
The couple smiled in greeting at Ally and Stuart as they were introduced in turn. “We’d love to have you over for a visit, while you’re in town. Unless you’re staying?” Laura looked hopeful. Ally could see it in her mind’s eye, a daydream rather than a vision. Two young couples visiting for dinners on winter evenings, eventually with children …
Now who’s moving too fast? “That sounds great,” Ally said, and they talked for a little while about the area and what their lives had been like back in the city. Halfway through their conversation, Stuart’s phone vibrated and he looked at the number with concern. “Need to take this,” he excused himself. Ally hoped everything was okay. It wasn’t like him to be chained to his cell phone - or hadn’t been over the previous three days, which were starting to feel so far away.
She watched him walk away, and had the urge to grab him now, take him to the car, and hit the road again.
“So,” she said to Laura and Steve, “seen any good movies lately?”
***
Brad had gone for an evening walk in the snow, when he noticed cars flocking to the (name) house. They were a social group, it seemed, always something going on this time on Sundays. He had perhaps even been drawn to the property because he felt a vague sense of kinship when he was near them. He wondered what would happen if he walked in one night. Would they serve him pie and treat him like one of their own?
Or… more likely… would they scorn him as so many other people he admired had?
He stared at the brightly lit, two-story house, with flurries floating picturesquely through the ambient light, and imagined walking in with a gun. Walking in, dressed in black, the peals of laughter turning into cries of terror…
He watched the house for a long time, then turned back into the darkness of the woods.
Chapter 13
The party had settled into a calmer sort, with small groups clustered on the first floor. Stuart watched everyone from the stairs, coming back from taking a call from his business partner. It was interesting now, to see the light around a handful of people… he wondered now, would he ever be able to tell the difference between the death light and the light of people who would be taking a step toward their destiny tonight… Was that going to be part of his path, too, to help people keep making the best choices, to become more … what was the word for people following their destiny?
“Stuart!” His head turned to the sound of his name. Ally calling from the door to the kitchen. She held up his violin case. “Come play!”
He nodded. The night was about to either good a lot more fun, or a lot more scary. I guess it could be both.
As he found his way to Ally and took the violin from the case, he said, “Do we have a setlist?”
“Um, I think that might have to be our second concert.” She pointed to two chairs in the corner, tucked cozily by a fireplace. “Mom set us up here.”
“Okay, song?”
“I was thinking we start with our first song.”
“Shut up and Dance?”
She laughed brightly. “That would be fun… Seriously can you do that on violin?” He shrugged. Maybe. “No, I meant Fare Thee Well.”
“Of course.”
They started quietly, not particularly trying to command attention, but gradually the room grew quiet and they allowed their music to grow in volume with each verse.
Stuart noticed with surprise that the light that he and Ally had gotten used to seeing as soft shimmers, usually around people’s heads, was expanding around them like an energy field.He met Ally’s eyes as she sang and she nodded. She saw it too. What is happening?
As if she were there in the room with them, he heard Cath’s voice. This is what you’re supposed to do. Keep going.
When they finished the song, there was a hush in the room for a few long moments, and as if they had been knocking out a major rock set instead of a folk ballad, the room broke into a loud ovation. Several people who had been sitting stood up. There were shouts for “More! More!” Ally and Stuart stared at each other. This was unexpected.
He leaned to her. “Should we keep going?”
Ally nodded. “I think we’re supposed to. You lead, I’ll follow.” It hadn’t been practicing, exactly, what they had been doing this weekend, but they had spent enough time making music alone together that it was only slightly less natural to perform in front of others.
They ended up playing four songs, and while they had a few more in their repertoire, they were both stunned into silence by the effect of their music on the room. Everyone was glowing, like a force field surrounded them all. Mere days before, this would have terrified Stuart. He would have been certain that a meteor was about to fall on them, or a gas line was about to explode.
Now he wasn’t sure what to make of it, except it seemed related to their music… and everyone seemed really … happy. Ally stood next to him, looking the way he felt - stunned and more than a little overwhelmed. But she also looked beautiful. The light that surrounded her now, which he’d grown used to being a violet-silver, was now a radiant golden-white.
They bathed in the applause, and as the shock wore off, the bowed a few times. Stuart kind of wished they were on a real stage, so they could walk off and that would be the end of it. But they were stuck in the corner, and everyone was staring at them. It felt like hours passed. Ally finally took charge and said, “Thanks everyone! This has been really fun.” There was only the barest quiver in her voice to betray her emotions. “That’s all we know so far, though.”
Someone shouted out, “Row Row Row Your Boat!” as a request, and the responding laughter was enough to break the spell. Then someone had the idea to sing the nursery rhyme as a round, and Ally and Stuart were able to sneak away while that happened.
They went upstairs silently, and crept into Ally’s room, like teenagers at a party going to make out. Neither of them had words. Stuart wrapped Ally in his arms and she held him tight. Whatever had just happened, it was new, very overwhelming, and mor
e than a little frightening. “I’m really glad I don’t have to figure this out on my own,” he said after a few minutes. Ally just nodded.
A clap of thunder shook the room. Stuart jumped and Ally laughed nervously.
“Thunder?” Stuart went to the window. “But it’s snowing!”
“You’ve never experienced thundersnow, I take it?’
“Thundersnow? That’s a thing?”
“It is. Pretty dramatic.”
“Well, that’s fitting for tonight, I’d say.”
***
Before the thunder started, Brad heard music on the wind. The tune was faint, but enough to make him turn off his computer and freshen up before bed. He decided he would definitely sign up for a gym membership in the morning
Chapter 14
The party was done by 9, withmany congratulations to Ally’s mother, and almost as many compliments to Stuart and Ally’s performance.
After tidying up a little, her father insisted they all sit down. “The mess will keep until morning. Let’s just have a chat and let it sit a while.
“A mess in the morning is much harder to clean up,” her mother said, but Ally couldn’t tell if she was serious. Her mother leaned back in the large green armchair and used the level for the foot stool. “Ahh… That feels good, though.”
They nursed what was left of their drinks for a few minutes, and Ally felt like she was about to fall asleep. “I would love to stay up and talk, but I’m beat. Should we plan to go out for breakfast?”
Her father said, “We have plenty at home to eat, and the roads probably will be best to stay off of for a few hours. Think it’s going to be icy tonight.”
Ally said she’d be up early to help make breakfast, and fell asleep within minutes of her head hitting the pillow.
When she woke, it was still dark. It wasn’t too early to wake up on a farm, even if it was no longer a working farm, and she thought she could hear the sounds of people stirring in their own rooms down the hall.
It would make sense to grab a shower before Stuart woke up, and head downstairs to start coffee, but she felt paralyzed by a sudden rush of anxiety.
Nothing in her life made sense right now. What have I done? She ran through the list of possible (probable) mistakes she had made: quitting her job, leaving her boyfriend without setting up a new place to live, jumping into a new relationship straight away. Her mother was right; rebounds never worked, did they?
And even if by some chance those weren’t mistakes, there were so many unknowns about the things that were happening to her. And those things were so crazy she didn’t even trust her memory of them completely: meeting a woman whom she had once thought the be the Angel of Death, having dream conversations with that woman, having visions, and… whatever the hell it was that had happened last night.
It seemed like a good thing, if she was beginning to understand the signs she saw correctly, but it was… nuts. No one had prepared her for this, explained to her what any of it meant… and she was overwhelmed beyond belief.
When Stuart had held her and said he was glad they didn’t have to go through this alone, she had been of two minds. In part, she agreed with him. If she had to go through this, it was nice to have someone else who was going through it, too. They could be overwhelmed and wonder if they were losing their minds, together.
On the other hand, she couldn’t help but think, if she were alone, would she be dealing with this at all? It seemed that meeting Stuart was the event on which all of this had turned. She had met him, and then the weirdness had begun. If she hadn’t met him, she could imagine… She would be a normal woman dealing with a normal breakup. She would probably have kept her job, and maybe she would have found a roommate or decided to go home just long enough to figure things out.
But now, her life was completely upside-down; she had fallen through the looking glass.
And there was nothing she could do about it, was there? Once you were on the runaway train, there was nothing to do but wait for the momentum to slow. There were no brakes to put on, and jumping off could only make things worse. Besides, she didn’t want to jump off. She liked Stuart. She really liked him. But… She wasn’t sure how much more complicated she could handle life being. Part of her wanted to stay here, in the childhood room, and bury her head under the pillow for the rest of the day… or year.
There was a knock on the door, and she wondered in the dreamy, half-awake way that anxiety hadn’t completely dispelled, if her thoughts had been so loud they had woken Stuart. “Allison?” her mother said quietly.
“Yeah…” She stretched her arms over her head, and rolled to her side. “I’m awake.” Her voice was muffled by the pillow.
“I thought I heard you tossing and turning in there.”
Ally thought she had been quiet with her anxious thoughts, good thing she wasn’t trying to be quiet during some other hidden activity. I miss Stuart, the thought came randomly.
She followed her mother downstairs and they chatted over breakfast preparation. She cut potatoes for home fries, and her mother started a mushroom and spinach frittata, which would be easier than scrambled eggs to keep warm if people woke later.
Ally was going to ask her mother more about the prison initiative she’d been working on, but her mother surprised her by asking with a forced casualness, “So, are you planning to stay long?”
Ally paused in her potato peeling, then continued. “I don’t know. Stuart has some family he’s never met in the area, so I thought I’d go with him-”
“Oh, sure, sure,” her mother said lightly as she whisked the eggs. “I was just wondering after that, do you have any plans?”
No, mom, just following the signs and portents from the universe, nothing special. “Not really. I guess I’ll have to update my resume for HR.”
Her mother was quiet for a few moments. “Okay, mom, what are you thinking?”
“You know, it’s nice having someone you have feelings for and steady work, there’s nothing wrong with that.” She was speaking quietly, to avoid waking anyone. “But I’ve learned that doing something you really love makes such a difference. I want you to be happy.”
Ally nearly dropped the knife in shock. What had happened to “work isn’t supposed to make you happy, it’s work”? She took a breath and managed not to argue, “Thanks, Mom… i just don’t think I have any idea what that would look like for me anymore.”
“If you could do anything at all, what would you do?”
“Probably teach music to kids.” She surprised herself, to hear those words. It wasn’t a dream she had ever fully formed in her mind, and she knew as soon as she said it that it would be something she would really enjoy. But it was a pipe dream, wasn’t it? It wasn’t like she had completed a music education (or started one, for that matter), or had any means whatsoever to start a business.
“That sounds wonderful, sweetie!” Her mother turned to her with a hand on her hip. She was turning more into a poster child for farm wife every day. “I think that would be just lovely. We could get you started with that in no time.”
Ally gaped at her mother. Who was this cheerly, optimistic person? She didn’t realize how much she’d thought of her mother as sort of low-key, even a bit negative… She had been friendly and upbeat, but in comparison to now, that old version had been a downright sad person. “I don’t have a music degree or anywhere to teach.”
Her mother waved a hand lightly. “If you’re teaching to kids, you don’t need a college degree. You can buy some $10 workbooks for lesson plans, and there are certifications online that you could probably finish in short order, if it was that important to you.”
That sounded shady and plausible, simultaneously.
Her mother continued, as if this was something she had been planning all along. “And I have so many contacts in the local pre-k community, it would be easy to get referrals, or to have you teach at the library or to small groups once a week to build your reputation. You’re so good with chi
ldren!”
In actual fact, Ally hadn’t been around children since she had left home, in any real way, shape or form. Her mother was remembering her job babysitting and occasionally playing with young cousins at parties. But… she did like kids, and it would probably be something she’d get better at the more she worked with them.
She stopped herself. Was she actually making plans to start a business, at the break of dawn with her mother? There wasn’t any light around her or her mother, did that mean it wasn’t destiny, that she shouldn’t pursue it… except, her dream had led her here…. This is so confusing. It was like her new life mantra.
“And the best part, is a surprise!”
“Another surprise?” Ally had all but given up peeling potatoes. Her mind was spinning.
“That’s good enough, I’ll take them. I have an automatic slicer, so as long as they are mostly peeled it’s fine.”
“Okay.. what surprise?”
“Well, this isn’t as big of a surprise, and I would have to talk to your dad about it, because it is his baby… but he built a little cottage on the back acres near the treeline. It’s darling. He says it’s so he can be closer to where he does his photography, but I think it was just as much so he could have a place to be alone and smoke.”
She didn’t know her father smoked… Maybe they could quit together. She felt like she was on the edge of developing a habit. If she could have one right now, she would leap at the chance.
“So?”
“So,” her mother went on, “It would be a lovely space for a small music studio. It’s insulated, and he could put in sound proofing… but it is so quiet back there, far off the road, you wouldn’t even really need it. We could get a golf cart so you could take your student back there.”
Ally watched this dream she hadn’t known she had take shape in her mother’s words, and her heart beat a little faster. It was a life she could really imagine living. It could be great. But… “I’d be living here.”
“If you wanted. I suppose you could live in town, and drive in, but that seems a waste of gas. Or, were you planning on moving back to the city?”
With Death in Autumn Page 11