The Other Side of Tomorrow

by Micalea Smeltzer

  He doesn’t seem to be looking anywhere at first, but then somehow his eyes land on me, and I gasp.

  “Oh, shit,” I mutter. “It’s him.”

  The guy Perry almost mowed over, the guy who opened the door at T.J’s parents’ house. This can’t be happening.

  Nope.

  I watch his face switch from curiosity to recognition.

  I jump up, dropping my book. I pick it up hastily—never leave a soldier behind, or a book—and try to make a run for it.

  Well not quite a run, but I do speed walk in the opposite direction.

  “Hey!” I hear him call out.

  He’s not talking to you. He’s not. Keep walking.

  “Wait up!”

  Nope, no, he’s definitely not talking to you.

  A hand closes around my elbow and I cringe, because he was definitely calling out to me, and now he’s caught me.

  Kill me now.

  I turn around and face him, but he doesn’t release me like he’s afraid if he does I might run away again.

  “I remember you, you showed up at my house.” I flinch, because it sounds stalkerish, and redness rushes to my face. “Were you a friend of T.J.’s?” he asks, which wasn’t what I was expecting, but suddenly it’s the most logical explanation and I feel stupid for not realizing that’d be his reason for stopping me.

  “Um … yeah … something like that,” I stutter.

  “I don’t remember seeing you at the funeral.” His green eyes sear into me, like he can see much more than I want him to.

  “Yeah, I was … uh … sick,” I finish lamely. I mean, it’s kind of true. Not a total lie.

  He nods and tilts his head. “I feel like I know you from somewhere else too.”

  “Uh … my dog kinda ran into you and knocked your coffee down,” I remind him.

  “Oh,” he laughs, his laughter easy but with a slight edge like he hasn’t laughed in a while. “I remember now. You haven’t knocked down any more unsuspecting guys, have you?”

  “Nope, not that I know of.” My heart eases a bit at the easiness of conversation.

  “But you have shown up at their house and played ding dong ditch,” he jokes. “You know,” he whispers conspiratorially, and a tiny dimple appears in his right cheek, “you’re supposed to run away before the person opens the door.”

  “I’ll remember that next time,” I quip, and he grins. I pale. “Not that there will be a next time.”

  His smile grows impossibly wider. “How’d you know T.J.?” Before I can answer, he blurts, “You weren’t an ex-girlfriend or something, were you?”

  “No, why?”

  He looks at me and my belly does somersaults. “No reason.” He shrugs. “You know,” he starts, “if we’re going to keep running into each other like this you might as well give me your number.”

  I snort and then instantly want to punch myself for being the awkward human being I am.

  But I’m freaking out on the inside, because even though I don’t know this guy, it’s like I do. It’s weird the way my body seems to recognize him. I’ve never been interested in dating or anything of the sort, but I know I’m interested in him.

  “I don’t even know your name,” I remind him.

  “I don’t know yours, either,” he counters.

  “I’m Willa.” I smile.

  Is this flirting? Are we flirting? Am I good at it? Bad? I’m going to throw up.

  DON’T THROW UP ON HIS FEET!

  “Jasper.” He grins, his smile is easy, his teeth are white but not perfect unlike almost everyone else around here. His front two teeth overlap slightly giving him a quirky, almost boyish smile. It suits him. “You know,” he begins, quirking his head and squinting from the sun so he can see me better, “I think it’s funny we keep running into each other. First the coffee shop, then you show up at my house, now here we are.”

  “Or, it could be the fact we live in the same town.”

  He shakes his head. “This place is large enough, with a big enough population, that you don’t meet someone and then continue to see them like we have. That has to mean something it has to be …”

  “Has to be what?” I prompt when he bites his tongue.

  He lets out a breath. “You’re going to think I’m weird.”

  I shake my head. “Trust me, I won’t.”

  He shakes his shoulders like he’s shaking away his thoughts. “It’s like maybe T.J. is pushing us together. Maybe we’re meant to know each other.”

  My heart accelerates, beating so fast I’m surprised it doesn’t fall out and roll around on the sandy beach.

  He’s right, it is a bit odd the way we’d never seen each other until that day outside the coffee shop and then here we are again and again.

  It has to mean something.

  “How did you know T.J.?” I ask.

  “He’s my little brother,” he answers without thought. “Was,” he corrects, his face drawing into sadness. “He was my brother.” He swallows past a lump in his throat, his eyes darkening with seriousness. “Have you ever lost someone?”

  “Yes,” I answer without thought. Myself.

  After my diagnosis, I literally mourned myself. I mourned for the life I had before, for the normal that no longer existed. It was gone, and I had to accept from here on out that Willa was gone, and a new Willa existed.

  I think anyone who’s gone through any kind of trauma or been diagnosed with a disease does that. It’s the only healthy way to continue.

  If you don’t grieve, you stay stagnant.

  “Then you get it,” he continues.

  My heart pangs realizing I’m standing in front of my donor’s brother.

  The guy I’ve secretly been crushing on, for no good reason other than the way I felt the first time I met him, is my donor’s brother.

  It’s like some being out there is mocking me.

  Ha! Willa finally starts crushing, so we’re going to make him her kidney donor’s brother! Let’s see how she handles this one!

  “Yeah, I get it.”

  “Why’d you run away? That day you came to the house,” he clarifies.

  Panic seizes my body, and I know I can’t tell him why I was there. “I … uh … just wanted to share my condolences.”

  He nods and looks away out toward the water. “I need to grab a bite to eat. You want to join me?”

  “I’m here with my friend and sister,” I hedge.

  His green eyes meet mine and my breath catches. I don’t know this guy, I only just learned his name, but I can’t deny how I’m drawn to him.

  He runs his fingers through the short strands of his hair, which in the summer sun is almost dry already.

  “Yeah, well maybe I’ll see you around then.” He gets a small grin, that dimple flashing for a millisecond on his cheek. “You know, since we keep running into each other, I doubt this will be the last time.”

  He starts to walk away, where in the distance I know there are food stands.

  I war with myself, my normal reserved self telling me to go back to our towels and where the girls will be meeting me.

  But the other part of me, the one who just got a kidney and whole new life, says to take a fucking chance and go after the guy.

  For the first time in my life, I don’t make the safe choice.

  I turn around and jog to catch up to him.

  “Wait up,” I call out.

  He looks over his shoulder at the sound of my voice, his lips quirking up in surprise.

  “Decide to join me after all?”

  “Yeah, yeah I did.” I stop beside him. I’m slightly out of breath, having had to run farther than I anticipated since his long legs had already carried him so far away.

  “Good. You hungry?”

  “Not really,” I admit.

  He makes a sound.

  We trudge through the sand to the stands, passing Meredith and my sister.

  Meredith stops, her jaw dropping, and my sister grabs her arm, yanking her
. Meredith gives me a look that tells me I’m going to owe her a major explanation with lots of details.

  Jasper steps into line at one of the sandwich shacks and orders two wraps and two waters.

  He hands them a card that he pulls from a zippered part of his wetsuit. Taking back his card and food he nods for me to follow him to one of the tables.

  He chooses a small red table that sits crookedly in the sand with two chairs that do the same.

  He hands me a bottle of water and a wrap.

  “I didn’t want anything,” I remind him.

  He shakes his head, tearing into his. “EatWhatchaCan,” he slurs around the large bite he took.

  I shake my head and remove the paper from around the wrap. It looks good. It’s not something I’d normally I get.

  I take a bite, chew and swallow. “This is delicious,” I tell him.

  “See, you were hungry and didn’t know it.” He chuckles as I take another bite. “How’d you know T.J.?” he asks.

  “Oh … um, I’m friends with Spencer, that’s how.”

  He nods. “Yeah, him and Spencer were best friends. I haven’t seen him since the funeral. I told him he could talk to me, and he’s practically like family. It’s weird not having them both around.”

  “Are you in college?” I ask.

  God this whole small talk thing is super weird and awkward.

  “Just finished my second year.” A look crosses over his face.

  “What is it?” I prompt.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since T.J. passed. It’s nearing two months now, and I just … I don’t see myself going back to college, at least not this year. I need time,” he admits. “That probably makes me sound like a wimp, but I’d only been home a couple of weeks when we got the call he was dead. I’d just seen him that night, laughing and happy, and alive. Hearing he was gone was a wake-up call that I need to figure out what I want to do with my life.”

  “I’m the last person who’s going to judge you,” I admit, taking a sip of water. “I was diagnosed with kidney disease at fourteen. I only recently got a transplant.” I pause, taking a breath, part of me wanting to tell him his brother’s kidney is inside me, but I can’t. I can’t, because for whatever reason, I’m drawn to this guy and I know that the truth will only send him running away. “And I’ve decided not to go to college this year, like all my friends are. I’m taking a year off for myself, just to live. I want to do all the things I haven’t gotten to do.”

  I haven’t told my parents my decision yet. I’m positive they already know since nobody has brought up college.

  “Whoa,” he whispers. “I … I can’t even imagine that.” He runs a hand over his short hair. “But you’re okay now?”

  “Yeah, I’m doing great. The last few years haven’t been easy, and it’s kept me from doing a lot of things. Fear, mostly. Dialysis sucks, but it’s not entirely debilitating.”

  “So,” he starts, and waits until he finishes chewing to continue, “what are things you want to do?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I don’t have like a bucket list or anything like that, and I don’t have a desire to do anything crazy, I just want to remember what it’s like to feel normal.”

  “What is normal?” he muses with a shake of his head. “I thought I knew what that was, but then T.J. died and I just … I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.”

  “I feel that way, every day of my life,” I admit with a small laugh.

  With a shrug of his shoulders, he says, “I believe normal is overrated anyway.” Changing the subject, he asks, “No dog today?”

  I shake my head. “He wanted to come, but we left him home. He’s still a puppy so he’s a handful.”

  “He’s a big puppy.”

  “He is a Golden Retriever.”

  “True,” he agrees, wadding up his trash.

  I take another bite of the wrap, surprised to find that it’s almost gone.

  “What were you studying at college?” I ask.

  He crossed his arms on the table. “I was studying to be a personal trainer and nutritionist. I still want to do that, but I need a break.”

  “Believe me, I understand that.”

  He stares at me quietly for a moment. It’s like those sea-green eyes are seeing past my flesh and into the inner workings of my mind. I’ve never felt like someone’s my kindred spirit before, but it’s like my body recognizes that this guy is made up of the same things I am.

  “I want to take you somewhere,” he confesses.

  “Now?” I question.

  “No, tomorrow morning if you’re free.”

  “What time?” I ask.

  He makes a face like he’s unsure of how I’m going to like this—which never bodes well.

  “I’d have to pick you up at five.”

  “In the morning? Not night?” I blurt, appalled.

  He chuckles. “Yeah. Just trust me, it’s worth it.”

  I think for a moment, remembering how it felt watching him walk away from me, and my ultimate decision to be brave.

  Be brave.

  “Yeah, okay. I’m in.”

  Selfishly, I just want to spend more time with him. Being around him makes me feel comfortable. I’m also insanely curious about what he’d want to show me that I have to get up at five in the morning for.

  We exchange phone numbers before he heads to his car, and I leave to rejoin Meredith and Harlow.

  My butt barely plops on the towel when Meredith grabs my arm, lowering her sunglasses to peer at me. “Spill, girl.”

  I fill them in on Jasper, how we met that day months ago when Perry got loose, and I gloss over my next encounter with him, not wanting to tell them he’s T.J.’s brother. I know Harlow will give me a lecture on that fiasco, and I don’t want to hear it. I know it was a bad idea. I know it’s a bad idea to see Jasper again too, now that I know he’s T.J.’s brother, but I can’t help it. I want to get to know him. I like the way I feel around him. I feel more like my old self, but also like I’m around someone who gets it. Losing a loved one is totally different than having a disease, but it’s still a life experience we’re both too young to have to go through. That experience binds us together.

  I guess you could argue the same is true for Spencer and me then, but I only feel friendship with him, and I think that’s all he feels for me and has felt. Before T.J. died I was beginning to think he had a crush on Harlow. She might be younger than him, but not by much.

  “You like him,” Meredith declares, excitement in her voice.

  This is a big deal for her, since she’s boy crazy and I’m not.

  “Yeah, I think I do,” I admit. “But I don’t know him well,” I add.

  “Not yet,” she reminds me.

  “He’s cute,” Harlow pipes in.

  I don’t tell them, but I know I can’t have anything real with Jasper, not until I tell him the truth of where the kidney I got came from. The thought of telling him is frightening. It was scary enough showing up at his parents’ house that day and I don’t know if I’m brave enough to do it again. The wind seems to have left my sails.

  It’s awkward to tell the guy you maybe sort of like, even though you’ve only seen him three times and basically ran away two of those times, that his dead brother’s kidney is in your body.

  I have the greatest luck EVER.

  Since Jasper said he’d pick me up at five, I get up at four to get ready.

  I spend way more time than I normally would, which makes me slightly frustrated with myself that I’m trying to impress this guy. I leave my hair to hang down in its natural waves. On my eyes I add eyeshadow in light brown colors, making my hazel eyes stand out more. I don’t bother with foundation, that’s never been my thing, but I do put a moisturizer on my face with some sunscreen protection in it. I swipe some gloss on my lips that has a pink tint and decide that part of getting ready is done.

  I raid my closet, unsure what to wear.

  T
his isn’t a date, not by a long shot, I know, but I still want to look nice.

  I hold a dress up to myself and shake my head.

  Definitely not a dress.

  Finally, I decide on a pair of high waisted jean shorts and a white tank top, topping it all off with a red and blue plaid shirt which I roll up the sleeves on and then tie in the front.

  I spray a bit of my favorite perfume, not enough to be suffocating during a car ride, but enough that hopefully I’ll smell nice.

  I assess my appearance in my floor-length mirror. It’s still strange to see the flush in my cheeks, the symbol of healthy blood from my working kidney, and the healthy glow beneath my eyes where dark circles used to linger. I can’t help but smile while my eyes shimmer with tears I dam back.nbsp;

  Even two months later I’m incredibly thankful for the gift of a healthy kidney. I’m sure I’ll always feel that way. It’s impossible to describe the thankfulness I feel for my donor, for T.J., and his family’s selfless decision to donate his organs. I get to live a healthy, full, vibrant life because of that. It’s like this immense weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I’ve been suffocating for years and I didn’t even know it. Now, I can finally breathe again.nbsp;

  I look at the time and grab my bag, heading downstairs.

  I lied to my parents last night and told them Meredith was picking me up early and we were heading to Santa Barbara for the day. It’s nearly a two-hour drive from here, so I made it seem like we were getting a head start on our day. Five in the morning is still a little early for that, but I haven’t lied to them before so they believed me. I hated to do it, but I couldn’t tell them about Jasper. Selfishly, I want to keep him to myself, and I knew my dad would suddenly go into overprotective mode, and I didn’t want to deal with it.nbsp;

  While I lied to them, Harlow watched with a little smirk but didn’t rat me out. She knows I never lie to them, and besides, sisterhood bonds us. I’d keep my mouth shut for her and she knows it. But don’t get me wrong, neither of us would stand idly by if the other was doing something seriously wrong.

  I write a quick note, saying I love them, and check my phone.

  Almost as if he knew I was going to look, a text comes through.

  Jasper: Just pulled up.