The Other Side of Tomorrow

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “Did you know?” he asks me again, his voice cracking. “Did you know you had my brother’s kidney?”

  My lower lip trembles. “I didn’t know,” I answer honestly. “But I … I saw an article in the newspaper after he died and I … I assumed.”

  “This is unbelievable.” He runs his fingers roughly over the short strands of his hair. “That’s why you came here that day? When you ran away?”

  I nod, sniffling. “I wanted to meet his family but then you were here and I recognized you from that day Perry ran you over and I … I panicked.”

  “How could you?”

  “I’m sorry,” I sob. “I’m so sorry, but I wasn’t certain and then we ran into each other again and started hanging out and … I have so much fun with you and I love spending time with you and I got selfish. I didn’t want to lose you.”

  His jaw ticks. “You should’ve told me, because maybe you wouldn’t be losing me now.” He pushes past me and bursts into his house.

  My tears threaten to choke me. Everyone looks at me, completely shell shocked.

  I take off running for the house and burst inside.

  “Jasper!” I scream, running toward the stairs.

  He pauses halfway up.

  “Please, listen to me. You need to understand.”

  “I don’t need to understand anything other than you lied to me. You lied to me, Willa. There’s a piece of my brother in you and you didn’t even tell me.” His brows knit together. “Do you not see how messed up that is?”

  “I understand if you’re grossed out by it—”

  “I’m not grossed out by it, but this is something you shouldn’t have kept from me. I came to you so many nights and sat with you spilling my heart out, because I trusted you and I lo—well, that’s not important now. But you clearly don’t feel the same. Go home, Willa. Whatever this is between us … it never really existed in the first place since it was built on lies.”

  “Jasper,” I breathe, my tone begging.nbsp;

  “Go.”

  He turns his back on me and continues up the rest of the stairs. A moment later I hear the soft click of his bedroom door, which somehow seems even louder than if he’d slammed it.

  I stand there for I don’t know how long before arms wrap around me.

  “Come on, sweetums, let’s get you home,” his grandma says, guiding me to the door.

  Her comforting presence only makes me cry harder.

  ***nbsp;

  Jasper’s grandparents pull the car alongside the driveway to my house.

  “Willa, dear?” his grandma inquires, and I pause with my hand on the knob. “He’ll come around. Our Jasper … he’s passionate. He loves hard and he hurts harder for it. But he’ll see. He’ll understand.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper. “But I’m not so sure.”

  I slip from the car, waving goodbye under the assumption I’ll never see them again.

  In a matter of minutes, I’ve lost a whole part of myself I’ve recently discovered.

  I’m resilient. I’ll move on. And I’ll be stronger for it.

  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt in the meantime.

  I let myself into the house and immediately my parents pounce like a bunch of leopards on a defenseless gazelle.

  Do leopards even eat gazelle?

  “Surprise time,” my mom cries, pulling me into the kitchen. She’s overflowing with excitement and my dad too wears a huge smile he doesn’t normally sport.

  They direct me to sit on one of the barstools, totally oblivious to how upset I am.

  Harlow sits up from the couch. “Is it time? I want to know what’s in the box.”

  “Get over here then,” my mom tells her.

  Harlow scurries over, nearly slipping and falling in her sock feet. “I’m okay,” she cries upon recovery.

  “Here you go.”

  Mom hands me a small box wrapped neatly in white paper with rainbow polka dots. I shake it, trying to get an idea of what it is but I have no clue.

  I tear off the paper finding a small white box. I lift off the lid, confused at what I’m looking at.

  At first, I think it’s a concert ticket, but I quickly realize that isn’t right.

  My eyes analyze the symbols and letters and my jaw drops.

  “You got me a ticket to Japan?”

  My mom claps her hands. “Two tickets. I thought Jasper could go with you.”

  Dad growls. “Or Meredith, or basically anyone else.”

  My mom swats him. “Be nice, she likes the boy.” Turning to me where I sit in a complete state of shock, she says, “I know you wanted to do this on your own, but your dad and I talked about it and we wanted to do this for you. You deserve it, Willa. We’re so proud of the woman you’ve become.”

  “Um, what am I?” Harlow points to herself. “Chopped liver?”

  “You, young lady, are only about to be a junior in high school so cool your jets,” Mom warns Harlow.

  “All I’m saying is Paris looks like an awesome city.” Harlow holds her hands up innocently.

  “Thanks, you guys,” I breathe. “I don’t know what to say. I … I doubt Jasper will be going with me. He kind of hates me right now.”

  “Why?” My mom’s jaw drops. I look at my dad and the asshole is grinning from ear to ear. If I wasn’t so upset I might kick him in the shin.

  “He found out, didn’t he?” Harlow asks. “Did you tell him or—?”

  “Found out what?” my mom asks, her head swiveling between Harlow and me.

  “I got his brother’s kidney.”

  “Wait, what?” my dad interjects. “This escalated quickly. How do you even know that?”

  “Well, I assumed after I saw the write up in the newspaper that I got T.J.’s kidney. I didn’t know at the time Jasper was his brother and then … things spiraled out of control and I fell for him, and it felt impossible to tell him. Then today, his mom announces at the cookout that they’re going to be contacting some of the donors who signed up to be contacted if the donor’s family wanted and …” I shrug. “I checked yes all those years ago, so here we are.”

  “Willa,” my mom starts, but I can tell she doesn’t know what to say.

  “It’s okay,” I say, though it isn’t. “Good things never last.” I slip off the stool. “Thanks for these.” I pick up the box with the tickets.

  “They’re for two weeks from now,” she tells me. “A hotel is already booked too. Maybe it’ll be good for you to get away. Just what you need.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  But we both know nothing, not even my dream trip, can erase this feeling.

  nbsp;

  Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel.

  “Cheer up, buttercup, the party has arrived,” Meredith chirps, barging into my room.

  I lift my head from my pillow, dried tears clinging to my face.

  She stops and shakes her head. “Isn’t this a pathetic sight? Come on, girl, get your shit together.”

  “Why are you here?” I ask, my voice cracking as I sit up.

  My bed’s a mess, the covers twisted around me, and my hair is a complete bird’s nest. Perry lies cuddled beside me, always wanting to be close.

  “Harlow called me,” she supplies. “And I brought ice cream.” She shakes the plastic bag she holds.

  Harlow pops into my room next like the sound of her name was some sort of summons.

  “I thought Meredith could cheer you up. Moping doesn’t solve anything, and ice cream makes everything better.”

  “I do love ice cream. Give it here.”

  Meredith hands the bag to me and I dig in as the two of them pile on the bed. I hand them each a plastic spoon that Meredith has in the bag so we can share.

  “What happened?” Meredith asks.

  Tears well in my eyes for the thousandth time but I dam them back so I can fill her in on everything that happened.

  “Wow,” she says, sucking strawberry ice cream from the spoon.
“That’s tough. But I mean … he has a right to be angry, don’t you think?”

  “Of course,” I scoff. “I’m not saying that me keeping it a secret was a good thing, but I think he could’ve tried to listen to where I was coming from. I’ve been dealing with this since I was fourteen and it hasn’t exactly been easy.”

  “All I’m saying is Jasper’s a good guy. He needs to wrap his head around this. Give him time. I’m sure he’ll come groveling.”

  I shake my head, lip quivering. “You didn’t see his face.”

  “I’m sure he was shocked, Willa. Can you honestly blame the guy?”

  “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  “Oh, come on.” She rolls her eyes. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have your life back and he lost his brother. I’m sure he feels super conflicted at the moment, so chill the fuck out. I can’t deal with you being a Negative Nancy.”

  I glare at her. “Whose side are you on here?”

  She huffs out a breath. “Neither of yours. I think you’re both idiots.”

  “Well, gee thanks.”

  I eat a spoonful of ice cream and not even it makes me feel better.

  That’s got to be a first.

  “I think we should put a movie on,” Harlow suggests.

  “Good idea,” I mumble, thinking a distraction would be best before I smother my best friend with a pillow.

  Harlow runs downstairs and comes up with a stack of movies.

  “Which one?” she asks me.

  “You pick. I don’t care.”

  She purses her lips but doesn’t press me further.

  She puts the movie on and the three of us move to the beanbags strewn about my room.

  I put the ice cream away, knowing I’ll get sick if I eat any more.

  Somehow the movie does seem to distract me. When it’s over, Harlow puts on another one. I feel better having them here, but I know soon my thoughts will go racing back to what a disaster yesterday was and that look of disbelief, sadness, and anger in Jasper’s eyes.

  The next day I don’t feel much better than I did the day before. But I have to go to work, which means I have to see Jasper, and I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I want to make him understand, but I also don’t know if I can handle the cold shoulder from him.

  I head in the back and then through to the counter.

  I stop when one of the baristas that normally works a later shift is there and Jasper is not.

  “Where’s Jasper?” I blurt before I can stop myself.

  The guy looks up at me from where he’s bent grabbing something from the mini refrigerator. “He asked to work a different shift so we swapped.”

  “Oh.”

  I shouldn’t be offended, and yet I am. He’s so mad at me he can’t even work the same shift as me. I’m probably going to end up getting fired.

  This is great.

  Anger bubbles up inside me. I can’t help but be mad. It’s not like I asked for any of this to happen to me. I never wanted my body to fail me or to need someone else’s kidney to survive, so why am I being punished for something I can’t control?

  Surely, he must understand that. I don’t have any control over whose kidney I get or when. When the hospital called all I knew was a good kidney was waiting for me and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. It shouldn’t make me a bad person for finally getting what my body needs.

  I know keeping the fact that I might have his brother’s kidney from him wasn’t good. I could’ve handled things differently that’s for sure. And he’s entitled to want his space, but I don’t think I deserve to be shoved to the side like I don’t matter.

  Because despite what he might believe now, what we’ve shared these summer months is a connection that can’t be replicated. I think we were always meant to cross paths and fate kept shoving us together.

  As much as I want to dwell on things, I can’t; I have to work.

  This is first time I’m not happy being here and I don’t like the feeling.

  But as they say, the show must go on.

  I rap my knuckles against Tessa’s office door before I go.

  She looks up from her desk and smiles when she sees me, which shocks me. I figured she’d be mad at me too.

  “Come in, Willa.”

  I step inside and take a seat in front of her desk.

  “Are you okay?” she asks with motherly concern.

  “No,” I answer honestly. There’s no point in lying.

  “I’m so sorry about what happened. If I’d known I wouldn’t have announced it like that.”

  “It’s okay. It’s not like I advertise the fact I have a transplant so I can’t expect for you to have known.” Taking a breath, I brace myself. “I wanted to give my two weeks’ notice. My parents got me tickets to Japan for two weeks, and … well after all this I don’t want to make things difficult for Jasper, so I decided I’ll remove myself from the situation so he won’t have to worry about avoiding me.”

  She shakes her head. “Willa, don’t quit.”

  “I don’t want to, but it’s for the best. He hates me and … I can’t bear to be around to see that hatred from him. Anyone but him.”

  She clucks her tongue. “He doesn’t hate you, not by a long shot. But it’s the ones we care about the most that have the deepest power to hurt us—and hurt is all he feels right now. Jasper is a passionate person. He’ll come around.”

  “I’m not so sure.” I can feel the sting of tears piercing my eyes.

  “I’ve known Jasper for almost twenty-one years now.” She smiles, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “So, believe me when I say, I know given time he’ll see how much he overreacted.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  I want her to be right. I want to believe he’ll come to me, let me explain, and we’ll make up but I can’t help but think I’ve hurt him too badly for that to happen.

  “Still want to quit?” She tilts her head slightly to the side, like she’s daring me to answer yes.

  “No.”

  “Good girl.” She winks. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow,” I echo, and leave.

  Normally, Jasper and I would be leaving at the same time, and usually instead of going home we’d hang out.

  Not today.

  Instead, I drive home fighting tears the whole way.

  One solid week passes without me setting my eyes on Jasper.

  I send a few texts, he reads them but never responds, so finally I give up on that. I refuse to be that psycho ex-girlfriend everyone talks about.

  I spend my free time at the beach, not because I want to be there, but because I’m desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

  As much as I miss being with him, I want to speak my peace, and then I think I could move on. If he’s going to hate me I should at least have the opportunity to explain myself.

  But I never see him, and I think he’s purposely avoiding places he thinks he might run into me.

  It hurts to think he might be going through so much trouble not to see me.

  A frustrated sigh leaves my lips and I clutch my pillow tighter.

  I can’t believe I’m lying in my bed in the middle of the day doing nothing. I don’t even feel like reading. Feeling this lost and out of control isn’t a feeling I like very much.

  “Ugh,” I groan, and throw myself off the bed in a dramatic fashion—although not that dramatic considering my bed is practically on the floor already.

  I look up at the ceiling, the pages we so lovingly glued up there what feels like so long ago now, but in reality was only a few years ago. Time is a fickle beast like that—at times a minute seems to span a thousand years, and at others a year feels like no more than the blink of an eye.

  I push up from the floor, deciding I can’t sit around and mope a moment longer.

  Changing into workout clothes, I slip on some tennis shoes and go for a run. I haven’t run in so long. I’ve been bus
y with so many other things and on the go that I brushed it off.

  Now, I’m wishing I hadn’t.

  I’m barely a mile in when my lungs start to burn.

  I push past it.

  My legs propel me forward, my feet thumping steadily beneath my feet. My breath rattles with each shaky breath I take, but still I push on.

  I’m two miles in when I spot a familiar figure also running.

  In a pair of shorts, sweat glistening on his back, he runs ahead of me with earphones.

  “Jasper,” I call out, spurning my legs to go faster so I can catch up. “Jasper!”

  On my second yell, he stops and turns around, pulling out an earphone.

  My heart drops.

  It’s not him.

  This guy is clearly older now that I pay attention.

  “I’m so sorry, I thought you were someone else.” The guys gives me a disgruntled look, shoves his earphone back in, and starts running once more.

  I stop, placing my hands on my knees as I breathe heavily trying to catch my breath. The ragged inhales and exhales sound scratchy and I berate myself for not keeping up with my exercise regime.

  Turning around, I start the two-mile walk back to my house.

  It gives me plenty of time to think, and by the time I reach the driveway I feel like my head is clearer. I decide that I can’t wait around any longer and I have to try to see Jasper, since waiting around and hoping isn’t working.

  I don’t bother changing, because I’m afraid if I give myself time I’ll change my mind. Instead, I grab my keys from the house and get in my car, making the quick drive over to Jasper’s.

  When I get there, I park on the street and I’m relieved to see his Jeep in the driveway because it means he’s home.

  I turn the car off and take a second to catch my breath before I get out and slowly make my way to the front door.

  I ring the doorbell and it echoes around the house.

  I wait, but nothing.

  I ring it again.

  “Jasper, please!” I call out, knocking on the door. “I need to talk to you!”

  I ring the doorbell repeatedly but there’s no sign of life.