Abby Finds Her Calling

by Naomi King

  Emma nodded, peering down at the main level of the store to see whether anyone else was around. Then she looked at Abby with wide brown eyes. “Has anyone heard from Zanna? You must be getting awfully worried by now if…”

  Abby took another bite of her muffin, needing a moment to think. Mamm didn’t want anyone to hear about Zanna’s pregnancy, but the Grabers—and everyone in Cedar Creek—would want to know her sister was safe. “Matter of fact, Zanna showed up this morning,” she replied carefully. “She smelled so bad from hiding in a barn that—”

  “A barn? Why on earth—”

  “—I told her to clean herself up and get ready to answer a lot of questions, once we’re all home for dinner.”

  The tinkle of the bell made them glance down to the main level. The Coblentz twins entered, chattering as they always did. Most Saturday afternoons they wandered the aisles fingering the bolts of fabric and the quilted linens Abby had made, and then they sampled the peanut butter that Sam ground fresh each day before ambling home after their little outing. They always dressed alike, and lately they’d been carrying a cell phone—a sure sign they were pushing their parents to the limit during their rumspringa.

  “Afternoon, girls!” Abby called down to them. “What can I help you with?”

  Martha and Mary raised their identical freckled faces, waving. “We’ve been coming here nearly every Saturday of our lives, you know!” Martha remarked.

  Mary added, “Jah, we probably know what you’ve got better than you do!”

  “True enough. Holler if you need me.” Abby caught herself before she blurted out that Zanna was back. Such a shame she couldn’t share this news with two of her sister’s best buddies, the girls Zanna had chosen to be side-sitters at her wedding. Soon, however, Zanna’s return to Cedar Creek would become common knowledge. If they were lucky, tongues wouldn’t wag for long once—

  “Hullo? Jah? Well, where have you been hiding yourself?” one of the redheads sang out. “You had a greenhouse full of people—”

  “Jah, and when James came back without you, we couldn’t help wondering—”

  Abby’s mouth went sour as she glanced at Emma. The Coblentz twins stood head to head with their cell phone between them, and they could be talking to only one person.

  “A baby? Oh, my word—”

  “Does James know?”

  As Emma stared down at the girls in disbelief, Abby rose from her chair. She peered out the store’s window toward the phone shanty at the road. It was foolish enough that Zanna would call her friends. Surely she’d not use the phone they shared with the Grabers, where Sam or Mamm—or even James—might come upon her at any moment!

  But no, some fellow in a dark hat and a blue work shirt sat in the little white building, with his back to her. Maybe James’s dat had ambled out to make a call while Eunice wasn’t looking.

  Did this mean Zanna had a cell phone, then? Such a worldly gadget was strictly forbidden now that she’d joined the church. Was her sister piling one offense on top of another, knowing full well she was defying the Ordnung with her brash actions?

  “You can’t let him get away with this!” one of the twins exclaimed.

  Her sister chimed in with, “What can we do for you, Zanna? No fella has the right to…”

  Abby blinked back angry tears. Did Zanna have no sense of what she was starting as she informed her friends about her pregnancy? Abby went to the banister. “Mary and Martha Coblentz!” she called down. “I’ll thank you to keep Zanna’s private business—and your cell phone conversations—to yourselves! We’ve got enough gossip flying around town as it is!”

  The redheaded sisters gawked up at her, suddenly aware of how their voices had carried. One twin clicked the phone off as they both started toward the front door. Were the Coblentz girls embarrassed about being overheard? Or did they intend to spread the word about Zanna’s situation and how James had figured in it? Abby felt so betrayed she wanted to shake that sister of hers!

  Instead she went to the window again. Should she beg poor Emma to keep this overheard conversation under her kapp? Should she rush home to confront Zanna? Such outrageous behavior could not continue.

  The door to the phone shanty opened and the man stepped out. His clothing seemed awfully baggy, even for Merle Graber. And James’s old dat didn’t wear small tan shoes, did he? Abby turned from the window, so mad she was shaking.

  Emma’s stricken expression tore at Abby as their eyes met. “What’s this talk about a baby? Why didn’t you tell me—”

  “We just found out. And after we break the news to Sam— I’m sorry, Emma!” Abby turned off the light above her sewing machine. “I’ve got to get home now.”

  “But James never let on…” Emma stood up stiffly and headed for the stairs.

  Abby caught up to her retreating friend and tucked her hand under Emma’s elbow. “Mamm wants to keep this quiet until we decide what to do. Please don’t tell anyone.”

  Emma pulled her arm from Abby’s grasp. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. “And how am I supposed to act like I didn’t hear what Mary and Martha said? Could you keep quiet about it, Abby?”

  Heartsick, Abby watched her best friend hurry across the blacktop to the Graber home. She turned the sign in the mercantile’s window from OPEN to CLOSED and locked the door behind her, not knowing when Sam might be back… or whether Mamm had told him of Zanna’s return. Abby walked quickly down Lambright Lane and into her house through the front door. She found her little sister lounging on the sofa in a clean dress, sipping a cup of tea.

  “So what’s all this—your calling the Coblentz twins to tell them about the baby? And sneaking out to the phone shanty in clothes from my rag bin, no less!” Abby’s stomach churned, for it wasn’t her way to bring things to a boil. By nature she was a peacemaker, a mender of souls, and confrontation had never sat well with her.

  Zanna scooted to the edge of the sofa, eyeing her warily. “You couldn’t think I’d come home and not tell my friends,” she murmured. “I was lonely.”

  Abby arched an eyebrow. “And how’d you get to the phone without Barb spotting you? Or the dogs fussing over those strange clothes?”

  “I tossed them my graham crackers.”

  Oh, but that was the wrong thing to say. Abby crossed her arms so tightly they ached. “You didn’t have to make out like James left you in the lurch. And you could have waited until your own family had a chance to talk to you. Here I thought I’d make things easier by letting you clean up, and you throw your dirt right back in my face.”

  Zanna’s teacup rattled when she put it on the end table. She didn’t say a word.

  Abby exhaled slowly. She thought about the pointed questions she’d intended to ask, to get at the truth of this situation, and decided her sister needed to answer them for a larger, more critical audience. “I’ve already told Mamm you’re back, and she’s plenty upset.”

  Zanna stood up, her eyes wide. “And why’d you have to—”

  “And now it’s time to tell Sam and the rest of them you’re here,” Abby continued, her tone of voice allowing no argument. “You can either come with me and start on your apologies, or you’d better believe they’ll be here in a hummingbird’s heartbeat to hear what you’ve got to say. And then we’re going over to speak with James.”

  Abby turned away, heartsick. In all her years as this pretty blonde’s big sister, she’d never figured on dealing with this sort of a mess. A baby changed everything, for everyone in the Lambright family. The Ordnung spelled out right and wrong: Zanna hadn’t learned those lessons very well, but she was about to find out—from Sam, and their mother, and even her unborn child—that nobody dodged a basic responsibility to care for others and to be accountable for themselves.

  Out the door Abby went, then down the lane toward the rambling white house that had seen three generations of Lambrights through times of trial and triumph. Never had any news like this crossed their threshold, however. At least she heard footsteps
behind her: Zanna had chosen to face the fire. Abby slowed down, but her sister didn’t catch up.

  Then, across the road, the front door opened and Emma Graber came out. She broke into a run, across the blacktop and past the mercantile, passing Abby as though she didn’t even see her. James’s sister wiped her hands on her apron as she stood in front of Zanna. Her wounded expression left no doubt of what was on her mind. “What’s this about a baby?” she demanded breathlessly. “I heard the Coblentz twins talking in the store when you called them. How long have you known, Zanna?”

  Abby closed her eyes. Emma’s heartbreak came out loud and clear, and Zanna needed to hear it.

  A sob escaped Emma as she continued. “And all this time you and James have been doing everything together, planning to get hitched, and—”

  “You don’t understand,” Zanna murmured.

  “—you both seemed so happy! Yet James has never let on to us about a baby.”

  Emma’s sentence ended in a sob, and then there was a painful pause. Abby waited, wondering what would come next. Would this be the part that finally made Zanna realize how she’d stung everyone who loved her?

  “James doesn’t know there’s a baby—does he, Zanna?” Emma whimpered and backed toward the road, still wringing her hands. “Don’t you be coming over, hear me? Mamm and Dat are still stirred up about the wedding, and this news—well, they can’t handle it right now. James—”

  “Don’t you say a word to him!” Zanna cried out.

  “—went over past Queen City on a repair call,” Emma continued doggedly. “If you’re not gonna tell him, then I will! How can you think I’ll keep such a thing from my brother? From the man who has eyes for nobody but you, Zanna Lambright? It’ll be all over Cedar Creek in an hour, you know. Mary and Martha probably told everyone they saw on their way home.”

  When Emma finally realized Abby was there, too, she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry,” she rasped. Then she dashed back across the road, the sound of her sobs drifting back to them.

  As she focused on Zanna, Abby sighed sadly. “I hope you’re ready to own up to what you know—the straight-on truth. You’re going to hear a lot tougher talk than this before the night’s through.”

  Chapter 7

  “So you’re telling me you spent the past couple nights hiding in a barn rather than asking your family for help?” Sam demanded. “And you’re saying James Graber took advantage of your innocence and then acted like he didn’t care about the consequences?” Their brother glared sternly from his end of the long table, where the whole family waited silently for this discussion to end so the meal could begin.

  Not that anyone felt like eating. Matt and the three girls focused on their empty plates while Abby sat with her head bowed, holding Mamm’s trembling hand… knowing better than to tell Sam how to handle the situation.

  “Suzanna, you told better lies than that when you were five,” Sam blurted out. “And we’ll sit here until we get the truth from you.”

  Zanna blanched, paler than milk. “I—I just wish I could’ve talked to Dat, and maybe none of this would’ve happened,” she said, a hitch in her voice. “Mamm never told me how not to have babies—”

  “Well, wishing won’t bring Dat back, little sister,” Sam replied. “And frankly, I’m thankful our dat’s not here to witness this disgrace. Not so much because there’s a baby, but because his precious baby is putting us all through the grinder with her whims and her tale-telling.”

  “Sam, please,” Barbara pleaded softly.

  Abby tightened her hand around their mother’s. While it was true that Mamm hadn’t passed along much knowledge of what went on behind a married couple’s door, the preachers had made it clear enough that such goings-on were wrong outside of wedlock. Even if they knew little about sexual mechanics, Amish girls clearly understood the sin that such an act involved when they took their kneeling vows to join the church.

  Truth be told, Barbara had taken them aside when they’d reached adolescence. As a midwife, she’d made babies her life’s work. So Zanna had no call to blame their mother for this predicament. The conversation had looped in this unbearable circle for nearly an hour, all because her sister refused to admit there were gaping holes in her story.

  “It’s easy to point up the failings of your parents while you’re growing up,” Mamm said in a low voice, “but let’s not accuse your dat of playing favorites, Samuel Jacob. Especially because, as his only son, you were the apple of Leroy’s eye. You never saw it that way because he expected more of you, preparing you to take his place at the head of this table.”

  A surprised silence enveloped the kitchen, because Mamm rarely stood up to her son, just as she’d never challenged her husband—or at least not in front of them. Abby was pleased by their mother’s remark. It meant Mamm was seeing beneath the surface of this murky situation to what really mattered: the bedrock of love that held them together as a family, through sunshine and shadow.

  Their mother sat straighter then, addressing her youngest child across the table. “Go to your room without your dinner, Suzanna, until you can tell us the truth,” she said firmly. “That’s how we dealt with you when you were little, and it seems you still have some growing up to do. Having a baby won’t suddenly give you any more smarts, or rights and privileges, believe me.”

  Mamm gazed directly at Zanna then, so there would be no dodging the rest of her lecture. “And don’t believe for a minute that you’ll be staying in Cedar Creek while you’re pregnant, or keeping the baby after it’s born.”

  Zanna’s mouth opened and then closed quickly. Dropping her napkin on her plate, she rose and walked stiffly toward the stairs, then paused in the doorway and turned toward them. “Come get me when you’re heading home, Abby,” she pleaded. “Do you see why I can’t stay here anymore?”

  “Enough out of you!” Sam stood up so fast his chair fell backward. “Your sister and the rest of us have taken all the sass we’re going to handle!”

  The sound of weeping drifted behind the upset girl, in a kitchen so charged with tension that Abby’s heart constricted painfully. Without a word, she and Barbara and the girls fetched the dinner Sam had banished to the oven. The tuna noodle casserole looked brown and too crisp, while the green beans had shriveled in their bowl. But there was no fixing things that had gone wrong this past hour—these past few days—until the right answers came along, at the right time.

  It was the quietest meal Abby could ever recall, as though their silent grace beforehand continued while they ate—although the atmosphere in the kitchen felt more frustrated and miserable than grateful. When everyone had finished picking halfheartedly at the meal, Sam and Matt headed outside for the last round of sheep chores. Phoebe and Gail began stacking plates while Ruthie busied herself with the broom.

  Barbara let out a long sigh. “All right, then,” she murmured, gazing at Abby and Mamm. “It’s time we took a closer look at this situation. Best to take Zanna over to your house, Abby. I’ll be right there with my medical bag.”

  . . .

  “Are you sure you’re pregnant, Zanna? Could be that the pre-wedding jitters are keeping you from your monthlies,” Barbara said in a quiet voice. “Happened to me, matter of fact—first couple of months after I married Sam, what with all the stress of setting up housekeeping and fitting into a new family. I didn’t have any sisters, and with my mamm already gone…”

  “I used one of those home pregnancy tests,” Zanna answered in a tight voice. She was lying on Abby’s guest bed, undressed beneath a sheet, as her sister-in-law prepared to examine her. “Two of them. Same result.”

  “And where’d you find out about those?” Abby blurted out. What a blessing that their mother had stayed home rather than endure any more startling news from her youngest daughter. Another blessing it was that as a midwife, Barbara knew of store-bought English mysteries and miracles that the rest of them had never encountered, and she was handling the situation with the relative ca
lm of her experience.

  “It’s not like the mercantile’s the only store on earth, you know.” Zanna sounded exasperated and angry, like a little girl who’d been tricked into doing something she detested. “And here again, had our mother told us about the—”

  “Don’t be blaming Mamm for your trespasses,” Abby countered with a frown. “It wasn’t her fault that some fella went beyond your limits, either, Zanna.”

  “And speaking of limits, I’ve about reached mine.” Barbara raised an eyebrow in warning to both of them. “If you two can’t be in the same room without clawing like cats, one of you has to leave.”

  “Sorry.” Abby sighed, well aware that she was behaving almost as badly as her sister. “I won’t say another word. I promise. Not until you’ve finished with her, anyway.”

  “Gut.” Their sister-in-law focused on Zanna, folding back the sheet and then patting the girl’s leg to soothe her. “This will sound way too personal, but we’ve got to know some things if we’re to help you have a healthy baby and stay well yourself. When did you conceive, Zanna?”

  Her sister looked mortified. “I—it only happened once, I swear! Back in July.”

  Barbara nodded, unruffled. “About three months, then. Scoot down a bit more… There you have it.” She placed her hand on Zanna’s thigh, smiling kindly. “This speculum might startle you, but it won’t hurt you. Relax, now. We’re almost done.”

  Abby turned away. It felt too much like gawking, seeing her little sister in that awkward position, even if Barbara acted like it was an everyday thing. Zanna’s face looked flushed, and it was no time to let another critical remark slip out. From what Abby knew, being around other women who were having babies, things were pretty well set inside them by the time they were three months along.

  And how had she—or Barbara, or Mamm—not seen the signs, ever since July? How had she not noticed anything different about her sister… who, as Abby thought back, had spent a busy summer helping at Mamm’s greenhouse and cleaning homes—and riding out with James after singings and every other night she’d had the chance. Not once had anyone doubted that Zanna was head over heels in love with the man who had lived across the road all their lives… a man Abby knew nearly as well as her own brother, because James had confided in her so often. Abby sighed. She’d never had reason to believe James Graber would give in to his physical desires at the risk of ruining Zanna’s reputation.