I wrinkled my brow in confusion. "I don't –"
"A falling star is actually on fire as it enters the atmosphere, so I if I were to try and catch one I'm pretty sure there would be some pain involved. Though, I would suppose some pain would be worth it to find something so rare."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" She was adding to my frustration. I didn't have time for her riddle.
"Mia, you're trying to catch a falling star."
My mouth opened, but I couldn't even think of what to say. I stared at Laney's face for I don't know how long. We eventually moved from the floor to my bed, though I'm not sure how or when.
That night I slept with Laney in my bed, instead of Christopher. It was odd and it irritated the hell out of me to admit it, but I missed his presence.
* * * * *
Watching her and my brother all night was disgusting. She was throwing herself at him every chance she got. Sitting next to him at the restaurant, grabbing a convenient seat on his lap in the car, grinding against him at the club, and then watching them down at the bar was nauseating. My stomach was in knots and there was the urge to tear them away from one another. They were putting a desperate display forth.
So I called her out after watching them say 'good night' to each other and what does she do. She kicked me out. She fucking kicked me out! God I hate that bitch! She called me a fucking hypocrite! Screw her! Slamming the hotel room door, Jackson's head jerked up.
"Hey man, you okay?" Confusion in his voice.
"Yep. Why wouldn't I be?" I spit out with sarcasm. Idiot!
"You don't seem okay and –"
"And what Jackson?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well…um…you usually don't sleep here," he shrugged. His words sounded more like a question than a statement.
"Don't worry her bed is open if you want to join her." I stalked off to my room.
Could he be more obvious? Christ it's disgusting.
"What the," He caught up to me and stopped my door before it shut in his face. "What the hell are you talking about?"
My door swung back to the open position.
"Nothing," My words were mumbled.
Stripping down to my boxers, I went to the bathroom. Splashing water on my face, I pulled out the pill bottle. I took two pills and threw them in my mouth. Returning from the bathroom, Jackson was waiting for me.
"What do you want?" I grumbled.
"I want to know what the fuck your problem is," he shook his head. "Seriously, Christopher, what the hell is all this really about?"
"Nothing," I rolled my eyes. "Now if you don't mind I have some meds that will be putting me into a comatose state in about twenty minutes." Waving him off, I just wanted him to leave.
"Whatever Christopher, whatever," Jackson walked out slamming my door behind him.
Lying down, I covered my face with a pillow and screamed. Then I waited for the pills to take me under, hoping I would make it through the night.
"Nnnooooo!!" I shot up screaming.
Jackson beat his record and was in my room in less than Three0 seconds. Panting with my head in my hands, the tears mixed with my sweaty palms.
"Christopher?" Jackson's voice came from across the room.
"I'm fine." My tone clipped due to my inability to ease the tension in my jaw.
"Another nightmare?" I nodded. "Do you need anything? Do you want me to get –?"
"No!" I shouted but then had to swallow the sobs lodged in my throat.
"Christopher, just let me go get –"
"Damn it Jackson, No!" I threw my fists down onto the bed.
"Christopher, what happened?" He moved closer to me.
"Nothing," I groaned in annoyance. "She's just had enough of my psychotic behavior." I threw myself back onto my pillows.
The bed dipped where Jackson had taken a seat.
"Are you ready to talk yet?"
"About what?" I growled.
"Any of it, all of it, hell you know." His voice got lower.
"She kicked me out tonight," I mumbled into my pillow.
"Why? What did you do?"
"Me? It was her. She's a bitch."
"Are you serious?" The disbelief in Jackson's voice was evident.
"Yes!" I spit out.
"Holy shit," he exclaimed.
Leaning up on my elbows, I looked at him.
"You are unbelievable! She puts up with your shit. I mean your asshole attitude, by the way. Then sticks around to comfort you when you need it, but she's a bitch? You're unreal man."
"Look I'm not trying to put your girlfriend down or anything –" His hysterical laughter cut me off. "What?"
If this asshole was laughing at me, I was going to tackle his seven-foot ass.
"What are you laughing at?" Sitting up further, I was leaning on my palms.
"Oh my god!" he laughed out. "You think Mia and me…" he continued to laugh at me. Once he caught his breath, he continued. "Fuck me, you're jealous! Aren't you?"
"Of what?" I spit.
"You are so pissed at the possibility of her and me that you fucking caused all of this, didn't you?" he started laughing again.
"What? No." I lie back down in bed. "You're crazy. Get the hell out!" Why the hell would I be jealous?
"Oh god this is too funny!" Jackson stood and started walking out of the room laughing. He got to the door and then leaned back in. "By the way, Christopher, you are so off base. Mia and I are just friends." Then he smirked and walked out. I heard him laughing all the way to his room.
"Fuck you, Jackson." I shouted and reached for the TV remote.
Flipping on the TV knowing I would never be able to get back to sleep, I found Nick at Night. It was a familiar channel from my late nights, but I couldn't concentrate. Jackson's words wouldn't leave my mind: "you're jealous", "you are so off base", "just friends".
I was not jealous. I could care less if she was with someone. It was about her throwing herself at him. It was disgusting. I'd almost convinced myself when my mind started to wander.
Was she with someone? I never noticed anyone before, but I had found time for Stacia and Jess…wait was she like me with the no strings hookups?
Quickly killing those thoughts, I tried to focus on the TV. Nothing was working, so I got up and took a shower. Once I was dressed, again I decided to get out of the room and walk around. I glanced at the clock on the way out. It was almost seven thirty.
Walking to the indoor pool area, I then turned toward the restaurant for coffee. Of course, my server was a fan. Droning on and on about being how great The Forgotten is. Quickly excusing myself, I found my way to the fitness center.
Music was blaring loudly, along with some laughter. Peeking in, I saw they had a rather large fitness center. The first room was full of workout machines. The second room was a large glass room currently full of people, mostly woman.
I recognized Kat and Laney first. After another few moments, I saw Jessica, Sara, and Mia. She looked like she wanted to go back to bed. The wall seemed to be the only thing holding her up. I sat down to one of the machines giving me a clear view into the room.
The instructor entered and Laney grabbed her arm, yanking her out to line up. Mia yawned largely and stretched her arms above her head. Kat pulled on her oversized sweatshirt.
Wait, is that my sweatshirt?
Mia shook her head, but then Kat stood with her hands on her hips in a stare down, until Mia gave in to her demand. She pulled the sweatshirt off, tossing it over to the side of the room. Mia gave her a look that read 'happy now.' My eyes drifted over her body.
Is that even considered clothing? She's practically naked. An unwelcome internal debate began. The urge to rush into the glass room, wrap the sweatshirt back around her, and the desire to see more of her.
My battle was subdued when the instructor began and they followed along. Laney and Kat were trying their hardest. Mia on the other hand was goofing off
.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snapped my head around. Elliott was smiling at me widely.
"Couldn't sleep," Quickly I lie back on the machine and started bench pressing. I don't need to catch shit for peeping. Lord knows what other crazy ideas Jackson would come up with if he found out.
"Do you work out every morning?"
Dumb question, I lived with him for god's sake. I knew he didn't work out every morning, even though he did work hard to keep his large build.
"Hell no." He laughed and eyed me curiously before he continued. "I come when I can roll my ass out of bed." He sat on the machine next to me. "Ahhh…Damn!"
"What?" I sat up looking at him. Elliott wore a huge smile. I followed his gaze. He'd caught sight of the glass room full of women just as I had.
"How can you even workout when you have all of that right there for your viewing pleasure?" He reached over, lightly punching my arm. "I mean look at all the half-dressed ass in there."
"I dunno," Shrugging went to lie back down. What are my chances he won't notice the girls?
"Oh, fuck me. The girls are in there." He sighed heavily. "I shouldn't be allowed to watch them do this. It puts very bad images in my head."
I sat up again.
"Then don't watch."
"Are you insane?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "How can you not watch?" He pointed to the room and sure enough, they bent over, asses up.
I was going to respond, but then Mia wiggled her ass at Sara causing her to burst into laughter. My lower body woke up and began to stir. Apparently, I need to get laid.
"See what I mean. You're sucked in too." He chuckled leaning forward, elbows to knees. "I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get Serena into bed, but I have to admit Mia's ass is superb." He hummed a little. I glared. The urge to slap him in the head for his comment was almost uncontrollable. After our nonproductive workout, we went back upstairs. After showering once again, I got dressed for the day.
Walking into the living room, Jackson was already there lounging on the couch. He looked at me and smirked. Then he sat up and leaned forward so his elbows were on his knees. I sat down in a nearby chair.
"You ready for tonight?"
I shrugged. "Yeah, it'll be good to get back on stage." I scrolled through emails and text messages on my cell.
"So…" Jackson spoke.
"So what?" I didn't look up at him.
He started to chuckle. "Nothing, I guess."
I was about to tell him to fucking drop it, but our door opened and Nicholas entered.
"Ready?" he motioned for us to go out the door. We headed out the door.
"Christopher?" Looking to Nicholas I stopped walking. "I think we need to discuss your meetings."
"What meetings?"
"Your meetings," Nicholas said sternly.
"Ah…okay." I shrugged.
"I have two people I want you to meet this afternoon, before you come to the concert." I was about to interrupt. "One is already downstairs waiting and the other is coming in about an hour. Once you're finished you can head over." He put a hand on my shoulder.
"Fine," I sighed, not looking forward to this.
"Try to be nice." Nicholas quipped as the elevator doors sealed shut. "Gwen put a lot of effort and research into these two doctors."
There was no need to look at him. I could feel his eyes on me. There was also no point in saying anything else.
Once the elevator arrived to the lobby, he led me to the meeting room and left me with a small balding man who stood when I entered the room.
"Hello Christopher, I am Dr. Schultz." He put his hand out and I shook it. He gestured for me to take a seat. "I would like to just do some basic discussing today to figure out what you want to accomplish from these sessions. Okay?"
"Sure, whatever." Shrugging, I slouched down into my seat. Pulling out my phone, I restarted where I had left off with my emails.
"So, what is it you would like to do and see from the sessions?" He asked while crossing his legs.
"I would like to not have nightmares and be able to sleep, can you make that happen?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
"I would like to try," he answered. I rolled my eyes. They always say that.
For the next hour, I had to listen to his questions, and "how much he wanted to help me". By the time I had to meet with the second head-doctor, I was ready to slit my wrists.
Keeping my slouched position, I sent a text to Nicholas telling him that Dr. Schmuck was a big N-O. The door to the room suddenly opened and in walked a man about Nicholas's age with dark brown hair and slightly overweight.
"Christopher?" He nodded to me.
"Yep." Staying in my slouched position, I returned to my tasks on my phone.
"It's good to meet you. I'm Dr. Jenkins, but you can call me Dr. J." he smiled and held out his hand. I shook it without moving from my seat. He sat down across from me.
"So, are you tired of meeting with different doctors yet?" He chuckled.
"A little, even though I just started." I sighed.
"Alright, well, what am I hear for?" I looked up at his question.
"What?"
"What am I hear for? You don't look as if anything is wrong, so you tell me." He sat back and crossed his legs.
"Umm….aren't you supposed to go through all the 'I want to help you' crap?"
"I'm sure most people want to help, but I'm not sure I can. Not if you don't know what I'm here for." He kept a straight face and shrugged.
Spending the next hour talking to him, I realized he wasn't too bad. His approach was better than the other. He also wasn't telling me what was wrong with me or how he would fix me. I liked that. After leaving, I sent another text to Nicholas telling him that Dr. J would work.
Chapter Twelve
"How'd the concert go last night?" Dr. J sat down in my room.
"Good," I groaned.
We'd gotten back from the arena even later than usual and sleep did not come easy, as usual. I was still tired and hated having to get up this early to meet with Dr. J.
"Just good?" He chuckled. "From what I heard in the lobby this morning, it was better than good. You had fans camped out down there." He smiled and sat back in the couch. "They seemed to have given the hotel staff some problems."
I shrugged.
"So, what do you want to do today?" He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
I shrugged again.
"Okay, well how about I get some history directly from you, is that okay?"
"Sure." Standing, I went for coffee – sure, I would need it.
"Alright, well let's start with the basics. You grew up with your mother and father correct?"
I took a deep breath, exhaling harshly through my nose.
"Step-Father," His crazed eyes and red flushed face from that night flashed to mind, causing my fists to clench at my sides.
"Okay, step-father." Dr. J closely observed my reactions. "Let's move up to recent events."
He waited until I sat back in the large chair again.
"Tell me about a few nights ago when you trashed your hotel room."
After sipping my coffee, I put my head back on the chair with my eyes close. Revisiting these things was never good.
"I had…I mean…I was…"
"Christopher, I know this is hard, but in order to do any good you have to want to tell me about it. I assure you it's not going any further than you and me." Dr. J laced his fingers together.
It was difficult and complicated, how could he understand? What would he do if he knew what I had done?
"Okay, let me try this. I'm going to ask some questions and you just answer me the best you can?" Dr. J stood up, pacing the room.
I waited.
"The night that you acted out was because of a nightmare?" He stopped to watch my reaction.
"No, not really."
"Was it a memory?"
"Sort of."
"Hmmm…sort of?" he paused. "Was there somethi
ng that set off the memory?"
I sat my coffee down on the table in front of me and ran both hands through my hair – frustrated.
"It was the date. It was getting closer to…you know."
"No Christopher. Tell me what it was close to." He sat back down looking at me.
"Her death," My hands tightened at the roots of my hair and eyes focused on the floor. Afraid to blink for fear the images would be waiting.
"Your mother?" he spoke quietly.
Silently, I nodded.
"It's okay Christopher, you didn't do anything wrong." I looked at him confused.
"I hurt the girl I was with, I trashed a hotel room, and I almost attacked Jackson and my da…Nicholas! How's that not doing anything wrong?" The ridiculous dismissal of what I've done angered me. He has no idea what was deep inside me.
"You went through a traumatic experience and you have never had anyone help you deal. What you did wasn't something wrong, but something that happened as a result of your anguish." He looked me straight in the eye. "Tell me more about your mother Christopher."
Hesitating I tried to figure this guy out before telling him memories of my mother and me. Starting with my first memory of my mother, I told him everything. Everything, until that night.
"Why did you stop?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Truth was I didn't want to admit aloud what I was. I knew if I told him then he would see the monster.
"I'm not saying you have to talk about it today, but you need to get it off your chest before it destroys you. You know that right?" He got up and walked to get coffee. "You've never talked about it have you?"
I shook my head. "No. I don't want to think about it." The pain accompanying it was too much.
"Yet, you relive it every night, do you not?"
Nodding, I put my head back into my hands.
"I see. Have you ever not had a nightmare?"
Pausing, my mind went directly to her. How do I explain what I don't even understand? Pulling at my hair, my mind couldn't focus on anything, except Mia.
"I'm going to take that as a no?" he interrupted my thoughts.
"Um…no."
"No you haven't or no you have?"
Falling Stars Page 14