"Don't do that!" I growled. "Do you want to send me into early labor?" I was frustrated and snapping.
"What's going on?" He knelt down beside me.
"Nothing," I answered curtly.
"Mia?"
"I couldn't sleep" Shrugging, I continued to strum my guitar.
He grabbed the guitar and pulled it off my lap.
"What do you want from me, Christopher?" I huffed.
"I want you to tell me what the fuck your problem is." He sighed. "I get that you're emotional right now, but what is going on?"
"Nothing is going on. Nothing at all."
"What the hell does that mean? I don't do cryptic messages." His tone laced with acid.
"You don't do forward advances either!" I snapped. "Look, just leave me to my guitar so I can work out my frustrations without taking them out on you." I reached for my guitar and he grabbed my arm.
"What are you frustrated about?" His tone had changed to worried and confused.
"A lot of things," I mumbled, still trying to get the guitar from him.
"Me?" His nervousness choked the question out of him.
"Christopher…please, just let me be. I really don't feel like arguing." I slipped my arm out of his grip, picked up the guitar, and moved over to another seat to play. He sat there for a while staring at me, but I ignored him while strumming and writing.
"Mia?"
"Hmmm?"
"I can't make it better if you don't talk to me," he snapped.
"There's nothing you can do to make it better, so don't worry about it." I said nonchalantly.
"Damn it! Talk to me!" His hands hit the floor. I turned around and looked at him.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I'm just completely…you're so damn frustrating." He ran his hand through his bed head.
"Go back to bed, I'll be up in a little while," I said flatly and turned back to my lyrics.
After a few moments, he stood and left. Once he was gone, I cried. I knew I was being bitchy, but I just couldn't help it. Hours later, I couldn't think of anything but sleep, so I trudged to bed and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning Christopher rolled over, wrapped his arms around me, and pressed the front of his body to mine. Not only was his hard body against my side, but so was the steel rod between his legs. I groaned internally and shifted away from him. He tensed.
"Okay, that's it. What the fuck is wrong?" He growled at the back of my head.
"It's too early," I groaned.
"Answer me. I can't take you cringing away from me." The hurt in his voice was hard to hear. I sighed.
"I didn't cringe away."
"Oh and what would you call it?" He rolled to his back, making the bed shake.
Rolling over, I propped myself up on some pillows while yawning.
"Shifting."
"Give me a fucking break!"
"Look, I could feel your dick against my side and you sure as hell aren't going to use it, so I needed to not feel that! Okay? Feel better now?" Yelling, I got out of the bed. I'd stunned him into silence because he didn't say one word as I headed to the bathroom.
Standing in the shower, I let the hot water and my own fingers assist in easing my frustration. It'd started to become routine in order to get any release from the frustration. It still wasn't what I wanted. After showering, I went back out to the bedroom for clothes. Christopher was still lying on the bed. He looked over when I entered.
"What?"
"Nothing," he mumbled.
I grabbed some clothes and went back to the bathroom to get dressed. I slid on my clothes, but not before looking in the mirror at the completely unfamiliar and misshapen body. I wiped a tear away, pulled my hair up in a ponytail and decided to bury my feelings in food.
"Mia?"
"Yeah?" I turned at the door.
"I love you," he said in a hurt tone.
"Love you too," I said flatly and went down to the kitchen.
Sitting at the breakfast bar eating my second full plate was when Christopher appeared next to me.
"There are still some pancakes over there," I nodded toward the counter and chewed on a bite keeping my eyes on the open book next to my plate.
Before I could take another bite, Christopher swiveled me around in my chair, lifted my chin, and crashed his lips to mine. His tongue danced against my lips and I allowed him to continue his dance behind my lips. I almost moaned into his mouth, but he pulled away panting and smiling at me.
"W-what was that for?" I panted. He shrugged.
"Just because I love you," He walked over and grabbed some food.
I finished eating and went to the living room couch, getting comfortable with my book. Kat appeared fully dressed with her bag.
"What's up?" I looked over her and the bag.
"I need to make a small trip," she smiled. "I'll be back in a couple of days, okay?"
I nodded. She kissed the top of my head and headed toward the front door. I went back to my book.
"Did Kat just leave?"
My eyes snapped up quickly to Christopher, who was freshly damp from the shower and leaning against a doorframe with a crooked smile. I could feel myself get hot just by looking at him.
"Yeah, she'll be back in a couple of days." I smiled and turned back to my book.
I was about to finish a chapter about breast feeding when the book was pulled out of my hands and Christopher placed himself between my knees.
"What are you doing?" I laughed.
"Nothing," he grinned and tossed the book. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my jaw.
"Christopher?" He ran his hand to the back of my neck and firmly fist in my hair.
"Hmm?" The vibration against my jaw was almost too much.
"You need to stop," I groaned at my words and at his actions. "Seriously I can't take it." I panted.
"I want you," he growled. I pushed him back and looked into his face.
"What?"
"You heard me," he smiled. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not going to guilt you into something you are uncomfortable with. It's okay, I took care of it." Patting his arm, tried to stand up, but he gently pulled me back to the couch.
"You took care of it?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
I raised my right hand and wiggled my fingers at him. His eyes widened a little.
"When?" His voice was full of curiosity and, I swear, excitement. Typical guy, I rolled my eyes.
"This morning," he was about to open his mouth again, but I answered what I knew was his next question, "Shower."
"When I was just out there lying in bed?"
I nodded and shrugged. He groaned.
"I want you," he kissed me roughly before pulling back to look into my eyes. "I always want you." He kissed me deeply and then pulled back again. "I was letting my stupid nervousness prevent me from doing what I've been dying to do for weeks."
And with that, he stripped us of our clothes and took me on the couch in the living room. My fingers had not done nearly close to what he could do to me. Our sweaty bodies were sticking together and to the couch when he pulled his head up from my bare chest.
"Can I watch next time?" He raised a brow and grinned.
"You are such a perv," I shook my head and laughed.
A week went by and Kat returned to the house. She never said where she disappeared to, but I suspected she was giving Christopher and me some alone time. The weekend after her return, I began having those fake contractions I read about. They were worse at night, not painful, but annoying and uncomfortable. This was the reason the three of us were awake at one in the morning watching the Sci-Fi channel. When Chris's phone rang, we all looked at it in surprise. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes.
"What the hell are you calling so late for?" He growled. There was a long pause. "You did what?" he exclaimed. "Are you insane?"
Now both Kat and I were intrigued.
"Jim, you realize you hardly –" Chris shook his head. "Okay, okay, if this
is what you want. I just hope it's not a mistake." Another pause, "Sure, we'll see you then."
Kat and I were looking intently at Chris.
"What?" He tossed his phone back onto the table.
"What?" I looked at him in disbelief. "What was that about?"
He sighed.
"It was Jimmy."
"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "I got that, why is he calling at one in the morning. What did he do?"
"Apparently he's a married man."
"What?" My eyes snapped to Kat.
"It's not me." She quickly cleared that up.
"It's that girl he met around New Years, Natalia," I nodded for him to keep going, "they went to Vegas and eloped."
"Is he crazy?" Kat jibed.
"Obviously," I responded.
A few days after the late night phone call, the newlyweds visited. Natalia had long platinum blonde hair, blue eyes, fake breasts, fake tan, and was an aspiring bikini model. Based on her appearance I wasn't surprised about her career choice. What had stunned me was how damn smart she was. We sat talking and I found out she'd graduated from UW with a double major; engineering and mathematics. She was crazy smart and I felt like a judgmental asshole. Jimmy and Natalia visited for four days and spent three nights testing the endurance of the guest room bed. We could all rest assured that it in fact could handle heavy use.
May arrived. Christopher and I had finally gotten used to each other and my sexual frustration was a thing of the past. We'd started to discuss names for our daughter and Christopher's sessions were going well and regularly – in person and over the phone. We discussed how we would proceed with our careers having a new baby, introducing our families, and so forth. The end of May had brought with it an ease and relaxation, but it felt like something was lingering and waiting to happen.
It turns out that the feeling was simply my natural instinct. Kat and I were going shopping for baby stuff and I was on my way to meet her downstairs. A sharp pain sliced at my side. I took a deep breath and when it subsided I continued to go down the steps. Another pain shot around my stomach and once the wetness spread in my crotch I knew I was in labor.
"Kat! Christopher!" I tried to walk back up the steps. All the books said it was painful, but I could barely walk at all. They needed to a little more detail about this shit. I wanted to kill someone.
"Yeah?" Kat came around to the bottom of the stairs.
Christopher appeared at the top of the steps. When he saw me sitting halfway down them holding my stomach, he rushed to me.
"What's wrong?"
"Time…for…hospital," Panting, I gripped the banister when another, stronger pain hit.
"Can you walk?" Kat appeared in front of me. I shook my head trying to breathe through the pain. Kat disappeared upstairs.
"What do I do?" Christopher asked me, but Kat answered.
"Sit there and stay with her, I'll get everything else." Kat reappeared a few minutes later with my bag and a change of clothes.
"Christopher, help her down the stairs to the living room." She ordered.
Christopher carried me down the steps. I cried out in pain and a tear escaped my eye.
"I'm so sorry," he said in panic. I panted and tried to breath. The pain was a part of this, but something felt off, wrong.
Kat slid my pants off and slid one of my dresses over my head. They helped me out to the car and Phillip rushed us to the hospital.
"Oh shit!" I balled up my fists.
"What can I do?" Christopher pleaded.
"Shut the hell up!"
I heard Kat giggle.
"I'm so sorry Mia…I'm so –" he was so not helping me.
"Shut up!" I grabbed his arm and squeezed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" The pain subsided for a second. I tried to reclaim as much oxygen as I could before pain returned.
"Why did I let myself get in this situation?" I groaned. I inhaled and exhaled.
"Cause you're a slut," Kat laughed.
"Fuck you," I laughed back.
"Hmmm…that would be how you got into this situation, maybe you shouldn't go around –" I cut her off when I screamed. "Mia, is something wrong?" Kat's face was full of worry.
* * * * *
Finding her on the stairs sent a wave of alarm through me. Seeing her in that much pain, because of me, I wanted to die. I couldn't even imagine what she was going through and from the sound of it, I won't lie, I didn't ever want to.
In the car, she seemed to be okay, joking with Kat. However, she screamed like I'd never heard before. When Kat got concerned, it put me into ultra panic mode.
"Mia, is something wrong?" Mia couldn't even respond.
"Drive faster!"
Phillip accelerated way past the limit at my command.
Arriving to the hospital Kat ran in and came back with a nurse and a wheelchair. I helped Mia into the chair and we headed inside. There were photographers waiting for our arrival and I wanted to punch every single one of them when I heard the camera shutters.
They situated her into a bed and attached her to some machines, assuring us, mainly me, that everything was okay. I was a nervous wreck.
"I'm going to go make some calls," Kat said with a half smile and walked out of the room.
Mia gripped my hand and squeezed when the pain hit, and from the looks of the small monitor she was feeling it full tilt. I cringed and I think my balls even shriveled a little.
"I'll never get you pregnant again," I said in a hushed tone to the side of her head before I kissed her temple.
"You're damn right you woohhnn'tttt….." she squeezed my hand tightly until the pain passed. "I may have to cut your balls off…I'm just saying," she smirked lightly. I kissed her temple again.
Nurses came in and out of the room, friends and family started to arrive. I only left Mia's side when she forced me to get out for a few minutes. Nicholas and Jackson were keeping a close eye on me as I paced around nervously. John chuckled about my behavior and then reminisced about when Serena and Mia were born. Gwen and Serena kept trying to reassure me everything was fine, but something felt wrong. It was looming in the air around her. Fear was swimming inside of me. The doctor pulled me aside out of the room when I was about to walk back in.
"She is barely making progress and her contractions are very strong, so we may have to help this along soon." She smiled reassuringly. "Everything is fine, this happens." I took a deep breath and nodded.
"What about the pain?"
"We're going to get the anesthesiologist down here to get her taken care of," she smiled and walked away.
I took a deep breath trying to ease the worry from my face before I headed into the room. Mia was trying to rest. The lights were out and she was on her side gripping the bed railing.
"Hey," I whispered.
"Hey," she whispered raggedly.
"I love you Mia." She smiled at me and gripped the railing hard, but no noise left her mouth, which was different from before. "Mia?" She didn't respond and her arm fell slack onto the bed.
"Mia!" I grabbed her face. Tears fill my eyes and I blinked them away. "Mia! Baby!" A group of nurses rushed into the room and surrounded the bed.
"Sir," a nurse tried to move me out of the way. "Sir, you need to move, please," she yelled.
"Mia, please baby…" I cried and shook her.
"Sir!" The doctor entered in swift motions. The nurse muttered words I didn't want to hear.
"Both her and the baby's stats have dropped, doctor."
"Get the OR ready," she ordered.
Two or three sets of hands pulled me away, prying my fingers from her, before I could snap out of it.
"Mia!" I pushed forward.
"Christopher," Jackson yelled. "Come on, let them work."
"Come on, man," Elliott coaxed. Then Jimmy was in front of me helping to get me out of the room. I fought against them.
"No! Let go! Mia!" They pinned me against the wall. I struggled to get free, but then tried using the breathing techniques I’d lear
ned in rehab to calm myself.
When they rushed Mia out of her room on a gurney, the breathing didn’t work. I lost all control. The red haze filled everything. I started shoving at the arms restraining me. I had to get to her.
"Christopher, let them help her!" Jackson grabbed at me. "They'll come get you, just –" I couldn't hear anything else because the haze now accompanied with a humming in my ears. Fury had won.
"Mia!" "Let me go!"
I broke free and started down the hallway, but felt a large mass against my back. Then I felt the cold wall against my cheek. I snapped my head toward Laney whose tears stained her face with black mascara. The arms around me tightened, but not hurtfully. I was being embraced.
"Let them help her." Nicholas’s voice sounded rough.
"Mia," I broke into sobs. Gwen appeared next to me.
"Let him go," she ordered.
She pulled me into her embrace and sank against the wall with me. Rocking me like a child as I sobbed into her shoulder.
"Mia," I cried. "Mia."
"It will all be okay, darling. Hush now." Gwen tried to soothe me. "They'll take care of her."
"Son," Nicholas knelt down and placed his arm on my shoulder. I tossed it off me.
"Mia!" I moved to get up Nicholas wrapped his arms around my chest again and pulled me to him, my back to his chest.
"Son, it will be okay," he held me as I fought him, but I grew tired and defeated. I was losing her. I was going to lose them both. My life was crashing down around me and everyone was watching. I was no better than he was. It was my fault. I'd caused this.
The wretched sob that ripped through my chest halted everyone in that hallway. I collapsed with one last sob. "Mia."
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Christopher just spoke before the sharp pain shot from my back to my groin, and down my legs. Then I didn't feel anything. Darkness surrounded me and I felt at ease. I thought I heard Christopher's voice and I tried to tell him it was okay, but I couldn't. Nothing worked anymore.
I was aware of people around me. My body twitched and I shifted, but I couldn't feel it or see anything. Dread set in, but then a wave of calm took over again. I slipped further into darkness and calm.
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