Precipice of Doubt

by Mardi Alexander

  “After you’re done, we’ll be running the yearlings up into the green paddocks near the river. They’ll stay up there until they graze them out or the rains start again, whichever comes first, I reckon. I bought a solar powered irrigator from a bloke in Western Australia. Decided to try it out in the brood mare pasture. It’s damn near the greenest part on the farm.”

  Jodi smiled and nodded. Frank was always looking for ways to maintain a green lifestyle, for his horses and dogs as well. Every time she visited his farm, there was always some new contraption he was trying out.

  “You’ll want to turn left for the yearling barn here, Doc.”

  Jodi pressed her tongue into her cheek. She’d been here enough times to know her way around, but Frank always thoughtfully reminded her.

  She parked the Rover close to the open entrance of the Zincalume cladded barn. Everything about Frank’s barns spoke of keeping his horses cool in the summer heat, and out of the cold rain and wind in the winter. The ceiling was high, and each of the ten stalls was occupied by a grey or black muscled individual looking out over the stall door.

  Bob walked out of the feed room and engulfed Jodi’s hand in his. “Always an extreme pleasure to see you, Jodi.” He was a small lively man with dark leathery skin like an old well-polished boot. His sparkling brown eyes were full of naughtiness and his grin was too innocent to be true.

  Jodi rolled her eyes at Bob’s politeness. “Good to see you as well.”

  “Come on, come on, Doc has work to do, so quit your flirting. Let’s start with Ringo.”

  “Yes, sir.” Bob winked at Jodi. He slid the ever-present lead rope off his shoulder and opened the door to the first stall. “Do you want me to bring them into the aisle?”

  “That won’t be necessary. I just need to give them a quick once-over before I vaccinate them.”

  Ringo was a big strapping yearling. He sported a straight profile, broad head, large eyes, and small ears. His dappled grey hide shone even in the low light of the barn, speaking loudly of the intense grooming and excellent diet Frank made sure he and all the other horses received.

  While Jodi listened to Ringo’s heart and lungs, checked his teeth, and gave him his needle, Frank rambled on how the breed originated in France, in the Perche province. Although this was the umpteenth time she’d heard it, she continued on with the rest of the yearlings, nodding and exclaiming at the appropriate times. She’d learned early on she wouldn’t get a word in edgewise anyway. Even Bob remained politely quiet, responding with little grunts whenever something was required of him.

  Not much changed in the training barn, except the horses were much bigger and more mature. Frank explained his training techniques and even bragged a little about his success at the Casino agricultural show.

  The brood mare barn was their final stop. A few of the mares had already foaled earlier in the week. With Frank holding the seemingly unconcerned mares and Bob attempting to hold the already strapping foals, Jodi gave them their first real health exam.

  Frank pointed towards the back part of the barn. “These last four mares are due to foal within the month. Bob brings them in at night to get them used to their stalls. We like them to foal in the stalls so we can keep an eye on them. I sure don’t need them disappearing into the scrub and then having a problem.”

  “No, you sure don’t.” Jodi quickly peeked into each stall as she followed Frank down the cement aisle. The mares’ bellies were enormous from the growing foals within.

  “Coal here is a week late, Doc,” Frank said as they stood in front of her stall.

  The mare was jet black with just a hint of white hair on her upper lip. Long hair grew down from her fetlocks and covered her enormous pancake shaped hooves. To Jodi, she looked miserable with her head hanging low. The mare shifted her hind feet every few seconds to seemingly give them a break from the extra weight she carried.

  “Frank, I’ll do Coal last. I want to look at her closer.”

  “Righto.”

  The other three mares were alert and eager to go back outside. The fact that Coal wasn’t as anxious to join her herd mates bothered Jodi.

  As with the other horses, Jodi waited until Bob put a halter on Coal before she entered the stall. But the mare didn’t seem to even notice their presence.

  Jodi rested her hand on Coal’s neck when she placed the stethoscope against the horse’s chest. Her heart rate was elevated and she was sweating lightly beneath Jodi’s hand.

  “Frank, I’m pretty sure this mare is in labour.”

  “Nah. Can’t be. Every foal she’s ever dropped here has been in the wee hours of the morning.” Frank swiped a hand down Coal’s neck. “She is sweating more than usual.”

  Jodi bent over and checked the mare’s udder. “She’s waxed.”

  “Bob, we better wrap her tail.” Frank took the lead rope from him.

  Jodi lifted Coal’s upper lip and pressed a finger against Coal’s gum, then released it. The tissue was slow to return to a healthy pink. “This mare’s in trouble. She needs fluids. I’ll be right back.” Jodi jogged out to the truck and opened the back. She grabbed two bags of Lactated Ringer’s and an IV set, then hurried back to the stall.

  She quickly plunged the end of the IV set into the fluids bag and handed it to Bob who stood ready to give a hand. Jodi inserted the needle into the mare’s jugular and adjusted the flow to wide open.

  Suddenly the mare’s legs gave out and she dropped to the ground. She rolled onto her side with a groan and pushed as a contraction took hold of her.

  “Bob, make sure that line doesn’t kink.” Jodi pulled on a long plastic glove. She squirted a generous amount of lubricating gel onto it and knelt behind the mare’s hindquarters. She was just about to insert her hand when the mare pushed. “Oh, crap.” Jodi stared in disbelief as two noses appeared at the vulva opening.

  “What’s going on, Doc?” Frank squatted down next to her. “Bloody hell. She has two in there?”

  Jodi nodded wordlessly and waited until the contraction ended. She eased her hand inside, closed her eyes, and pictured what she was feeling. One of the foals reacted with its tongue when she touched its nose. The other seemed sluggish. She reached in further and pushed against the lively one’s chest to try to give the other more room to come out. Her arm and hand were suddenly crushed with the onset of another contraction. Jodi gritted her teeth and waited it out.

  The mare hoisted herself onto her belly and threw her front legs forward.

  “Bob, keep her down!” Frank rose quickly and went to the mare’s head. Within moments they were able to push Coal back down onto her side.

  The mare groaned loudly. Her huge belly rose and fell heavily as she worked to breathe.

  Jodi offered up a silent prayer that her arm wouldn’t be broken while she tried to deliver these foals. She pushed again, to no avail. The foals weren’t going anywhere. She followed one of the foals’ neck until she located a tiny hoof, which she slowly drew forward. After waiting out another bone crushing contraction, she found the second front leg. Once she had them together in her hand, she pulled. But when two tiny right shoulders emerged, she quickly realized she was pulling on both foals. “Dammit.” Jodi glanced up and saw Frank lowering his mobile from his ear. She let go of the legs, re-lubricated her arm, and pushed against the foals and the strength of the mare, who was intent on working against her. Sweat ran down her face into her eyes and dripped off the edge of her nose. Somehow she had to find a way to untangle them. She closed her eyes and, by touch, tried to map out which body part belonged to which foal. Just when she thought she had them figured out, she’d realize she was wrong. Again. And again. Jodi lost track of time. Her entire focus was on what was happening inside Frank’s prize mare. Her fingers tingled and went numb. Despite resting and flexing, all she felt was the pressure of the powerful contractions as they constricted the blood in her arm. But after a few minutes, it was apparent the mare was tiring and the birth canal was dangerously drying out.
She had to get these foals out before they suffocated.

  “Jodi.” A voice sounded far off.

  “Jodi.” She felt a strong tap on her shoulder. “Come on. Let me have a go.”

  Jodi opened her eyes and focused on the figure squatting next to her. Jeff Callahan, the area’s horse specialist, squeezed lubricant onto his already gloved arm.

  “There isn’t much time. You need to move out of the way so I can save this mare and her foals.”

  Jodi silently nodded, withdrew her arm, and scuttled back on her haunches. Her arm ached and needles of blood rushed back into her fingers.

  Within moments, Jeff had the first foal delivered. “Bob, give the fluids to Frank and come back here.” Bob was instantly at Jeff’s side. “Give this foal mouth-to-mouth and try to get it breathing.” He dragged the lifeless body away from the mare to give them both some room to work.

  Jeff reached back inside for the second foal.

  Coal gave one final push and deposited the remaining foal at Jeff’s knees. Although the mare was covered in sweat and breathing hard, she rolled up and managed a nicker to her babies.

  Jodi stood up, feeling completely useless. Bob had gotten the first foal breathing on his own and was rubbing him dry with handfuls of straw. Its nostrils flared and its tiny tongue slipped out and disappeared again. A wave of relief washed over her when she saw the regular rise and fall of its chest.

  Jeff stripped his glove off and quickly wiped the second foal’s mouth and nose clear and compressed its chest. But after several moments, it was clear to everyone that the filly would never take a breath. “Too bloody late,” Jeff muttered as he closed the foal’s sightless eyes with a gentle swipe of his hand.

  Frank couldn’t spare a glance her way. She knew he blamed her for the loss of the second foal. Hell, she knew it was her fault. In a daze and completely deflated, she quietly slipped out of the barn while Jeff spoke with Frank. Bob was still focused on his foal. A heaviness settled over her as she drove back to Yamba.

  Chapter Six

  In the car. That was where Cole found her. Staring straight ahead, sitting behind the wheel, the Land Rover’s windows beginning to fog up. Cole had spied the lights turning into the surgery’s driveway just on dark, twenty minutes before, and had come out to investigate when Jodi hadn’t come inside.

  Jodi sat in the driver’s seat with her hands sitting limply in her lap, her face pale in the glow of the torchlight from Cole’s mobile phone. Cole tapped on the window. Jodi didn’t blink, let alone respond to the noise. She tapped again. Nothing. Cole slowly opened the door and gasped. Jodi’s overalls were stained and wet. The cloying smells of urine, manure, and sweat engulfed her briefly as she pulled the door open.

  Cole squared her shoulders. She needed to get Jodi out of the car. She squatted, cupped Jodi’s jaw, and slowly turned her head until their eyes met. “Looks like you had a big afternoon.”

  Moisture welled and glistened in Jodi’s eyes. “Yeah.” Her voice was raspy. Her words almost choked out.

  Cole’s chest cramped “C’mon, love. Come with me. We need to get you out of these clothes and into something clean and warm.”

  Jodi nodded mutely.

  Jodi’s consent and her return to awareness pleased Cole, who was shocked to see her strong, resilient, calm-under-pressure boss so flat and beaten by the day’s events. Her curiosity burned with the need to know what had happened, but she swallowed it down. Right now, Jodi needed her help, not an inquisition—question time would come later. She helped Jodi from the car and together they went straight upstairs to the one bedroom flat above the surgery. Cole guided Jodi into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Jodi stood motionless as the steam gathered and built in the tiny room. Cole smiled tentatively. “Let’s get these overalls off and get you in the shower.”

  Cole peeled the heavy cotton garment off, followed by Jodi’s scrubs, and Cole winced when she saw the mass of blotched bruises from mid-upper arm down to her wrist. She turned Jodi’s arm to get a good look and sighed. “Looks like a tough day at the office, huh?” Cole undid the tie on Jodi’s scrub pants and let them fall to the floor, before gently turning her to remove her bra and underpants. Cole cupped her hands underneath Jodi’s elbows, mindful of the bruised right arm. “Into the shower, love. The warmth will do you a power of good. Did you need a hand, or are you right?”

  “I’m okay.” Jodi’s voice was flat and lifeless.

  “That’s good then. You just soak awhile and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Jodi turned around and faced her through the clear glass shower screen. “Thank you.”

  Cole dipped her head in acknowledgement. “You’re welcome.” She scooped up the dirty clothes and closed the door behind her. Jogging down the stairs, she tried to bleed off some of the nervous anxiety that had built in her body after finding Jodi in such a state. She threw the clothes into the washing machine and set it to soak. Quickly assessing all the animals in care, she locked the doors and set the surgery’s alarm for the night. As she ran back up the stairs, she could still hear the shower going. There was food in the kitchen—she could whip something up if Jodi wanted it. Cole set the jug to boil and went in search of the fresh clean clothes she knew Jodi kept for the odd occasion when she stayed in the flat. Pulling out some soft flannel pyjama pants and a cotton long-sleeved top, she snagged an old soft brushed-cotton dressing gown from the cupboard and a hot water bottle. Cole’s choices were all about warmth and comfort.

  Once Jodi was dressed, Cole settled her on the couch, hot water bottle snugged in tight and a blanket over her lap. She handed Jodi a steaming mug.

  Jodi took a sip and her eyebrows shot up at the first taste.

  Cole sipped her own mug and winked at her. “I figured some hot chocolate might be better than a coffee.”

  “There’s more than just chocolate in that mix.”

  Cole batted her eyes innocently. “And I might have added a slurp of brandy for good luck.”

  Jodi huffed as she took another sip.

  “Do you want to talk about this afternoon?” Cole took a mouthful and held the liquid warmth in her mouth for just a moment before swallowing.

  “I screwed up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I killed one of your favourite horse’s babies.” Jodi’s flat hard tone sent shivers up her spine.

  “I’m going to need more information before I can believe that.” Cole carried the bottle of brandy over to the coffee table and sat down on the couch next to Jodi.

  Jodi stared off into space. The silence stretched out uncomfortably.

  “I got to Hodder’s, checked over all the young stock, and finally the brood mares. The mare worried me from the outset. I left her till last. I should have looked at her first. She was in labour. She didn’t look good.”

  “Did Frank know she was in labour?”

  Jodi shook her head. Even though she was obviously reliving the afternoon, her body was definite in its response. “No. But I knew something wasn’t right. I took too long. I should have gotten to her sooner.”

  Cole needed Jodi to focus on facts, not what-ifs. “What happened?”

  “She had twins. I no sooner set up an IV than she went down. The foals were stuck and trying to come out at the same time. I tried to push the big one back in and give the smaller one a chance to get out. Their legs were everywhere, all caught up in each other. I took too long.”

  “Did you do your best?”

  Jodi nodded.

  “And?”

  “And I should have seen the signs sooner. Reacted faster. Done something more to save her. But I didn’t. I was too slow. Too arrogant. I knew how much those foals were worth. Frank called Callahan. He didn’t screw it up. Both foals were on the ground in minutes.”

  Cole knew Jeff Callahan was the Northern River’s go-to equine specialist. With his many years of experience, she didn’t think there was much he hadn’t seen or treated. “Were you responsible for the ultr
asound and pregnancy confirmation?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Were you?”

  “No.”

  “Did you ever palpate that mare?”

  “It doesn’t—”

  “Did you?”

  Jodi closed her eyes briefly, her right hand opening and closing. Cole knew Jodi was recalling the mare’s contractions against her arms, as evidenced by her bruises. If Jodi was to stop blaming herself, Cole needed her to go over the facts. “Did you?”

  “No.” Jodi’s voice was barely audible.

  “But there were twins?”

  “Yes.”

  “How many have you delivered?”

  “Only a handful of twin foals. But I have a lot more experience in cattle.”

  “Horses with their long legs are just that little bit more difficult. And that second embryo should have been pinched to protect the mare and increase the viability of a single healthy foal.”

  “I should’ve been able to deliver them.”

  “Frank did what he had to by calling Callahan.”

  Jodi shook her head. “I should have called Callahan.”

  Cole put a hand on Jodi’s arm. “Jodi, you can’t blame yourself for the death of that foal. You know as well as I do that one foal will always be weaker and smaller. Was the second one smaller?”

  Jodi shivered under her touch and nodded slightly. Cole poured straight brandy into the now empty mug and gave Jodi a nudge to take a sip of the liquor panacea. “If you hadn’t been there, Frank might have lost them all. You said it yourself, that no one had picked up she was already in labour.”

  “Frank couldn’t even look at me.”

  Jodi finished the brandy. Cole poured her a last nip and placed the bottle onto the coffee table. “I think what you both had was a bloody awful day. A sad, horrible day. But one that was already playing out before you even got there. Your job today was to stabilize the mare long enough for Callahan to save the one strong, healthy foal. You gave Frank something to hang on to, rather than losing them all, which is what might’ve happened if you weren’t there.”