Precipice of Doubt

by Mardi Alexander

  Charlie scrubbed a hand over her face. “I wish you’d told me that at breakfast.”

  Pip blinked innocently. “Sorry. Didn’t think about it.”

  “Sweetheart,” Charlie said, trying hard not to clench her teeth, “really?” She pushed up from the lounge and woke the computer from sleep mode. There in front of her was Pip’s Stat Dec. She was just about to send the document to the printer when a few odd words caught her eye. She stared in disbelief as she read what Pip had written: To whom it may concern, Pip Atkins here. Charlie Dickerson is my partner. She’s good in bed and a bloody hard worker. She’s afraid of snakes. But so am I, so don’t hold that against her. But the main reason I think she should be allowed to stay in Australia is that she’s tall. And I sometimes need her to reach things for me. Sincerely, Pip Atkins.

  “Is this some kind of joke, Pip?” Charlie slammed the lid of the laptop down and spun around. She glared at Pip who still sat with her eyes closed. A whisper of a smile graced her lips, which nearly sent Charlie over the edge. “I asked you to write up one thing! I did everything else and all you had to do was write up one little thing. One!”

  Pip remained motionless.

  “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”

  Pip opened those gorgeous blue eyes and met Charlie’s.

  Charlie softened a little. Pip’s eyes were very often her undoing.

  Leaning forward just a bit, Pip pulled an envelope from her back pocket and tossed it onto the table in front of her. “Maybe this one will suit you better?” She leaned back and closed her eyes again.

  Charlie snatched the envelope, pulled out the paper, and unfolded it. Her patience had worn thin over the past couple of days. Her mouth fell open. The story of how she had come to Australia and details of how they had fallen in love and were in a committed relationship were written in almost poetic form. Pip had signed it at the bottom and it was sealed by the Maclean justice of the peace. The backs of her eyes burned as tears formed, welled, and spilled down her cheeks.

  Charlie sniffed. “I’m so sorry, babe. I owe you a huge apology. I’m just—”

  In a blink of an eye, Pip rose and wrapped her arms tightly around her. “I only did the first one to make you smile that lovely smile of yours, you goose. I know how important this is.”

  Charlie held Pip tight. “I’m so scared that immigration won’t let me stay.”

  “Shh, now. You’ve done absolutely everything you can. All you can do is done now. Post it, then let it go. Don’t even think about it. If something happens that you don’t get it, well, we’ll work something out. Promise.”

  “It’s all I think about.”

  “I know. But whatever happens, nothing changes. This is about you and me. Okay, mostly you, but I’m not going anywhere. You and I…we’re supposed to be together. I feel that in my bones. We’ve just got to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

  Charlie glanced up at the wall clock and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. “I have to get going. This is the last thing I needed to put in the envelope to get this application sent off.”

  “Then you’d best tuck it in there fast and get your cute butt to the post office.”

  Charlie sniffed again and nodded. “Okay.”

  “We’ll celebrate tonight, love. That’s a big thing you’ve done—putting that monster application together. You should be right proud of yourself. I know I’m indescribably proud of you.”

  “Thanks.” Charlie pointed over her shoulder. “I need to—”

  “Go. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  That was all Charlie needed to hear. Her heart swelled with adoration for her Aussie.

  Jodi was up and undoubtedly off swimming by the time Cole got out of bed. As she stumbled into the kitchen, she saw that Jodi had laid out breakfast for her—bread for toasting, a cup of tea, and a bowl of freshly cut fruit. A small note sat on top of her bread, a hand-drawn love heart with a smiley face inscribed into the middle.

  Cole put the message under a fridge magnet, her fingers brushing lightly across the paper face. She turned the kettle on and put her toast in to cook. Today she would really need to sit Jodi down and talk to her about work, whether Jodi liked it or not. She nodded once, resolved in her determination of her day’s plan, and quickly finished breakfast.

  With a brief shower and a change into clean scrubs, Cole set off to work, a bag of food packed for Jodi’s breakfast tucked under her arm.

  When she’d first moved into her home, the drive to work felt like forever, especially at the end of a long day or late night. But now she loved it as it provided her with the perfect amount of time to plan the day, or unwind from a big one, so that she arrived relaxed and ready to face whatever was waiting for her. This morning it also gave her extra time to reflect on the previous day and the night. Her skin tingled, and she found herself humming a tune, her heart singing along silently.

  Opening up the surgery, she went through the regular routine, turning on lights, sterilizers, computers, and the all-important coffee machine in preparation for…She waited and smiled as the telltale jingle of the bells on the back door announced Jodi’s arrival. She knew by the time Jodi had finished getting changed that the coffee would be ready. With a quick flourish of pen on paper, Cole left a similar note to Jodi’s in her breakfast bag in the kitchen.

  Pleased with herself, she reviewed the day’s appointment book to see what opportunities she might have to collar Jodi and talk work and her plan. There was a small break before midday which could work, and that would also afford Jodi some time to think about what she might like to do. Cole quickly pencilled in a block of time for a meeting.

  She heard Jodi in the kitchen pottering about, and moments later she came out with two steaming mugs in her hands, one her usual coffee mug and the other a fresh cup of tea for her. Handing the mug over, Jodi leaned across the bench and captured her lips in a soft, slow kiss.

  “A good swim?”

  “Perfect. Thank you. And thank you for my brekkie.”

  “My pleasure. And thank you for my note this morning.” It warmed Cole to see a blush creep up Jodi’s neck and spill onto her cheeks. “And speaking of notes, Anna from Angourie has emailed over some reports for a couple of last week’s patients we referred over to her. They’re on your desk.”

  “Ah, thanks.” Jodi went to her office just as the phone rang. Cole answered it and was delighted to hear Charlie’s voice on the other end. “How’s your little joey doing?” Cole listened to Charlie’s report. “I’m glad.” She looked down and fiddled with a pen as Charlie spoke. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s complicated. But she’s working through it.” Cole mindlessly drew circular doodles on a scrap piece of paper. “I’d forgotten you told me about your panic attacks. It might be nice for her to have someone to talk to about it. You know, someone who knows what it’s like. And if you had any advice, or ideas to help her, that might be handy. I’m sure she’d appreciate that.” Knowing that both she and Jodi had Pip and Charlie in their corner was a treasure. She lifted her chin in thought at a question from Charlie. “Hang on and I’ll ask.”

  Cole held the phone to her chest as she walked to Jodi’s office and tapped lightly on the door frame before entering, “Hey, bub, Charlie wants to know if we’d like to come out to their place on the weekend, maybe head out to see if we can spot Big Bird, then come back for dinner. She’s celebrating submitting her immigration application.”

  Jodi looked up and smiled. “Sure, love to. Just let us know what time and what to bring.”

  Cole pushed off from the door frame and sauntered over to the front door of the surgery, turning the sign to Open and unlocking the door. “We’d love to, just text me through the details of time and what you want us to bring.” She’d no sooner turned her back and reached the counter when the first client arrived. She waved them in. “Uh-huh. Okay. Yep, just text me. You too. Bye.”

  The first appointment was closely followed by two people wantin
g flea and tick treatments. The morning had started with a rush. Cole was keen to see how Jodi was getting on in the first examination room but was quickly swamped by clients coming in or the phone ringing. In an hour, Jodi had trimmed dog toenails, pulled out a grass seed from a cocker spaniel’s ear, and referred a terrier to Angourie for a nasty eye infection that would necessitate the eye being removed. Cole had only managed to briefly put her head in on a couple of the consultations, and she could see the tension beginning to build on Jodi’s face and in the stiffening set of her shoulders.

  Jodi headed towards the kitchen to get a fresh cup of coffee as Cole walked into the pharmacy room to retrieve some arthritis drugs for a dog whose owner was at the front counter, when the front door moo sounded again. Jodi waved at her as she walked past. “It’s all right. I got this one.”

  Cole came back with the meds in her hand and heard a familiar voice calling out a greeting.

  Jodi stood at the counter. “Cate. What a pleasant surprise.”

  With her sharply cut bob framing her beaming face, Cate Fletcher waved excitedly. “I know. I was on my way back from Brisbane. Thought I’d call in. Say hi. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Cole winced when she saw Jodi’s back stiffen.

  “That’s quite a drive. Why don’t you head on out the back and make yourself a cuppa. You still remember where things are?” Cole noticed Jodi’s forced smile. “One of us will be out to join you in a minute.”

  “Oh yes. Thanks.” Cate’s face was flushed and she all but bounced to the kitchen.

  Cole quietly handed the replenished stock of drugs to the client and wished them a good day.

  Jodi hadn’t moved.

  Shit.

  “When is the next appointment?”

  Cole cringed internally as she glanced over the appointment book. “Not for another fifteen minutes.”

  “Good. Lock the front door, turn the answering machine on, and meet me in my office.”

  Turning on her heel, Jodi left, taking the air out of the room with her.

  Cole’s stomach somersaulted and bile threatened to rise up and choke her. She swallowed it down and did as Jodi asked before standing in her office doorway. Her insides trembled.

  “Shut the door.”

  The fact that Jodi’s voice was deadpan flat sent shivers up her spine more than if she’d yelled at her. She desperately wished she would yell at her.

  “Did you know Cate was going to call in?”

  “Not exactly. But that’s what I’ve been trying to talk to you ab—”

  “What?”

  “I’ve kept in touch with Cate. Since she did her last prac stint with us.”

  “Go on.”

  “I said, you know, if ever she was in the vicinity, she was always welcome to call in. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “I see.”

  “She’s not doing anything at the minute. And maybe if she doesn’t have any set plans, she might be able to help out for a while. Help take the pressure off a bit. You said she had promise and the clients already know her, so it’s not like she’s a total stranger, and she got on really well with everyone before when she was here for her last rotation before graduating.”

  Cole knew she was talking too fast but she had to get out as much as possible before Jodi shut her down. “The practice can’t afford to cover the overhead, only being open a couple of days a week and what with our clientele going over to Angourie and Maclean. This way we can stay open, with normal hours, the money comes in, and Cate can do the surgeries. You can still have your days off, but Cate can help share the load for a bit, until you’re back on your feet.”

  “And the days that I am here?”

  “Consultancy. Both for Cate and the clients. You’re an excellent teacher and clients love you. That way your head stays busy, but your hands get a break. You can do as little or as much as you feel comfortable doing.” Cole took a breath.

  “Looks like you’ve got it all sorted.”

  “No. I’ve been trying to talk to you about the concept of thinking about getting some help in, to give you a much needed break, but now that she’s here, it would be silly not to talk to her at least. See what her plans are. If you think it would help, maybe consider a trial? What do you think?”

  Jodi held her hand up. She slowly stood and walked behind her.

  Cole stood frozen in place. She could feel Jodi’s breath on the back of her neck.

  In barely a whisper, Jodi said, “You might be the practice manager, but see that plate on my desk?”

  Cole nodded.

  “That is my name. And this is still my business.”

  A cold sweat formed on Cole’s brow. She grounded herself. “Yes, you’re right. But I happen to care about you. And I can’t stand idly by and watch you drive yourself into the ground, or see the business you’ve worked so hard to build crumble beneath your feet because you’re too proud to ask for help. Please, Jodi. At least talk to her. See what you think.”

  A large heavy silence sat between them. It was a push-pull moment. Cole held her breath, not knowing which way Jodi would go.

  “I’ll talk to Cate. You will go out, open up, and maintain the desk. When I’m finished, I will be leaving for the day.”

  Cole turned and looked at her. Jodi’s face was pale, her face devoid of all expression. A shadow seemed to pass across Jodi’s eyes. A cold fear crept into Cole’s heart. “What do you want me to do with this afternoon’s appointments?”

  Jodi blinked slowly and tilted her head briefly to the side. “Seems to me you’re on a roll.” Cole strained to hear her. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

  Cole never heard her leave the room. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her body in an attempt to ward off the cold that consumed her from the inside out.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jodi managed to hold in check every single emotion that coursed through her until she arrived at the dunes. Up until then, she’d purposely shut down so as to not let them have their way with her. She wanted to analyse them one by one.

  She’d gone home in a self-imposed daze and grabbed the gear she always kept at the ready. Food, extra clothing including a raincoat and her trusted Akubra, her swag, and toiletries all went into the back of her Rover. At the last minute, she tossed a bottle of whisky onto the passenger’s seat, figuring she’d need a stiff drink in order to process all that had gone down at the clinic.

  Jodi turned off the main road and onto the sandy path, shifted into four-wheel drive, and followed the deep grooves. As soon as she hit the firm sand of the beach, she turned left, away from the main beaches, and drove until the dunes surrounded her, effectively secluding her from the rest of the world. She parked close to the massive hills of sand so that she was hidden from sight. In automatic, brisk movements, she unloaded everything and left it in a heap while she walked to the water. She needed the healing energy of the ocean. The ebb and flow of the waves washed her ankles as the tidewaters receded. She fixed her eyes on the skyline and watched clouds drift across the blue with almost imperceptible slowness. The sea spray misted her face with gentle fingertip-like touches, as the sky changed to a mauve colour. Cumulus clouds gathered on the horizon and crept across the changing sky. She took a deep breath, smelling the fishy, tangy, and slightly salty scent of the ocean.

  Tense muscles slowly relinquished their knotted hold. The burn and ache were suddenly missed. At least she’d been able to concentrate on the pain, instead of the tangle of thoughts roiling around in her head like misguided tumbleweeds. Not ready yet. Jodi turned with a sudden flurry of quick movements and set up her camp, going from one chore to the next on automatic pilot.

  Within an hour, she had smoothed out a three-by-one metre section of sand and set her swag on it. She tucked her rain gear and a change of clothes inside and zipped it up tight. She swiped sand aside and created a small hollow for a fire. That done, she went in search of firewood. Soon after, a crackling fire reflected off the san
d dunes. Waves of heat brushed against her skin when the wind died.

  Jodi sat down by the fire and crossed her legs. She opened the whisky bottle and took a swig. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand as the gold liquid burned its way to her stomach. It was time. She couldn’t put it off any longer. She’d spent the last two hours pushing herself into near exhaustion. Her body was pleasantly weary, but her mind was far from tired. It’s time. She needed to process.

  She took another long swallow of whisky and began the slow dissection of the day. Layer by layer, like she would do in surgery. Well, like she used to do in surgery. Jodi sighed. She needed to get back to the vet she knew. Somehow. Even though that felt like it was a million miles away. But right now, she had other issues to deal with.

  Had Cole overstepped the mark? Jodi felt anger grow again. Heat flushed through her body and she clenched her jaw. She couldn’t believe the audacity of the woman! Was it pre-planned, or was Cate’s arrival purely coincidental? Jodi threw a piece of wood into the fire so hard that sparks raced upward and fled in all directions.

  The fact that Cole had been in contact with Cate and told her she could call in anytime without asking grated. Was she pissed because she had been out of the loop? Had she given Cole too much authority within the practice? Or had Cole’s overconfidence been born of the fact that they were sleeping together? “Dammit! Frickin’ libido.” Jodi shook her head, disgusted with herself.

  Poor Cate. Before leaving, she’d managed to have a nice long chat with her. It’d been good to catch up, but she wondered if Cate hadn’t felt the tension. Hell, you could’ve cut it with a knife.

  She wasn’t surprised to learn that Cate had graduated from vet school with high honours. During the months Cate spent working in her surgery, Jodi had seen so much promise. The woman had sure hands, was open to trying new things, conventional or not, and above all, every single animal she laid her hands on had absolutely loved her. That was something that couldn’t be learned, no matter how smart you were.