Precipice of Doubt

by Mardi Alexander

“Are you immune to the effects of alcohol, Pip?” Cole raised her eyebrows.

  “Not at all. But then, I’ve only had a smidgeon compared to you lot. I just want to make sure you three get out of here early enough to make it home before dark.”

  “What do you mean? You’re not coming?” Jodi put her empty glass on the table.

  “No. We’ve got two joeys that are still on five bottles a day. At this point they’re too young to be skipping feeds.”

  “Well, wait a minute,” Cole said, sitting up straighter in her chair. “How about I stay behind and take care of them? Then you can go too.”

  “Thanks, Cole, but I wouldn’t want to burden you with them.” Pip smiled wryly.

  “Trust me. It wouldn’t be. I’m not really into trekking around in the wilderness anyway.” Cole visibly shuddered, getting a laugh out of all of them. “And I can have dinner ready for when you all get back. I’ll be much happier pottering about in the kitchen than getting all hot and sweaty running up and down hillsides.”

  “If you’re sure.” Pip glanced at Charlie, who nodded her approval.

  Charlie heard her phone vibrate on the counter behind her, signifying an incoming email. She chose to ignore it for the moment.

  “Believe me, it’s no drama,” Cole said.

  “Well, if you’re going to stay, do you mind keeping Chilli company? What with ticks and snakes, I’m not real keen on letting her romp in the bush in this warm weather.” Pip stroked the dog’s back.

  “Absolutely.” Cole bent down and ruffled the fur on Chilli’s neck. “We’ll have a lovely time, hey, girl?” Chilli wagged her tail and huffed at her.

  Charlie watched this interaction with affection. She was so pleased that Pip had been convinced to come on the hike. Not that she didn’t want Cole along, but Pip had been instrumental in getting the big aviary built that had been so vital to Big Bird’s recovery, so in a sense, Pip had as much invested in the eagle as she. She trusted that Cole would take excellent care of the animals while they were out for the day.

  “Thank you, Cole. With that settled, I’m rather looking forward to a long walk in the bush. I haven’t been up that way in years, other than when Charlie released Big Bird. But even then, we didn’t walk the trails much.”

  Charlie picked up the empty potato chip bowl and took it to the counter to refill it. She remembered the incoming email, so picked her phone up and scrolled down past two spam messages. And saw it. An email from the Australian Department of Immigration. She broke out into a cold sweat and her knees grew weak.

  “Charlie? Sweet, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Pip came to her side. “What is it?”

  Charlie looked at her and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She handed Pip the phone.

  “Oh. Shit. Do you want me to see what it says?”

  Charlie swallowed and held her elbows tightly against her sides. A mixture of dread and nervousness flowed through her veins as an anxiety attack threatened. She felt nauseous and tried hard to control her breathing. She nodded.

  “Babe, sit down before you fall down.” Pip grabbed her elbow and helped her back to her chair.

  Charlie glanced at Jodi and Cole, seeing mirrored looks of concern.

  Pip cleared her throat. “Dear Charlene, we are pleased to inform you that you have been issued a bridging visa. You are no longer required to leave the country every three months. However, if you wish to leave Australia before a decision has been made on your defacto visa 801, you will need to request permission from the ADI. Attached is a copy of your interim visa 820. Sincerely, blah, blah, blah.”

  It took a minute for it to sink in. Charlie looked at Pip in disbelief. “That’s really what it says?”

  “Like I’d dick around about this.” Pip gave Charlie the phone and smiled broadly. “You did it, babe. We’re halfway there.”

  Charlie read the words over and over until the disbelief faded and was replaced by sheer elation. She let out a whoop. “I don’t care if we leave a little late tomorrow. I’m opening a bottle of champagne!”

  Jodi, Cole, and Pip all yelled, “Hear, hear!”

  Cole was grateful Jodi had given in to her subtle suggestion to drive to the main house. Through the dark, the headlights glared off the stunning white mottled bark of the all gums lining the pathway down to the cabin. Unknown creatures and insects flickered in and out of the light as they meandered down the bush track.

  The evening had been delightful, full of cheerful banter and anticipation of the day ahead. Pip offered a tour of the kitchen, pantry, and vegetable garden the following morning, which she was secretly looking forward to. The bush walk had worried her a little, but she’d been prepared to suck it up and go along. Thankfully, she now had an out, and the weekend suddenly promised alignment with things more suited to her comfort zone. Except one thing. Tonight.

  During the last few days, Cole’s heart had lightened to see glimpses of the old Jodi returning. But the two of them were still distant. She had stuffed up and betrayed Jodi. She couldn’t blame Jodi for her anger. She deserved it. It was something neither of them would forget in a hurry, if ever. She had breached the tenuous bridge of trust between work colleagues and lovers, creating significant damage in the process. There was no going back—nothing could be the same again. If she could turn back time, she would, and make more of an effort to sit down and talk with Jodi. But she couldn’t. Things had rushed out of control and smashed headlong into a wall called reality.

  But they were at least talking again. And Jodi said she was okay with sharing the cottage. And one bed. Cole had mulled it over and over in her mind on the slow drive down to the cabin but failed to feel quite as confident.

  When they arrived at the cabin, the solar lights came on, illuminating the ramp to the doorway. Cole stood back as Jodi opened the door. Jodi might profess to be okay, but her own guts were definitely churning at the prospect of the evening ahead.

  Now that they were alone, she didn’t know what to talk about. The silence weighed heavy. “Fancy a cuppa?”

  Jodi closed the door and shoved her hands deep into her trouser pockets. “I’m just going to throw myself in the shower, but I’d love one. I won’t be long.”

  Alone, Cole took the time to explore the cabin. It really was a marvellous piece of craftsmanship. The tree, centre stage, was breathtaking. She looked at the painted leaves on the ceiling and had to school herself that the leaves were painted features and not real, and certainly not home to a legion of outdoor critters. She shook her head in amusement. It was light, earthy, and very comfortable. One could even call the cottage intimate. As the jug heated to a boil she checked out the sofa and found that it could unfold out to a double bed. Hm, could be a good backup plan. She was looking for spare linen when Jodi came out of the bathroom, wearing a loose pair of sleep shorts and a T-shirt, and towelling her damp hair.

  Cole swallowed and had to look away. The sofa suddenly held a lot more merit.

  “What are you doing?”

  Cole handed Jodi her coffee, trying desperately to seem casual. “Just looking.”

  “For anything in particular?”

  “Um, linen.” Cole weakly gestured to the sofa.

  “Mm, thanks.” Jodi wrapped her hands around her coffee cup. “Don’t be silly. There’s plenty of room in the bed over there. And I won’t bite.”

  Cole tried to gauge Jodi’s expression, but she took her coffee outside. She stood on the wide veranda and seemed to gaze out towards to the dark forest habitat below.

  It was late and Cole’s nerves were strung tight. Sleep would be hard enough to come by as it was, and she didn’t think a cup of caffeine would be a wise move for her before bed. Perhaps if she got in bed first and pretended to be asleep when Jodi came in, it might work.

  “I might have a shower myself and turn in. It’s been a big day. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Jodi turned and leaned on the balcony railing. She raised her mug in salute. “Go
odnight then. Sleep well.”

  Jodi’s voice was quiet and her face hidden half in shadows so Cole couldn’t work out her expression. All she could do was take the words at face value. She looked down and nodded once. “Goodnight.”

  She didn’t dally in the shower, quickly washing the day away and changing into pyjamas. She virtually threw herself in bed and turned off her bedside lamp.

  It was a good hour later when the mattress dipped with Jodi’s weight as she slid onto the bed. Lips softly brushed against her temple. She desperately wanted more but knew she didn’t deserve it. Cole lay still, eyes firmly shut, faking sleep. She held her breath as Jodi turned out her bedside light, casting the cabin into darkness. She didn’t dare move a muscle. She lay frozen, immobile, for what seemed like forever before Jodi’s breathing deepened and lengthened, indicating she had crossed the realms to sleep. Then and only then did she relax. It was going to be a long night.

  Jodi spent some time out on the balcony admiring the millions of stars that blanketed the sky. The Southern Cross showed brilliantly in the absence of the moon. A Powerful Owl’s slowly uttered, rather mournful woo-hoo carried across the tops of the trees. She imagined it hunting from its perch, its prey the slow-moving mammals and unsuspecting large birds which they plucked from their roosts.

  She sipped her coffee slowly. The bitter flavour washed the aftertastes of wine and celebratory champagne away. Charlie had sported a wide grin the entire evening. Her sparkling eyes and throaty laughter brought out the woman she’d been before all that immigration stuff had started. Pip was so lucky to have her. Jodi knew Pip must’ve been just as worried, but of course, Pip being Pip would hide it well, always putting forth a positive word for Charlie’s benefit.

  Cole had been quite generous bowing out of the hike and insisting that Pip go in her place. These days, what with the animals they had in care requiring multiple feeds a day, Pip and Charlie rarely got to go anywhere together for any length of time, unless it was a quick run into town or roaming the back blocks on the property with the quad. But Jodi was sure they loved their life as much as they did each other.

  It’d been delightful laughing and sharing yarns with the three of them tonight. The distance between her and Cole had decreased just a bit more. She missed what they’d had. And to be honest, she truly hoped they could rekindle the passion and close relationship they’d been well on the way to cementing.

  The mozzies finally found her and drove her into the cabin. Bloody things. Jodi swatted at a few of the pests whining about her ears. She stole a quick glance at her watch. Eleven thirty. She’d best try to sleep. Tomorrow would come early and be a long but very enjoyable day.

  Jodi washed her cup in the sink and set it on the bench to dry. She set her alarm for six a.m. That would give her plenty of time to put herself together and join Pip and Charlie for breakfast, and they could be on their way.

  When she got into bed and pulled the covers over her, the familiar smell of Cole settled into her senses. Nostalgia, desire, and deep affection rose into her chest. Yeah. They needed to fix this. She missed Cole. A lot. She leaned over and gently brushed her lips over Cole’s temple, resisting the temptation to go further. Jodi sighed quietly, rolled over onto her side, and emptied her mind, letting sleep take over.

  Pip nestled her body against Charlie and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Did you have a good time tonight, love?”

  Charlie snuggled as close as possible. “I did. It was made even better by having Jodi and Cole to share it with.”

  “Indeed.” Pip squeezed Charlie’s middle.

  “Do you think they’ll reconcile? They’re so good together.”

  “Who knows, but I’ve got my fingers crossed. They seemed pretty comfortable with each other tonight, and did you check out the stolen glances, when each thought the other wasn’t looking? There was a lot of love in those looks.”

  “I hope so.” Charlie laced her fingers with Pip’s.

  “I’m so proud of you, lovely.”

  Charlie smiled. “It’s only the first step. The application could still be rejected.”

  “It won’t be. I can feel it in my bones. This is the beginning of us living the rest of our days together.”

  “Thank you for being so optimistic. It helps.”

  “I know.” Pip kissed the back of Charlie’s neck. “Now, go to sleep. Tomorrow’ll be here before you know it.”

  “Night, baby.” Charlie grinned. Pip was already asleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The foursome shared a leisurely breakfast together, picking up where they’d left off the night before, with easy, witty conversation flowing back and forth.

  “Lucky for us we have some trekking ahead of us today. Girls, that was a breakfast fit for a king.” Jodi leaned back and stretched. Pip and Cole had double-teamed in the kitchen and come up with pancakes, fresh fruit, and maple syrup, with bacon and eggs on the side.

  “I am so full.” Charlie snagged an arm around Pip’s waist as she passed. “I’m not sure if I want to go out and conquer the world after such a magnificent feast, or curl up in a ball and go to sleep. You two in the kitchen are mind-blowing.”

  “Well, seeing as you both wolfed down third helpings, how about you two start by cleaning up so I can run Cole through all the feeding paraphernalia and any last minute instructions?”

  “And then can I get a grand tour of the garden and pantry so I can work on concocting some culinary magic for you all for when you return?” Cole rubbed her hands together excitedly. She really had enjoyed working with Pip in the kitchen. They chatted, swapped food preferences, and worked happily side by side, preparing a simple but filling meal for people who were special to them. This was, in her mind, a recipe for happiness. She deliberately didn’t delve too deeply into this thought, appreciating and accepting it on the surface for what it was at just this moment in time.

  “Absolutely.” Pip put her arm around Cole’s shoulders. “I can’t thank you enough for today. It’s like a spontaneous holiday. And I am so excited about dinner. Although part of me feels a tad guilty for taking your place on the walk.”

  Cole huffed and waved her away as the pair of them made their way out to the prep room. “I love to cook. Cooking for one”—she waggled a hand with a slight grimace on her face—“doesn’t quite cut the culinary mustard for excitement, if you know what I mean. You have no idea how excited I am to look after the babies, and to dip into the freshest of ingredients from this reportedly fabulous garden of yours. I feel like I have been given the ultimate treat.” Cole smiled freely.

  Pip stopped short in the prep room and looked at her incredulously. “You really are happy at the swap?”

  Cole chuckled. “Oh, I really, really am. You have no idea.”

  Pip gave her a sideways hug. “Then we are truly both very lucky today.”

  “We most certainly are.”

  “Right then, let’s get through the notes I made up this morning for the little furry ones, then we can mosey on down to the garden.”

  Cole listened attentively to Pip’s instructions, impressed by her detail and preparedness. She was no stranger to bottle feeding macropods, be they kangaroos or wallabies, or birds, and if need be, she could also feed the possums and koalas from the bountiful food supply Pip had on hand. All she had to do was give a midday feed, followed by a late afternoon feed for the little ones. Pip and Charlie would be home to look after the subsequent, later evening feeds. Large blocks of the morning would be hers to explore, with the afternoon taken up by preparation for dinner. By then the troops would be back and the evening would unfold, no doubt with talk of the day, which she was looking forward to hearing all about. There was also the promised, much needed conversation between her and Jodi to come, but she shelved that, concentrating instead on the aspects of the day ahead.

  Pip and Charlie’s vegetable garden was everything and more than Cole could ever have dreamed of. Nearly every seasonal vegetable was there, completel
y available at her fingertips. She ran through several recipes in her head, and she spent a wonderful half hour with Pip picking fresh food ready for the evening.

  With hands laden they walked back to the house and deposited the vegetables in the sink. Jodi and Charlie had cleaned up the breakfast dishes and were leaning over the kitchen bench top studying a map.

  Three backpacks sat on the floor by the table. Pip sidled up behind Charlie and wrapped her arms around her, leaning over to get a glimpse of the map that lay on the table. “You two know where you’re going?”

  Charlie turned in Pip’s arms, grinning, and kissed her on the lips. “Puh-lease.”

  Cole rearranged the vegetables in the sink as Pip’s soft laughter floated across the room. A small pang of jealousy bit deep. She wasn’t sure what she and Jodi had any more, but it wasn’t what Pip and Charlie had, or her grandparents. She took a breath and steadied herself, focusing on and hanging on to the positive things that were before her in the day.

  Jodi folded the map and put it into the front pocket of her pack. “We’re all sorted. You about ready to go, Pipsqueak?”

  “Soon. I just need to throw some lunch and snacks together.”

  “All done, love. Water, snacks, and lunch. Do you want to check and make sure everything’s okay?”

  Pip grabbed a bag and stood on tiptoes to give Charlie a kiss on the cheek. “Nope. If you’re happy, then I’m happy. I reckon we’re as good as ready to rock ’n’ roll.”

  Charlie picked her backpack up and casually slung it over her shoulder, almost bouncing on the spot with excitement. “Time’s a wastin’.”

  As the threesome headed outside, Cole followed in their wake with Chilli by her side. She and Chilli stood at the veranda as they got into the car. Jodi seemed to hesitate in the driver’s seat before getting out. With purposeful strides, Jodi walked back to where she and Chilli stood.

  “Did you forget something?”

  “I did.” Jodi held one hand behind her back. She carefully picked up Cole’s hand and placed in her palm a light pink and white rosebud that was just beginning to open.