Seizing Darkness (Fur, Fangs, and Fairies)

by Mariana Thorn

  Flashes of dead bodies before I buried them went through my mind. I remembered not feeling anything.

  I wanted Andrei to pay for it, and for all the others he’d murdered. The mass graves were only the beginning of me trying to pull away from Andrei. I remembered killing Andrei’s pet vampire. I had found out that the more distance I had from Andrei the less power he had over me. This is how I’d been able to kill the insane little vampire. I hadn’t covered my tracks well enough and somehow Andrei found out. The beating that I had received for the incident, at the hand of Andrei, had been brutal. I endured it knowing that there was one less insane vampire in the world. I now remembered where the scars on my legs and arms had come from. It had been worth it though. That vampire had been out of control. The bodies would have been piling up even faster if he had lived any longer. The men, women and children that he’d killed were innocents. They had not deserved to die like that.

  It had become an obsession to find a way to break his hold on me. It took many years to find the knowledge of what to do. Distance worked in my favor. I needed to get far enough away from him. Then I was approached by a fae-vampire. She had given me a tonic to take. I never knew her name or how she knew me, nor did I care. The tonic she offered had no smell and I knew nothing of what it contained. Most of the time I wouldn’t have taken it, but I felt I could trust her. Her instructions were clear. Wait for the perfect opportunity and take it. She said it would hinder Andrei from entering my mind. It would be a temporary fix, but it would work. So I took what she offered and waited for the perfect opportunity to use it to break from Andrei.

  The best chance came when I was given the order to kill Valdimir in America. I’d heard many things about Valdimir over the years. I knew he was a very powerful weretiger. He could possibly help me. Through the research that I had done, I had learned that he had a weretiger son and a vampire he had adopted. They were some of Andrei’s most notable enemies. I hadn’t found out why though. There was mention of someone else, hints of someone out there just as powerful as Valdimir, but I could never get a name out of anyone. I had a feeling that Valdimir or this other person were responsible for me obtaining the tonic that helped me weaken Andrei’s hold on me.

  The faces of the people that I had killed passed through my mind. More than three hundred years of memories. The pain I experienced every time I’d killed someone innocent was almost unbearable – and I relived every one of them. A pair of blue eyes like my own taunted me. I wanted to know who they belonged to, so I searched Dante’s memories.

  The first thing I found out was that Dante wasn’t his real name. He had changed it after he had become a vampire.

  Then I saw the face of what must’ve been his mother. Her beauty made me catch my breath. She was a gypsy with long flowing black hair, and her features were fine with laugh lines along her eyes. Dante had her eyes.

  Val looked the same as he did now, except for his eyes. They seemed younger and more carefree in Dante’s memories. I could see the look of pure love when Val looked at her.

  The weather was hot when Radek was born. Through Dante’s eyes I saw baby Radek. He was cute with a tuft of dark hair on top of his little head. I couldn’t help but smile.

  The scene changed, and I gasped when I saw the slaughter of their mother. It was horrible. Dante had taken Radek and hidden, but he had watched. What was worse, I knew the vampire that’d done it. His name was Viktor, and he was one of Andrei’s most trusted men. I knew him all too well. What I saw made me glad that I had seen to his demise. Val had come and saved the boys, but was too late for their mother. The look of anguish and loss on Val’s face broke my heart.

  Then the images shifted back to my own memories. It was like having a tennis match in my head with me playing both sides.

  Another one that I wished I could erase flashed through my mind. It was around seventy years ago. I’d been trying to avoid Andrei and was searching for a way to break his hold on me. The humans were at war again. This one was bad. They were using tanks and planes. The needless slaughter of people was horrifying. It wasn’t the first one like this that I had seen. They seemed to escalate as they found new ways to kill each other.

  I had my first run-in with the German Death Squads near the beginning of the war. Even the memories made me feel ill. There’d been too many of them to take out by myself. I’d followed them from town to town trying to save those that I could.

  Knowing that there was nothing else I could do, I’d focused my efforts on helping those that came to help the English and Americans. I travelled Europe in search of people to help. It was a daunting and thankless task. I’d felt the need to save as many people as possible, maybe as some sort of penance. While traveling, I came across something I wished I could forget. The smell was terrible. It was a death camp – that’s what the humans called it later. There were no words to explain what it was like. I passed what information I could to the Americans.

  I remembered the other wars I’d been involved in. The other creature wars were far worse than the human wars. The were-vamp war was one of the most notable in my memory. It’d started before I was born. I’d taken part in it during the last few years it was raging. The fae wars. Just thinking about them made me shutter.

  Everything was coming back to me now – the good and the horrendous. Most of the good came in the last year that I’d been living with Val. My mind finally rested as I thought of playing around in the woods with Radek, Jenna and Val. I knew it wouldn’t last long.

  There was a memory I hadn’t addressed yet, and I couldn’t avoid it any longer. It was the most unforgivable thing I’d ever done. It was the reason that I truly hated Andrei, and partially myself. Just thinking about it hurt. It was why I broke away from Andrei and vowed to destroy him. I felt myself shaking as I let the memory form.

  It was the summer of eighteen hundred and two, just north of London. His name was Isaac, the third son of an Earl. He was a human, and I’d fallen in love with him.

  Andrei had sent Viktor, the vampire I’d seen in Dante’s memories, and he’d found us together. It hadn’t mattered what I said to Viktor; he’d still ratted me out to Andrei. As punishment, Andrei had forced me to murder Isaac in cold blood. I wasn’t able to stop myself. He’d had me under his complete control at that time. Andrei had waited outside the small house that Isaac lived in as I did it.

  Remembering how my hand shook as I handled the dirk made me sick. I was far stronger than Isaac since he was a human. It was easy to overpower him. Too easy. The look of betrayal in his sea green eyes tore at my heart. Tears were trailing down my cheeks, creating tiny rivers. I wanted so badly to stop and instead thrust my dirk into Andrei’s shriveled heart. But I couldn’t.

  I kicked the back of Isaac’s knees, forcing him onto his knees in front of me. I ran a hand through his soft, sandy blond hair in a caress and pulled his head back. My hand stilled for a second as I fought Andrei’s control over my mind. It didn’t do any good – he was too deeply embedded.

  Then I felt the dirk slide through the skin and tissues along his throat like a hot knife through butter. It caught on a vertebra for a moment. With a slight tug, it completed its course, almost completely decapitating him. He fell forward as I released my hold. I could hear gurgling. His blood stained my hands and clothes. I remembered dropping the dirk into the dark pool of blood that had formed at my feet. Sinking to my knees, I cradled his head. His blood soaked through my clothing, covering my skin.

  I knew the moment that Andrei left. His presence in my mind lessened. I cried. I buried Isaac and burned the house to the ground before the sun rose. I relived the anguish of my soul splitting into tiny pieces.

  I remembered not eating for days. I hadn’t known where I was going. I just walked. It was a few months later that I began to drift out of it. The anger took over me and I vowed to reap revenge upon Andrei and all his followers. I needed to find a way to get away from Andrei’s control. I promised myself that I would do whatever it t
ook.

  Viktor had ended up with a stake in his chest while he was sleeping. It was a death too good for him, but I didn’t have time to make it slow and drawn out. This time I knew better than to do it myself. I hired one of my friends to do it for me. A wereviper by the name of Azumi. We had gone through training together. I remembered the feeling of satisfaction as she had stabbed the stake through his heart. I made sure I covered my tracks well. I didn’t want anything coming back to me or Azumi. I don’t think Andrei ever found out what happened to Viktor.

  I relived the ghastly memory of Isaac’s death over and over again. It weighed heavily on my conscience. I could feel the texture of his hair as it slid through my fingers. See the look of my treachery reflected in his sea green eyes, creating a void where my heart should’ve been. His last breath echoed in my ears. I could still smell the rusty scent of his blood. I wanted to die along with him. When I’d committed the sordid deed, I’d been unable scream, but I could now. A scorching pain filled the frigid void in my chest.

  Then Dante’s voice broke through my nightmare. The images of what I had done were still spinning through my mind.

  “Natalya.”

  “No,” I moaned. “Make it stop, Dante.”

  “It will be okay.” I felt his presence in my mind. He pulled me back into the garden. The colors were brighter than before. It seemed more alive. His arms came around me.

  “I need it to stop,” I told him urgently.

  “Just breathe. It will be okay.” He held me tighter. I was sobbing. “Natalya, it happened a long time ago. It won’t bring him back.”

  “How can you even think of helping me after knowing what I’ve done? What will Val think? What will Dek think?” I whispered in desperation.

  “I’ll explain it more when you calm down. This won’t matter to them and it doesn’t change how I feel about you. You didn’t do it of your own free will. You had no choice. It won’t ever happen again, I promise. I won’t let it.

  “Think for a moment, Nat. You’ve seen everything that I’ve done. Don’t you think I have felt the same way at some point?”

  More images filtered into my fatigued mind. It must’ve happened soon after he was turned into a vampire. I saw it through his eyes. The first thing I noticed was the crimson tint to everything. I recognized it as bloodlust. It was like I had been brought into his body and experienced it just like he did.

  I, he, was running through fields. The smell of the village hit my senses. I didn’t want this to continue, but I knew that Dante wanted me to know. I got to the first house and the door disintegrated before me. I cringed at the screaming. I broke the man’s neck and grabbed the woman, then latched onto her neck, feeding furiously. I knew that Dante didn’t need to kill to survive. I could tell that he knew it too. But he was out of control. It was like he was possessed by someone else. This was not the Dante that I knew.

  It wasn’t enough to satisfy the craving. So this is how it feels to be a vampire, I thought. A vampire experiencing bloodlust, anyway. I went to the next house and the next, feeding continuously, but never fulfilled. Soon there were no more people alive in the village. I’d killed them all; every man, woman, and child were dead. The bloodlust began to abate. I could feel the sun begin to rise and had the urge to meet it head on.

  Dante had known what he did was wrong. He was blocking me from seeing why he had gone on this rampage, but he didn’t keep me from seeing his anguish about what he’d done. He’d wanted to die. Then the image of Val and a young-looking Radek flashed through my mind. He couldn’t do it. He must face them first.

  We all had things we regretted. I was taking deeper, slower breaths. “I’m so sorry, Dante,” I whispered because I could feel his guilt and sorrow.

  “There is no need. What is past has passed. Now snap out of it. We need you. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. Val has done things he regrets too. Radek has as well. You’ve seen some of what I’ve done. You don’t get to live as long as we do and not have regrets.”

  I saw flashes of what he was thinking. That’s when I caught on to his deepest, darkest secret. I was shocked, but once I thought about it a little it made sense. I looked at him for a moment and he just gave me a sad smile. He knew what I’d seen and what I was thinking.

  “Val doesn’t know that I know that. So I would appreciate if you didn’t tell him.”

  “I won’t,” I said. I was glad he’d been here for me. He now knew my darkest secret and I knew his.

  “Remember, Radek is with you right now. Val is there as well. I think Jenna is in the room too. They need you to wake up at some point. I need you too.”

  I could hear the sincerity in his voice. He brushed his fingers along my cheek. “Thank you, Dante,” I said, straightening up. I hugged him.

  “Anytime,” Dante said as he smiled down at me, then kissed my head.

  “Wait a minute. Where are we?” I asked, looking around and recognizing the garden again. It looked more cheery and pleasant. There was a bench I hadn’t noticed before now. I had the urge to sit and relax there.

  He laughed. “Well it’s hard to explain, but basically we’re still in your head.”

  “Uh, I don’t even want to know how this is possible. I think I can hear Dek,” I said, a little bewildered. I could hear Radek’s frantic voice, but couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  “You should; he’s a bit distressed at the moment. He’ll get over it. Just rest some more. I’ll wake you after I get up. That should be enough time for you to adjust to everything.

  “Then we’ll have work to do. It would seem Val shares a common enemy or two with you. I don’t think we can do this without you. I know you can’t do it alone. So don’t even think of trying it. Radek, Val and I would be on you faster than you could blink.” His eyes held mine, waiting for me to agree.

  “Why would you need me?”

  “You’re the proof that we need to bring Andrei and a few others to justice. We can discuss this more after we’ve rested. I don’t expect you to realize what you know yet. Once everything calms down, you’ll see what I’m talking about.”

  “Really?” I asked. So he thought I knew something.

  “Yes. You’ll probably need to explain to Radek and Val what just happened when you wake.” His voice dropped; he knew that it would be difficult for me.

  “Yes I should. I really don’t want to go over the whole thing though. What do you think I should tell them?”

  “We can discuss this later. We’re both going to need our strength in the coming days, so rest. Radek is starting to calm down and so is Val. You’re not in this alone,” he reminded me again.

  I was left with my own thoughts as he disappeared from my mind. I wandered to the bench, sat down, and closed my eyes.

  Now I was worrying about what I should say to Radek and Val. I believed Dante when he said that they wouldn’t judge me. He wouldn’t be able to lie to me or I to him until this whole thing wore off. The problem was that I didn’t want to relive what I’d done. I decided to take Dante’s advice and rest. There would be time for explanations later. Thankfully the dreams were nonexistent. My mind had finally shut down from fatigue.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I was surrounded by Radek’s warmth and his spicy scent. I took a deep breath to see who else was in the room before I opened my eyes. Val was nearby, his scent familiar, and Jenna was close to him. She smelled like fur and roses.

  I could smell the emotions that were left over in the air. The sourness of fear and the acrid scent of worry were the most prevalent. Dante’s ash and musty smell was coming from the direction of the other bed. I could hear him starting to stir. Radek’s breathing was even in his slumber, his breath hot against the back of my neck. His head was buried in my hair and neck from behind. His arm’s heavy weight was across my waist. I laid still as I listened to Dante and Val speaking.

  “Good. You’re awake,” Val said.

  I could hear him stand up. His clothes rubbed agai
nst the wall. He must have been sitting against it.

  “Yes. I’m awake. It worked.” Dante’s hoarse voice floated through the air.

  “Is she okay?”

  “She will be. Some of it was a bit of a shock to her. I’m sure she’ll be okay. Natalya is stronger than even she believes,” Dante said.

  I could hear the admiration in his voice. From his mind, I was picking up that he knew I was awake and was giving me a minute. I could also pick up that he was thinking that Val was hiding something from him. This was way too bizarre.

  “I’m glad. How are you doing?” Val asked.

  “Not too bad. Just a killer headache, but that’s all. That was a complete head rush.”

  I could hear the smile in his voice. I could see through his thoughts as he got up from the bed and met Radek’s anxious eyes.

  Oops, I forgot to pay attention to Radek. He was awake and probably knew I was as well. This had been hard on him.

  Dante gave me a mental kick in the pants. Come on Nat, put him out of his misery please. I can’t bear to see him like this.

  I opened my eyes and met Dante’s intense glare, then growled at him in my head, which brought a smile to his lips.

  “Yes, she’s going to be just fine. Aren’t you, Nat?”

  “I’ll live,” I grumbled. My throat was sore from screaming and my voice came out gravelly. “But I think my head is gonna explode.”

  Radek’s body relaxed against mine. He let me sit up.

  Spots appeared in my vision and the pain made me gasp. I put my head in my hands. “If this headache doesn’t go away though, I think I’ll die.”

  Radek’s relieved laugh vibrated through my pounding head. “I’m sure you’ll survive,” he said.

  “We can all talk after I get a shower.” Even my teeth hurt. A shower sounded really good. I was hoping that it would help clear my head because pain medications had no effect on me.