And Berry Came Too
Page 24
“What bitter portion?” said Jill, suspiciously.
“Enough,” said Berry, “that it has been alleviated. When I have trembled for the well-being of those who would presume to be my censors, when the sewers of ignorance have been opened and the soak-pits of execration emptied upon this venerable head—”
“When was all this?” said Daphne.
“It comes and goes,” said her husband, hastily. “Perdita will know what I mean. As I was saying, at these unhappy moments I have been fortified as much by the consideration of her bodily charms as by the reflection that beyond the slough of incoherence in which the poor fools rout, there has been standing a darling with sympathy in her eyes for the prophet the baboons have bespattered—”
“I insist,” said Daphne, “upon knowing to whom you refer.”
“To the wicked,” said Berry. “You know. The—”
“What wicked?”
“Now look here,” said Berry. “I’m in the middle of proposing a precious toast. If—”
“You’re not,” said Jill. “You’re simply calling us names.”
“There you are,” said Berry. “The lie direct. I seek to lay my homage at the beautiful feet of our guest, only to be b-bludgeoned with insult and—”
“That’s a good one,” said Daphne. “What about the ‘bespattering baboons?’ You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“I must decline,” said Berry, loftily, “to continue a discussion which would be ludicrous, if it were not indecent. Instead, let me give you the health of a beauty I shall always remember with all my heart if only for the startling contrast her excellence affords to that distressing atmosphere of imperfection which is, as you know, my cross – the gaseous propensity of three or four slow b – bellies.”
With that, before we could stop him, he raised his glass, and, since we could scarcely decline to honour the toast, we were forced to subscribe to a suggestion which I shall always maintain was unnecessarily provocative.
But Nemesis was at hand. With a foresight, born of experience, Jonah had laid a lump of ice on his chair; and on Berry’s resuming his seat, he sat down not only on this but in the small pool of ice-water which the length of his speech had enabled the berg to create.
The result may be imagined, but hardly described. With a yelp of dismay, our critic leapt into the air, palms clapped to the scene of the outrage, accusation looking out of his eyes.
“Yes?” said Jonah, encouragingly.
My brother-in-law drew himself up.
“‘There’s a vulgarity,’” he said, “‘that slakes our ends, Endue them how we will.’”
For which we forgave him everything.
The next day, at a quarter past one, I handed Perdita over to Mrs Boyte. This, as was right, at Cock Feathers, where the two were to spend some days before they took ship.
After lunch we all strolled in the garden, rich with the clean-cut magic of immemorial yew and an ancient, emerald vesture which once was turf.
Then Mrs Boyte grew lazy and made excuse…
For a short half hour we sat at the foot of the sundial, remembering pretty things, with the world to ourselves. And then I glanced at my watch – and found it was time to be gone.
For the last time I looked at my lady – and felt refreshed.
Sitting sideways, as children do, one brown arm propping her up, her slim, silk stockings sheer sculpture against the cloth of the grass, she seemed to me to embody the maidenhood which belonged to the Golden Age. There was nothing common about her: from soft hair to delicate foot, she was exceptional. Her features, limbs and body did one another honour, because they were all so fine, and the eager spirit which dwelt in this lovely flesh, which leaped in the light of her eyes and the flash of her smile, declared her a true king’s daughter, ‘all glorious within’.
I took her right hand from her lap and put its palm to my lips.
“I’m sorry you’re going,” I said.
“I’m sorry to go.”
I pointed to the nursery window.
“Don’t forget you belong to all this. To the lawns and pavements, to the woods and meadows and ‘hedgerow elms’ of England, to manor and mill and hamlet, to mullion and rose-red chimney and lichened oak.”
“They belong to me now,” said a child. “I’ve got them here – in my heart.”
I sighed.
“I must be going, my pretty maid.”
“God go with you, sir, she said.”
“I shall always remember my pretty maid.”
“Thank you kindly, sir, she said.”
I sighed again. Then I turned to the sundial, to see what legend it bore.
Perdita turned as I did. Together we read the words.
ALL IS VANITY
For a moment we regarded the saw. Then we turned, once more together, to read one another’s eyes…
And what we saw written there was time-honoured wisdom before The Preacher was born.
I reached White Ladies again at half past six. Daphne and Jill were abroad, but the Knave made as much of me as a good dog can.
As I entered the hall, a whoop of hysterical joy rang out of the library.
Then—
“Say it again,” roared Berry. “Keep on saying it over. It can’t be true.”
As I entered the room—
“I put seventy pounds,” said Jonah, “upon this particular horse. And it’s won, as I thought it would, at twenty to one. That’s fourteen hundred quid – I did it to put us square. On Monday I’ll give you a cheque for three hundred and eighty five pounds.”
“God bless you,” said Berry, fervently. “God bless your honest heart. But how on earth—”
“These things happen,” said Jonah. “The moment I saw its name, I knew we were off. Where There’s A Will – that’s its name. And remembering that of the lady – the name of our recent guest…”
Berry began to laugh uncontrollably. Not choosing to ask to be shown what it seemed that I ought to be able to see for myself, I thought very hard indeed upon Perdita Boyte.
After perhaps two minutes, I remembered Theresa Weigh.
Introductory Titles
(in order of first publication)
These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels
1. The Brother of Daphne 1914
2. The Courts of Idleness 1920
Bertram ‘Berry’ Pleydell Titles
(in order of first publication)
These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels
1. Berry and Co 1921
2. Jonah and Co 1922
3. Adèle and Co 1931
4. And Berry Came Too 1936
5. The House that Berry Built 1945
6. The Berry Scene 1947
7. As Berry and I were Saying 1952
8. B-Berry and I Look Back 1958
Richard Chandos & Colleagues Titles
(in order of first publication)
These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels
1. Blind Corner 1927
2. Perishable Goods 1928
3. Blood Royal 1929
4. Fire Below alt: By Royal Command 1930
5. She Fell Among Thieves 1935
6. An Eye for a Tooth 1943
7. Red in the Morning alt: Were Death Denied 1946
8. Cost Price alt: The Laughing Bacchante 1949
Other Novels
(in order of first publication)
1. She Painted Her Face 1937
2. Gale Warning 1939
3. Ne’er-Do-Well 1954
Synopses of Yates’ Titles
Published by House of Stratus
Adèle & Co
This is the first full-length novel featuring Yates’ finest comic creation, Bertram ‘Berry’ Pleydell. The popular character of Adéle is based on the author’s first wife, Bettine, a highly gregarious American dancer and actress. Written in response to massive public demand for the Berry stories,
this is regarded as one of Yates’ best books. Amongst the madcap escapades of the Pleydell clan as they career about the French countryside you will find ‘crime, criminals, and some of the funniest writing in the English language’.
And Berry Came Too
Eight stories in which we encounter ‘the hair-raising adventures and idiotic situations of the Pleydell family’ (Punch). Along with John Buchan and ‘Sapper’, Yates dominated the adventure book market of the inter-war years, and Berry is regarded as one of British comic writing’s finest creations, including Tom Sharpe amongst his fans. Read these and weep (with laughter).
As Berry & I Were Saying
Reprinted four times in three months, this semi-autobiographical novel is a humorous account of the author’s hazardous experiences in France, at the end of the World War II. Darker and less frivolous than some of Yates’ earlier books, he describes it as ‘really my own memoir put into the mouths of Berry and Boy’, and at the time of publication it already had a nostalgic feel. A great hit with the public and a ‘scrapbook of the Edwardian age as it was seen by the upper-middle classes’.
B-Berry & I Look Back
This is Yates’ final book, a semi-autobiographical novel spanning a lifetime of events from the sinking of the Titanic to the notorious Tichborne murder case. It opens with Berry, one of British comic writing’s finest creations, at his funniest, and is a companion volume to As Berry and I Were Saying. Pure, vintageYates.
Berry & Co
This collection of short stories featuring ‘Berry’ Pleydell and his chaotic entourage established Dornford Yates’ reputation as one of the best comic writers in a generation, and made him hugely popular. The German caricatures in the book carried such a sting that when France was invaded in 1939 Yates, who was living near the Pyrenées, was put on the wanted list and had to flee.
The Berry Scene
These stories, written by huge popular demand, give us classic Berry Pleydell – Yates’ finest comic character – at the top of his form. The first story sees Berry capturing a German spy at a village cricket match in 1914, and things get more bizarre from then on. A self-consciously nostalgic work harking back to more decorous days, here are tense plotting and high farce of the best kind.
Blind Corner
This is Yates’ first thriller: a tautly plotted page-turner featuring the crime-busting adventures of suave Richard Chandos. Chandos is thrown out of Oxford for ‘beating up some Communists’, and on return from vacation in Biarritz he witnesses a murder. Teaming up at his London club with friend Jonathan Mansel, a stratagem is devised to catch the killer. The novel has compelling sequels: Blood Royal, An Eye For a Tooth, Fire Below and Perishable Goods.
Blood Royal
At his chivalrous, rakish best in a story of mistaken identity, kidnapping, and old-world romance, Richard Chandos takes us on a romp through Europe in the company of a host of unforgettable characters. This fine thriller can be read alone or as part of a series with Blind Corner, An Eye For a Tooth, Fire Below and Perishable Goods.
Brother of Daphne
Daphne is ‘well-born, elegant, beautiful, and not especially bright’. In this, Yates’ earliest collection of stories, we meet the Pleydell clan and encounter their high-spirited comic adventures. It is a world of Edwardian gentility and accomplished farce that brought the author instant fame when the stories appeared in Windsor Magazine.
Cost Price
A story from Dornford Yates’ later career, of stolen treasure, set against a backdrop of World War II: adventure, a travelling circus and much more besides. Lots of favourite Yates characters are here, as well as some new ones, like the Portuguese mule in trousers, and a few striking villains. This is the legendary Chandos’ final fictional appearance. A tense, assured plot and vintage comedy from a master of the genre.
Courts of Idleness
These comic stories are set during World War I and the period just after, when the genteel world of Edwardian England had changed beyond recognition. One of Yates’ earliest books, it harks back to that more decorous, decadent time, and we encounter the madcap adventures of a group of well-to-do young people as they career across Europe from Madeira to Macedonia fighting heinous villains and solving mysteries.
Eye for a Tooth
On the way home from Germany after having captured Axel the Red’s treasure, dapper Jonathan Mansel happens upon a corpse in the road, that of an Englishman. There ensues a gripping tale of adventure and vengeance of a rather gentlemanly kind. On publication this novel was such a hit that it was reprinted six times in its first year, and assured Yates’ huge popularity. A classic Richard Chandos thriller, which can be read alone or as part of a series including Blind Corner, Blood Royal, Fire Below and Perishable Goods.
Fire Below
Richard Chandos makes a welcome return in this classic adventure story. Suave and decadent, he leads his friends into forbidden territory to rescue a kidnapped (and very attractive) young widow. Yates gives us a highly dramatic, almost operatic, plot and unforgettably vivid characters. A tale in the traditional mould, and a companion novel to Blind Corner, Blood Royal Perishable Goods and An Eye For A Tooth.
Gale Warning
Jonathan Mansel, one of Dornford Yates’ most popular characters, heads a small private organisation dedicated to the detection of serious crime ‘by methods sadly unavailable to the regular police’. An aristocratic member of his team is murdered and the avengers set out in pursuit of the killer, in a tale of ‘violence and a measure of sublimated sex’. Caricatured villains, a page-turning plot and some good jokes – in short, classic Yates.
House That Berry Built
A comic romp featuring the famous ‘Berry’ Pleydell and based on Yates’ own experience of building a house for himself in the Pyrenées – sumptuous, expensive and idyllically located. The house was seized by the Germans during World War II, and this tale, written soon afterwards, gives a hilarious account of its construction and early life. Yates at the peak of his form.
Jonah & Co
These are some of Yates’ early short stories featuring the comic Pleydell clan, and on publication proved just a successful and popular as Berry and Co had been. They describe the chaotic journey of the young, well-to-do heroes as they cavort across France, and helped to establish Yates’ reputation as a master of humorous fiction.
Ne’er Do Well
This is Dornford Yates’ only ‘straight’ detective novel – it is an uncommon murder story set in a convent, and reveals Yates’ supreme talent for tension, strong characters and a page-turning plot. For traditional tale-telling at its finest, look no further.
Perishable Goods
Classic Yates, this novel featuring the suave Richard Chandos was reprinted three times within the first month of publication, was warmly received by the critics and served hugely to expand the author’s already large readership. Typically deft, pacey and amusing, it ‘contains every crime in the calendar and a heart-rending finale’ (A J Smithers). A companion novel to Blind Corner, Blood Royal, An Eye For A Tooth and Fire Below. Gripping stuff.
Red In The Morning
Set in France after the war amongst the beautiful landscapes of Biarritz, Pau and the Pyrenées, Yates’ favourite thriller hero Richard Chandos returns with Jonathan Mansel in a story of temptation, subterfuge, adventure and revenge. Regarded by many as Yates at the top of his form.
She Fell Among Thieves
A vintage thriller featuring the welcome return of Richard Chandos, dashing hero extraordinaire, who seeks to rescue a young girl who has been kidnapped and drugged by a sinister old woman in the mountains of the Pyrenées. A gripping read originally published in serial form, She Fell Among Thieves was a huge hit when it first appeared.
She Painted Her Face
A tautly written and exciting yarn published when Yates was at the height of his powers, this is a real potboiler of the very best kind – tension, cliffhangers, wit and pace. Both a thriller and a humorous romance, the
book draws heavily on the author’s own (somewhat bitter) experiences. It gives an insight into Yates’ rather scabrous views – and is a great read.
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