My Dog is Better than Your Dog

by Tommy Greenwald

  Texas??

  Bigger.

  Alaska???

  Bingo.

  It was official. My blotch had made it all the way up to the very largest state in the country. The tip of the blotch started at my left eyebrow, wound its way down past my ear, took a right near my jaw, and ended by my right cheek. It was redder than ever too.

  And did I mention that it was a little scaly, kind of like an iguana? I don’t think they have iguanas in Alaska, but whatever. You get my point.

  Misty poked her head in and screamed, “I need the bathroom!” It was her first day of school too—her first day of high school, in fact—and she looked just as nervous as me. Then she saw my blotch, and I thought she was about to say “EEEWW!” just like last time, but she didn’t. She just said, “Jeez. Take your time.”

  FACT: When your incredibly annoying and self-centered older sister actually feels sorry for you, you know you’ve got a real problem.

  Then she added, “Hey, you better make sure Abby’s a good girl today.”

  I nodded. “I will. This whole thing is all Mrs. Cragg’s fault. She’s crazy! She locked Abby in the closet! But Abby’s amazing, she broke out herself! And I didn’t tell Mom and Dad, but during our walk before bed, Abby chased away two people who were staking out our house! I think they were bad guys—that maybe they were going to rob us!”

  “Oooookay,” Misty said, in that way that means, I think you might need to see a doctor.

  “I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true! Abby—” I stopped.

  Misty looked at me. “Abby what?”

  “Nothing.” I realized I shouldn’t talk about Abby being a crime-fighting vampire dog. It would just make people think I was a total crazy person. Even more than they already do.

  “Well, if you just train the dog, she’ll be fine,” Misty said. “I don’t want to give her back either. She is kind of cute.”

  “She doesn’t need any training,” I said. “And she’s way more than cute.” I started furiously rubbing my blotch with a washcloth.

  Misty shook her head sadly. “Um, it’s not like it’s a stain, you know. I don’t think it’s gonna come out. And no offense or anything, but could you stand like really far away from me at the bus stop?”

  “Sure.” I sighed, stopped scrubbing, went back to my room, and scooped Abby up in my arms. She was sleepy, of course, since it was daytime. I headed downstairs for breakfast. My parents were sitting at the table.

  “Mom!” I said. “What are you still doing here?”

  She got up and hugged me. “Are you kidding? It’s the first day of school! You better believe I’m going to see my babies off.” Then she took a look at my blotch. “Not so bad,” she said, completely lying. “When I get home tonight, that thing is going down!”

  “What time is Mrs. Cragg getting here today?” I said, changing the subject.

  “She’ll be here when you get home from school,” my mom said. “Which reminds me, Dad had a good idea.”

  He nodded. “It might be nice for the two of you to have some time together without any Abby distractions, so I thought maybe she’d take you to the park after school, while your sister watches Abby. Does that sound fun?”

  I felt my blotch start to get hot. “Actually, no,” I said. “I’d rather hang out with Abby than Mrs. Cragg. She hates dogs. And she hates Abby most of all. She will figure out a way for you guys to hate her too.”

  My parents looked at each other. “Honey, it’s a stressful time right now,” my mom said, “with school starting, and your rash—”

  “The only thing that’s stressful is that babysitter!” I interrupted.

  “Jimmy, you’re a smart kid,” said my dad, a little more firmly. “We can’t have a dog that bites people. You know that.”

  I suddenly realized I couldn’t win the argument and I was tired of trying. “Fine. I don’t care anymore.”

  Then I ran out the front door, ran right past Misty, right past Mom and Dad, and right past our bus stop. I didn’t stop until I got to school, which was a mile and a half away.

  FACT: If you want to feel popular, visit an animal shelter. If you want to feel the opposite of popular, show up for the first day of school with a blotch on your face.

  When I got to school, the other kids didn’t really know how to deal with my blotch.

  Some looked grossed out. Some laughed. Some looked away. Some took pictures with their cell phones. Some were nice about it and tried to smile.

  One kid just stared at me for about a minute, then said, “At least it’s not cancer.”

  Which made me wonder: What if it is cancer?

  The teachers all tried to ignore it, but they weren’t really successful.

  And Irwin was still mad at me for telling everyone at the kickball game he was in love with Daisy, so he was absolutely no help.

  The first three hours of school felt like a year.

  Then, finally, it was recess. But instead of going to the playground like all the other kids, I got my copy of Fang Goodness out of my backpack and headed to the library. I opened it up to one of my favorite chapters.

  There were times when Jonah wondered if he’d be alone forever. Who would marry one of his kind? What mere mortal would take on the epic challenge of loving one such as he?

  He took to wandering the streets at night, peering into the windows of restaurants and bars and watching people laugh, and talk, and touch. He longed for such a connection but was convinced it would never come.

  And then, in an instant, everything changed.

  Jonah saw her.

  Olivia.

  She was waiting to cross the street, looking at her watch, when she—

  “What are you doing?”

  I blinked my eyes and looked up. Irwin was standing over me with his arms crossed.

  “Huh?”

  “What are you doing?” he asked again. “Can’t you ever stop reading that book?”

  “I’m just getting to the good part.”

  Irwin shrugged. “Whatever,” he said, and started walking away.

  I watched him go, then suddenly jumped to my feet. “Wait!”

  He waited for me to catch up.

  “Hey, Irwin, I … about the game yesterday—”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “It’s just that … I was feeling really embarrassed about my blotch and I guess I was happy that you were being made fun of too. It was really dumb.”

  “Okay,” Irwin said, looking at the floor.

  I wasn’t done. “But also, it would be good if you stopped making fun of me all the time for liking Jonah Forrester and STOP! POLICE! When you do that it kind of makes me feel like a loser.”

  “I don’t make fun of you!” Irwin protested.

  “You just did!”

  “Well, if I do, it’s just because sometimes it seems like you like that stuff more than me.”

  I was surprised. “What are you talking about?”

  Irwin stopped walking. “I’m talking about how whenever I want to do something, you’d rather just watch some stupid cop show or read some stupid vampire book.”

  “That’s not true,” I said, even though as I said it, I was thinking, That’s true.

  “Let’s just forget it,” Irwin said.

  “I’m sorry if you’re sorry,” I said.

  “I’m sorry if you’re sorry,” Irwin said back.

  Irwin turned and looked at me for the first time during the whole conversation. “Best friends are supposed to stick together so that when people make fun of one of us, the other one will be there to make him feel better.”

  I suddenly felt really grateful to have a friend who could say such simple but true things.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  He smacked my back. “Let’s go to the playground.”

  As soon as we got outside though, the happiness I felt was immediately replaced by a bad feeling in my stomach. The first thing I saw was a bunch of kids standing arou
nd the jungle gym, staring at someone at the top of the slide. They were all laughing hysterically. My heart started to pound when I looked up and saw Baxter Bratford standing there.

  He’d drawn red magic marker all over his face.

  “Who am I?” he yelled. “First person to guess right gets to kiss my rash!”

  I felt tears start to form behind my eyes.

  “We can go back inside if you want,” Irwin said. But we were both frozen in place.

  “Come on, who am I?!?” Baxter hollered again.

  Someone raised their hand. I didn’t want to know who it was, but I looked anyway.

  Daisy Flowers.

  She was laughing and smiling as she waved her hand in the air. “Oh, I know!” she chirped. “Pick me! I know who you are!”

  I couldn’t believe it. Could it be that Daisy actually liked Baxter? Even though I didn’t know her very well, I never would have guessed that she would fall for someone like Baxter. Especially since it seemed like she thought he was a jerk too, at the kickball game.

  “Daisy, don’t,” Irwin said, but she ignored him.

  “Pick me!” she begged Baxter again.

  He looked down at her. “Well, lookee here,” he said. “The new girl suddenly wants to be my pal.”

  “I get it!” Daisy told him. “I know who you are!”

  “Awesome!” Baxter said, with a big satisfied smile on his face. “Why don’t you come up here and tell the whole world?”

  “Yay!” Daisy squealed. She clapped her hands, climbed up the slide, and stood right next to Baxter, who had a big smug smile on his face.

  I wanted to run away so badly, but for some reason I didn’t.

  “Tell everyone who I am,” Baxter said.

  Daisy stuck her face one inch from Baxter’s.

  “You’re a bully,” she announced.

  Everybody gasped.

  Baxter looked like he’d just swallowed some fried beets. “I’m a what?”

  “You heard me,” Daisy said. Then she turned and shouted it to all the kids who were staring up at her. “BAXTER IS A BULLY, AND HE’S MEAN, AND EVERYONE HERE KNOWS IT.”

  FACT: A nasty jerk is no match for a perfect girl.

  People just stood there, too shocked to speak. Then, everyone started talking at once. Finally, a girl named Tanya Kelley looked up at Baxter and said, “She’s right. You are kind of a bully.”

  “Shut up, all of you!” Baxter yelled. “I was just making a joke! I was just being funny!”

  “No one’s laughing, Baxter,” Daisy said. “I thought maybe at the kickball game you were just in a bad mood, but now I know. You’re a bully. My older sister was bullied at our last school, and it was awful, and it was one of the reasons why we moved here. I promised myself I’d never let it happen again without saying something. So I’m saying something. Stop it.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Even though I knew it was Daisy speaking, it sounded exactly like Hank Barlow.

  This is behavior that no civilized society can accept. And I will do everything in my power to stop it …

  “You heard her, Baxter,” someone else said. “Stop it.” I wasn’t sure who said it, until I realized … it was me.

  Everyone turned and stared. But the strangest thing happened. I didn’t feel embarrassed. I didn’t even care that I could feel my blotch burning on my face.

  I felt free.

  “And you’re not funny, Baxter,” I continued. “You’re the opposite of funny.”

  Daisy slid down the slide, came running up to me, and took my hand.

  “Jimmy is my new best friend,” she said, “and I don’t care who knows it.”

  Irwin immediately ran over too. “Sorry, but Jimmy is my best friend.”

  “Then I’ll be his second best friend,” Daisy suggested.

  “And my second best friend too,” Irwin insisted.

  Daisy looked back and forth between Irwin and me. I think she realized that she basically wasn’t going to get one of us without the other.

  “Sounds good,” she said, giggling.

  Meanwhile, Baxter looked around and decided this was one fight he wasn’t going to win. “What a lousy bunch of losers,” he grumbled as he climbed down from the slide. But you know what? No one was listening to him anymore.

  As we started walking back toward the school, I turned to Daisy. “That was really brave what you did.”

  “No it wasn’t. It was just normal.”

  I didn’t argue with her, since we all knew I was right—it was brave. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

  She smiled. “Sure!”

  “Why are you being so nice to me? I’m not exactly Mr. Popular, not to mention I have a big gross mark on my face.”

  Daisy looked at me. “At the kickball game, when I saw you with your dog, you just seemed … really nice.”

  “Oh, great,” Irwin said. “You had to bring up the dog.”

  “Quiet,” I told Irwin.

  “Hey, how is Abby anyway?” Daisy asked.

  “Oh, she’s amazing,” I said. “I just hope I get to keep her.”

  Daisy frowned. “Huh?”

  “I got in a fight with my annoying babysitter, and Abby jumped on her and almost bit her, and also Abby vomited and kind of made a huge mess in the house. She was just protecting me, but my parents didn’t care. They said if she doesn’t learn to behave we have to bring her back to the shelter.”

  “Too bad you can’t take your babysitter back to the shelter,” Irwin said.

  Daisy laughed. “Good one, Irwin!” she said. Irwin looked like he’d just won a million dollars.

  “You know what though?” I said. “There’s something weird about Mrs. Cragg.”

  “What do you mean?” Irwin asked. “She’s just another annoying babysitter who makes you eat gross healthy food. What else is new?”

  “It’s more than that,” I said. “It’s like … it’s almost like she’s keeping some kind of secret or something. Not to mention the fact that she locked Abby in the closet after the whole vomiting thing.”

  “Which kind of makes sense, when you think about it,” Irwin said unhelpfully.

  “My parents don’t get it,” I went on. “They’re so busy running around that they’re totally convinced Mrs. Cragg is awesome.”

  Daisy looked concerned. “Well, do you want me to come over to your house after school and help you train Abby or something?”

  My turn to look like I’d won a million dollars. “That would be so amazing!”

  She smiled brightly. “Great. I’ll see you later.” Then she ran off to her classroom.

  It might have been the best four seconds of my life.

  But I stopped smiling when I saw how upset Irwin looked. I sighed. “Sorry, Irwin. I guess maybe she likes me a little. You can come over too, if you want.”

  “You don’t really want me to come over,” he mumbled.

  “Yes, I do!”

  Irwin shook his head. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me,” he said. “Like the way Daisy feels sorry for you, because of that thing on your face.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means she’s just being nice to you because you’re ugly!” Irwin blurted out.

  My cheeks started burning. “Take that back.”

  But Irwin didn’t say anything. He just looked ashamed and ran off.

  I touched my blotch, which was red-hot. Even though I knew Irwin was just jealous, it still felt like someone had smacked me in the face. Someone who happened to be my best friend.

  I stood there, wondering how I went from feeling so great one second to so lousy the next.

  Man, I thought. Could this day get any weirder?

  If I only knew.

  After school, I was waiting by the bus to meet Daisy, when I saw Irwin on his bicycle. He always biked back and forth to school.

  “Is Daisy still coming over?” he asked.

  I didn’t answer.

  “What?” he sa
id. “You’re still mad?”

  “Take back what you said about my blotch. About me being ugly.”

  Irwin just stood there.

  I shook my head. “Forget it.”

  He looked like he really wanted to take it back but for some reason he couldn’t. Instead, he biked away.

  “Hey!” yelled a voice, and I turned around. There was Daisy, coming out of the school with two girls, Mara Lloyd and Lila Egan. They started heading over to me.

  Uh-oh.

  This was it. The part where Daisy realizes that there are way more popular people to be hanging around with than Swimmy Jimmy.

  “Okay, well, see you later,” Daisy said.

  I tried to act cool. “So you’re not coming over after all?” I asked.

  Daisy’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Of course I’m coming over, silly!” she said. She pointed at the girls. “I’m saying good-bye to them.”

  “Oh,” I said. “I knew that.”

  “What are we going to do at your house?” she asked. “We’re going to try and train Abby, right?”

  “Yup,” I said. I was just about to add And also I thought maybe we’d watch an episode or two of STOP! POLICE! when I pictured Irwin rolling his eyes and I decided not to. “We’ll figure out some other fun stuff to do too,” I said instead.

  Daisy smiled. “Sounds great!”

  I saw Irwin in the distance, watching us from his bike, and suddenly I felt guilty. I was about to call out to him to meet us at my house, but for some reason, I didn’t.

  Maybe Irwin was right.

  Maybe I wanted Daisy for myself after all.

  When we got home, Mrs. Cragg was in the kitchen, making after-school “snacks.”

  “Stay away from the kitchen, if you want to live,” I whispered to Daisy.

  “Hello there!” Mrs. Cragg sang, just as friendly as can be. Then she spotted Daisy, and her smile faded for a split second.

  Daisy smiled shyly. “I’m Daisy. I live across the street.”

  “Hello, young lady,” Mrs. Cragg said. “It’s nice to meet you.” Then she looked at me. “Your parents didn’t say anything about a friend coming over. Have you forgotten that we’re going out?”

  “No, I remember,” I said. “But Daisy and I thought that instead we could stay here and train Abby to be better behaved.”