My Dearest Naomi

by Jerry

  Your last letter got me down a little, the one about me wanting to break our engagement, but I decided to let it go. We all have our bad days, and I’ll see you soon, which makes me happy. So I’ll just take it all with a grain of salt.

  This finds me deep in packing, but I thought I’d finish this letter first. I figured if this was mailed tomorrow you’d get it Monday or Tuesday when I will have been there and gone. I’ve carefully spaced my letters the last few days so that you don’t get any on the Friday and Saturday I’m in Iowa.

  I found out some news this morning. Katie came over to borrow something from Mom and said that her son Jonathan has dropped his relationship with Robert’s Mary. So that must have been the shocking news she was speaking of a while back. Isn’t that something? I thought of them as a fairly stable couple.

  I’m just all excited and wonder if I can even sleep tonight. I have lost sleep already from the excitement. I simply can’t say how much I look forward to seeing you.

  Well, I have to go. I can hardly wait.

  Your Naomi

  November 22

  My dearest Naomi,

  I am in the depths of despair indeed. The weekend is over, and your van whizzed by the schoolhouse while I was opening the school day. How could the agony get any worse? I don’t know, but it did.

  It happened during the story hour after lunch. I read a dog story to the children in which two friends, a dog and a wolf, are reunited after a two-year separation. The story concluded with this line: “And no matter what they did after that, it was fun.”

  I nearly choked up thinking of us and could hardly go on with class time. I’m sure the children thought something was wrong, but they had no idea what it was. Nor will they, as I keep this pain to myself.

  I arrived home from school and walked through the house. It seemed like everything still held memories of you. Luella must have noticed. She said quite nicely, “It gets better with time.”

  When I walked up the stairs I could still see you standing there saying goodbye. I’d better stop this before it gets any worse.

  After supper…

  I’m back.

  I finished your Thanksgiving card this evening, and it will go off in the mail tomorrow. This letter won’t go out until Wednesday morning, but I’m still afraid the letter will beat the card, or get there the same time. Anyhow, if it does, you’ll know what happened.

  By the way, what were you reading in the Bible this morning as you sat beside your mom at the table? For some reason that touched me, and I was wondering.

  Well...I might as well go downstairs and read something, as sitting here thinking of you keeps the pain level higher than I want it to be.

  With all my heart,

  Eugene

  November 23

  My dearest Eugene,

  I don’t have to go to work today because Chris is having her carpets cleaned. I’m relieved because I feel awfully sad. Last night I cried until there were no more tears left in me. I don’t know how long this can keep up, as it’s not really making me feel any better. I felt like crying every so often in the van all the way home, but I can’t cry in front of people.

  On the bright side, it really made me happy to see how well liked you are in Iowa. Dad said he feels this teaching job really was the Lord’s will for you. And he wondered if you were being tempted to teach there another year. I said, “Yes, he is, but we might get married instead.”

  I think Dad liked that answer. He certainly likes you. I told him how depressed you get sometimes, and he thinks you just need more reassurances, maybe over and over again. Well, I can certainly do that, as I love you very much.

  I love you,

  Naomi

  November 24

  My beloved Naomi,

  I stayed at the schoolhouse until 5:30 tonight. It was pitch dark outside by then. I wanted to finish correcting the tests. The seventh and eighth grades had their science test, the third and sixth had an English test, and the fifth and eighth had a social studies test.

  They’ve had a rough week, so perhaps they’re sharing in my pain. I’m piled up with schoolwork, as this is report card week. I also want to get the Christmas program typed up so I can hand out the different parts on Monday.

  There is also decorating that needs to be done between now and Christmas. As pressed as I am, I should stay home from Bible study tonight, but I’ll probably end up going.

  The three board members’ wives brought in Thanksgiving dinner today, and we had the children file past the table cafeteria style. Everything went well with no spills. Afterward, two of the wives stayed to observe the school in operation. I hope they liked what they saw, but I didn’t get to speak to them after school was out. They had to leave immediately for home.

  We finished the lunch-hour storybook we were reading today, so that means a new book must be found for next week’s story hour. I wish I could find the two books called The Mystifying Twins and The Secret of the Mystifying Twins. I think the children would enjoy them.

  I love you,

  Eugene

  November 25

  My dearest Eugene,

  I don’t feel too thankful today, even though it’s Thanksgiving Day. But I know I still have a lot to be thankful for even if you can’t be here. I haven’t felt like writing much since the trip. I thought if I could just see you again, this loneliness would get better. But it hasn’t gotten any better. I’m still glad I came for the visit. Before it didn’t seem real, but now that I’ve seen your schoolhouse and Lonnie and Luella’s place, it’s easy to picture you in that setting.

  We will be having Ada and Deborah’s families in today, and Mom has fixed a big turkey dinner. It should be ready soon, and I need to help set the table. I think Mom plans to spread the table in the dining room to its maximum length. Whoever doesn’t fit will have to sit in the living room—mostly the smaller children.

  I counted and reread your letters the last few days to cheer myself—there are thirty-five so far.

  Don and Larry have plans to hunt this afternoon with your brothers and some of the other community boys. They are after rabbits, I think.

  Tonight the young folks are supposed to be at Melvins’. The girls will wear dark dresses and white aprons and be there by 6:30. That’s all I know, but it sounds kind of exciting and strange. I don’t really feel like going, but I’m afraid if I stay home I’ll just feel worse.

  With a heart of longing,

  Naomi

  November 25

  My dearest Naomi,

  It’s around 5:00 on Thanksgiving Day, and I’m by myself in the house, which isn’t exactly a pleasant feeling. Lonnie and Luella aren’t back yet from their day’s activities.

  I worked this morning on the report cards before we left for church. It was kind of strange going to church on Thanksgiving Day. I got to wondering what you were doing. I guess your family likely got together somewhere for dinner or had someone over. I could picture you all laughing and talking, which of course didn’t help my feelings improve.

  After church they had a Thanksgiving dinner for everyone. I’m afraid I’m not very good at hiding my feelings so I looked a little down. I would have gone back up to the schoolhouse and worked to cheer myself up, but there was no one to drive me there. Plus people were talking with me, which was nice. They are wonderful out here.

  Ah, Lonnie and Luella just walked in with an invitation to supper somewhere. So there will be something to do this evening at least.

  Love you, dearest.

  Eugene

  November 26

  My dearest Eugene,

  Greetings of Christian love. Don and I went to the Melvins’ last night as planned. Some of the older couples were also there, and the Melvins supplied the meal, with Bishop Enos’s girls supplying the entertainment. All of the young folks were there except a few of the boys who are in Ohio.

  They had a long table set up with benches and had placed numbers on the plates. You pulled numbers out of a hat
when you arrived, one hat for the boys and one for the girls. With your number in hand you matched it with the number on the table. The steadies didn’t get any numbers, they automatically got to sit in front of each other, the cheapskates.

  After we had eaten, slips were passed out to everyone that told us what our assigned duty for the evening was. Then we sang for a while, and one of the boys read a Scripture. That was his assignment. They told us later that if a girl had drawn that slip, a change would have been made, but it worked on the first try. Then Bishop Enos had prayer after the Scripture reading.

  There was someone assigned to read a short story, a poem, and ten people to sing together. The singing was a big risk, but they had enough good singers so the sound wasn’t too unpleasant. By the way, I was in the group, but I’m not taking any credit. After that, a work crew washed the dishes, and the rest of us sang until 9:30. Don said on the way home that he didn’t like any of the evening. He prefers order and certainty, but I enjoyed it. I thought it broke the routine.

  Earlier this evening I was sitting at the kitchen table playing Monopoly with Mom and Dad. Dad beat us, like really badly, but that was to be expected. He usually does.

  I am so lonely for you I can’t put my heart into letter writing, so we’ll blame that if you think this is boring. Your card arrived today, and I can’t thank you enough. It was beautiful.

  I wish you could have been here,

  Naomi

  November 27

  Dearest Naomi,

  Some night next week the boys plan more sparrow hunting, and I’m scheduled to go with them. I’m going along for the sport because every little thing helps to make the time go faster. There will be no more sparrows kept at the school though. I have not forgotten my vow.

  I’ve been thinking about all the rumors you said were floating around the community. I can see where you would be afraid of getting into trouble for what you said, but maybe it’s not as serious as it may look at first glance. It sounds to me like people are reacting instead of thinking. Your remark really shouldn’t have gotten blown so out of proportion, so hopefully it’s taken care of by now as Katie passes the word around. You have your own charms. Use them, smile, and you’ll be okay.

  So do you think Jonathon and Mary will start dating again? My guess would be they will, but if Jonathon really has an issue and can hold out for a while, he might get over her. I know very little about the situation, but I imagine there are other pressures, perhaps from the parents. We’ll have to see, I guess.

  So you didn’t like the piece I wrote about letting you out of our engagement. Well, I shouldn’t have, but I was blue, and so it went in.

  On Friday evening the youth had their box social. Each girl brought a decorated lunch box with a packed lunch inside for two. It’s to raise money for charity, and each boy had to buy a girl’s box for five dollars. Inside the box is not only the lunch but a number that tells the boy which girl he will eat the lunch with. The girls chose numbers and matched them with the boys’ lunch. I guess that kept certain girls from getting lots of bids and others from getting almost no bids. Too bad you weren’t here, but you could just as likely have drawn someone else’s number.

  After eating we played all kinds of games. None of them too bad except the last one, which I refused to play. They didn’t object as the evening was almost over, and there were too many boys anyway. This game had them putting chairs in a circle and the girls sat on the chairs. The boys then stood behind the chairs, with one boy having an empty chair in front of him. He’d wink at a girl, and she was supposed to make a mad dash toward his chair. The boy behind the chair was supposed to keep her from getting away.

  So much for getting me involved in that game.

  Anyway, we’re planning to visit the Apostolic church tonight where they have the monthly singings. An event which ought to be enjoyable.

  I love you,

  Eugene

  November 28

  My dearest Eugene,

  It’s a Sunday afternoon and “woe to me,” I feel like shouting. Why? Because it’s so boring here.

  I guess there was a little excitement a bit ago. Don came walking down the road with three of his friends. They marched right into the house and straight to the bookshelf without a word to me. All of them must be bookworms. Well, I hope they found something interesting to read. I, at least, have a good book at the moment, which is something to be thankful for. I have started reading A Man Called Peter by Catherine Marshall, which I think you have already read. I’m about halfway through.

  The weather is rainy and gray, and I’m laughing right now. Just think. I found some humor, but not from the weather. Those three boys went up the stairs a while ago, and the thought just occurred to me. I wonder if they fainted when they walked past my room. Things are pretty messy in there, and I think the door is open. But from the amount of noise they’re making, maybe they didn’t notice.

  Mom and Dad are out somewhere for the evening. I’ve had a long day and still have a long evening ahead of me.

  I have to babysit tomorrow for Lee and Chris’s little girl. She’s the only one at home for the day as they put Zack in a school/home for special children. They can teach him a lot of things he’s not learning at home, and the people there are very devoted. At first I wasn’t sure what to think about that, but when Chris explained what a nice place it was and how devoted the sisters are to their charges, I was sure it would be okay. I guess I’ve grown close to Zack. Another thing Chris said was that they had decided to look for a sign from God. The sign being that if the home accepted him, then this was the way it was supposed to be. They really do miss him though, and so do I.

  The boys have left now, and I let our dog inside so I don’t feel so alone. He’s sitting on the living room floor looking guilty. I’ll probably put him out soon, as he doesn’t help much anyway.

  My cousin Joy wrote a few days ago. She hasn’t been married that long and is having a hard time. Yesterday she was home and had time for thinking. In those moments, her heart gets heavy over her responsibilities as a mother and wife, especially caring for the new baby. She enjoys being a wife and mother, but I think I understand what she means, with everything that’s going on in the world.

  Her husband, Darryl, is often gone evenings till dark. He goes hunting and really enjoys it, but she thinks it has about caught up with her. She thinks it’s fair he should get to do some things he likes, but when the baby is fussy, she wants him home. I can understand what she’s saying, and I feel sorry for her. Regardless of how much she thinks Darryl should get to do what he likes, she must feel pretty alone sometimes. She probably wants to be brave and doesn’t tell Darryl how she feels so that he won’t feel bad. If I know her, she’d rather sacrifice than tell him. I think, though, it’s a mistake for women not to tell their husbands how they feel. Because if she’d tell him, he’d very likely not go—or at least not as often. But I would also find it hard to say something.

  Monday evening…

  Richard stopped in while we were eating supper tonight and asked if Dad could come over this evening for an hour and help nail down his pig barn floor. When we arrived, some of the other men from the community were already there. I’d decided to ride along and visit with Joan. I had thought earlier we haven’t been neighborly enough since their recent marriage and move, so this gave me a good opportunity. We had a nice visit, and I really enjoyed the drive over with Dad.

  Joan told me that Jonathon and Mary had a date again Sunday night. She said that Jonathon visited Mary on Saturday night, asking if she would take him back because he couldn’t stand being away from her. I’m so glad for them, as I could imagine how I would feel if you broke off our relationship. I don’t think I’d even want to go on living, even if I knew there was a chance of starting again.

  I have to think my troubles are pretty minor compared to some other people’s. James Yoder has now decided permanently to attend the Englisha church, and Millie wants nothing to do with the dec
ision. It must be simply awful to have a family so torn up. It’s one thing when you are in rumspringa, and you taste of the Englisha ways, but it’s quite something else once you’re married.

  Junior Yoder’s back is not improving at all, and they think he will need another operation. He is in such pain all the time, and here I complain and feel sorry for myself with my little aches and pains. I think I often get my mind too wrapped up in my own troubles, and I don’t think of other people and their problems often enough.

  I babysat today for Chris again, and I also agreed to take on another babysitting job she referred me for. This couple wants me mostly in the evenings. I’m quite glad for the job, which will help keep my mind occupied.

  Harvey is going to buy or has bought the place where the Stan Yoders are living. They say Adam and Harvey are going into partnership on a large pig project.

  Joan asked me what you were planning to do when we get married. I didn’t give her a satisfactory answer. Then she asked where we’re going to live. I mumbled around, not giving her any information, and she laughed.

  With all my love,

  Naomi

  November 29

  Beloved Naomi,

  I received two of your letters today, and finished reading them with great joy. Here’s a little poem for you.

  Your Love for Me

  Loving you is so complete,

  Like healing waters when we meet.

  Your tender touch brings back the life,

  That living steals with sorrow’s knife.

  Winter winds may freeze my brow,

  And bend with ice the strongest bough.