by Hazel Kelly
Kirk
Kirk climbed the stairs carefully so he wouldn’t spill the soup as he made his way towards the bedroom. When he pushed the door open the curtains were drawn, blocking out the dim evening light.
He put the tray on his side of the bed and opened the curtains ever so slightly.
“Madeline, honey, I brought you something to eat.”
Madeline rolled over to face him.
Kirk dove for the tray to make sure the carrot and coriander soup didn’t end up on the floor.
Madeline sat up and forced a smile. “Thanks.”
He brought the tray over and put it in her lap.
“I got the sourdough bread you like from the campus bakery,” he said, pulling the rolling chair from the desk over to her side of the bed. “Just made fresh before I stopped in.”
She looked at him out of the corner of her brown eyes as she stirred the hot soup.
He watched her tear into the bread and willed her to eat every crumb. “I got some great news the other day.”
Madeline’s eyebrows raised up just enough to indicate that she’d heard him.
“My department- we got the funding for the study I wanted to do.” He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. “It’s going to be a big deal.” He twisted the wedding ring on his finger. “Depending on the results, I could be published in some of the most reputable scientific journals in the country.”
Madeline dipped a hunk of bread in the soup and put it in her mouth. “That’s great.”
He smiled at her, grateful for anything that wasn’t a grunt. “Your mom called me again today.”
Madeline kept her eyes on the soup. “Why?”
“She said you weren’t taking her calls.”
“I’m not.”
“Well I can’t have your mom calling me at work every day because she’s worried about you.”
Silence.
“I was teaching a class today when she called.”
Madeline ripped off another hunk of bread.
“Are you listening to me?”
“Yeah.”
“Will you call her?”
Madeline shrugged. “Maybe tomorrow. If I’m up for it.”
“She’s worried about you.” Kirk leaned his forearms on the bed next to where her knees were under the covers. “Everybody’s worried about you.”
Madeline barely managed a shrug.
“Look.” Kirk swallowed. “You have to pick yourself up. You have to start living again. You’re wasting your youth.”
Madeline looked at him with a blank face.
“You have to stop acting like you’re the only woman on the planet who’s ever had a miscarriage.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
“When you had a grip on your life, I had no right to tell you what to do,” he said, “but you’ve completely lost touch. You don’t even take care of yourself anymore.”
Madeline leaned back against her pillow and crossed her arms like she was considering a hunger strike. “You don’t know anything.”
“I know you feel like you’ve lost a child, but I feel like I’ve gained one!” Kirk stood up and began pacing the room.
“Sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
“I’m making you nervous!” Kirk said. “Can you even hear yourself?”
“Please sit down.”
“Nervous is wondering if your wife is depressed every day. Nervous is wondering if she’s going to hurt herself or walk into traffic because she’s catatonic.”
Madeline whimpered again. “Please, Kirk.”
Kirk kept waving his hands in the air. “Nervous is worrying about whether your wife is feeding herself properly during the day, wondering when the last time was that she took a shower!”
“You’re scaring me.”
“Good! I hope you’re scared! I hope your heart is fucking pounding.”
“Watch your mouth!” Madeline’s eyes were wide as she pushed herself back against the headboard.
“Really?! Is my swearing upsetting you?” Kirk asked from the end of the bed. “How much swearing do you think it would take for you to get as upset with me as I am with you? Days of nothing but four letter words on end?! Maybe weeks?!”
Madeline banged her fists down at her side. “Please stop yelling!”
“I don’t think I can.” He raised his hands in the air. “I’m too excited to see you express some emotion for a change. As far as I’m concerned, anger’s a big fucking improvement. At least I know you can still feel something!”
Madeline’s frowning lower lip quivered. “I can’t do this.”
Kirk stood still for a moment and the volume of his voice dropped down again. “Well that makes two of us.” He sat down at the end of his side of the bed. “I’m so glad we finally agree on something.”
Her face was still shocked.
“Cause this isn’t a marriage, Madeline. This isn’t what I signed up for.” He pulled at the hair on the back of his head. “I babysit kids all day at work. The last thing I want to do when I get home is babysit some more.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
Her face was full of pain and it tore his heart.
“I want you to go talk to someone,” he said. “A professional.”
She stared at him.
“I’ll even go with you if you want, but you have to do something or we aren’t going to get through this.” He put his hand on the covers over her foot.
She scooted it away.
Kirk’s shoulders collapsed. “I need you to listen to me carefully, Madeline.”
She crossed her arms.
“This is your husband speaking.” Kirk paused to choose his words. “You are going to talk to a professional about what you’re going through, and you are going to stop dragging everyone into your despairing sink hole. You’re going to start holding yourself accountable for your own mental health.”
She pushed some blond hair out of her face.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Is that some kind of ultimatum?”
“Does it need to be for you to take it seriously?”
Madeline pursed her lips.
“Because I’m out of ideas,” he said. “It’s obvious that, whatever you’re going through, I can’t help you.” He stood up and leaned against the end of the bed. “No one can help you if you won’t help yourself.”
“Can I think about it?”
For fucks sake, Kirk thought. He clenched his jaw before he spoke. “Please. This isn’t just about helping you anymore.” He walked to the door. “It’s about saving us.”
Madeline nodded slowly.
“I love you, Madeline.” His hand was on the door. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You know that.”
She nodded again and relaxed against the pillow.
Kirk closed the door gently behind him and took a deep breath. He went downstairs and threw a frozen dinner in the microwave.
A few minutes later he thought he heard the timer go off, but it wasn’t the timer. It was a text message from an unknown number inviting him to meet the sender the next day. In music room 5b.
Julianna
Julianna sat on the piano bench in music room 5b, checked her watch, and frowned. Kirk was twenty minutes late for their big day, the day she was going to try him on for size. If only he would show up.
The way he lost control in the office was the green light she needed. He wanted her and she wanted him back. What else were two consenting adults supposed to do? They were practically obligated to give it a go.
In honor of the special occasion, she wore a short black dress that zipped up the back and her best underwear because she’d heard that sexy underwear was a special treat for married men.
Of course, Julianna had never had an affair with a married man before. Not that she knew about anyway
, but his relationship status didn’t bother her. The passion between them was private. What went on when they weren’t together was none of her concern.
Finally, a flash of brown hair crossed the window and stepped back into the frame. She could see his glasses as he peeked through the glass. Then she heard his hand on the door.
“Hi.” She crossed her legs as he entered the room and angled her body towards him on the piano bench.
Kirk looked around. Besides Julianna and the piano, the beige padded room was empty. “What is this place?”
“You’ve never been here?”
He shook his head.
“It’s one of the sound proof music rooms.”
“Sound proof?”
She nodded. “You can have complete privacy in here.” She pointed at the door behind him. “All you have to do is pull that shade down over the window and lock the door.”
He pulled the square shade down and pushed the round button in on the doorknob as if he were just checking to see if she was right. Then he turned back to face her.
“I was starting to worry you weren’t going to come.”
“I almost didn’t.”
“Why did you?” she asked.
“I wanted to see you.” He ran a hand over his head. “About the other day in my office.”
She scooted over on the bench. “What about it?”
He walked across the room and sat down beside her.
She pursed her lips.
He tentatively pushed her chestnut hair behind her ear as if he were afraid she might have an electric charge.
“I’m glad you came,” she said.
He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again.
She waited patiently for him to get his nerve, to feel at ease. After all, now that he’d arrived, she wanted to take it slow. She wanted it to last.
“You look-” He dragged his fingers down the outside of her arm. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.”
Kirk swallowed. He tried to speak again but no words escaped. It was like he was under some kind of spell.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
He looked her up and down like she was piece of rare art. His nervousness was tangible and his silence only added to the increasing tension in the small, still room.
“Why did you invite me here?” he asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
He shook his head.
“Because I want to be with you.” She traced the outside of his ear with her finger. “And because I think you want to be with me, too.”
Kirk’s breathing grew heavier.
She leaned over to whisper in his ear. “We can relax here.”
He looked at her with desperate eyes.
“But we don’t have to talk if you don’t want. You can just show me how you feel,” she said. Julianna scooted towards him and placed a hand on his chest. “I want to know you.” She undid his top two buttons with one hand. “I want you to know me.” She slipped his glasses off and stood up to put them on top of the piano.
Before she could turn around he was behind her, pressing himself against her ass and digging his fingers into her hips. He burrowed his face into her hair and inhaled as if he could breathe her in. A moment later, he started stamping her neck with kisses.
Julianna’s chest swelled as she felt him growing against her. When she felt him unzipping her dress, she closed her eyes and let her head fall back. The fabric fell around her feet as his palms ran up her stomach and over her chest. She spun around to face him, and he kissed her hard like his life depended on it.
His tongue did somersaults in her eager mouth as she unhooked his belt and unzipped his pants, feeling a warm gush of anticipation between her legs. He kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants before looking at Julianna like there was nothing left to do but her. She was overcome with desire for him.
Kirk hooked his fingers around the skinny strings of her red thong and pulled it down. She wiggled them off the rest of the way and leaned her ass against the piano keys.
She hung her arms around his neck and let her head fall back as he slipped his hand in between her thighs. He began to rub her with his thick fingers until warm waves lapped through her body.
She reached down and freed him from his boxers, feeling as if she wouldn’t be able to take it if he grew any more before he was inside her. She guided him with her hand and he pushed inside.
Her mouth fell open and she groaned one, two, three times before he pushed all the way in. She felt full and hot as he penetrated her, the warmth of his desire radiating through her as he pumped her against the keys.
Then without warning he pulled her away from the piano and sat back on the bench so she was sitting on top of him. He was rock hard and every movement was sensitive, intense.
He reached behind her and unhooked her bra, freeing her firm breasts so they sprang against his face. She grinded against him as he took one breast in his hand and the other in his mouth, sucking her hard nipple and dragging his teeth on it, inflicting pleasure so extreme it took her breath away.
She wanted him more than ever so she spun around. As soon as his hands grabbed her ass, she began to bounce on his dick and heard his head fall against the wall. Her body burned as she pummeled herself with every inch of him.
The sound of his moaning filled her with adrenaline and she reached down to pull his balls gently, willing him to fill her up. Suddenly, he grabbed her by the waist and forced her down onto her hands and knees on the piano bench.
It took all her strength to hold on while he pounded her from behind, his balls smacking against her ass while she cried his name.
Finally, he grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him and let out a final groan as he thrust himself deep inside her.
When he was done pumping her full of him, she collapsed on the cool piano bench. She could still feel herself throbbing around him as he lay down on top of her.
“Oh, Julianna.” He pushed some hair out of her face.
“You were so deep,” she said, her face and breasts crushed against the bench.
“I know.”
“That was amazing.”
“God,” he panted. “What am I going to do with you?”
Julianna closed her eyes and smiled. “Hopefully that again,” she said. “Hopefully that over and over again.”
Kirk
Kirk threw his gym bag in the backseat and sat behind the wheel before peeling a banana and the foil off the top of his blue Powerade.
His legs were sorer than they’d been since his wrestling days. Ever since he met Julianna in the music room he had been a machine, running at the gym every day, sometimes up to ten miles at a time. He needed the release. He’d only met her a few times, but the affair had given him a boost of energy he didn’t know what to do with. The running was an attempt to harness it, to try and use it for good.
As far as Madeline knew, he was working out again because of the stress of the study and because he’d gained a few pounds. She had no idea that he was working out to get rid of the nervous energy caused by his compulsive infidelity. She didn’t know he was coming home showered because he’d been washing Julianna’s spit off his dick, her smell off his fingers.
They didn’t even talk. It was all about sex. She would show up looking irresistible and he would use his pent up sexual frustration like a sexual weapon and punish her for being so tempting, for making his life even more complicated than it already was.
And it had to stop. Meeting Julianna was getting easier and more comfortable all the time. Things had escalated too far, and it didn’t feel healthy anymore. He knew that every time he met her, he was making it harder for both of them to walk away.
The irony wasn’t lost on Kirk that instead of simply studying addiction, he was acting like an addict. He recognized the behaviors, the symptoms. Meeting Julianna in secret was a thrill and fucking her senseless was a hig
h. And then afterwards, he’d suffer the low that came from knowing what kind of man he was becoming, had already become.
Not only was what he doing to Madeline unforgivable, but it wasn’t fair to Julianna. She deserved to meet someone who could be there for her on an emotional level, someone who could love her if love was what she wanted. And Kirk couldn’t be that guy. She was wasting her time and her tight pussy on him.
Kirk’s phone vibrated in the cup holder. “Madeline, hi. I’m just on my way home now.”
“Good,” she said. “I want to talk to you about something.”
“What is it? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah… fine.”
“What’s going on?”
“I guess I can tell you now.”
He steadied his hand against the top of the steering wheel.
“Kirk, I know I’ve put you through a lot. I know how I’ve been carrying on and it’s, it’s totally unfair to you. To us.”
He slid his hand around to the bottom of the wheel.
“Are you there?”
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it. A lot.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I’m ready to try.” She hesitated. “I want to go to counseling. I want to be a wife again.”
Kirk’s shoulders collapsed and he stopped holding his breath. “Oh Madeline, honey. I’m so happy to hear you say that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. This is the best news ever. And I’m going to support you every step of the way.”
“Thanks.”
“I have to stop somewhere quickly on the way home, but I should be in soon. Twenty minutes tops.”
“Pasta okay?”
“For dinner?”
“Yeah. We don’t have to have it if you don’t wa-”
“Pasta’s perfect.” Kirk’s eyes smiled and his chest swelled with happiness. “I’m starved.”
“Okay, babe.” Madeline’s voice sounded more cheerful than it had in months. “See you soon.”
“Can’t wait,” Kirk said. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”